Some Posts (03 31 2023) - 2

Post 01:

At this point just trust no one. They're all shitheads and deceivers who conspired to hurt me.

Post 02:

ASSUMING there were no bad intentions... Pranking mental patients, how could that go wrong? Stupid fucks! But don't ASSUME they're not lying about their intent. They were lying initially. Maybe they just never expected it to get exposed. Now they're acting like it's an "accident"

Post 03:

Maybe they thought it would be hot and and funny to get me to take PrEP in Jan 2020. But then I starting behaving like a rape victim afraid I actually have HIV. Everyone realized at that point it's no longer a comedy. Now it's like the novel "Killing Mr. Griffin" by, Lois Duncan.

Post 04:

Sorry to burst your bubble, you all deserve to be IN JAIL. I felt clean, now I feel damaged, metaphorically HIV positive. There's nothing sexy or funny about metaphoric rape.

Post 05:

I'm ASSUMING it was a prank that went too far. Don't ASSUME that either. Maybe their intent was to metaphorically rape me then make me a human sacrifice with my social media content. Maybe they're all unempathetic psychopaths. I'm projecting guilt and empathy onto them.

Post 06:

I'm sure the content they're hesitant to release is VERY BAD. It makes them all look like monstrous bullies who had nefarious intentions. They SHOULD release it and sugar coat nothing. The only reason they'll discard of it is because of how bad it'll look FOR THEM.

Post 07:

It's worse than I can even imagine. They might attempt to do revisionist history which they THINK is "protecting me." In reality, they're afraid to expose how evil and SADISTIC their intentions were because if it's exposed... I don't even know what will happen. It won't be good.

Post 08:

I believe a rich and powerful billionaire was having orgies with all the women I dated and was interested in and me, who was practically a virgin, now feels like I'm HIV positive. I'll have to tell people in the future how I took PrEP which will scare everyone. It's HORRIBLE!

Post 09:

I don't know if they INTENDED for it to wind up like The Corporate Ministry from the WWE keeping me involuntarily celibate, then giving me an HIV scare to make me a human sacrifice to torture me, or not? But a conspiracy theory that it's true can easily be made ASSUMING it's not.

Post 10:

Was nobody genuinely my friend? Did no one truly love me? Everyone who I THOUGHT cared about me was keeping a big secret and lying. They all had ulterior motives.

Post 11:

Something tells me Kelly was genuine. Though, some of her photographs and posts seem fishy. Try to trust her. I hope to have a heart to heart conversation. But she's saying it's ALL DELUSIONS and IN MY HEAD. I don't believe that's true.

Post 12:

What's done is done, I now feel metaphorically raped and metaphorically HIV positive. Something tells me nefarious things were going on even IF it wasn't supposed to end this badly, but don't ASSUME they didn't intentionally do it because they found it hot and funny.

Post 13:

Something tells me I'm about to get so fucking angry when I discover the truth they've been keeping from me.

Post 14:

Let's be real here, is everyone a sexual sadist who enjoyed torturing me. I wasn't interacting with one single good person?

Post 15:

What I lived through is worse than Elizabeth Smart. But they treat me with the respect of Borat or Beavis and Butthead. They turn me into a sensationalistic laughing-stock with no dignity or credibility.

Dr. Garrett E-Mails, October 2018

Get Off Sexually
My Email:
Thu, Oct 4, 2018, 8:43 PM
to Michael, Jeremy

My parents get off sexually that I was a virgin until I was 24-years-old, had no social life growing up, was running myself into the ground, was hospitalized 6 times in 2011. They get off that I went crazy from their abuse.


My Mom, Dad, AND Step Dad.


Dr. Garrett's Reply:
Thu, Oct 4, 2018, 10:02 PM
Andrew

It is not a credible idea that your mother, father, and step-father are sexually aroused by your suffering.  One possibility here is that when you are feeling the constraints of your life, you blame your parents by bringing charges of sexual perversity.  You and I need to investigate where this feeling that your parents are fiends comes from.  

Hiding In My Bedroom

My Email:
Mon, Oct 8, 2018, 11:39 AM
There was a time I spent the majority of every day in my bedroom, hiding from the world. That's still SORT OF true, but I've gotten MUCH BETTER.



On the internet, I'm not shy. I post all sorts of wild and crazy thing... In real life, I'm scared of my own shadow. I'm very anxious.



I was severely bullied as a child. And I learned the world was a chaotic and hostile place. The truth is, it's not nearly as bad as I think.



I've become frustrated and have the desire to meet people in real life, so I'm venturing outside my comfort zone more and more. But I feel like I wear my scars like The Scarlet Letter. I'm exposed for all to see.



I have a second date with a woman tomorrow night. I'm hopeful. But I feel like such a loser. I'm afraid when she discovers I haven't worked since 2011, that I have a mental illness, she'll run away.

Plus I'm really anxious. But I'll give it a try. The first date was VERY SUCCESSFUL.


Dr. Garrett's Reply:

Mon, Oct 8, 2018, 7:50 PM

Hold on to this perspective.



Nude Photo Shoot?

My Email:
Thu, Oct 18, 2018, 11:44 AM

I went on the website Model Mayhem as a goof, and a professional photographer offered to do a nude photo shoot with me. And all kidding aside, I'm considering it.


I've already taken some amateur nudes with a tripod and would love some professional photos as well.


But my Mom said it might turn inappropriate. What do you think?


The women he's photographed have given him great reviews, it seems legit.


He's been "shooting for over 15 years" and a woman said it's "Nothing but comfort and full of laughs".


Should I do it?


He said I need to provide the location. Obviously, I can't do it at my house. He suggested a motel room, or outdoors. Where should I go?


Thanks


UPDATE:
I just sent him a reply e-mail showing interest. I can still cancel at any time.

Dr. Garrett's Reply:
Thu, Oct 18, 2018, 8:02 PM

Andrew

Even if the risk with this photographer is low, why take any risk?  To what end?What use can you put such photos to?      It is easy to attract interest with sensational nudity.  Anyone can do it by taking their clothes off.  It is harder to work at recovery in the real world where you attract interest because of who you are as a person.  


My Email:
Fri, Oct 19, 2018, 8:33 AM

Don't get me wrong, I want real world recovery, and I want to attract people with my personality. But I'm 31 years old, my modeling days are ticking away.


I'm looking for someone say doing a nude photo shoot is a good idea, or isn't a horrible idea... but no one is saying that. Lol.


Here's my argument. I'm an exhibitionist who loves posing for photos. I've already taken many amatur nudes, posted them publically on the internet (nothing to lose).


The photographer appears professional


Obviously, I'm concerned about it turning inappropriate. I don't want to get raped.


