Emails, Dr. Coplan, May 2023, Continued

Dr. Coplan’s Text Message:

Wednesday, May 31, 2023 at 9:47 AM

Before you would ultimately dismiss your delusion but now you are holding onto to it right. Why would anyone go to the all the effort to be nefarious to you. 

My Text Message:
Wednesday, May 31, 2023 at 9:54 AM

The reason I'm not dismissing the theories as delusions is because I'm waking up to the fact they never were delusions. It was my parents gaslighting me. Brainwashing me. Not allowing me to see the truth.

The theory is, and I know Dr Garrett says theory and suspicions are keywords for daydreams becoming real also known as delusions, but the theory is my parents have been sexual sadists since my childhood. Even if they didn't literally sexually abuse me, they were getting sadistic sexual pleasure for my suffering. So 2011 and onward was metaphorically true. My parents are metaphorically raping me. Metaphorically getting sadistic sexual pleasure for my suffering. The mega regimen the psychiatric medications and prep in January 2020 was them trying to kill me pharmacologically. They suspected it was giving me cancer I'm intended to give it to me. It was torture.

They've always been monsters behind a mask who were creating the facade they were trying to help me, but actually weren't.

I believe I'm either not Robert koloski's biological son, or my mother and father resented each other after the divorce and I was like the red-headed stepchild, so they hurt me to hurt one another.

But I'll never know because they lie to me. I know they're lying. They know I know they're lying. Yet they continue to lie right to my face.

I believe they had nefarious intentions. They like the narrative that I'm the craziest of crazy and everything is my fault. It's an intellectually lazy narrative. But it's simply not the truth.

My Text Message:
Wednesday, May 31, 2023 at 10:33 AM

I believe initially my parents were trying to sabotage me, but then it became like the movie The Producers (1967), important people became interested in my social media content and wanted to develop a movie. However, it became crystal clear people were abusing me in criminal ways.

My parents are a bit like Dr. Evil from Austin Powers because it's comedically absurd how they provide for me, feed me dinner, yet they're actually sadistic monsters who are intentionally depriving me of sex and fun.

But don't daydream about the reasons why. Don't get emotional. Try to speak the facts.

My parents are sexual sadists. They were chemically lobotomizing me and trying to kill me pharmacologically, while creating the facade they were trying to help me.

Although some of what I said might have been metaphoric, it's never been all "delusional", there's truth to what I'm saying - a lot of Truth

Emails, Dr. Coplan, May 2023, HIV Scare, Out Of Partial Program

Emails, Dr. Coplan, May 2023, HIV Scare, Out Of Partial Program

My Text Message:

Tuesday, May 30, 2023 at 2:37 PM

I know we say the HIV scare and taking PrEP wasn't intentional. I'm skeptical. Assuming a lot of people didn't conspire, I believe someone had malevolent intent.

When I think about someone intentionally sadistically hurting me - it makes my mind go haywire because it feels like a metaphoric rape.

Before January 1, 2020 I felt almost like a virgin. Afterwards, I felt defective and damaged. Metaphorically HIV positive. Though, my blood work is negative.

Could my parents, Kelly, all of the above, or someone have conspired to metaphorically rape me? Almost like a pharmacological abuser?

I'm out of Partial Program now so we can resume sessions. I'm meeting with potentially a new psychiatrist tomorrow, maybe a new social worker, there are affiliated with the partial programs establishment. But obviously I'll probably be frustrated because they won't be the best in the business. So maybe I'll try new doctors for the time being. I don't know. My mom wants me to try inexpensive public doctors. As we all know, they're inferior to private doctors.

Dr. Coplan's Text Message Reply:

Tuesday, May 30, 2023 at 7:46 PM

If you don't want to pursue the Clozaril option, it seems that the delusions are unchanged by conventional meds and you can pursue meds that will leave you with the delusions unchanged. This will worsen your life trajectory immeasurably Andrew. Right now it's on a dead end course of reiterative delusions that lead nowhere except supportive housing and no job. 

My Text Message:

Wednesday, May 31, 2023 at 8:47 AM

I disagree that I'm delusional about the HIV scare in particular, something nefarious was going on. I believe it was intentional and planned. Someone was trying to torture me. Trying to hurt me pharmacologically. It's no delusion. However, this is a house of cards and when my mother dies, I have no money and could potentially be homeless or in supportive housing. I'm living in a fantasy land willfully blind to the fact the clock is ticking and I'll be having a rude awakening very soon.

Emails, Dr. Garrett, February 2017, I Can't Wait

My Email:

Thu, Feb 9, 2017, 9:54 AM

I can't wait for our next appointment, and to send my next E-Mail. I want to tell my story NOW. But I need to learn patience.

Because over messaging someone can be very harmful. And most people feel overwhelmed, and don't even read it (when you do).

But when you're stuck in this prison EVERY DAY, and someone listens to you.

Well, I want to SCREAM it out.

It's hard, but I need to wait for the appropriate times to tell my story.

One step at a time. We'll get there.

Moving Forward

Why am I not moving forward? That's the question!

