Some Posts (09 29 2022 - 09 30 2022)

September 29, 2022:

Post 01:

To be perfectly honest, I don't feel loved by you anymore. Maybe it's time I stop daydreaming about an ex-girlfriend and move on too. I should've accepted it was over months ago. We're still friends and on good terms. It's time to close the book. It's over. Don't look back.

Post 02:

I'm screwed. It doesn't even matter anymore. I can blame family and friends for neglecting me while I metaphorically became sick. But it was nobody's responsibility to live my life for me besides me. I did it to myself. Now I'm certain the end is near. Just be resigned to my fate

Post 03:

I've never seen or read the play Waiting For Godot by, Samuel Beckett... But I know the concept. They wait for someone who never comes. It becomes absurd because Godot never arrives. It's kinda like what I'm doing according to psychiatrists - I'm waiting for someone to save me.

Post 04:

I'm talking to an internet stranger. To be perfectly honest, I have theories he isn't who he says he is... I think he's really an undercover billionaire, or somebody who bullied me in my childhood, or an ex-girlfriend. Accept he's just some stranger I recently met.

Post 05:

I'm completely serious... I need help badly and nobody is helping me. I can't expect people who prove time and time again they're incapable of helping me, or people who've moved on, to do something. I'm in so much pain and I just want to feel happiness and love. Someone save me.

Post 06:

My ex-girlfriend wants to stop texting... I like texting her everyday. I'm lonely and she's my only friend. But if she truly want me to stop I need to. She sent a message that is saying for me to do that in a nice way.

September 30, 2022:

Post 01:

In all seriousness, bun bun. It's time for the Grease (movie), Sandy reveal ending. This has gone on for too long.

Post 02:

I hope I have helped you get over your trauma and reignited your flame. I want you smiling and happy. You did help me, but sadly, I have fallen again. I need your help.

Post 03:

We're in love, bun bun. You know it. I know it. I don't believe your nasty texts. I don't believe you've moved on. Treat me kindly. Treat me with love. Let the fun begin. It's time to become rich and famous movie stars. A year deprived of your friendship was too much. I miss you.

Post 04:

My parents are liars. They're psychopaths. Who tortured me. They've probably given me cancer. I've had ENOUGH!

Post 05:

Dammit, I just put another hole in the apartment wall by throwing a spoon across the room at the wall. It's not too bad. With a little spackle, it can easily be fixed. I hope it doesn't lead to a fight with my mother and stepfather. They don't empathize with the suffering.

Artwork (09 29 2022)

I'm An Angelic Bunny, 666, Reject Satan (09 29 2022):

I SUSPECT, Daydream Becoming Real, Delusional (09 29 2022):

I Should Be A Billionaire, Give Me Freedom (09 29 2022):

I Wasted So Much Time (09 29 2022):

Green Bunny, Origin Story (My Moms Coloring) (09 29 2022)

Green Bunny, Origin Story (My Moms Coloring) (09 29 2022):

Think Fast, Run Fast (My Dads Coloring) (09 29 2022)

Think Fast, Run Fast (My Dads Coloring) (09 29 2022):

Some Posts (09 28 2022 - 09 29 2022)

September 28, 2022:

Post 01:

Okay. Calm down. Zen. Everything's okay.

Post 02:

If my ex-girlfriend really was a sugar baby to a billionaire. Congratulations, you went from the richest man in the world to Andrew. Don't sell myself short. I have a feeling I'm going to have a pretty noteworthy Wikipedia page soon. She was involved with some interesting men.

Post 03:

I seriously think my mother poisoned my food last night with something like dish soap because the EoE and acid reflux is so bad today.

Post 04:

On a "I have no idea why this is happening" note, the EoE and severe acid reflux is getting bad again. It seemed to be getting better, now it's not. What's the problem? I have no clue. But it's torturous and sucks. It's time to go back to the gastrologist.

Post 05:

END THIS NOW. IT'S BULLSHIT. I SHOULD BE A FUCKING BILLIONAIRE RIGHT THIS SECOND.

Post 06:

CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE ME FREEDOM NOW?

Post 07:

FUCKING END THIS HELL. MAKE ME RICH AND FAMOUS RIGHT NOW. I KNOW THERE'S IMPORTANT PEOPLE WATCHING.

Post 08:

Just listen to the ex-girlfriend. If she wants to meet in NYC... As you wish my love.

Post 09:

I have a feeling when my ex-girlfriend returns I'm going to be a pretty happy guy. After the years of pain and suffering, it'll feel like I'm living in paradise. I don't need anything too complex. I'm a simple guy. Just a little love, financial independence, and some nice things.

Post 10:

I'm now able to see I was getting delusional with the ex-girlfriend was a billionaire's sugar baby daydreams. She wasn't.

I had lots of real world fun and love with her. Remember that. Don't let delusions overtake my image of her. She's a wonderful person who I miss a lot.

Post 11:

Although my ex-girlfriend says she's moved on to another guy, for some reason, I don't believe it. I feel she still loves me. Maybe except reality for what it is. Take things at face value. Her new relationship is not a facade. She's not still in love with me. It's a delusion.

Post 12:

You obviously look great... But you also have a great personality. You're the sweetest. You're brilliant. We're enmeshed, in synchronicity, empathize, love hugging, cuddling. I couldn't have a more perfect girlfriend for me. I'm a lucky guy. Too bad I wasted a lot of time lonely.

September 29, 2022:

Post 01:

Dr Natural said: "The word SUSPECT in your mental dictionary means DAYDREAM BECOMING REAL.

As I said in our session, I would welcome a 4 panel of "rational Andrew" offering some advice to "daydreaming delusional" Andrew that ends in the catch phrase  "At the end of the day..""

Post 02:

Here's an example of this. I say, "I SUSPECT a famous rockstar is really my biological father." Then I start the cite facts that prove to myself how this is absurd. Then I say, at the end of the day I know it can't be true because my parents have never been to England.

Post 03:

Even though "rational Andrew" is offering advice to "daydreaming delusional Andrew", down deep I still want to believe my daydream because my life is emptiness and extreme sadness. Daydreaming I'm about to become rich and famous is the source of my self-esteem, but it's not real.

Some Posts (09 27 2022 - 09 28 2022)

September 27, 2022:

Post 01:

To be honest, I'm having some problems at home. I'm not doing anything wrong. My mom is screaming and shouting at me. Trying to control me. Trying to incite me to react. I need financial freedom and to get away from her. She's so abusive.

Post 02:

END THIS FACADE NOW AND MAKE ME KING! MY ARTWORK IS GENIUS! I can't take my mother's torture and abuse anymore. I can't take her atrocious dinner. I can't take the solitude. Somebody, save me. Give me a good life. I'm so done with this HELLHOLE!

September 28, 2022:

Temper Tantrum Posts:

Post 01:

Enough is enough, END THIS NOW!

Post 02:

I'm sure you've all given me cancer from leaving me in complete solitude for YEARS. I'm totally dead. Time is totally running out for me. This is not funny. Let's get me on Hollywood cameras TODAY.