But we had a long text message conversation yesterday. His reviews appear positive. He said he could also do underwear modeling, and even t-shirt and jeans modeling.


I plan on simply meeting him this weekend at a coffee shop to discuss photo plans.


I'm not in "fighting shape" at the moment. I've been overeating and not exercising as much. But it shouldn't take me long to slim down, especially with motivation.


I know this is a horrible idea. But I really want to do it. Lol.

My Email:
Fri, Oct 19, 2018, 11:07 AM

It looks like I won't be doing this photoshoot anytime soon, on my limited budget I can't even afford a $60 motel room. Ugh!

My Email:
Short Stay Motel
Fri, Oct 19, 2018, 12:10 PM

I may do some modeling with a professional photographer. And he taught me a new term, short stay motel.


You mean to tell me, they're places you can rent for just a few hours?! You don't need to stay overnight?!


This knowledge would've been useful years ago. Lol.

Dr. Coplan's Reply:
Fri, Oct 19, 2018, 2:14 PM
to me

Have u checked out his credentials?

Dr. Garrett's Reply:
Fri, Oct 19, 2018, 4:53 PM

short stay motels are well known to prostitutes, for obvious reasons

Seeking Arrangement

My Email:
Tue, Oct 23, 2018, 5:50 AM


I've been texting this sugar momma who I met off of the website Seeking Arrangement. It's where successful people go to meet attractive people. Obviously, I'm an attractive person. She's in her mid 50's.


For sending underwear pictures, she said she's going to give me an allowance of 200 dollars weekly, but we intend to meet in person at some point.



My allowance would increase if she sees a commitment. She said, "I’m a total package I just need some good company and loving."


She said, "I intend adding you to my pay roll, so I wouldn’t have to repeat it every week, and you also get it even when I’m away for work, So you would get your allowance accordingly."  


She asked for my account and routing number, but I'm reluctant to send because it seems like a scam. This seems sketchy, right?

Dr. Garrett's Reply:
Tue, Oct 23, 2018, 5:16 PM

This is obviously a scam.    As we discussed today, you feel more comfortable living in the daydream world where a sugarmomma will take care of you just for taking your clothes off rather than facing the more anxiety provoking reality of making your way in the real world.

Dr. Garrett E-Mail, March 2019, Songs (03 31 2023)

My Email:
Wed, Mar 6, 2019, 10:08 AM

My psychiatrist's probably suggesting songs because I don't read, watch movies, or do anything. He wants to get the point across somehow.


Pretty soon he's gonna say, "you're like the Metro Station song, "Shake It". You need to come alive, or like the song says, "Shake It"." Lol.


The examples will keep getting more absurd.


He'll say, you're living in a Fantasyland, like Taylor Swift's, "Wonderland".


Then you're like Justin Beiber's song "Sorry". Is it too late for your parents to apologize?


Why's a 70-year-old doctor listening to teeny bopper music?

Dr. Garrett's Reply:
Wed, Mar 6, 2019, 11:46 AM

My psychiatrist's probably suggesting songs because I don't read, watch movies, or do anything. He wants to get the point across somehow.   NOT TRUE.  JUST TRYING TO FIND DIFFERENT WAYS TO REACH YOU.


Pretty soon he's gonna say, "you're like the Metro Station song, "Shake It". You need to come alive, or like the song says, "Shake It"." Lol.  I DON'T KNOW METRO STATION OR THE SONG YOU MENTION SO WOULD NEVER HAVE OCCASION TO MENTION IT.


The examples will keep getting more absurd.


He'll say, you're living in a Fantasyland, like Taylor Swift's, "Wonderland".  I DO NOT KNOW TAYLOR SWIFT'S MUSIC.


Then you're like Justin Beiber's song "Sorry". Is it too late for your parents to apologize?  DON'T NO JUSTIN BEIBER'S MUSIC EITHER


Why's a 70-year-old doctor listening to teeny bopper music?  WHAT TEENY-BOPPER MUSIC ARE YOU REFERRING TO?   THE SONG I PLAYED FOR YOU WAS WRITTEN BY COLIN HAY WITH THE BANK MEN AT WORK.  THEY ARE NOT AT ALL A TEENY BOPPER BAND.

THERE IS ROOM FOR COMEDY AND SERIOUS REFLECTOIN.  BY IMAGINING ME AS A STRANGE 70 YO MAN WHO LISTENS TO TEENY BOPPER MUSIC YOU ARE ABLE TO POKE FUN AT ME, EVEN CHARACTERIZE ME AS SOMEONE INAPPROPRIATELY INTERESTED IN YOUNG PEOPLE OUTSIDE MY GENERATION,  UNDERMINING MY CREDIBILITY.  THIS CHARICATURE OF ME SERVES YOUR PURPOSE OF WANTING TO CONTINUE TO LIVE IN A DAYDREAM BY DESPARAGING THE INPUT OF PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO ARE TRYING TO GET YOU TO THINK SERIOUSLY ABOUT YOUR FUTURE.  YOU PAINT A PICTURE OF ME AS A SILLY OLD MAN BECAUSE YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEED THE MESSAGE BEING SENT TO YOU BY ME, YOUR MOTHER, AND DR COPLAN

DO NOT WORRY THAT I TAKE ANY OFFENSE IN YOUR JOKING.  IT IS ALL PART OF OUR DIALOGUE.

DR G

My Email:
Wed, Mar 6, 2019, 11:49 AM

I'm joking, 100% being silly. I'm glad you shared that song, and I enjoyed our session.. Sometimes, I make jokes that "blur the line". But truth is, I appreciate you shared it and understand what you were trying to convey

Dr. Garrett's Reply:
Mar 6, 2019, 11:52 AM

OK Good.  Just keeping our conversation real, and clear.

My Email:
Mar 6, 2019, 1:01 PM
I'm not trying to undermine anybody's credibility and I genuinely think you and Dr. Coplan are good doctors. I have nothing but positive feelings.



I just thought the character of a silly old man, based on you and many other doctors, was hilarious. I thought it would be funny if a doctor began suggesting teeny bopper music.



But my situation is not funny, it's very serious. And I should stop making jokes.

Dr. Garrett E-Mail, October 2018, Sadistic Suffering (03 31 2023)

My Email:

I feel like there're women who know about my suffering, can help me, are going to help me... but for right now, they sadistically enjoy watching me suffer.

Could this be true? Or, is this a delusion? And no women care about my existence? Do I need to meet a woman in the future?