Is there a reason? Some say that maybe I don't want to work. Maybe I'm lazy. Perhaps.

But I also feel like I'm protesting an injustice.

Like, why should I have to work after all I suffered.

There are many people my age who are making six figures (and more). Why should I work as a "fish man" at Stop & Shop? That's so degrading to me.

I feel like I SHOULD A GOOD JOB! And NOW.

I'm OBSESSED with protesting this injustice, and I'm only hurting myself. Because the people who hurt me don't care.

No one is going to Spoon Feed Me an excellent future... but I beg you to.

(changing gears)

The Dog Lick

You are probably aware that recently I've been getting the “I was sexually abused as a child” delusions...

But trauma maybe the dog sin.

When I was in High School (year 2002), something happened with our late Golden Retriever.

I really, REALLY regret it! In fact, I regret it so much that it felt like the worst decision of my life.

It was SO traumatic. I felt such guilt over it.

I remember feeling like the best part of my day was sleep, and felt being awake was torture. It felt like the dog guilt was all I could think about. I felt unclean, corrupted, impure, damaged.

I was so ashamed of who I was. I felt like I was inferior to other people.

I remember wishing I was like the other kids. I remember wishing things could go back to the way they were before the dog lick.

I remember praying to God like every night: “please help me forget the dog sin.”

I even went to confession, and told a priest about it (since it ate me up so much, and I didn't want to go to hell). It was VERY hard for me to do, and he was the only one I told for years (until I entered college).

At one time, the dog lick might have been the hardest thing for me to talk about. I remember, it felt like I was carrying a big weight on my shoulders. I felt like I couldn't tell anyone, and it was eating me up inside. Thankfully I was finally about to express it in an e-mail/text message. From there, it became easier and easier to say.

Although it happened nearly a decade and a half ago (2002). I STILL feel the trauma from it.

(Changing gears)

Sex For The First Time

I was a virgin until I was 24 years old. And I was so ashamed and frustrated about it.

I remember in college, thinking the whole world was having sex except for me.

I was too scared to talk to women.

But I really wanted sex, and I thought it was what I needed.

Because I thought sex (for the first time) would transform me. I thought it'd calm me down. Make me a different person. I thought it'd make me an adult.

In my head, I built sex up to be this grandiose, life changing type moment. It wasn’t.

Again, the first time I had sex I was 24 years old.

It was in 2012, after my psychiatric hospitalizations.

After explaining to her I was a virgin,  I couldn’t perform, probably due to the psychiatric medicine I was on. It was SO embarrassing.

I told my psychiatrist at the recovery group about my sexual dysfunction, and he basically ignored them. He said something like: human sexuality is a complex thing.

And he told me to go to my primary for Cialis, which I did. And with a little assistance, I had sex.

It was a long road getting to that point.

Although I did enjoy it, I was also a little disappointed.

Because sex couldn’t live up to the hype I created in my head. And afterward, I was pretty much exactly the same.

I now see it's not that big of a deal.

(Fast forward to present day)

Although I'd like to have sex, I'm not fixated on it. If I'm not having it, I'm not OBSESSED like I was. Back then, I felt I NEEDED sex.

I learned sex is very overrated. And I even take pride in the fact I was a 24-year-old virgin.

The NEW sexual shame is the poor sexual function from the psychiatric medicine. It's humiliating.

Dr. Garrett said:

Feb 9, 2017, 10:49 AM

Andrew

As we discussed, I expect to be able to read notes of the length you have sent me last week, and then this one.  I look forward to receiving them.  There is much to talk about and process.  I think you put it succinctly - you feel an strong internal pressure to protest an injustice.  This pressure cannot be simply silenced.  We must examine it, see where it draws its persistent energy.  This pressure surely rises in significant part from the bullying.  We will also talk about the dog story.  Easy for me to say, and I say this hoping it can be of some comfort to you, but there is no crime against dogs or humanity here.  But you were deeply effected by that experience, and we will go into that also rather than brush it aside. 

Dr G

Emails, Dr. Garrett, Dr. Coplan, April 2017, May 2017, Sexual Abuse, Delusions

Loser Dad

My Email:

Sat, Apr 29, 2017, 5:30 PM

When I say my Father sexually abused me as a young boy, although he didn’t sexually abuse me, the delusion is a metaphor for my visceral anger towards him.

My Father was absentee, neglectful, verbally and emotionally abusive.

It’s like I didn’t have a real Dad. And my Mother over compensated for my Dads minimal involvement.

Today, he came with my Mom, Step Dad, and I to the beach.

It’s like he didn’t want to be there. He was making fun of us. 

He was texting someone. I have no idea who it was. I'm assuming a woman. He keeps his life secret from me. But he was making other plans.

Then after an hour or so, he left, even after I asked him to stay for the Ranger game. (I guess the other plans were more important)

I have no friends who want to see me, no money, no life. And my dad only wants to see me briefly and talk on the phone for 10 minutes in the morning. We don’t have a real relationship, he’s not a real parent.