Post 03:

SOMEBODY FUCKING HELP ME. ENOUGH IS A FUCKING ENOUGH.

Post 04:

FUCK YOU ALL!!!!

Post 05:

YOU'VE ALL TOTALLY FUCKING KILLED ME. IT'S NOT FUNNY. I'M SO SCREWED. YOU'RE EVIL MONSTERS. THANKS FOR RUINING MY LIFE.

Post 06:

I'VE EXPERIENCED SUCH HORROR THAT NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE. NOBODY IMPRESSES ME EITHER. I'M TOTALLY DEAD. I'M FUCKING FED UP. FUCK YOU ALL. I HATE YOU. FUCK YOU, SHITHEADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Post 07:

THEY'RE FUCKING SADISTIC MONSTERS WHO GOT OFF ON TORTURING ME. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO. ON ONE HAND, I WANT REVENGE FOR THE YEARS OF HELL THEY PUT ME THROUGH - LIKE THEM IN FEDERAL PRISON. ON THE OTHER HAND, I WANT A GOOD LIFE AND LOVE. SOMEBODY HELP ME NOW. END THIS!

Ex-Girlfriend Posts

Post 01:

My ex-girlfriend was one of the badest bitches on the planet (in a good way), but she genuinely loves me... I thought we were having innocent, wholesome, bunny fun... But nah, she's interested in making us insanely powerful. She was about my age.

Post 02:

My ex-girlfriend was a billionaire's sugar baby in college, though. So there's that. I'm not happy about it because I was wasting my life in solitude and didn't have fun.

Remind myself these are all daydreaming overtaking who she actually is. I had real-world fun with her.

Artwork (09 27 2022)

Solitary Fantasyland (09 27 2022):

Genius-Level Masterpieces, Waiting For Godot (09 27 2022):

My Family Of Friends (My Dads Coloring) (09 27 2022)

My Family Of Friends (My Dads Coloring) (09 27 2022):

Some Posts (09 26 2022 - 09 27 2022)

September 26, 2022:

Post 01:

I feel like a professional wrestler who is about to shockingly and spontaneously die in the prime of his career. It's like you're witnessing some of my final matches... But don't realize it yet. In the future, these videos will be labeled "the final matches of Cell Waters."

Post 02:

My ex-girlfriend and I will be swingers. I'll be like Austin Powers, we'll have plenty of sex, plenty of fun... Still, it peeves me she was a billionaires sugar baby prior to meeting me. Also, my lost time really sucks. Everyone else was living life.

Post 03:

I really did lose a lot of weight. A few months ago those camouflage pants were way too tight on me, now they fit like the perfect pair of pants. Hopefully, it's from coming down on the psychiatric medications and not cancer.

Post 04:

Sometimes you can barely know somebody but can sense their good vibrations and tell they're a good person. Other times, you can tell somebody is sketchy and nefarious. Trust your intuition about people. It rarely lies. Or maybe I just have good intuition about who's good and bad.

September 27, 2022:

Post 01:

At this point, it's impossible to do any better. So I guess I'll continue to create masterpiece, after masterpiece, after masterpiece until something happens. Eventually somebody will have to acknowledge how brilliant I am.

Post 02:

Back in the day, people loved to underestimate me. They thought I was ordinary. Some people saw my power level... Sadly, I proceeded to waste 15 years waiting to Godot to rescue me, to make me rich and famous. I'm probably sick and dying from years of living in hell. Too bad!

Post 03:

People can't even deny my worth anymore. I create genius level masterpieces daily. To people who saw my brilliance when I was young - thank you. To people who wanted to think of me as ordinary - you were so wrong about me. I have a feeling my life is over - but I proved my worth.

Post 04:

I'm now aware the woman I had the internet chat with was likely a family member of yours. I notice you disappeared from my life shortly after. Sorry for "cheating". Though, it was just texts. You were lying to me too. Maybe it's time we reunite, be honest, loyal best friends.

Post 05:

I realize we're soulmates, love each other, you've done a tremendous thing for me. Thank you. Love you... But I should just reject you because you were a billionaire's sugar baby, and start dating 21 year old models instead. Lol.

Post 06:

Obviously you made a major mistake in your past. It peeves me how I was wasting my life while the fun was going on... Try to remember all the fun and love we had with one another. My time spent with you were the best times of my life. I won't be enmeshed with a 21 year old model.

Post 07:

I wish you were upfront about being a billionaire's sugar baby because now I'm attached to you. It hurts knowing the truth about your past because I was wasting my life. I feel lied to, like a laughing stock, humiliated. I want to date you again, but clearly don't like it.

Post 08:

Maybe I could date some 21 year old model with little dating experience. I obviously wouldn't have the enmeshed, synchronicity, true love connection with her. But she wouldn't have been a billionaire's sugar baby. :P

Post 09:

Dr. Natural said: "it is sad that your daydream mind, in its fearful imaginings, is corrupted one of the best memories you have had of life in the real world in years - your time with your ex-girlfriend. You write "I am beginning to suspect...."  which means my daydream world is starting to drift over into what I consider reality."

Ex-Girlfriend And The Billionaire Posts (09 26 2022)

Post 01:

Come on, stop torturing me, let's end this and enjoy life.

Post 02:

This really isn't funny anymore. My brain is in excruciating pain. Please help me.

Post 03:

My ex-girlfriend and the billionaire were getting off on me being a naive manchild, while she and I were calling each other wholesome llamas and bunnies. I literally had no clue. I know I'm about to have an experience literally nobody has. But my lost time is seriously sad stuff.

Post 04:

If we end the solitary suffering as soon as possible, I should probably thank you because you made me an iconic artist, that's not to say I didn't work hard... Please stop being mean now. Treat me kindly. It's time to enjoy and have fun. I wasted enough time already.

Post 05:

I do feel lied to. I also feel like everybody was having fun, while I was in hell. But for somebody who has missed out on most of my childhood fun, you gave me something very special. So thank you for that. You are always very kind to me, even though I didn't know the truth.

Post 06:

I had hardly any fun with women, hardly any fun in general, but it's not your fault. I can't be angry at the world that everybody was living life and having fun besides me. I wasted my best years sick. Life's not fair. Thank you for the special experience you're about to give me.

Some Posts (09 25 2022)

Post 01:

A lot of people worry they upset me, but they haven't even slightly. Believe it or not, I'm pretty chill. It takes a lot to upset me.

Try not to upset Mr. Always smiling and never angry... Because when Mr never frown has had enough, you might see a scary side to his personality.

Post 02:

Don't drive someone to the point where they're forced to bring out their ugly side. Frankly, my mental health probably couldn't handle an over-the-top horrific betrayal from somebody who I thought loved me. It would DEVASTATE ME and would drive me insane.

Post 03:

I'm talking about a sadistic and intentional betrayal, not somebody slightly upsetting you or a delusion, like what the bullies did to me in middle and high school. They knew exactly what they were doing, it was calculated meanness with the goal of hurting me.