Dr. Garrett's Reply:
Thu, Nov 1, 2018, 6:00 AM

Andrew

There are no woman online sadistically enjoying your suffering.  This is the same feeling you have about your parents, that, sadistically, they "get off" on your suffering.  You are imagining the same state of mind exists in other people, whether online or in your home.  Instead of saying, "I am so unhappy that I feel as though I am surrounded by people who enjoy my suffering"  instead you experience your own suffering as though it were real.  You are really suffering, but your parents are not sadists.  Online woman are not enjoying your suffering.

Let me ask you a question, that I think you can answer.   Who in your life did really enjoy your suffering?  Not your parents.  Like a puzzle you can solve so you can think about it for a minute, I have written the answer backwards just below.  Your feeling that your parents and women online are enjoying your suffering is actually a memory of a past, real situation of suffering where a certain group of people did enjoy your suffering.  That experience has been etched into your psyche, so you keep seeing it all around you even when it is not really there now, in the present.

Answer:   SEILLUB EHT  

Some Posts (03 31 2023)

Post 01:

I'm so lucky Kelly is an angel and my best friend, if she wasn't, I'd be SCREWED.

Post 02:

I get scared and become afraid Kelly deceived, betrayed, or wants to hurt me. It's a panic attack. Try to remember in those times all the love we've shared. Because our relationship was great 99.9% of the time and I miss her. It's an irrational fear that ruins my relationships.

Post 03:

Stop saying anything negative about Kelly from this point forward and COMPLETELY TRUST HER. She's not going to hurt me and never will. In fact, she'll HELP ME because she LOVES ME.

Post 04:

I think Kelly was having fun in New York City in 2022 while I was in solitude. Don't forget who she is. She once said I can count on her and I believe it. I don't know what she was up to, but I'm certain I wasn't simply forgotten.

Post 05:

I'm sorry I lost sight of the fact that Kelly wasn't the monster who hurt me and started to blame her for my trauma. It's not her fault at all. I have her to thank for recognizing and exposing the ACTUAL MONSTER. Now correct my vision. See Satan for who he actually is.

Post 06:

Dr. Garrett metaphorically raped me. He INTENDED to ruin my relationship with Kelly, my parents, and to cause trauma. I'd talk to him about it and he got sexual pleasure knowing he's the one who hurt and was hurting me. He knew I was innocent and wanted me to FEEL HIV POSITIVE.

Post 07:

If Kelly wasn't the absolute best and didn't recognize I was getting metaphorically raped by my psychiatrist, I'd be so screwed. Thankfully, she spotted what was going on as far back as January 2020. She's been preparing for this for years now. She knew Dr. Garrett was a sadist.

Post 08:

What Dr. Garrett did, and was doing, made a lot of people feel sick because they knew how genuine and kind I am. They knew I didn't deserve to get metaphorically raped by this sexual sadist and monster. They were keeping quiet and waiting for the day I realized it too.

Post 09:

It wasn't for Kelly, I'd look "crazy" and Dr. Garrett would look like the credible psychiatrist. Thankfully, I have the best friend ever who knows what a genuinely good person I am and I know what a genuinely good person she is. There are a lot of people who actually love me.

Post 10:

Dr. Garrett thought nobody cared about me and he could do whatever he wanted and get away with it. He's going to discover pretty soon how wrong he was. There are a lot of people who actually love me. And now these people hate him for metaphorically raping me.

Artwork (03 30 2023)

A Play About Homelessness (03 30 2023):

The Producers (1967) (03 30 2023):

I Suspect Someone Powerful Is Related To My Father (03 30 2023):

No One Cares (03 30 2023):

Trying To Give Me Cancer? (03 30 2023):

Bane Of My Existence Soupe Du Jour (03 30 2023):

It's Worse Than I Suspect It Is (03 30 2023):

I Need An Elder Or Mentor To Help! (03 30 2023):

Evil Psychiatrist Delusion (03 30 2023):

Dr. Garrett Posts (03 30 2023)

Post 01:

The person who gaslit, metaphorically raped me, and caused the HIV scare really is Dr. Garrett. The problem is it's such a shit show it'll be impossible to prove.

Post 02:

Kelly is not only my best friend, she's the one who realized in January 2020 the person responsible for the HIV scare was Dr. Garrett, and has been preparing ever since. I should be thanking and kissing her feet for that. She's true blue and the absolute best.

Post 03:

Think with my heart, remember who showed me GENUINE LOVE - it's Kelly.

The monster and deceiver, as unfortunate as it is to learn, is Dr. Garrett.

Post 04:

Although Dr. Garrett doesn't believe in God, he had a book in his office called "the God delusion", he's almost satanic and demonic if he INTENTIONALLY gave me an HIV scare (a metaphoric rape).

Post 05:

It was DR. GARRETT who was trying to metaphorically murder me while creating the facade he was "helping."

Post 06:

Nobody wants to accept what I'm saying is true because it ruins the whole concept of the United States of America, where monsters have power and freedom, they can do whatever they want, get away with it, and they're above the law. My psychiatrist tortured me and I look "crazy."

Post 07:

My parents and Kelly were playing sensationalistic pro wrestling comic book super villain with me, and Dr. Garrett saw I was about to be successful, and knew he behaved negligently so he metaphorically murdered me. This is not a Marvel movie. Dr. Garrett's a real life monster.

Post 08:

You could get a bad luck of the draw and get a satanic and evil psychiatrist like I did, it's rare, but you could get the 666 psychiatrist. Not to imply he's satanic. He's a man of science who thinks seeing a message behind 666 is predicate logic and simply random nothingness.

Post 09:

I think everybody is heartbroken over what happened because I'm the sweetest guy and I didn't deserve to get metaphorically raped by Dr. Garrett. I didn't deserve to get hurt by that monster. I deserved the best because I'm true blue.

IMPORTANT AND SERIOUS: Do Isentress or Truvada cause HIV? (August 2020 E-Mails) (03 30 2023)

An e-mail I sent to Dr. Garrett and Dr. Coplan on Aug 26, 2020, 5:33 PM:

I stepped on a sharp object at a lounge on New Year's day, so I went to the Emergency Room, and they put me on HIV prevention medications for the month of January - Isentress and Truvada. I'm beginning to realize it was an overreaction by me, there is no reason to think I acquired HIV. Do these medications CAUSE HIV? By being a hypochondriac did I give me HIV? I'm told it's predicate logic. I hear HIV prevention medications, HIV is a keyword, therefore it must cause HIV. When I think about January I become sick to my stomach. I made a huge mistake. I just hope happy days are coming. It's like an overwhelming panic attack. My question: can either Isentress or Truvada CAUSE HIV? Please God tell me no! I hope I didn't ruin my life. I'm gonna get re-tested soon and I have knots in my stomach fearing the worst.  