I suffer daily. And he's having a good time, always posting concert pics on Facebook.

He's the biggest bully.  He lies to me. I feel like he's making fun of me at times. Is not proud of me. He thinks I'm a loser.

A lot of my self-sabotage comes from my Father, I want him to NOTICE ME! I want him to be a real Father. I want him to truly care. He only "cares" to an extent.

I think if he could fix my problems but didn’t have to do anything, he would. At least I hope he would.

He does pay for my psychiatrist half the time, and comes along too. I NEED his financial assistance - and he provides some.

My psychiatrist said: if he didn’t care, he wouldn’t be there.

But he doesn’t understand me or my mental illness. It’s like he’s clueless. Or maybe he simply doesn’t want to be a Dad.

I don’t understand how someone could be an absentee Father, like him. If I was a Dad, my kids would be my life.

I don’t understand how someone could be such a loser.

Dr. Garrett said:

Sat, Apr 29, 2017, 6:01 PM

We can discuss this next week if you like.

Sexually Abused?

My Email:

Mon, May 8, 2017, 5:25 PM

(left out names - censored this email)

I STRONGLY SUSPECT I was sexually abused by pedophiles as a child, and my mom and dad are responsible...

Remember, some of this may be delusional. But some may not be.

My Email:

Mon, May 8, 2017, 8:10 PM

to me

The sexual abuse happened when I was young. My Mom proceeded to brainwash me into thinking it was “bullying”, then later “mental illness”.

Don't get me wrong, the bullying and mental illness are true too... BUT IT WAS SEXUAL ABUSE AS WELL!!!

Sure, she gave me love. There are a lot of pleasant Mom memories, which is why it hurts so much

Dr. Garrett said:

May 8, 2017, 10:23 PM

Andrew

I looked through the pictures and I do not see anything I would take as evidence of sexual abuse.  The picture show a kid who is sad in some pictures and happy in others.  As best I can tell you have a strong feeling that you were sexually abused, but no evidence that this is so.  With the bullying, you have corroborating evidence.  More to discuss about this on Wed.

Dr G

My Email:

May 9, 2017, 9:37 AM

OK, maybe I'm reading too much into nothing. But I still have a strong feeling I was sexually abused as a young boy. My Mom knows. And she brainwashed me into thinking it didn't happen. I feel like I'm living with the biggest bully (my Mom). And this house is like a prison.

I'll talk more with you about this Wednesday.

Please look at these “Mom pics”, tell me if you “see anything”:

Dr. Coplan said:

May 9, 2017, 2:27 PM

We will review. To reiterate, there is only abuse when you are not good... so no abuse

Bob Koloski (My Father)

My Email:

Wed, May 10, 2017, 1:14 PM

Although Dr Garrett didn't "say" it, with him, I'm coming to the conclusion that my Dad sexually abused me as a young boy. Then blamed me into thinking I was responsible. 

He told me police would arrest me for what I did. He was dupeing me.

I'm NOT to blame. He is!

I should have a clear conscience.

He's the sadistic pedophile! I'm a molestation victim.

I didn't want this to happen, but they wanted to bully me. They wanted to wreck my life.

Then they laughed at me when I got scared about going to prison. Humiliating me.

Dr Garrett is validatng and acknowledging it. Which is awesome.

I felt so unheard for so long.

And everyone calls me "crazy"

Sure, I get delusions from it, but you would too if it happened to you.

My Dad has been duping and bullying me for years, not allowing me to move on.

And he gets sick sexual pleasure from it. He gets off from my mental pain.

And I have to pretend to be oblivious

I suspect he's not my biological father. Because he didn't hurt my brother.

He did it to hurt my Mom for divorcing him too.

He's satan. 

Dr. Garrett said:

Wed, May 10, 2017, 2:31 PM

Andrew

There is some misunderstanding about our session today, I think again driven by strong feelings stemming from the bullying.  The gist of our discussion today was that there is solid corroboration of the fact that you were bullied, but no independent corroboration at all of the sexual abuse ideas.   I am not trying to subtly or directly lend support to the idea that your father abused you.  Quite the contrary.  I am trying to look at the evidence you have.   I am trying to help you distinguish between strong convictions and feelings (which are not facts) and strong objective evidence corroborated by multiple sources (which are facts).  One of our challenges in psychotherapy is to understand why you are so convinced of certain ideas for which there is no solid objective evidence.    

You have a vague memory of your father saying something like, "Put it behind you.  Nothing will happen."   You have no clear memory of precisely what was said or the context in which it was said.  But assuming he said exactly these words, the meaning of the words is quite ambiguous without knowing the context.  If you had just done something where you were worried about a bad consequence coming to you then the remark  "Put it behind you.  Nothing will happen."  could have been an affection attempt to reassure you to not worry needlessly. 

Try to keep you mind open, to resist jumping to conclusion.  We have a lot to discuss.

See you next week\

Dr G

My Email:

Wed, May 10, 2017, 2:38 PM

Sorry for mistaking today's session

.

You're right I don't have strong objective evidence.

We'll continue working.