Post 04:

It's more than a little upsetting knowing everybody was out living life while I was in a solitary fantasyland. I did it to myself. I can't be angry at everybody else for living life and having fun. It certainly stings, though, because I wasn't having fun. I was in HELL!

Post 05:

I'm getting excruciating headaches lately. I really need socialization. It's my responsibility to socialize and live in the real world. Nobody is coming to rescue me.

Post 06:

I do have comedy friends I can go out with now. I'm isolating myself. So when I get down, remember they're opportunities. I choose to waste them in solitude. Then get sad I have no friends.

Post 07:

Maybe I feel sad and empty around people and would rather be alone. But it's unnatural and unhealthy to be alone. Humans are meant to interact.

Post 08:

It's like the song I Just Wasn't Made For These Times by The Beach Boys, I'm too advanced, don't relate to anyone or anything. Brian Wilson had schizoaffective disorder and spent like 10 years in his bedroom. Though, he was probably using a lot of drugs. At least I'm sober.

Post 09:

I'm completely crazy to even without anything impairing me, now imagine adding drugs and alcohol. That would probably be the recipe for something catastrophic to happen. Never choose to start. Say no to drugs. It'll only lead to major problems.

Post 10:

My mother used to shame us if there was alcohol in the house. She forbid us from drinking. She instilled a real shame too. I can't even go into an alcohol shop without feeling like I'm doing something naughty. I feel like the person behind the counter is looking at me funny.

Post 11:

It's definitely unpleasant walking past a homeless, drug addict in NYC. It's obviously sad. But also scary. Don't want to get bitten or attacked by them. I give off vulnerable tourist vibes.

You gotta act tough like if you mess with me it'll be a problem for YOU!

Post 12:

I don't give off the tough and confident attitude in NYC. I give off anxious, dear caught in headlights, a handsome tourist from the suburbs vibes. They assume I have money and target me because of it, which is why I hate going to NYC.

Post 13:

I have a very good friend who lives in NYC. I love her and enjoy our time together. But if I could avoid going into NYC altogether - I would. I have only been in NYC once in 2022, and not sad about it. I'm sad I haven't had fun with her - but not sad about not being in the city.

Post 14:

I guarantee the next time I go into NYC I'll get murdered by a criminal. I'll die doing something I was afraid to do, to begin with.

Some Posts (09 24 2022 - 09 25 2022)

September 24, 2022:

Post 01:

It's totally over for me. I'm so screwed.

I'm gonna be dead soon from cancer, I just know it... Plus I don't relate to anyone anymore. It was just an absurd life of solitude, waiting for Godot, he never arrived... A lifetime of feeling unloved. What was my life? Ya know?

Post 02:

Even if I died, I did create some cool artwork. I think I'm very frustrated and want to be loved by a girlfriend. Meeting a cute girlfriend who legitimately liked me would make me feel a lot less sad.

Post 03:

Some women can make schizophrenia worse. Though, love and companionship, the right woman is actually good. Socialization is important in mental health recovery. Right now I'm daydreaming about a delicious meal. If you want to eat your favorite food, you need to go out and get it.

Post 04:

I have too high expectations when it comes to dating. If I have no interest in someone, I don't give them the time of day. Beggars can't be choosers. I'm very frustrated. I would rather the right woman, not a desperation fleeting relationship. The right relationship never comes.

Post 05:

I felt loved by you and don't believe your feelings for me have changed - maybe I need to accept they have. You're not planning to return. I must move on too. It's too bad if this is the end. My time with you felt very good. Maybe it was over months ago. We're like strangers now

Post 06:

I just want to feel that beautiful love again. Life is fleeting, people move on, your can't make somebody love you. It's bittersweet thinking back to our good times. While they were some of the best experiences of my life, now they're practically over. I wish they weren't over.

Post 07:

I'm not looking to sabotage any new relationships of yours. I'm a good guy. If your new relationship is for real and you're happier with him - then I wish you both the best. But I think you haven't truly moved on and the relationship is a farce - it's a delusion. Accept reality.

September 25, 2022:

Post 01:

One thing I proved to myself is that a comic genius when I want to be. Most people struggle to come up with one or two good jokes and there delivery on them is ok. I come up with like ten epic jokes a day and deliver it with natural, epic, comedic timing. I should be getting paid

Post 02:

You told me if I ever needed you, I could count on you. I badly need help, but I don't see you doing anything, I need to remind myself maybe you're doing things I'm not even aware of. Because I know who you are. You're an incredible amazing person. I trust you're doing something.

Post 03:

Yes, she was a billionaires sugar baby.

Back in 2009, a psychopath was leading me to believe we'd get famous together through social media posts, but he was secretly getting ready to betray me (probably leading to me going to jail).

And guess who saved me without telling me?

Some Posts (09 23 2022 - 09 24 2022)

September 23, 2022:

Post 01:

I have a friend who lives in NYC and I want to see her. I'm scared of NYC. Maybe I need to remind myself the fear is irrational. But I'm still afraid. I guess I'm not a city person and she is.

Post 02:

My mom and stepdad are terrified of NYC too. So I don't think it's as uncommon of a fear as she thinks. She's just used to it since she lives there. Some people just aren't city people. Though, I agree anxiety shrinks my world. It's important to live life and be in the real world

Post 03:

I feel I'm becoming strangers with this friend in a way. Though, I'll always love her for giving me some is the best experiences of my life.

Maybe I need to swallow my pride, face the fear, and go into NYC. If I wait for her to come to me on Long Island I'll be waiting for Godot

Post 04:

I really need help from somebody. This is not funny. I'm in such pain that I feel like crying and screaming. I don't know where to go. It feels like there's no one to turn to. I don't relate to anyone or anything. Somebody please be kind to me because I desperately need a friend.

September 24, 2022:

Post 01:

So you're thinking about dropping the atomic bomb and revealing the truth to me about what you did with no gaslighting and lies?! I DARE YOU TO! If I fly into a rage after learning my entire existence was a lie even I don't know what I'm capable of, but I'm totally going to snap.

Post 02:

At this point in my life, not a lot can break my heart. I'm a little cold. However, if I found out we weren't best friends anymore, that would devastate me. I let you in. Warmed up to you. Trusted you. I still love you so much. I know we're on each other's team for life.

Post 03:

I haven't seen you in a long time. Not only do I still consider you my best friend, you're my only friend, and the only person who understands me. I like to daydream you're pretending to no longer care about me, but in secret, you're planning to surprise me in a big way soon.

Post 04:

I know Dr Natural will say I'm falsifying the relationship, but I STRONGLY SUSPECT my ex-girlfriend is my age, was a billionaires sugar baby when she was in college (like 19 years old)... everyone I interacted with on the internet was being controlled by her and the billionaire.

Post 05:

Even though I'm being led to believe the billionaire doesn't think he's above me, empathizes, it stings knowing everybody was out living life, having fun, socializing with the opposite gender. While I wasted my whole life in a solitary psychosis daydream world. Life's not fair.