Dr. Garrett's reply Aug 26, 2020, 6:56 PM:

No, those medications cannot possibly cause HIV.  You are right - it is predicate logic.  Anything in the neighborhood of an idea gets incorporated as a meaningful link, but there is not link between Isentress and Trufada.

My reply on Aug 27, 2020, 12:27 PM:

I hear that and my fears become quelled. Then I'll hear HIV again, and I'll get overwhelming contamination fear again. i fear I infected myself with those meds

Dr. Garrett's reply on  Aug 27, 2020, 2:05 PM

Those waves of anxiety are a torment.  There is ZERO possibility the meds gave you HIV.

My reply on  Aug 28, 2020, 11:07 AM

You said there's zero possibly these meds cause HIV. I hear that, feel reassurance, let it go. Then this morning I got an intense wave of tormenting panic - fearing they CAUSE HIV. 

Dr. Coplan's reply on Aug 28, 2020, 11:10 AM:

Nope.  Categorical No.  They are antiHIV 

My reply on Aug 29, 2020, 10:02 PM:

I know both you and Dr. Garrett say Isentress or Truvada don't CAUSE HIV, I'm safe and clean. I'll get re-tested, though. Did you send the blood work script?

It's just an overwhelming, sick to my stomach, panic attack. That's the reason I took it in the first place. I'm not doing anything high risk. I'm a clean and healthy guy.

My reply on Aug 30, 2020, 9:43 PM

My friends from the psychosocial clubhouse are my only friends. I don't even have my mom anymore. She's cold and empty. It's depressing, upsetting and frustrating. Actually, a little angering too.

I walked to the back door in the dark to get food from my mom. I'm catastrophizing I stepped on a hypodermic needle and didn't realize it. It doesn't make sense. who would be shooting up in our backyard? But I keep going out back. Checking again, and again, and again.

Some Posts (03 30 2023)

Post 01:

What I SUSPECT happened, Taylor Swift or someone very successful is either my half-sibling or related to my father, and no one loved or cared about me. They THOUGHT I'd wind up like Adam Lanza. Though, that's ignorant. Not all schizophrenics are violent and enjoy hurting people.

Post 02:

I was an accident. Both my mother and father were trying to sabotage me. But I kept working hard on my artwork and social media content. A family of Korean movie creators became fascinated with and wanted to develop a project based on the Fountain House and my life.

Post 03:

It's like the 1967 movie The Producers, what they quickly learned is everyone was trying to sabotage me (my parents and family)... But because I'm charismatic and charming, I succeeded despite the odds being stacked against me. Now my parents have some explaining to do.

Post 04:

"Taylor Swift" looks like an out-of-touch pretentious douche living in her pop star bubble, out-of-touch with the middle and lower class, while I now look like "the hero." My father, like pro wrestling, slid me the brass knuckles and is allowing the twist of fate to happen.

Some Posts (03 29 2023)

Post 01:

Elon Musk CLAIMS he eats donuts everyday and drinks diet coke. Let's be real, he's the richest man in the world who is eating all the best food. It's just like Donald Trump loving McDonald's. They're trying to get the lower and middle class to spend money on cancer-causing trash

Post 02:

It was not a "Star Wars concept" and January 1, 2020 was NO ACCIDENT. They conspired to metaphorically "rape" and "murder" me. They ASSUMED they'd get away with it. Thanks to Dr. Garrett and having panic attack over their gaslighting I stand a fighting chance to prove it's true.

Post 03:

Sorry to burst your bubble, Oje Hart, but "metaphorically raping" a vulnerable mental patient is serial killer-level bad. It's nothing like The Blue Blazer.

Post 04:

The worst part about what these millionaires did is they had the audacity to think they'd get away with it because they viewed me as a moron like "Simple Jack." Now they're lying about their intentions. They never thought it'd get exposed. Their intentions were nefarious!

Post 05:

If what I'm saying is true and there's a good rich person out there, what are you waiting for? Help me! I'm sitting in solitude and eating the worst trash imaginable. I'm gonna get cancer soon. Or like they say... No one cares. I'm waiting for Godot to rescue me. He's not coming.

Post 06:

It's not Kelly or my parents responsibility to spoon feed me a life at 35 years old, it's my responsibility. Sadly, I lost so much time alone in my head, unloved, with no one caring I existed. If I'm not dying, I will be very soon. Does anyone care about me at all?

Post 07:

Nobody loves me. I have no friends, have never had a genuine friend besides possibly Kelly, and my parents couldn't care less about me. They treat me like a burden. If I died, they'd justify it in their warped minds and say I was "troubled" at my funeral.

Post 08:

Is what happened like the Pearl Jam song Jeremy? They were all humiliating me, making me into a laughing stock, then I metaphorically died, and now they feel guilty? Or were their intentions like the Corporate Ministry from WWE, to make me a human sacrifice and get away with it?

Post 09:

It's very bad. A lot of people know it. You can't make reality not true. When I discover the truth, it'll make me feel VERY SICK because people had nefarious intentions without a doubt. Some of the deceivers and betrayers are going to be from the people I trusted the most.

Post 10:

On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the absolute worst, this is a 12 bad. Off the charts bad. Right now, they're keeping me willfully blind and naive to truth because I'm extremely unstable and discovering reality will send me over the edge.

Post 11:

The problem wasn't my mother, Kelly really was gaslighting me about HIV in late 2019, and Alicia Connelly (Ed Connelly's from Levittown sister) was involved. It's like the novel Killing Mr Griffin. They were playing a cruel prank on me and I wound up metaphorically dying from it.

Artwork (03 29 2023)

My Father Metaphorically Raped Me (03 29 2023):

Intent To Understand (03 29 2023):

Projection Of Intent (03 29 2023):

Are My Parents Sexual Sadists? (03 29 2023):

The Truth Is Very Bad (03 29 2023):

They Wanted Me To Turn Into A Rage-Filled Lunatic (03 29 2023):

Millionaires And Billionaires Were Laughing At My Suffering (03 29 2023):

The Millionaires And Billionaires Knew How Bad It Was (03 29 2023):

Sex With Kelly (03 29 2023):

Spring Time AND It's Time For Baseball (03 29 2023) (My Dads Colorings) (03 29 2023)

Spring Time (My Dads Coloring) (03 29 2023):

It's Time For Baseball (My Dads Coloring) (03 29 2023):

Jones Beach (03 29 2023)

Jones Beach (03 29 2023):

Some Posts (03 28 2023) - 2

Post 01:

I'm making jokes. While they SHOULD be funny. They're not funny because they're true and they know it. They wanted me to turn into a rage-filled lunatic because it'd erase what psychopaths they are. Instead, I decided to feel sadness and cry in a way that makes you feel sick.