See you next week

Dr. Coplan said:

Wed, May 10, 2017, 3:30 PM

I think you you are now more delusional than not...

My Email:

May 11, 2017, 8:30 AM

One doctor said I’m misunderstanding our session. There is no “strong objective evidence”. 

He’s trying to help me distinguish between “strong convictions and feelings (which are not facts) and strong objective evidence corroborated by multiple sources (which are facts)”

I tend to confuse the two at times.

There is strong objective evidence I was severely bullied in school. There is none of the sexual abuse.

Another doctor said, “I think you you are now more delusional than not...”

I’ll continue working with my doctors. Hopefully, we’ll have a healthy and happy Andrew!

Emails, Dr. Garrett, May 2017, Afraid Of Cancer

Afraid Of Cancer

My Email:

Tue, May 16, 2017, 8:57 AM

I’m afraid the psych medicines might give me brain cancer.

Then they’ll have to cut out a big chunk of my brain (or worse, I’ll die). And I’ll be lobotomy man, walking around lobotomized. Hey, I guess being lobotomy man is better than death.

I’m afraid the cabergoline might give me prostate/testicular cancer.

I already struggle sexually, that would make things EVEN WORSE.

I’m REALLY HIGH RISK for developing skin cancer since I’ve been walking outside in the sun for YEARS.

Needless to say, I’m really afraid of cancer. 

I know I need the medicine to function, but I also feel like I’m poisoning my body.

I’ve been on heavy duty psych meds since 2011. What long-term damage has it done? Will it shorten my lifespan significantly?

I want to live to be 100 years old. I want a wife, a family.

One day I’d like to have a kid, will the medicine affect that too? I want a healthy child!

Or am I living a doomed existence?

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Dr. Garrett said:

Tue, May 16, 2017, 9:31 AM

Andrew

There is no medical evidence that I am aware of that indicates that the medication you are taking causes cancer.  Yes, the medication is doing things to your body, which is its intended purpose.  I think when you start to imagine that the medication is doing something to your body that will kill you are in a way imagining the medication as being a kind of "pharmacological abuser" that is doing something harmful to your body, the way a bully or abuser might.

See you tomorrow.

Dr G

Emails, Dr. Garrett, Dr. Coplan, May 2017, Duping

Duping

My Email:

Thu, May 11, 2017, 7:26 PM

I just took 12 mg of Invega for the “delusions”. I’m taking it BECAUSE I’m a sexual abuse victim. And no one validates it. They tell me I’m “crazy”. It’s frustrating!

When I mentioned on Facebook that I increased my medication, my Dad said: “Proud of you, very proud of you. Love you”

On the surface that looks nice, but I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. It’s very insincere.

It’s more what he doesn’t say than what he does. It’s really him taunting me

They say, trust your intuition about someone. 

He’s trying to paint a phony picture of himself as an involved Father. And me as a “crazy” son.

He thinks he duping everyone – such as doctors (like you).

And the people he isn’t duping, don’t care enough to help. They turn a blind eye.

He doesn’t love me. In fact, he doesn’t even view me as a son. I’m just a pawn in his sick game.

He was using me to hurt my Mom, and he gets sexual pleasure from my mental suffering.

He only stays in my life for his own sick amusement.

Maybe I need to give the medicine time to numb my mind, so I can run from the truth.

Dr. Garrett said:

Fri, May 12, 2017, 8:56 AM

Andrew

I do not want to be in the position of arguing with any authority about what did or didn't happen to you.  There is third party consensus that you were bullied.  So far, you have not been able to point to any corroborated evidence that you were sexually abused.  You have a strong feeling that you were sexually abused, but this feeling rises and falls, like the tide.  Facts do rise and fall, but feelings certainly do.   Your feeling at times that your mother was involved in sexually abusing you years ago, and that she persists in a cover-up, is contrary to your own deepest feelings about your mother. 

We will continue our work next Wed.  In the meantime I want to direct your attention to one aspect of the way your mind works when you are gripped by strong emotions.  In your email you say,

It’s more what he doesn’t say than what he does. It’s really him taunting me.

It seems to me that you are saying that the LESS evidence there is for something (what he doesn't say) the MORE you believe it to be true.  You feel taunted by uncertainty to even greater certainty on your part.   Uncertainty might be expected to lead to doubt, but in your mind it leads to the opposite - conviction.  If I have the implication of your email right, you are saying that you mind is governed to a large degree by what you feel to be true rather an what can be objectively demonstrated to be true.  This would not surprise me.  The bullying has left an imprint on your mind with such a burden of painful memories and feelings to express, that emotions have taken charge. 

Much is known in psychiatry and psychology about this way of emotional thinking.  We will continue to discuss.

Dr G

Dr. Coplan said:

May 12, 2017, 11:02 AM

I think it's sincere Andrew. 

Dr. Garrett Emails, April 2017, A+ Trolling

A+ Trolling

My Email:

Tue, Apr 25, 2017, 8:52 AM

OK, I don’t even know where to begin without sounding crazy.