Post 06:

I seriously think this is real. Remind myself it's DELUSIONS. I'm daydreaming I'm about to get success because I'm sad, lonely, alone in my head, and daydreams are the source of my self-esteem. I had real world fun with my ex-girlfriend. Don't lose touch with who she actually is.

Post 07:

A good doctor can make a tremendous difference. Not all doctors are the same. Sadly, it's the people in the psychiatric hospitals and recovery groups who need the expensive docs. But they can't afford them, many are near homeless and are so ill they can barely function.

Post 08:

Public doctors - the ones the poor get at psychiatric hospitals and recovery groups usually suck and don't listen to you. They treat everybody exactly the same.

If you pay a private doctor a lot of money, they'll treat you more like a human.

Post 09:

Neurotic millionaire housewives get excellent psychiatrists. So they can get their Xanax prescription. Because they felt afraid going to Dunkin' Donuts. Actually, millionaires don't drink Dunkin Donuts. You get my point, people who NEED the best get trash cuz they have no money.

Post 10:

I'm just so sad. I don't even know what to say. Sad about the lost time. Sad about the solitude. Just sad. I proceeded to waste my best years in hell. I'm sure it's killed me. I'll totally gonna get a cancer diagnosis soon.

Post 11:

There's no medical evidence I have cancer yet, it's just hypochondria at the moment. Though, bad mental health is deadlier than smoking. I had a horrible diet. I'm sure I'm screwed.

St. Valentine's Day Massacre

The St. Valentine's Day Massacre 1999 theme song and artwork is pretty badass. Vince McMahon is usually pretty light-hearted, but he looks legitimately scary here and obsessed with vengeance. 

Some Posts (09 23 2022)

Post 01:

You look very nice when you wear a suit but it's a lot of work to wear. Occasionally you'll have to though, for like business and weddings. I'm a jeans and shirt kind of guy.

Post 02:

...now I'm starting to get the daydream my ex-girlfriend really was a billionaires sugar baby prior to meeting me. Like Dr. Natural said accept the relationship for what it was. Don't falsify what happened by daydreaming.

Post 03:

It seems like it might be going viral on TikTok. First off, I don't believe I'm going to become rich and famous from it even though I'm daydreaming I already am. Secondly, I'm so dead inside from a lifetime of pain and suffering that I don't even care. 5 years ago I would've.

Post 04:

I feel sick in my stomach again. I think it's EoE. It's like I have the "stomach virus" from a few weeks ago all over again. I'm not really sure what's even causing it. I just feel so sick. Really need to make an appointment with the gastrologist again.

Post 05:

I feel so sick. I think I'm dying. So why is everybody allowing me to just waste my life solitary? Pour my life down the drain. Time could be running out for me. Let's get me in movies as soon as possible. Dream best friends, what are you waiting for? For me to be in the coffin?

Post 06:

I need to remind myself, there are no dream best friends who are watching me pour my life down the drain. Nobody is coming to rescue me. I'm not about to be a rich and famous movie star. My life has been solitude with hardly any friends. I'm wasting my life waiting for Godot.

Post 07:

I know everybody is concerned about my mental health challenges, but my life has been pain and suffering. Solitude. Hardly any pleasure and fun. Now I could be dying. I'm an amazing performer. Let's get me in movies TONIGHT - as soon as possible - before I'm off the planet dead.

Post 08:

While waiting for somebody to come and save me, to make me a rich and famous superstar. I'm actually waiting for Godot. I'm going to be waiting forever. Eventually, something will happen, when my mom stops enabling this solitary Fantasyland. For now, I'm simply wasting my life.

Some Posts (09 22 2022)

Post 01:

Some people say I look young. I'm actually 35 years old. I have a babyface still. I always looked young for my age. I'm not saying stress doesn't age you... it does. Believe me, I was under a lot of stress and still look young. But yeah, I should look 1,000,000 years old.

Post 02:

I have Schizoaffective disorder... But what is a label? Treat the trauma, and symptoms, listen and understand. Humanize mental illness, not slap label on them, call them defective. Listen to what they're saying. Try to understand what they actually mean.

Post 03:

It's so easy to say "he's schizophrenic. He's insane", and not listen to the trauma that caused the mental health injury. Unfortunately, so many people don't get doctors they connect with. But yeah, trauma is what caused this illness.

Post 04:

People ask me "when did I develop Schizoaffective disorder"? Probably high school, 2005 ish... But was OFFICIALLY hospitalized in 2011.

Post 05:

I think my biggest problem is isolation and blurring fantasy and reality (delusions).

Bullying led to me getting isolated.

Then I began living in daydreams.

Post 06:

When you haven't been interacting in the real world, it's hard. People will look at you like you're different. But they're cool people out there. Some probably suffered just as bad, if not worse. You might even love them... But you won't find lost souls by sitting alone at home.

Post 07:

I guess you can find friends on social media. But internet friends aren't the same as real-life, real-world friendships.

Post 08:

I get the rich and famous positive delusions...

Then the sadistic persecutor negative delusions...

But even the "positive" delusions interfere with functioning. Why would you want to live in the real world and get a realistic job when you think you should be a movie star?

Post 09:

I do want to recover, meet a girlfriend, get a life, and have independence... I'm not happy. I'm miserable.

Post 10:

I'm trying to come off of all my psychiatric medications. I was on a mega regimen for like a decade. Earlier this year, I started reducing it significantly. I'm trying to come off everything. Recover from Schizoaffective disorder without the use of psychiatric medications.

Post 11:

There are so many adverse side effects of psychiatric medications. Believe me, I was taking everything. It sucks. Sorry if you have to go through that too.

Post 12:

I've never been much of a car guy. Mine is an old beat-up Honda Civic from 2012. But a lot of people love cars.

I actually hate driving. It causes anxiety for me.

Dr. Natural's reply to me

Here is Dr. Natural's reply to me:

Andrew

It is sad for me to see you troubled in this way.  With enough imagination, anyone can draw a connecting line (a metaphorical line) between any two points in the universe.  That doesn't mean those two points specify reality.  As we have discussed, when something your mother says triggers YOUR IMAGINATION you start daydreaming she is Satan or the like, and then you cannot tell the difference between imagination, daydream, and reality.  You regard yourself as higher functioning than anyone in the residence program, and in some ways, you are likely to be but in this particular regard, the way your daydreams become reality, you are lower functioning than many folks who can tell the difference between their daydreams and reality.  Daydreams becoming reality is a serious practical impairment, which damages not only your relationship with your mother, but it has begun to erode and falsify your real relationship with (your ex-girlfriend).  That is sad too.  Your time with (your ex-girlfriend) was one of the better things that has happened to you in many years.  Your imagination is now starting to pull those memories apart, making her into someone she is not.  When you do that you lose connection with the good in your life.   