Post 02:

I really don't want to think the HIV scare was intentional, but it was, it totally was. They were sadistically torturing me. Maybe I should just stop seeing my dad altogether. Don't react in a rage. Find good people who genuinely love and feel empathy, not psychopathic monsters.

Post 03:

Is everyone SADISTIC and EVIL as I suspect they are? Was everyone trying to kill me and turning me into a laughing-stock while doing it? It certainly feels that way. It feels like they're all sadistic torturers and monsters. Every single one if them. There's not one good person.

Post 04:

This is not only as bad as I suspect it is - it's a billion times worse. I'm not about to be the next Ryan Reynolds. Sorry to burst your bubble, Andrew. After 35 years of unimaginable horror, I'm not about to be partying and lying on the beach. The worst is yet to come.

Post 05:

I was ALREADY extremely self-conscious and felt damaged around women. Now I feel metaphorically HIV positive as well thanks to January 2020. Maybe I need to accept my entire life will be pain and suffering. I was doomed because my parents are sexual sadists and torturers.

Post 06:

It was actually Dr. Garrett who gaslit me into having the HIV scare, it wasn't my parents or Kelly. Why? I thought psychiatrists were supposed to help people?

Post 07:

Kelly Han was Yunjin Kim from the TV show Lost, she intended to give me the surprise of my life, but Dr. Garrett saw the writing on the wall because of what we were posting on social media and decided to give "John Lennon" an HIV scare because it would expose his negligence.

Post 08:

The HIV scare wasn't an accident, there was somebody who intended to give it to me, it was Dr. Garrett, as strange as it sounds. The monster was my psychiatrist who I trusted the most. It wasn't my parents, it wasn't Kelly, I was metaphorically raped by Dr. Garrett.

Post 09:

I need to remember I'm getting the bane of my existence "soupe du jour" about Dr. Garrett. The person responsible that I can blame all my problems on. There's not one SADISTIC PERSECUTOR. He wants to help me. The reality of shades of grey. There's lots of imperfect people.

Post 10:

I guess there are examples of evil psychiatrists, look at Dr. Eugene Landy harming Brian Wilson of The Beach Boys. It could technically happen. It's very rare. Most people get into the profession of psychiatry to help people, not sadistically hurt people.

Post 11:

Whatever the truth is that's being kept secret, apparently it's VERY BAD and they're trying to keep me from killing myself at the moment by keeping me ignorant. As they say, ignorance is bliss. They're nefarious things I SUSPECT are true. Nothing is confirmed... Yet!

Post 12:

I was an accident that nobody cared about. I had no money. I was left in the dog pound. My father is successful and a jerk who was bullying me. They were turning me into a laughing-stock while they were all having the time of their lives. I basically died metaphorically.

Post 13:

I believe millionaires and billionaires were laughing at my suffering on social media. They knew and were associating with my father. They were all partying, and having fun, and didn't include me. ASSUMING the HIV scare was unintentional.

Post 14:

What happened to me is like the novel "Killing Mr. Griffin" by, Lois Duncan. They were all mocking and pranking me while getting duped by a psychopath. I'm going to Shoot The Moon like the card game Hearts by taking EVERYONE'S abuse and torture for 35 years.

Post 15:

ASSUMING the millionaires and billionaires didn't realize how bad it is, they're going to look like the satanic Corporate Ministry from the WWE now. But they knew. They just didn't expect it would get exposed and now they're just lying about their intent. It was always nefarious.

Post 16:

My parents are sexual sadists who were literally trying to kill me while creating the facade they weren't. I was being laughed at like I wasn't even a human being for 10+ years.

Dr. Garrett, The HIV Crime (or is it projection of intent)

Dr. Garrett: "OK  I will write you a response that takes up what you have written.  Have copied your email into the reply and added comments in caps under several lines and marked 3 lines where you can answer, to form a dialogue between us.  To make this a conversation rather than your simply reasserting what you feel to be true, which is something only you can know because feelings are not directly perceivable by other people, I would hope you can reply, point by point, to what I have written.  If the only evidence you have is how you feel, because your feelings are your own, as is the case for all of us, there is no way for anyone to really engage what you are saying, except to regard it as an expression of anger rather than a claim to historical truth, which is how I regard your email."

Me: In late 2019, I was a vulnerable mental patient, practically a virgin. Though I had had sex before, Kelly Han described me as a "clean baby" knowing how innocent and naive I was at the time. Kelly was PRETENDING to be my friend but secretly was a monster behind a mask who was gaslighting me about HIV to scare me.  

Dr. Garrett: "HOW CAN YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN K. BEING WORRIED ABOUT HIV, IN HER OWN RIGHT, FOR HER OWN REASONS, AND A SITUATION WHERE SHE MENTIONS HIV AND IT TRIGGERS AN ANXIETY PROVOKING THOUGHT IN YOU, IN YOUR OWN RIGHT, FOR YOUR OWN REASONS?  EVERY TIME SOMEONE MENTIONS THE WORD 'HIV' IS IT INTENDED TO GASLIGHT YOU?  OR, ARE YOU LABORING UNDER 'PROJECTION OF INTENT, WHERE YOU FEEL IF SOMETHING UPSETS YOU IT WAS INTENDED TO UPSET YOU?"

My Answer: "I definitely feel emotionally triggered about January 1, 2020. Who wouldn't feel that way? Now I feel almost HIV positive after taking PrEP. That does not mean Kelly's intentions were nefarious. As you said, maybe the reason she brought up HIV in late 2019 is that she was afraid of it herself.

This might be daydreaming becoming real, but I SUSPECT Kelly is actually Yunjin Kim from the TV show Lost. She intended to give me the surprise of my life. Unfortunately, an accident happened.

Think with my heart. Remember all the love and happy times we shared. Thanks to her, in 2019 - 2021 I actually had a life. I wasn't sitting in my bedroom. 

Although Kelly MIGHT'VE been deceiving me about her success and wealth, to confirm my suspicions about her, I believe she told me in 2020 or 2021, when we were on a beach in the Hampton Bays, her Korean name was "Yunjin." I didn't think much of it at the time. Maybe she wasn't even deceiving me as much as I believe she was.

I'm sorry it happened, but I have a feeling she's going to be my best friend again soon, not to imply she's not at the moment. I've just been sick and haven't been seeing her."

_____________________
Me: "She has a side to her personality that she hides very well. While you might I had "freedom" and it was "my choice" to have unprotected sex and to take the PrEP (anti-HIV medications). I disagree. I BELIEVE my parents and Kelly were conspiring since 2011 AT LEAST, to INTENTIONALLY torture me and make me FEEL HIV positive - to metaphorically rape me - to cause trauma. "

Dr. Garrett: "YOU SAY 'NO' TO MANY THINGS OTHER PEOPLE TELL YOU.  YOU SAY NO EASILY AND FREQUENTLY.   HOW IS IT YOU COULDN'T SAY NO TO UNPROTECTED SEX?   DID YOU NOT DECIDE TO HAVE SEX WITH K?    WHAT EVIDENCE DO YOU HAVE THAT YOUR PARENTS AND KELLY KNEW EACH OTHER IN 2011 (CONSPIRED)?"