But there is NO WAY this wasn’t a message directed at me or someone messing with me.

I looked up Seeking Arraignment on Twitter (the Sugar Daddy website). Remember I’ve talked about buying a membership there. And I noticed this mysterious twitter account was following it.

I don’t remember following the account (but apparently I did at some point).

The user's name is “Bob”.

And his avatar is Héctor "Tio" Salamanca from Breaking Bad. The actor who plays him is Mark Margolis.

So my natural reaction is to think, is this my former psychologist, Dr. Bob Margolis?!

And I was fooled into thinking it was him at first.

But then I saw a post that said: “You CANNOT troll the ULTIMATE troll.” He wasn’t talking about himself, he was talking about Donald Trump.

But I’m being mislead by “the ULTIMATE troll”. Bobo Maloonigans is NOT who I think it is (Dr. Bob). It's probably My Electronic Friend.

Well, A+ trolling.

 

Or maybe I’m very naive and gullible.

To quote Taylor Swift I feel like My Electronic Friend is playing dumb, but knows exactly what he’s doing.

OR is it Dr. Bob?

Dr. Garrett said:

Tue, Apr 25, 2017, 12:21 PM

Andrew

There is a name for the psychological process that led you to think that Mark Margolis was Bob Margolis.  It is called predicate logic, which means that if two things have the same predicate in a sentence (if two things share the same trait or quality) then they are identical. 

Here is one such sequence that leads to a delusion.

The president lives in a white house.

I live in a white house.

Therefore, I am the president (I am the same as the president)

In your case....

My therapist's last name is Bob Margolis

The last name of the actor Mark Margolis is also Margolis.

Therefore, Bob and Mark Margolis are the same person.

We can talk more about this way of thinking tomorrow.  You can "catch it, check it, change it."

Dr G

My Email:

Tue, Apr 25, 2017, 12:50 PM

It's NOT the actor's twitter account.

It's a mysterious person named "Bob", with Mark Margolis' picture as his avatar... plus he's following Seeking Arrangement... leading me to believe it was Dr. Bob Margolis.

But the key is, it COULD be someone I know in disguise.

You're probably right about predicate logic. I came to the delusional conclusion it was Dr. Bob.

It's likely a major coincidence.

Another example,

https://twitter.com/koloskiuimaz3

There is a twitter account titled "Koloski Andrew". I find it suspicious.

It was registered in June 2011 (when I was really sick).

It's the only other Andrew Koloski on Twitter (besides me).

And the avatar is an Asian woman I don't recognize.

At the time (2011), I was obsessively e-mailing these two Asian women from college. They were ignoring me. (long story)

But I like to think it was them sending a message. Like, although we can't talk to you... Koloski you're amazing (The handle is something like that - koloskiuimaz3).

People act like I'm crazy when I say it's suspicious. But it IS! Haha.

You're going to say it's predicate logic, right?

I can't prove it has anything to do with me. So I'll assume nothing until it's proven otherwise.

Again, this is wanting people from the past to come into my life and rescue me. 

I guess I want people to care who don't. :P

Some Posts (05 28 2023)

Post 01:

Please tell me the truth, someone INTENDED to give me the HIV scare. Some social media content certainly makes it appear like they did.

Just FUCKING ADMIT IT.

They planned to get me to take PrEP for years.

Post 02:

Ok, calm down. The social media content looks BAD. But it could be Dr. Garrett's gaslighting, not my parents, who intentionally caused my HIV scare. Dr. Garrett is the monster and my parents look like silly superhero movie villains.

Post 03:

To anyone who thinks intentionally giving someone an HIV scare is "funny" or "hot", I realize I was a laughing-stock who they weren't humanizing, but it felt like rape. It was like a metaphoric rape. Is rape "hot" and "funny?" Of course it isn't. So why is this?

Post 04:

I want the truth because I know taking PrEP was no accident. Somebody intended for that to happen - or at the very least had bad intentions and it went haywire. Maybe I can't handle the truth because I'll explode if they tell it to me? Something happened. Ignorance is bliss.

Post 05:

Anyone who says I am like a "terrorist", or want to hurt people... BULLSHIT! I just want the truth, a happy life, and to be loved. I feel like people are hurting and deceiving me. My intent is to get revenge on metaphoric rapists and to be a successful artistic performer.

Dr. Coplan said: "Clozapine time Andrew"

Post 06:

I disagree that I'm delusional. They really were sexual sadists. The HIV scare and metaphoric rape was planned since May 23, 2015 at the very least, but I think it's been planned since 2011, maybe even earlier than that. They'll lie about their intent - it WAS INTENTIONAL.

Post 07:

Even if what I allege is true, that they gaslit me into taking PrEP to torture me, I don't even know if it's illegal or not. If it's not a crime - it should be. They should be in prison for rape because what they did feels like that.

Post 08:

Unless my father was a sugar daddy, and it was his sugar babies who conspired to hurt me for revenge on my father, unaware he was giving me his breadcrumbs and wasn't even my REAL biological father. We're being led to believe Owen Hart is my biological father at the moment.

