I want to take a relatively inexpensive improv and acting class, and she complains about the money (which she controls). Basically, she's saying since you haven't worked, you don't have it. If I take the class I'll have no money for social fun. She's telling me to collect bottles, babysit dogs, work at a supermarket. She doesn't understand my recovery.
It's not like I'm a crazy partier. I spend minimal money when I go out with friends. When they get alcohol, I get water. I'm always trying to conserve money. In fact, I had my friend buy my movie ticket in NYC. I'm starting to make coffee at home (since 4 dollars at Starbucks is too much). And my Mom still complains and barely gives me any money.
I'm not sure what her vision is for me. Is it to sit home all day collecting disability? That's a HORRIBLE EXISTENCE! And that's the reason I'm sick along with my parents. If I want to get healthy I need purpose.
For the time being, I can't do these classes. I'll do free NAMI events, go to support group, work on my screenplay, and continue to post on social media - hoping this will be my ticket to freedom. Maybe if I make my videos more IN YOUR FACE people have to take notice, then will be a Hollywood superstar.
I guess my life is horrible and I'll just fantasize I'm a rockstar.
My mom's verbally abusive towards me too. She talks to everyone else differently (in a friendly way since they won't take the abuse) - family, friends - but since she has power and control over me, she puts me down. Constantly calls me a loser and a failure - maybe not those exact words, but that's her message.
I can't win. If I go into NYC and spend money - she complains. If I sit home all day going crazy - she complains. I just need to escape this hellhole.
My doctors tell me my chains are internal, not maternal. Sometimes I feel like the chains ARE MATERNAL.