My Answer: "The only evidence I have that my parents knew Kelly, or Yunjin Kim, is my SUSPICIONS. I suspect my father was involved in Hollywood and worked on the show Lost. Delusions?

The sex I had with Kelly was consensual, obviously... But if she was HIV positive and intended to infect me then it'd FEEL LIKE a metaphoric rape, ya know? But it was my choice to have unprotected sex with her and Kelly is my best friend and has always had good intentions. It's too bad the accident happened. But I'm sure we'll have a heart-to-heart conversation sooner rather than later, hug, maybe even cry, then the best days of my life will be ahead of both of us."


_____________________
Me: "I was simply a chemically lobotomized sex slave and puppet for them to them that they used, discard, and tortured like I was simply a piece of garbage. They did not even view me as a human being, or an animal, to Kelly I was nothing more than a piece of trash for her to sadistically torture."

Dr. Garrett:  "HOW HAVE YOU MADE A DISTINCTION BETWEEN A LOVELY SEXUAL AFFAIR WITH A WOMAN YOU OFTEN REFER TO AS YOUR BEST FRIEND THAT NATURALLY RAN ITS COURSE, LEADING TO AN AMICABLE BREAKUP AFTER MONTHS OF VERY ENJOYABLE TIME TOGETHER,  AND SEX SLAVE TORTURE?  WHY IS IT THE CASE THAT IF YOU FELT K. USED YOU AND ABANDONED YOU THAT SHE INTENDED TO MAKE YOUR FEEL THAT WAY, RATHER THAN JUST BRINGING A LOVELY CONNECTION WITH YOU TO A NATURAL CONCLUSION, WHICH SECONDARILY (NOT ON PURPOSE) LED TO YOU FEELING ABANDONED?  HERE IS A TRIVIAL EXAMPLE OF 'INTENT TO UNDERSTAND'.   WHEN YOU FEEL DISCOMFORT IN A VISIT TO THE DENTIST DOES THE DENTIST INTEND TO MAKE YOU FEEL PAIN OR IS PAIN AN INEVITABLE BUT UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCE OF THE DENTAL VISIT?   WHEN YOU FEEL SAD ABOUT K. SAYING YOUR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP HAS FOLLOWED ITS NATURAL COURSE AND COME TO AN END, HOW CAN YOU BE SURE YOU UPSET IS A CONSEQUENCE, BUT AN UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCE OF THE BREAKUP?  DO YOU THINK THAT ANY TIME ANYONE UPSETS YOU THEY INTEND TO UPSET YOU, AND IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE EVIL INTENTIONS OF OTHERS YOU WOULD BE HAPPY?"

My Answer: "Obviously, I'm extremely sexually frustrated and feel as though I've been involuntarily celibate and haven't had a life, aside from my time with Kelly. 

Some might claim because of my contradictory posts that I don't love Kelly. That's not true. I love her with burning passion when I think from my heart and remember with clarity.

I have Schizoaffective disorder and I'm like an autistic manchild. Yes, Kelly was older and like my mother, but I was EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED and needed someone to lend a hand. She helped me and we shared a lot of love and fun times together. If not for her, I would've been at home. 

Initially, with Kelly, I was a little embarrassed by the age gap, eventually, I didn't even think about it anymore, and we had a lot of fun together doing wholesome activities. 

Maybe I'm in pain that I spent nearly all of 2022 in solitude, but that's not Kelly's fault. She gave me life from, 2019 - 2021. In 2022, it's my fault I was pouring my life down the drain. She's not my mother. If I chose not to live life, that's on me. 

When I throw these emotional temper tantrums I should say: I desire a life, sex, financial independence, and freedom. Why doesn't Kelly help me again?

The answer: because I'm extremely mentally ill at the moment."

Artwork (03 28 2023)

They Know There's Truth To What I'm Saying (03 28 2023):

I Don't Think The HIV Scare Was A "Complete Accident" (03 28 2023):

The HIV Scare, Intentional? (03 28 2023):

Am I "Getting Emotional?" (03 28 2023):

Is This As Bad As I Suspect It Is? (03 28 2023):

I Love Kelly (03 28 2023):

Some Posts (03 28 2023)

Post 01:

I have Schizoaffective disorder and I'm like an autistic manchild. Yes, Kelly was older and like my mother, but I was EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED and needed someone to lend a hand. She helped me and we shared a lot of love and fun times together. If not for her, I would've been at home.

Post 02:

Initially with Kelly, I was a little embarrassed by the age gap, eventually I didn't even think about it anymore, and we had a lot of fun together doing wholesome activities. I love her very much and want to meet her at Grand Central Madison (LIRR) when I get better.

Post 03:

Some might claim because of my contradictory posts how I don't love Kelly. That's not true. I love her with burning passion when I think from my heart and remember with clarity.

Post 04:

Kelly and my parents wanted to turn me into a pitbull. A pitbull that's friendly, but can be scary because it has the potential to be dangerous. They'll smile when they watch the pitbull having fun and enjoying the remainder of his life.

Post 05:

That's what Kelly likes and wants, an EXTREMELY STRONG MAN. They could've gone a little easier on me.

Post 06:

It's too bad it happened but assuming there was no nefarious intentions, I completely forgive you. We need to have a heart to heart, honest conversation about it sooner rather than later... Not to imply you're even to blame. But I just want to apologize and give you a warm hug.

Post 07:

I guess I could find someone else. They're people who lose the love of their life and start dating again. With that said, right now you're the only one I really want to see.

Post 08:

I'm ASSUMING Kelly or my parents didn't INTENTIONALLY give me the HIV scare for sadistic and nefarious reasons because if they did that's way too far, it's not "sexy" or "funny", it felt like a metaphoric rape, and it'll send me into an uncontrollable rage if I discover it's true

Post 09:

Someone owes me a legitimate explanation as to what happened in late 2019 and 2020 that led to me taking anti-HIV medications because it wasn't all an accident. I believe someone had nefarious intentions. But who was the monster behind the mask? Were there a bunch of people?

Post 10:

I know they say: you're getting emotional, it was your choice to take the PrEP. I believe the HIV scare was planned for years. I want to think it was an accident and nobody had nefarious intentions. I just don't believe that's true.