Post 09:

Remember when you get led to believe something by my father, you might get a Vince Russo swerve, which is the unexpected. Maybe Brian Wilson of The Beach Boys is my biological father, or Vince Russo himself, or George W. Bush - because with imagination becoming real - why not?

Post 10:

This is not a TV show, this is not sensationalistic entertainment like Breaking Bad, this is real life. They should be in prison.

Artwork (05 28 2023)

The Mask - Dr. Garrett (05 28 2023):

Sensationalism In The Real World (05 28 2023):

The Meaning Of Life Is Love (My Dads Coloring) (05 28 2023)

The Meaning Of Life Is Love (My Dads Coloring) (05 28 2023):

Dr. Garrett Emails, September 2020, tortured by my mother

tortured by my mother

My Email:

Wed, 30 Sep, 2020

Growing up, my mother got sadistic pleasure from torturing me. Depriving me of my life, making me a dependent man-child. She was intentionally messing me up. She'd scold me, tell me I'm a worthless loser. I'm not a loser, I'm a genius. I am dependent on her financially. She was controlling my narrative. Ruining my image. She's making me pour my life down the drain, my teens, twenties, the beginning of my thirties.

Now she's leaving me alone in my apartment to metaphorically die. I have no social skills, wear the scarlet letter, feel defective, damaged. I'm like an animal who was kept in a cage his whole life, tortured, now my mother says: "you're free." I don't know how to function. And she's re-writing history in the process.

Just because I have a sensational social media posts and she behaves calmly on video - doesn't make the torture untrue.

Right now, she is pretending to be on my side, but she'll betray me soon.

This is not genetic, it's sadistic torture from a MONSTER!

Dr. Garrett said:

Wed, Sep 30, 2020

Andrew

Sadly, it is the way your mind works that is depriving you of an adult life, not a sadistic puppet master mother.  Very sadly, you find it hard to even walk around in your neighborhood without imagining that you have stuck yourself with an HIV needle without realizing it.  This is the way your mind works.   That is your mind putting you in a prison of fear.  

You have turned upside down my suggestion that every hour you spend blaming your mother is an hour of your life that you have poured down the drain.  It's hard, Andrew, very hard, but if you are to build a future for yourself you must question how your mind works.  You need to devote your energy to studying yourself, catching it, checking it, changing it.  That is time well spent.  My job is to help you study yourself.

Dr G

My Email:

Oct 1, 2020, 10:43 AM

Ok. I had an episode last night. But I'll try to stop blaming my mother and focus on making myself a success. What does blaming my mom accomplish? That's pouring my life down the drain

My Email:

Oct 1, 2020, 11:12 AM

When I feel frustrated and become overtaken with emotion, I get delusional that my mother is a sadistic puppet master - who is torturing me, depriving me, making me waste time.

The truth is my chains are internal, not maternal. It's extreme anxiety. My mother wants me to fly.

Dr. Garrett said:

Oct 1, 2020, 11:16 AM

In this email you speak the truth.

May 27, 2023

May 27, 2023:

July 20, 2018

July 20, 2018:

Artwork (05 27 2023)

Mama (05 27 2023):

The Face (05 27 2023):

Superhero (05 27 2023):

Syd Barrett (05 27 2023):

They're All Liars And Deceivers (05 27 2023):

The Truth, Office Space (05 27 2023):

Green Bunny (My Moms Coloring) (05 27 2023)

Green Bunny (My Moms Coloring) (05 27 2023):

Animals Are Love and Bunny (My Dads Colorings) (05 27 2023)

Animals Are Love (My Dads Coloring) (05 27 2023):

Bunny (My Dads Coloring) (05 27 2023):

Some Posts (05 27 2023)

Post 01:

Who the hell am I kidding? Look at this artwork and social media content - it's a gold mine. What's the problem? Why aren't I rich and famous? It should've happened YEARS AGO. My mother is only getting older and when she stops enabling this I could be homeless. Give me freedom!

Post 02:

I can't blame ex-girlfriends, my parents, or anyone for my failure except from myself. I'm 35-years-old. I'm pouring my life down the drain. No one is doing it to me. No one is getting SADISTIC PLEASURE from my suffering. It's time for me to FINALLY GET A REAL LIFE.

Post 03:

Something tells me they're making me the head of the table, but I'm really in a kiddie booster chair. IF THEY WANTED they could tend the rabbits and I'd be like The Blue Blazer. They know I'm a good guy who is very sick. They like me very much. So they'll make me a superhero.

Post 04:

I don't know how ANGRY I'm going to be when they tell me the truth... I guess I'll see.

Post 05:

My father is a sexual sadist who was torturing me, and frankly, there's nothing I can do about it.

Post 06:

I think James Franco is my half-brother or Owen Hart is actually my father, but that's Robert Koloski's Spider-Man "joke."

Post 07:

It's like all the a-list celebrities are there and I just do not give a shit. All I want is revenge for being sadistically tortured and to scream at what happened to me.