My Mother's Gaslighting And Torture

Post 01:

My mother was talking about a gaslighting relationship in metaphors. It CLEARLY had a double meaning. She was confessing how she tortured me. basically, she said how the boyfriend was abusing this girl, but when she talked to police and psychiatrists, she BLAMED HERSELF.

Post 02:

The reality was the woman was a victim of a psychopath. Police and psychiatrists should've been trained to spot the abuser controlling her narrative. Then the boyfriend wound up murdering her. It's crystal clear NOW how she was the victim of his torture and gaslighting.

Post 03:

Although it was obvious my mother was confessing in metaphors. When I started to get triggered by her confession. She began gaslighting me. Asking, "what's the matter, Andrew? You seem angry." My mother was torturing me, trying to give me cancer with unnecessary medications.

Artwork (09 22 2022)

Hard Work (09 22 2022):

Dependency On Parents, Secret Admirer Fantasy, Nobody Is Coming To Rescue Me (09 22 2022):

Green Bunny, Sadistic Deceiver, Heel Turn (My Moms Coloring) (09 22 2022)

Green Bunny, Sadistic Deceiver, Heel Turn (My Moms Coloring) (09 22 2022):

Some Posts (09 20 2022 - 09 22 2022)

September 20, 2022:

Post 01:

I might look "high", but the reality is I'm just reducing my psychiatric medications. Two or three nights ago I reduced invega to 1.5 mg - that's all I'm on - soon I'll be off of everything entirely. I've never had a drug or alcohol problem. If anything, I'm even more natural now

Post 02:

Based on how I've described her to him, I get the impression my psychiatrist likes my ex-girlfriend and thinks she's a good person. I very much agree. It's a shame things didn't work out between us, but such is life.

Post 03:

Frankly, who cares what my father thinks of me. He's an ugly, old, fat slob. I'm so much cooler than he ever was. Down deep, although he'll never admit it, he knows what a pathetic loser he is.

Post 04:

My parents were abusing me, depriving me of a life, and getting sadistic pleasure from my suffering. Were gaslighting me, controlling my narrative to the psychopharmacologist, forcing me to that a mega regimen of psychiatric medications I didn't need, didn't care if it killed me.

Post 05:

My parents should be in JAIL right this second for TORTURING ME beyond your wildest imagination. Sadly, I'll never be able to prove the pain and suffering my parents put me through. I'll sound like the "crazy" one... The reality is they should be in prison for rest of their life.

Post 06:

I think my father, Robert Koloski, allowed me to get gang raped in my childhood. Now he tells me to be careful as if anything that could happen to me would be worse than what he did. His crime was unimaginably horrific. He should've been in jail for his whole life DECADES AGO.

September 21, 2022:

Post 01:

Even if my father, Robert Koloski, is responsible for torturing me and getting raped in my childhood, I cannot prove it. In court it'd just be my word against his. Also, I don't have a clear memory. I'd sound crazy. Relax. Remind myself nothing happened.

Post 02:

My parents, Christine North and Robert Koloski, are liars. They're pedophiles who got sadistic pleasure from raping and torturing me as a child. They were trying to murder me with the unnecessary psychiatric medications. They put me through unimaginable torture.

Post 03:

What do you think about Vladimir Putin threatening to use nuclear weapons. He's totally going to do it. Everyone thought he was bluffing about Ukraine war to begin with. Sure enough, he invaded.

Post 04:

Putin isn't sane and appears suicidal too. He's desperate. He doesn't care if he dies. He literally said "I'm not bluffing" about using nuclear weapons. I personally believe he's not bluffing. It's only a matter of time before it happens.

Post 05:

I think Green Bunny is a funny concept for a buffoon superhero movie, making fun of the absurdity of Marvel. I could play the live-action Green Bunny. Major motion picture companies give me a call. This has the potential to be very funny.

Post 06:

As great as my artwork has been this year, I really haven't been having fun. If there's a woman who wants to socialize with me regularly, we don't even need to be soulmates, just friends... But I really want to have a little fun. I more than deserve to. I have to MEET SOMEONE.

Post 07:

This dependency on my parents, with no friends or life never should've happened, it should've ended the moment it began... But it did happen. What better time than now to meet a girlfriend and have financial freedom? What are they waiting for?! Literally reach out to me TONIGHT!

Post 08:

Although I really want to believe there's a secret admirer out there who is watching me, the evidence is my posts are going into a void, I'm pouring my life down the drain. Nobody is coming to rescue me. If I want a life, create one. Right now I'm waiting for Godot.

Post 09:

Something flew into my eye when I was walking towards the gym doors tonight, it irritated my eye and blurred my vision. I was getting paranoid it was an HIV sniper. They're HIV assassinating me because they know about to become a billionaire movie star soon. But that's delusional

Post 10:

Frankly, if someone wanted to assassinate me they'd literally kill me, not snipe HIV into my eye. The same is true for psychopaths, if they wanted to harm me, they'll literally punch me in the face, not try to contaminate me in a comedically absurd way on the sly.

Post 11:

Before you cry how life's not fair and ask yourself: "Why does Andrew get success?" I worked my ass off, with Marine-like intensity, trained to get myself in perfect fighting shape, and my hard work will pay off. Pick something you're good at and work hard at it. It's that simple

September 22, 2022:

Post 01:

I want a badass girlfriend. I've been single for too long. I want to be in a relationship with a woman who is like my best friend... If she's beautiful, loving, and like my best friend that's badass to me.

Post 02:

If you're in college and not dating, you'll meet someone. I didn't start dating until I was 24 years old. For most of my life, I haven't had friends or girlfriends. It doesn't matter.

Post 03:

I think human beings are social animals who are meant to interact. It's unnatural to be solitary. That's the key to madness.

September 21, 2022

September 21, 2022:

Some Posts (09 19 2022 - 09 20 2022)

September 19, 2022:

Post 01:

I actually did not write the lyrics to Pete O'File. It may or may not have been Ed who wrote it. He gave me the lyrics to create a song around back in 2008/2009. The music and "no, Pete, no" onward is all me, though. Aside from this one, 99.999999% of the original songs I wrote.

Post 02:

The EoE and acid reflux has been bad for the past few days. I bought almonds from the supermarket to snack on. A THEORY I have, maybe I'm allergic to almonds. Maybe it's almonds that are causing the EoE.

Post 03:

In normal relationships, the obsessed boyfriend usually likes to take photos of his pretty girlfriend. In my relationships, my pretty girlfriends all take photos of me. I'm the one who poses for pictures... Maybe that's why everyone ran away. Maybe I need to take photos of THEM.

Post 04:

Some people have accused me of being evil. No, I reject evil. I'm an angelic little bunny with a heart of gold. :P

Post 05:

I went to a different TGI Fridays location and the steak was different than the location I'm used to going to. I figured it'd be exactly the same because it's a chain. But this steak was more tender. It wasn't bad. I'm daydreaming it was my father pranking me and feeding me rat.