Some Posts (03 27 2023) - 3

Post 01:

Did Kelly actually have HIV and successfully infect me? Would I notice the signs and symptoms by now? Would my white and red blood cells have been off in November 2022? Do you recommend getting another blood test? Can someone tell me the truth?

Post 02:

Everyone can't be liars and monsters behind a mask who are INTENTIONALLY trying to kill me, can they? Maybe I do need to take the psychiatric medications. To my knowledge, Kelly is not HIV positive.

Post 03:

Even if Kelly was talking about HIV a lot in late 2019, which she was and it frightened me, that does not mean her intentions were nefarious. Maybe she was afraid of HIV herself then it led to me having a panic attack. I wound up taking PrEP in January 2020 as I told everyone.

Post 04:

Someone said unless Kelly hides a dark and sinister side to her personality very well, their impression was she was always a good person. Another person said, it always appeared like Kelly was manipulating and controlling me. They were just afraid to tell me back then.

Post 05:

Do you suggest I go to the urgent care or make an appointment with my primary care physician and get an STD and HIV test, if Kelly was a deceiving psychopath, and I'm starting to believe she was... What was stopping her from literally infecting me with HIV ASSUMING she had it?

Post 06:

At the very least, Kelly was gaslighting me about HIV and trying to scare me about it in late 2019. I now have no doubt. But I always ASSUMED the "Kelly Han" blood work was legit. I ASSUMED she wasn't actually trying to infect me with HIV. As they say, don't ASSUME.

Post 07:

I suspect "Kelly Han" is ACTUALLY Yunjin Kim who played Sun-Hwa Kwon on the TV show Lost. With that said, will she be like "Chris Benoit" and she'll taint the show because she intentionally infected me with HIV? Or am I very sick with mental illness and need more medication?

Post 08:

It's all really as bad as I suspect is - maybe even worse. How are they all unempathetic psychopathic sexual sadists? How is everyone a monster? Are there no good people?

The HIV Crime

My parents (Christine and Robert Koloski) conspired with Kelly Han to INTENTIONALLY give me an HIV scare assuming they didn't literally infect me with HIV. The crime occurred from 2019 - 2021. The crime occurred at my home, in New York City, and at the Fountain House.

In late 2019, I was a vulnerable mental patient, practically a virgin. Though I had had sex before, Kelly Han described me as a "clean baby" knowing how innocent and naive I was at the time. Kelly was PRETENDING to be my friend but secretly was a monster behind a mask who was gaslighting me about HIV to scare me. She has a side to her personality that she hides very well. While you might I had "freedom" and it was "my choice" to have unprotected sex and to take the PrEP (anti-HIV medications). I disagree. I BELIEVE my parents and Kelly were conspiring since 2011 AT LEAST, to INTENTIONALLY torture me and make me FEEL HIV positive - to metaphorically rape me - to cause trauma. I was simply a chemically lobotomized sex slave and puppet for them to them that they used, discard, and tortured like I was simply a piece of garbage. They did not even view me as a human being, or an animal, to Kelly I was nothing more than a piece of trash for her to sadistically torture.

Some Posts (03 27 2023) - 2

Post 01:

This is like the movie Spider-Man: Far From Home. Kelly was a deceiving psychopath who INTENTIONALLY gave me an HIV scare (like Mysterio), she thought I was an idiot, but I accidentally PROVED she was gaslighting me by sending emails panicking in late 2019.

Post 02:

The truth is Kelly has a side to her personality that she hides very well. The monster behind a mask was Kelly. She is the one who intentionally gave me the HIV scare, while creating the facade that she was my friend. She's never been my friend. She was a psychopath.

Post 03:

Like Peter Parker in Spider-Man: No Way Home, by exposing Kelly as the sadistic sadist she is, even bigger super villains are about to appear in the next movie. Maybe billionaires. Some of the richest people in the world. If not the richest. Lucky me.

Post 04:

Maybe when I least expect it, when hope is almost gone, multiverse Spider-Men will appear to help me fight the super villains? Or maybe I'm going to end up like The Blue Blazer from the WWE. After all, this is the real world, not a superhero movie.

Dr. Coplan text:

Dr. Coplan (the psychopharmacologist) said: "Truth is you need more meds and you are in a self-destructive internet-defined trajectory"

Post 05:

I disagree with Dr. Coplan that I need more psychiatric medications. I believe he's trying to cover up his negligence by claiming there's no credibility to what I'm saying and it's all "delusions" and "psychosis." The truth is Dr. Coplan is a criminal.

Spider-Man: Far From Home

This is like the movie Spider-Man: Far From Home. Kelly was a deceiving psychopath who INTENTIONALLY gave me an HIV scare (like Mysterio), she thought I was an idiot, but I accidentally PROVED she was gaslighting me by sending emails panicking in late 2019.

Some Posts (03 27 2023)

Post 01:

Were Dr. Coplan and my parents actually trying to give me cancer?

Post 02:

It feels like EVERYONE is a liar except for me.

Post 03:

They suspected the psychiatric medications could cause, or caused cancer. I didn't want to take them. My mother was portraying me as crazy and then forced me to take the negligently prescribed meds. It was attempted murder.

Post 04:

I just don't believe Kelly didn't intentionally give me the HIV scare... And why?

Post 05:

I was a vulnerable mental patient who needed mental health RECOVERY. This is not a WWE employee who died in a negligent accident. I don't know who my father actually is. But it's ridiculous to hurt me because of someone I don't know. I was already at rock-bottom. Psychopaths!

Post 06:

Kelly had nefarious intentions in late 2019, just admit the truth. I know it now. She knows it. Unless she's lying to protect herself for a court case, and there is probably no chance in hell I can prove it, why lie?

Post 07:

It's really sad. What happened is as bad as I suspect it is - maybe even worse. My hearts broken.

Post 08:

Can you finally tell me the truth no matter how bad it is, and I suspect it's very bad. Somebody really owes me that. Enough with the lies and deception.

Post 09:

They're all psychopaths who deserve the be in jail.

Post 10:

I was vulnerable, broken, and at rock-bottom in 2019. I was already scared of the world. I needed to learn the real world was safe and not full of sadistic monsters. Instead, I got an HIV scare, traumatized, and now I feel like damaged goods like no women will want to date me.

Post 11:

If I were my father, I'd stay far, far away from me and only interact with me for like psychiatry appointments maybe. If what he's done is as bad as I suspect it is, it'll get ugly. I'm emotional, irrational, and angry at the moment. He's villain number 1 in my mind.

Post 12:

I really need someone to GENUINELY LOVE ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE because I've come to the realization no one ever has. I've snapped. If no one helps I'm afraid this is a powder keg for real this time.