Post 08:

The only reason these celebrities care now is because I won at the game of life. If I was homeless, nobody would care. I just turned myself into the most epic artist ever. Unfortunately, my past is a shitshow of people sadistically abusing me in ways that might be criminal.

Post 09:

The truth is so bad beyond my wildest imagination and when I discover it, I don't know if I have even handle it. It's because sadistic monsters had bad intentions.

Post 10:

Unless Kelly is my half-brothers girlfriend. January 1, 2020 WAS AN ACCIDENT... assuming Dr. Garrett wasn't gaslighting me.

Post 11:

Someone please love me and be kind to me. I need help.

Post 12:

Ok calm down, something good is happening. Yes, my past was horrible. But they know, care, and want to help. Go and have fun. I was getting emotional based on suspicions.

Post 13:

I don't think anybody noticed my freak out tonight. I was alone in the dark, then through my water bottle at my car, then kicked my car. I like going to open mic night. Be careful, stop freaking out, because if I don't, I'm not going to get invited back. I have fun performing.

Post 14:

I think James Franco (my half-brother) was interested in a film in 2008, then again in 2019 (until Dr. Garrett metaphorically raped me in 2020)... Basically, this game was doomed from the start. I think were at take 3 AT LEAST. Let's see what disaster goes wrong this time.

Post 15:

They predicted I'd storm out and kick my car.

Post 16:

I did do that. But how did everybody know I was going to do it? Is it artificial intelligence? Or am I just simply that predictable? When I discovered the lies they knew I'd throw a temper tantrum, but I'm afraid to go too far because I don't want to go back to the psych ward.

Post 17:

I need bun bun back so she can live my life for me again. Lol.

Post 18:

Some people are trying to say it's all fantasy - a Joanne Greenberg daydreamland. Even if James Franco is interested in creating a movie, there's no conspiracy with him being my half-brother and my father keeping it secret. There's no significant secret admirer. I'm delusional.

Post 19:

Maybe Dr. Garrett is right. My daydreams have gotten so bad that I can't even tell what is fantasy and what is reality. I am like a "blind man" to reality. Worst of all, I get emotional and yesterday I kicked my car over something that's probably a delusion.

Post 20:

I hadn't walked outdoors in months, but started again due to getting chunky from meds. It was MOST LIKELY the sunscreen on the face that was causing the EoE. In the future, it'd be wise to use a natural, organic sunscreen. Also, maybe do a repeat endoscopy.

Post 21:

By breathing in sunscreen all day, everyday, I MIGHT NOT get skin cancer, instead I'll get EoE, esophageal cancer, thyroid cancer, brain cancer... But my skin MIGHT be safe.

May 26, 2023

May 26, 2023:

Let It Go! (05 26 2023)

Let It Go! (05 26 2023):

Paradise Studios (05 19 2023)

Paradise Studios (05 19 2023):

HIV Scare Posts (05 26 2023)

Post 01:

I really want to think taking PrEP was an accident and no one INTENDED for that to happen, that they love me, and there was no deception... Not sure why I'm skeptical that's true. Please be truthful and transparent.

Post 02:

The distressing emotion I have is the HIV scare, and believing it was INTENTIONAL, not an "accident." Someone gaslit me into having it happen. It's important to not focus on the trauma and to let it go.

Post 03:

When I think about what happened, remember that I'm HIV negative. PrEP does not infect you with HIV. It could always be worse. Look at Otto Warmbier and Elizabeth Smart. Fight off the trauma and focus on something else.

Post 04:

Things I could do when I'm FEELING NEGATIVE - eat something yummy, go to a nice restaurant, smile, enjoy life,  be kind, have a friend, exercise, do artwork. Do not focus on and obsess over the metaphoric rape. It's going to get better. Have healthy coping skills.

Post 05:

It will be impossible to prove in court, but the person who gaslit me into having an HIV scare was Dr. Garrett. He gaslit me into thinking Kelly was HIV positive despite her telling me she wasn't. He gaslit me into blaming my parents. The monster behind a mask is Dr. Garrett.

Post 06:

Although Dr. Garrett hasn't literally admitted he was gaslighting me about HIV, he's practically admitted at this point. The problem? He'll lie about his intent. But he's responsible for etching trauma into my psyche through a metaphoric rape (as he himself describes it).

Post 07:

Although I'm very honest and transparent, now Dr Garrett is trying to say I'm like Syd Barrett from Pink Floyd. I can't distinguish what's fantasy and reality. Essentially I'm a "blind man" to what reality is. Bullshit! He was getting sadistic sexual pleasure from my suffering.

Post 08:

It's really bad. My mother doesn't believe what I'm saying. The problem when she discovers Dr. Garrett gave me the HIV scare she'll be irrational and hysterical. It's VERY BAD. She doesn't understand... Yet. Soon she will. Someone is trying to keep us from going completely crazy.

Some Posts (05 25 2023)

Post 01:

Things I have nostalgia for, that entertained me in my childhood, like pro wrestling, video games, movies, some of it might not have aged well. It's not "cool" to twenty year olds. Believe me, it was cool for me back in the day. Some art ages well. Other art doesn't.