Post 06:

Actually, the steak at this TGI Fridays location was significantly better. Don't daydream people are nefarious getting revenge. Maybe it was just a delicious steak, not my father having to get the upper hand on me because I was getting delusions about him. I'm safe and sound.

Post 07:

People assume I'm being a hypochondriac, but the truth is I'm not healthy. I'm totally going to get diagnosed with cancer in a year or so. There's no way I'm making it to old age. I want to. Frankly, I've just been too unhealthy for too long and it's going to catch up to me.

Post 08:

Some advice from an elder, you should try to have normal sleeping hours unless you did something significant. But if you're staying up all night and sleeping the day because you're in manic psychosis land - that's no good. Change it!

Post 09:

You should try to not start a bad habit because once you do, it's not always easy to change the bad habit. If you know something's not a good idea, you shouldn't make a habit of repeatedly doing it. Once you form the habit, it may become a tough thing to change.

Post 10:

I know you'll do the opposite of what I say or not care what I say, but you should really stop getting tattoos and use your natural hair color. Just my opinion. But you do you.

Post 11:

There was a time I thought Hot Topic superhero t-shirts were cool. A few years pass, now I know they're not. With the hair coloring, at least that's not permanent. Before you get a tattoo, make sure that's what you want to do because you'll have to live with it.

Post 12:

You might be going through a rebellious quarter life crisis phase. Before you make permanent decisions, remember you might regret it 5 years from now. In 2018, in my videos I was wearing Hot Topic shirts. It's so cringe-worthy. I now realize it's a mistake, but didn't at the time

September 20, 2022:

Post 01:

About my August 28th stand-up comedy performance. I hope you liked it. Though, I was very disappointed in it. All I could focus on was my rapid heart rate and shortness of breath at the beginning. I thought I was having a heart attack, seems like it was actually a panic attack.

Post 02:

Basically, I was so focused on my rapid heart rate and shortness of breath that I couldn't even concentrate on my jokes. Though, I was trying to. I think I recovered a little after the first or second joke. But yeah, a panic attack ruined that. Though, I knew my jokes and lines.

Post 03:

They're were these cute girls at the coffee shop, they were probably college age since it's mid-day on a school day, and they were out and driving around. One of them said about me "this guy is so cute." I'm 35 years old. They must've been like 20 years old. It made me feel good.

Some Posts (09 18 2022)

Post 01:

Say what you will about the 1997 film Titanic. Yes, it's very cheesy, but it LEGITIMATELY made me cry back in the day. It's rare for me to cry over a film.

Dear 02:

Dear FBI,

My parents, Robert Koloski and Christine North, were and still are trying to MURDER ME. It's no delusion. It's their gaslighting. And frankly, I'm probably going to get diagnosed with cancer soon, so they did successfully kill me while pretending they weren't.

Post 03:

My body. My choice.

When it came to the psychiatric medications, I had no choice... I was FORCED to take them. They've probably killed me.

Post 04:

For some reason, my Microsoft password isn't working. I spilled coffee on my keyboard this morning. So maybe it's broken. I'm afraid somebody is hacking and framing me for a crime. Relax. Buy a new keyboard tomorrow. It's MOST LIKELY a broken keyboard, not nefarious criminals.

Post 05:

I'm getting bad acid reflux again after eating my mother's atrocious dinner. Remember, she loves me. She is not poisoning me. SHe's not squirting something like dish soap into the pasta. If I don't trust her to cook for me withgout poisoning me... Then cook for myself. I'm 35!

Post 06:

I know I'm told it's "delusional" and that the reason I was prescribed the mega regimen of psychiatric medication to begin with, but I'm coming to the realization it's gaslighting. My parents really were running a pedophile ring in my childhood and I was the victim of it, sadly.

Post 07:

Then after sadistically torturing me in my childhood, when I became an adult, my parents kept me a child, deprived me of friends, girlfriends, money, independence, a life... Now I'll probably get cancer because of them and die after a life of pain and suffering. IT WAS MURDER!

Post 08:

Actually, what my parents did was worse than murder. It was HOLOCAUST-level torture. They create a facade they love me. The truth is they're sadistic monsters who were trying to torture me beyond your wildest imagination. They're as bad as the coldest serial killers.

Post 09:

Calm down. Let the delusions pass. Don't get overtaken with emotion. My parents love me. There's no danger at the moment. The danger is long ago from the bullies in my middle and high school years. I'm safe and sound at the moment. There's no MONSTER to be afraid of.

Post 10:

I'm sure I'm dead from my parents intentionally murdering me while creating the facade they weren't... And what did the best in the business at psychopharmacology do to save me? Nothing, he negligently listened to my mother's narrative. I'm sure he's given me cancer.

2000 (Andrew Middle School)

2000 (Andrew Middle School):

July 13, 2001 (AndrewMiddleSchoolWall)

July 13, 2001 (AndrewMiddleSchoolWall):

July 13, 2004 (Cruise 8)

July 13, 2004 (Cruise 8):

December 15, 2001 (Andrew And Shadow)

December 15, 2001 (Andrew And Shadow):

2006

 2006:

June 18, 2005 (Graduation)

June 18, 2005 (Graduation):

Cut In My Mouth, Chinese Food (09 16 2022)

Post 01:

Contamination fears question: is it ok to eat fast food if you have a cut in your mouth? My stepdad is about to order Chinese food, but I bit my lip during dinner yesterday. My lip is still irritated, sore, and open.

Post 02:

Although I have a big cut inside my mouth on my lip, my mom says it's okay to eat the Chinese food that we're getting for dinner. The heat from the food and wok would kill any potential contaminants. It's safe to eat fast food with an open cut in your mouth. Don't worry so much.

Post 03:

While eating the Chinese food you'll never guess what I did. I bit my lip again in the same spot I had the cut and completely reopened the sore. I ate all the Chinese food. I'm just going to kiss it up to God and not worry about contamination. But yeah, I reopened the wound.

Some Posts (09 16 2022 - 09 17 2022)

September 16, 2022:

Post 01:

I asked my psychopharmacologist who is the best in the business if he thinks I have autism because a friend suggested it, he said there's a lot of similarities between severe mental health challenges and autism, but he still thinks I have schizoaffective disorder and not autism.

Post 02:

I don't get visual or audio hallucinations. I get delusions. Basically, I daydream and the daydreams become real for me. When most people daydream they're able to tell their daydream isn't reality. For me, the line between fantasy and reality is blurred.

Post 03:

Daydreams are common. If you're able to tell you're daydreaming there's no problem. It's when you lose touch with reality and it becomes a delusion is when it becomes a problem.

Post 04:

Obviously, socialization and living in the real world would be so healthy for me. Because I have no life the source of my esteem is fantasy and daydreams. But if I had a life in the real world, I wouldn't need to comfort myself with daydreams as much.

Post 05:

I'm so screwed. I'm totally gonna get diagnosed with cancer soon. I'm sure of it. But whatever.

They just left me to waste my life. It's over for me. They just don't know it yet.

Post 06:

When I'm diagnosed with cancer in a year, in a perfect world, the people who allowed me to waste my life should be in jail for the rest of their life. Actually, they should be given cancer too. But obviously, the psychopaths won't face any consequences for what they did.

September 17, 2022:

Post 01:

If I become rich, I'm treating all of The Swell BoyZ, INCLUDING the infrequent member, to anything they want from the Buffalo Wild Wings menu. They can order EVERYTHING and I'll pay. You don't have to thank me. It's me showing how much I appreciate their friendship.

Post 02:

My comedy friends want me to go to a show in a town I'm unfamiliar with. I don't drive on the parkways and rarely travel far from my hometown. Basically, I just stay home all day long isolated. It might be good to push outside my comfort zone and find a way to get there.

Post 03:

Since we're living in the United States of America, my father couldn't act like Benito Mussolini... But if my father was a fascist dictator and had more power than he did, I would have totally wound up like Benito Albino Mussolini. That's not to say there aren't some parallels.

Post 04:

The only reason my father wants any involvement with me is that I'm going to be a tremendous success very soon. The Tom Brady quarterback of this group. When I was at rock bottom, could've died, and wound up homeless nobody was there. He certainly didn't care if I dropped dead.

Some Posts (09 15 2022 - 09 16 2022)

September 15, 2022:

Post 01:

You still are my best friend. Love you.

Post 02:

You're an amazing person. I'm very lucky I found you. I have a feeling when you return and the sun starts to shine again I'm gonna be a pretty happy guy. I'm just gonna enjoy the upcoming good times. Not take it for granted because my life has been a lot of suffering.

Post 03:

When I got a bagel this morning, I noticed the worker had cuts on her hand. They appeared scabbed over. So I didn't eat the bagel. She still handed me the change which I touched. I'm just trying not to worry. Kiss it up to God. But it really was upsetting for me.

Post 04:

They say lack of pleasure can cause cancer and heart disease. Remind myself nobody was INTENTIONALLY and SADISTICALLY depriving me of girlfriends to torture me. My chains were INTERNAL. If I am dying from my lifetime of solitude and suffering - it was my lack of social skills.

September 16, 2022:

Post 01:

It's my responsibility to create a life for myself, no one else's. I can cry beginning my friend to help me. If she does, it's a favor. She doesn't have to do it. She can leave me at rock bottom. It's my responsibility to climb out of the pit of misery and make myself successful.

Post 02:

I have a feeling I'm about to get very lucky... I'm going to have a rich rock and roll girlfriend, who has a heart of gold, is empathetic, and all class. I suspect I dated her but she was disguising herself. I'm gonna be so happy with my dream girlfriend. Life will get very good.

Post 03:

I love you, cutie. Miss you a lot. I'm sure we'll see each other again. We're destined to be together. I just hope it's sooner rather than later. The ball is in your court. You to choose when we see each other again.

Post 04:

You might be too good for me TBH. You're like a 10, have a great personality, are rich, you're a rockstar, and such a catch... I realize I'm pretty cool too in so many ways, but I have so many flaws. Your social media makes you look like perfection. I'm far from perfection. Lol.

Post 05:

I always found you attractive, knew you were brilliant, we have a lot of fun, and connected... But it recently dawned on me the social media model I've been following is you, my ex-girlfriend. You're a 10. And it's obvious you have a lot of money too. I simply had no clue at time

Post 06:

Somebody said the facial numbness I'm describing sounds like it could be bell's palsy. It's an interesting theory since it only appears to be on the left side of my face. At this moment, though, it's only a theory. I honestly have no idea what the problem is.

Post 07:

Contamination fears question: is it ok to eat fast food if you have a cut in your mouth? My stepdad is about to order Chinese food, but I bit my lip during dinner yesterday. My lip is still irritated, sore, and open.

Post 08:

Although I have a big cut inside my mouth on my lip, my mom says it's okay to eat the Chinese food that we're getting for dinner. The heat from the food and wok would kill any potential contaminants. It's safe to eat fast food with an open cut in your mouth. Don't worry so much.

Post 09:

While eating the Chinese food you'll never guess what I did. I bit my lip again in the same spot I had the cut and completely reopened the sore. I ate all the Chinese food. I'm just going to kiss it up to God and not worry about contamination. But yeah, I reopened the wound.

Some Posts (09 13 2022 - 09 14 2022)

September 13, 2022:

Post 01:

The reason I was crying and getting so emotional in Central Park was because I was reducing my psychiatric medications and antipsychotics at the time. That's what was making me cry. That's actually not normal for me. Though, the feelings of love I was expressing were true.

September 14, 2022:

Post 01:

Sometimes harsh truths are better than gaslighting and lies. I want my parents to tell me the truth for once. No more lies. But they won't. They'll continue to deceive me.

Post 02:

If the roles were reversed, these people would get crucified in the press. The media enjoys their evil white male narrative. They don't like to report on stories that don't fit that narrative.

Post 03:

If you're looking for a girlfriend, it'll get better. Just keep putting yourself in social situations. You'll meet someone. It's better to meet a quality soulmate partner than rush into the first person who shows interest I think. So take your time. Look for love and connection.

Post 04:

I have thousands of videos. Seriously. Maybe I can make Guinness World Records. I make like 6 videos a day. It's like a rabbit hole, never-ending. I don't think it's humanly possible to watch every video I made.

Post 05:

I guess I lost myself to madness. It's time to shut off the computer and camera, socialize, and live in the real world.

Post 06:

Comedy was fun - but it was all men. I'm looking for a cute girlfriend. Though, sometimes socializing with the guys is more fun than socializing with the girlfriend.

Post 07:

I'm a little scared of New York City, to be honest. I'm trying to stay on Long Island. There's too much crime in New York City.

A lot of opportunities in cities, though.

Post 08:

Some people commute from Long Island to New York City 5 days a week for like their whole lives. It takes up their whole day. I cried about doing it twice a week. Once in a while.

Post 09:

I'm convinced my social media posts are going to pay off with superstardom soon... And I have my mother to thank for allowing me to play like a child with no adult responsibilities at 35 years old.

Post 10:

If you're over 18 years old and you're still being taken care of by your parents - you're lucky. Some people's parents kick them on the street. It's important to grow up, work hard, and create a life for yourself.

Post 11:

If you're looking for a dream job, ask yourself... What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? It might be smart to pursue that. Try to turn what you like to do for fun into a career.

Post 12:

They're making a sequel to the 2019 film Joker with Joaquin Phoenix... and Lady Gaga is going to be Harley Quinn.

How exciting. Get your tickets now.

Post 13:

The Marvel movies have really sucked since Avengers Endgame. I'm done with the MCU. Though, Spider-Man: No Way Home was cool. If you stopped after Endgame, you missed nothing.

Post 14:

The Marvel movies are a fantasy universe. Kinda kids movies. But I'd go with my brother and dad. It's not going to give you a life-changing existential crisis, but it's like a day at the amusement park. Some of the movies were fun, but they're popcorn flicks.