Post 13:

ASSUMING Kelly's intention wasn't to use then discard of me like I was trash, if she wanted to date me when I woke up to what she had done, I don't care how much money she has. She intentionally and sadistically hurt me for no reason. I'll NEVER be able to forgive her for that.

Post 04:

The trauma that's going to make me legitimately snap, get EXTREMELY ANGRY, and go INSANE is learning January 1, 2020 where I took PrEP anti-HIV medications was NO ACCIDENT AT ALL. Kelly intended for it to happen. I've just had enough of EVERYTHING.

Post 15:

Can someone please help me? I'm about to EXPLODE knowing I was SADISTICALLY TORTURED. I want someone to calm me down and to genuinely love me. Help me before I do something self-destructive that I'll later regret.

Post 16:

The most enraging thing is no one loves me at all. They were all sadists who intentionally hurt me. The reason I want to fly into a rage and make an irrational decision is because of how badly these MONSTERS hurt me for NO REASON. I want someone to care about me.

Post 17:

Why did these monsters do this to me? Will I be unable to process how bad the trauma these psychopaths put me through was when it's officially confirmed what I know is true?

Post 18:

I'm going to get so irrationally angry when I discover the truth and these psychopaths are just going to laugh like it's hilarious because there's nothing I can do about it.

Post 19:

They were trying to drive me to the point where I legitimately snapped, I did now. However, why didn't they show me any empathy and love? These psychopaths just tortured me.

Post 20:

I was not a deer, or a bunny, or an animal - I was a human being who needed help. They viewed me worse than an animal. They viewed me like I was a piece of garbage.

Some Posts (03 26 2023) - 3

Post 01:

You're seeing the fun and happy side of my personality at the moment, but trust me, if somebody is intentionally sadistic and nefarious there's another side that you might not want to see.

Post 02:

I'm ASSUMING Kelly's intentions were nefarious, but it was supposed to be a harmless prank. Instead, I took PrEP, now it's more like a metaphoric rape. I feel like damaged goods, like no one will want to date me, like I'm HIV positive. Everything that could have gone wrong did.

Post 03:

Kelly is a liar, like the Aristotle proverb says, "liars when they speak the truth are not believed." How do I know she's not lying that she didn't have nefarious intentions? She might have never expected to get exposed, so now she's lying about her intentions to protect herself.

Post 04:

Assuming my father didn't conspire with Kelly to intentionally give me an HIV scare and everything was accidental, now all his superhero movies and professional wrestling humiliation ritual photos and videos look downright disgusting like he's a psychopath and a bully.

Post 05:

Let's be real, what happened to me is more like the novel Killing Mr. Griffin by, Lois Duncan than a negligent accident. Psychopaths were playing a cruel prank on me that went haywire and I metaphorically died. Now the people who feel empathy feel extremely guilty about it.

Post 06:

It was no accident. My parents are sexual sadists who INTENTIONALLY gave me the HIV scare. It was cold, calculated, and planned, they're MONSTERS who deserve to be in jail for metaphoric rape and attempted murder because that is EXACTLY WHAT THEY DID AND WERE DOING.

Post 07:

INTENTIONALLY giving somebody an HIV scare and making them a virgin sacrifice is NOT hot or sexy, I can't think of what my parents and Kelly's intentions were besides sadistic torture, to make me FEEL HIV POSITIVE, like a metaphoric rape. That's what their goal was.

Post 08:

If it was an accident, I'm sorry it happened. However, you never apologized to me for your part. Maybe you don't feel responsible in any way and blame it all on me. Fair enough. I love you and want the truth. Maybe you said it. You said it was an accident but I don't believe you.

Some Posts (03 26 2023) - 2

Post 01:

It's true. They INTENTIONALLY gave me an HIV scare to SADISTICALLY TORTURE ME. Now they're trying to figure out how to quickly and effectively gaslight me to calm me down. But I really SHOULD be enraged at what they've done to me. They're just lying to and victim-blaming me.

Post 02:

They know it's bad. I know it's bad. The worst part is I'm not delusional. They want to hospitalize and medicate me based on facts because they're afraid I'm going to fly into a rage - as I should. So they lie to me.

Post 03:

As they say, ignorance is bliss because while I suspect and pretty much know it's true, everyone still continues to lie. You can't react to a suspicion. Though, I know it's true. It's not a delusion.

Post 04:

I am SO ANGRY. I've HAD ENOUGH! I need to calm down because I don't want to do something self-destructive that I'll later regret. If anybody can help and love me - it'd be GREATLY APPRECIATED. I feel so frustrated and unloved.

Post 05:

Stop with your Nazi narrative about me. You're sexual sadists and psychopaths who were intentionally torturing me for 35 years. Now I'm boiling with rage. But I actually am an empathetic, good person at heart, I'm just completely fed up. They're actually the monsters.

Post 06:

They are psychopaths, who intentionally tortured me, and they deserve to be in jail. They'll try to allege the abuse victim, me, is the self-righteous terrorist, but that's BULLSHIT! I'm more like Elizabeth Smart and they know it.

Some Posts (03 26 2023)

Post 01:

I don't know the story, but I think Oje Hart is actually my teammate, and has been for years - I just didn't know it.

Post 02:

If I can genuinely believe you never had nefarious intentions I'll be SO HAPPY. Even though I got hurt, if you always GENUINELY loved and wanted to help me, everything will be forgiven.

Post 03:

I don't know who was partying and having fun in 2011, but my father was recognizing real life and a tragedy happening in front of his eyes. They either didn't see it or care at the time. They only cared after it was too late and I metaphorically died. Now they feel guilty.

Post 04:

Nothing matters anymore to me. If anyone cares about me, they'll feel the exact same way. Who cares about some comedy radio show or "masterpiece" movie when someone you love has "died"?

Post 05:

I'm afraid I might be dying from something like cancer. I think everyone suspects it too.

Post 06:

I was pretty cool back then too. Or at least I was myself back then. I remember an older man I worked with telling me a lot of the kids have inflated egos, are having fun, and are too young to appreciate me now but he could see I was cool and synced different than everyone else.

Post 07:

They were mocking me, treating me like I wasn't a human being, turning me into a laughing stock, and watched me metaphorically die... Now I'm Mr. Suave and Mr. Cool. I've completely done a 180 as an artist and as a person. Now everyone wants to be my friend because I'm badass.

Post 08:

The people they THOUGHT were cooler and better than me have disappeared, or have exposed themselves as not being that talented, and me, who they let die while critcizing is the one who remains.

Post 09:

I don't know why people loved to bully and criticize me, maybe because I was quirky and unusual, but then I metaphorically died. The jokes from 2017 aren't really funny anymore. All that content is ruined by the horrible tragedy.

June 25, 2011

June 25, 2011: