Spent Time Around My Parents Today (05 30 2022):
Psychiatric Medication, Needed A Life (05 30 2022):
Volcano (05 30 2022):
Help, I Need Friends (05 30 2022):
Monday, May 30, 2022
Green Bunny Saving Orphan Children (My Moms Coloring) (05 30 2022)
Green Bunny Saving Orphan Children (My Moms Coloring) (05 30 2022):
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Hoppy Memorial Day (My Dads Coloring) (05 30 2022)
Hoppy Memorial Day (My Dads Coloring) (05 30 2022):
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Saturday, May 28, 2022
Some Posts (05 26 2022 - 05 28 2022)
May 26, 2022:
Post 01:
When I was working out at the gym, this moisture, mist, wetness was getting on me. I'm not sure where it came from. But I'm afraid the wetness was from the sketchy guy next to me getting blown by the ceiling fans. Remember you can't get contaminated from sweat getting on you.
May 27, 2022:
Post 01:
I have excruciating headaches from solitude.
I really need some socialization.
I say I'm going to do all these things, then proceeded to live the same isolated day again, and again. It's turning my brains to mush.
Is loneliness deadlier than smoking 15 cigarettes a day?
Post 02:
Humans are meant to socialize and I always feel happier after I do even if the initial anxiety about going was there beforehand. For example, I was always scared going into NYC, but once I met good friends, 99.9% of the time came home happy after my trip.
Post 03:
I have so many real world ideas. It's time to do it. I can talk a good game and say what I need to do then proceed to do nothing and let my life pass me by, torturing myself with isolation. DO IT! I'll be happier I did.
Post 04:
Movie theater popcorn is delicious but it's so expensive. My parents always wanted to sneak candy they bought from the supermarket into the theater instead of buying the overpriced theater popcorn and snacks. Or worse, we went through the whole movie with nothing to snack on.
May 28, 2022:
Post 01:
I reduced the Cabergoline from 1 mg weekly to .5 mg weekly. Do you think headaches could be related to that? Still on 4.5 mg of Invega daily.
Post 02:
At the beach today, my father and I saw a different colored birds playing together. It started a conversation about race. We said how these racists need to look to the birds. Like Jerry Seinfeld, look to the cookie. If someone's nice be nice back. Many humans want money and power
Post 03:
Obviously, I'm making a Seinfeld-like joke. There's many differences between humans and birds. We have more complex minds. There's human history. But it really is as simple as if somebody is nice to you, if somebody is a friend, be nice back. Who cares about the differences?
Post 04:
I know my psychopharmacologist thinks it's "Unlikely" my headaches were from reducing the Cabergoline 1 mg weekly to .5 mg weekly. Cabergoline withdrawal. But as soon as I took the additional .5 mg - 1 mg weekly, my excruciating headache went away, but my prostate started to hurt
Artwork (05 27 2022 - 05 28 2022)
Love Me (05 27 2022):
Psychiatrists, Psychiatric Medication, The Mentally Ill (05 28 2022):
Take Action (05 28 2022):
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Thursday, May 26, 2022
Wednesday, May 25, 2022
Tuesday, May 24, 2022
Some Posts (05 24 2022)
Post 01:
Does my mother love me? Or would she have no hesitation to poison my dinners? Because I'm having weird headaches beyond your wildest imagination. My mother loves me. Why would she be attempting to damage my mind? This is a delusion. The headaches are probably from solitude.
Post 02:
After I finished working out at the gym, I noticed by my car door, there was a gigantic puddle of wetness. It didn't rain. It's a sunny day. Somebody must have poured something there. Maybe the car parked next to me? Try not to catastrophize about a psychopath contaminating me!
Post 03:
The overdose of Cabergoline, which I took for about a decade because Invega (the antipsychotic) caused high prolactin, caused hypersexuality, which I liked in a way. But I constantly felt like my prostate was sore. Now I'm afraid years of taking Cabergoline have caused cancer.
Post 04:
Medical experts say loneliness and social isolation is deadlier and more carcinogenic than extreme obesity or smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It feels like my whole life has been a lonely, alone in my head. My headaches are excruciating. I'm certain significant damage is done.
Post 05:
I'm completely isolated. I interact with hardly anybody throughout the day. My frustration, isolation, and loneliness has been going on for years. It's my responsibility to change this. It's causing excruciating headaches beyond your wildest imagination. I'm afraid it's killed me.
Post 06:
Obviously, the isolation and lack of human interaction is my fault. My anxieties. My lack of social skills. Maybe I'm looking for empathy. For people to acknowledge the hell I lived through. Stop crying and make my life happen. If I want friends and a life, I need to meet them.
Post 07:
I've been extremely isolated for what feels like my whole life. I need to create a life. Anything in the real world is better than what I'm doing. Anything where there's social opportunities. Leave the solitary daydreamland, which is killing me, and make my life happen.
Some Posts (05 23 2022 - 05 24 2022)
May 23, 2022:
Post 01:
My parents got these farm fresh snap peas from the supermarket. The bag should have been sealed, but it was open. I ate a few of them. The internet search is warning me about getting poisoned. I'm assuming it's fine and just accidentally got opened. Should I be worried?
May 24, 2022:
Post 01:
I have a medical question that you probably don't have the answer to. My psychopharmacologist prescribed an overdose of cabergoline for about 10 years because the invega raised prolactin. I'm afraid it was killing me. Was it killing me? Or did he know what he was doing?
Post 02:
Invega raises prolactin. My psychopharmacologist prescribed cabergoline to lower it. I was taking 2 mg weekly, double the max dose for about a decade. It helped with the adverse side effects of Invega, so I wasn't worried while taking it. Now I'm afraid it's killed me.
Post 03:
I was taking 12 mg of Invega at one point, then 9 mg, and my prolactin was still high despite taking the overdose of Cabergoline. I've since come down and reduced the Invega and Cabergoline, but I'm afraid from the years of taking high doses the damage is done and it's killed me.
Post 04:
Psychiatrists can prescribe medication to people suffering from severe mental health challenges as if they're lesser of a human. If it was them or their family member who was suffering, would they be as quick to prescribe the mega regimen? Or would they be afraid it'd kill them?
Post 05:
I was being pressured by my mother to take a mega regimen of psychiatric medication, which I took for over 10 years. I was assuming it was helping me, not killing me. Now I'm waking up and realizing this might be a nightmare beyond my wildest imagination. Maybe the meds killed me.
Monday, May 23, 2022
Some Posts (05 20 2022 - 05 23 2022)
May 20, 2022:
Post 01:
I noticed recently my cognitive functioning has been bad. My short term memory - I'll be thinking about something then forget what I was just thinking about constantly. I'm afraid. I took Exelon for many years. Could that have caused Alzheimer's disease or dementia?
Post 02:
Tonight after my shower I accidentally clipped one of my toenails way too short because I'm not used to clipping my nails yet. Don't worry. Still go into public. I'll be wearing socks and shoes. It's no contamination risk. Remember I used to bite my nails not too long ago.
May 21, 2022:
Post 01:
My brain is on fire, it's in excruciating pain from solitude, and something is seriously wrong with it. I need human interaction to moisten my mind immediately. This might be life and death. Please somebody save my life by simply being my friend and talking to me.
May 22, 2022:
Post 01:
I'm posting this assuming somebody cares. The evidence is it's going into a void. But the stress and frustration from solitude are causing headaches beyond your wildest imagination. I can't function. My cognitive functioning is horrible. I'm afraid something bad is happening.
Post 02:
I desperately need socialization and friends. Crying about the pain and suffering on social media isn't going to make my savior arrive. If I want happiness, leave my solitary Fantasyland, go into the real world, and talk with people. That's how I'll get a life for myself.
May 23, 2022:
Post 01:
Before you blame others for your social isolation, realize it's your responsibility to make yourself desirable to women, not your parents, not your friends. If no women want you and that's what you're seeking, it's not EVERYBODY else who's wrong, it's YOU who needs to change.
Sunday, May 22, 2022
Artwork (05 22 2022)
I Want To Be Heard (05 22 2022):
Fair-Weather Friends (05 22 2022):
Psychiatric Medications, Catastrophizing, Cancer (05 22 2022):
Saturday, May 21, 2022
Artwork (05 21 2022)
Take Control, Create My Life (05 21 2022):
Psychiatric Medications (05 21 2022):
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Thursday, May 19, 2022
Artwork (05 19 2022)
I Want To Recover Without The Use Of Psychiatric Medication (05 19 2022):
Psychiatric Medications (05 19 2022):
Green Bunny, Fantasyland (My Moms Coloring) (05 19 2022
Green Bunny, Fantasyland (My Moms Coloring) (05 19 2022):
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Wednesday, May 18, 2022
Artwork (05 18 2022)
Live In The Real World (05 18 2022):
The King And Queen (05 18 2022):
Stupid Buffoon (05 18 2022):
Tuesday, May 17, 2022
Some Posts (05 15 2022 - 05 17 2022)
May 15, 2022:
Post 01:
A gas station employee was nasty with me. I usually get the gas station to pump my gas for me. I don't do it for myself. When I rolled my window down to say hello. I said it in a happy, sing songy voice. He imitated and mocked how I said hello. Then said "yeah" really serious.
Post 02:
The gas station employees nasty attitude wiped smile off my face and made me feel badly. Try not to let it affect my day. And don't daydream he's a psychopath that was contaminating me when he took my money from me. He was simply nasty. He didn't like my smile. That's all it was.
May 16, 2022:
Post 01:
The reason I'm living in a fantasyland is because I don't have friends or socialization. I desire socialization. I create a delusional daydream world where I imagine people love me. Having a life in the real world will cause the fantasyland to shrink and eventually disappear.
Post 02:
Like Joanne Greenberg in the novel "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden", give up my fantasyland. Give up the daydream world. Live in the real world. Ultimately I'll be happier, will have a life, independence, friends, and can make a full recovery.
Post 03:
My fantasyland is comforting me from extreme sadness and absence, but it's a house of cards. When my parents can no longer take care of me my illusion of security will shatter. Then I'll need to adjust and make revisions to my fantasies or live in the real world.
May 17, 2022:
Post 01:
When I got out of the car to go to the gym, I accidentally dropped my phone on the ground where a lot of people walk with their shoes. I accidentally scratched the ground with my nail. Don't even give the OCD contamination fears a second thought. Let it go. Not how you get HIV.
Post 02:
Right now I feel protected, but it's a house of cards. The illusion of security will shatter. Get independent. Take control of all adult responsibilities because when someone is dependent and the person they're dependent on goes away - it'll be a rude awakening!
Post 03:
Playing like you're a child, fantasizing about superheros and pro wrestling, in your mid-thirties, blind to the adult responsibilities needed to keep a household afloat is preparing me for doom when the household providers go away. So get independent and live in the real world.
Post 04:
Giving up the fantasyland and living in the real world will be healthier for me in every single way. It's not natural to be an adult child with no life, friends, or responsibilities in your mid-thirties. The hostile dependency will get better. Everyone will be happier.
Post 05:
Don't cry about the reasons I'm living in the fantasyland. Instead, take-control of my life. Tell myself I will make myself a success. I'll be dependent on no one. And I'll be happier because I'm so miserable right now. It's not like it's a party at home with my elderly parents.
Post 06:
My life is like the 2008 absurd comedy with Will Ferrell in a way. Though, a group home or homelessness is worse than being dependent on elderly parents in your mid-thirties. It's not exactly living the dream either. I want a life, money, a girlfriend, friends, and happiness.
Artwork (05 17 2022)
All Alone In A Solitary Fantasyland, Extreme Self-Consciousness, Real World (05 17 2022):
2017, 2018, Playing In A Fantasyland, Joanne Greenberg (05 17 2022):
Sunday, May 15, 2022
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