Post 15:

I'd go to the Marvel movies with my family. They aren't intellectual movies. My father is who got me into them. The villain is never going to do something truly horrific and despicable. It's mindless fun. It's not going to shake your world. If you enjoy them - that's fine.

Post 16:

The shaving cream I used tonight was cracked. The cleaning ladies must've dropped it on the ground and cracked it while cleaning. Remind myself that doesn't mean they're deceivers who were trying to contaminate me with something life-changing. Don't blow it over-the-top.

Post 17:

I wonder if my father was trying to humiliate me and make me a laughing stock by getting me into Marvel superhero movies at 30 years old, shopping at Hot Topic... Was he trying to make me look like a buffoon? Like Beavis and Butthead? Or was I making myself look like a manchild?

Ex‐Girlfriend Daydreams

A lot of the people I interact with on the internet are my ex-girlfriend taking different forms. She's obsessed with me. She's a lot younger and better looking than she was leading me to believe

I think she's a billionaire who creates movies. Her family is responsible for the South Korean movie in 2019 - Parasite

Dr. Natural said: "It is painful for me to see you being drawn deeper into this delusion your ex-girlfriend is someone in disguise.  You are letting daydreams falsify reality.  Your relationship was real and fun while it lasted and now you are friends. Try to honor the reality of your relationship."

I replied: It was my father, half-siblings (who I don't know exist), and now ex-girlfriend playing a prank on me.

Ultimately, it was SUPPOSED to be feel-good and she'd reveal the truth then we'd date like soulmates.

Remember, it's daydreaming becoming real. Though, it's not.  

Artwork (09 14 2022)

 I Am The Moon (09 14 2022):

That Didn't Go According To Plan, Couldn't Have Gone Worse, Hindsight (09 14 2022):

Moonlight Dance (My Dads Coloring) (09 14 2022)

Moonlight Dance (My Dads Coloring) (09 14 2022):

Some Posts (09 11 2022 - 09 13 2022)

September 11, 2022:

Post 01:

I'm getting paranoid the excruciating headaches are from my mother poisoning my food with psychedelic drugs, which to my knowledge I've never tried. It's probably solitude and lack of fun, though. If I don't trust my mother then cook for myself. I'm 35 years old. Does out of love

Post 02:

You can try to empathize, but you never TRULY understand something until you have first-hand experience. Even expert psychiatrists with excellent mentalizing ability can't read someone's mind. Sadly, things don't matter to most people until it happens to them.

Post 03:

I realize it's not your fault. I'm isolating myself. You've moved on... But you did say if I needed you I could count on you. I need your help. I'm getting both physically and mentally sick. Please intervene, my friend. It's my responsibility to live in the real world, not yours.

Post 04:

I have the main person I care about feelings throughout my life. Usually the person in unattainable and rejects me in some way. Now the only person I think about is YOU. I've kind of forgotten everybody else from the past. You're the only person I want to be with.

Post 05:

In years past, people have indicated they're not interested in me and I've become obsessed with them. I won't let that happen again. If somebody indicates they don't want to be more than friends, except it, and move on yourself as well. Look for other women. You can find new love

Post 06:

If I die I'm gonna haunt everyone from the grave. I hope these weren't my famous last words. I do feel sick. Hopefully, I have a lot of life left.

Post 07:

Somebody said, this is going to take a while. I'm in love with you. It's obvious you're in love with me too. Maybe I need to take-charge. Do something to spark more conversation between us. Or maybe accept you've moved on to someone new. I'm getting delusions of love and care.

Post 08:

I'd like to apologize to the man who I suspect is my half-sibling, who was on comedy radio shows and now works for the WWE. I know it's you undercover. You were nice to me. Yes, you had a significantly better life than me because my father rejected me, but it's not your fault.

Post 09:

To my friend. I love you so much. I think you're the coolest person. You're such a cutie too. I miss you. I hope we see each other again soon. Sadly, there's no plans on the horizon. So I need to make my life happen. Move on with new people. You'll always be my best friend.

September 12, 2022:

Post 01:

I think in a relationship you should be equally powerful - like best friends. Otherwise, it won't last or will be a money-dependent relationship.

Post 02:

I'm so unheard by my mother. She screams at me like I'm a burden and loser while I'm passive... Then it sends me into a temper tantrum delusional tsunami which usually passes when I calm down. Try not to say "the delusions have passed." Instead say I'm not emotional anymore.

Post 03:

I keep getting numbness in my face, lip, and cheek... I'm afraid I'm having a stroke. Though, I just got an MRI and MRA a few short weeks ago. It's too soon to go back. What I need is to enjoy my life as soon as possible. If I die, I'm haunting everyone from the grave.

Post 04:

I really want to give you a hug and spend the night cuddling together.

Post 05:

I needed a hug and an angelic good friend. I'm so lucky I found that in you. I'm certain you're going to exceed even my wildest imagination. But to be frank, all I really want is to be loved, independence, and a fun movie job. I'm a simple guy, with a little love I'll be happy.

September 13, 2022:

Post 01:

You can't make someone to want to be in your life. If they aren't giving you much time, accept it, and move on too. There's plenty of fish in the sea. It's my responsibility to create a life for myself and not waste my life solitary. Yes, we had a lot of fun, but she's moved on.

Post 02:

You really are my best friend and I love you a lot. I miss you. I'm sure we'll see each other again soon.

Post 03:

I could be angry that my father sent my half-siblings to prestigious universities and gave them money and significantly better life. But would I be happy as an accountant or a doctor? My life up to this point has been pain and suffering. But I'm Light and I got the Death Note now

Post 04:

To people who found surreal that this internet fantasyland actually happened, never underestimate how badly my parents neglect me. I could have literally died from 2005 to 2011 (running years), only when I started emailing law enforcement did they intervene. They don't care.

Post 05:

I'm getting numbness in my face. Not really sure why I'm getting it. I'm afraid it's solitude and headaches - having a stroke. But I just went to a neurologist. Got an MRI and MRA. Too soon to go back. It could potentially also be a pinched nerve in my neck. Or maybe it's anxiety

Post 06:

Maybe I'm trying to guilt trip you into coming into my life, but seriously though, if I spontaneously drop dead... It's not your fault. I did it to myself. I want you to have the best possible life. Happiness and success. I won't haunt you. I promise. I'll watch over you.

Post 07:

I noticed there was moisture on my deodorant after the cleaning ladies cleaned my apartment. I guess it's POSSIBLE they contaminated it... Though, it's very improbable. It's the sadistic deceiver, monster behind a mask, secretly murdering me delusions again. They wouldn't do that

Artwork (09 13 2022)

Internet Addiction, Social Media Posts, Waiting For Godot (09 13 2022):

Johnny Johnny (09 13 2022):

Live In Real World, Human Interaction Key To Recovery (My Moms Coloring) (09 13 2022)

Live In Real World, Human Interaction Key To Recovery (My Moms Coloring) (09 13 2022):