Post 02:

By my Partial Program on sunrise highway, there was a dead run over animal in the middle of the road, since there was so much traffic it was impossible to avoid running it over. But someone else had run it over before me. Now I'm catastrophizing it was a person. It wasn't. Relax.

Post 03:

Everyone was running over the dead animal, which leads me to believe it's an animal. If it was a human being, everyone would stop and traffic would've been backed up. Police and ambulances would arrive. So stop worrying and have a nice day at the Partial Program. It's roadkill.

Post 04:

My mother said: "Yes honey an animal.  Thats classic ocd fear.  Your good honey"

Post 05:

It's important to stop blaming others for my bad decisions. For example, sitting in solitude. I was my choice. No one did it to me. It was an unintended consequence of losing friendships. Although tragic. It's my responsibility to live life.

Post 06:

Although it's not illegal, people are kind of telling me the HIV scare and taking PrEP was INTENTIONAL. They were torturing me. It FEELS LIKE metaphoric rape, like they should be locked in prison. Realistically, that's not what's going to happen. Accept it and let it go.

Post 07:

I want to tell myself no one INTENDED to give me the HIV scare, but frankly, they did. These psychopaths INTENTIONALLY gaslit me into taking PrEP. The should be in prison for rape because it was like a metaphoric rape. Now I want the complete truth and transparency.

Post 08:

They might say I FEEL LIKE I was metaphorically raped, but FEELINGS are not facts. Stop thinking emotionally. Ask myself did Kelly gaslight me? Did anyone place the debris? Did Dr. Garrett gaslight me? Maybe I'm have an emotional temper tantrum from a very traumatic experience.

Post 09:

Dr. Garrett says I'm like "a blind man" with my blurring fantasy and reality, but is the monster who intentionally gaslit me into having an HIV scare actually Dr. Garrett? Ultimately, I want to be a good person and I want the truth. He's the only one who INTENDED to hurt me.

Post 10:

It was very much Dr. Garrett who was leading me toward and gaslighting me into having an HIV scare in January 2020. Unfortunately, though, he claims because I blur fantasy and reality, I'm like a "blind man" to reality with no credibility.

Post 11:

In Dr. Garrett's most recent email he's trying to act like I'm Syd Barrett with not knowing what planet he's on. The truth is Dr. Garrett was the sexual sadist. He was gaslighting me into thinking Kelly had HIV, then suggested the hypodermic needle which led to me taking PrEP.

Come Sail Away (05 25 2023)

Come Sail Away (05 25 2023):

August 18, 2016

August 18, 2016:

I think I dated Taylor Swift undercover, Dr. Garrett, Fantasy, Reality (05 25 2023)

I think I dated Taylor Swift undercover, Dr. Garrett

Dr. Garrett said:

May 25, 8:03 AM 

Andrew

One characteristic of people that cannot be disguised is their height.  A person cannot extend or compress the length of their bones.  That is quite impossible.  The woman in the picture (Lizzie) is clearly not taller than you.  She looks to be a few inches shorter than you, because you are stooped over in the picture.  She is clearly not 5'11" like Taylor Swift.  She is clearly not Taylor Swift.  

Please print out this email exchange and/or save it on your computer.  Not that more examples are needed, but it is a very clear example of how your daydreams deceive you into misinterpreting reality.  

When you say that you SUSPECT something is true as you say from time to time you are really implying that you believe the daydream you are currently imagining to be true.  To say that you SUSPECT that Lizzie is Taylor Swift when such a conclusion is quite impossible shows how far from reality you have drifted.  Sadly, Andrew, in the last 6 months you have drifted slowly more and more in the direction of being a man who daydreams all day long, a waking dreamer, who no longer spends much time in the real world.  Even if Taylor Swift were to show up one day in a tour bus to "rescue" you (and that most assuredly is not going to happen) in your current state of mind you would not be able to function as a part of her tour because you are so far out of touch with reality.  By indulging your daydreams you have effectively rendered yourself a blind man who cannot function in the real world because you cannot see the real world as it actually is.  

Many people like yourself have made the difficult journey back from daydreams to reality.  That's a journey with a lot of sadness and anxiety along the way, but it is the only road that leads anywhere.  Daydreams just go around and around in your mind and don't move your forward in reality.  

Please keep me posted on when you finish your day treatment program.  Clozapine is a recommendation because you seem unable to orient yourself to reality without some outside help.  Clozapine might help you turn the corner so you can head back toward the real world.

Dr G

My Email:

May 25, 8:12 AM

I will be finishing up with the Partial Program in a week or two... Although you said this woman cannot be Taylor Swift because of her height, I continue with my daydream thinking Taylor Swift is lying about her height to the media. Like you said a while ago, why not just daydream to make my other daydreams true. The truth is I dated Lizzie. A woman who was working at Target at the time, not a rich and famous pop Superstar.

I really don't want to take Clozaril because of the adverse side effects. I'm taking Abilify and Depakote at the moment. However, I need to be able to distinguish between what's fantasy and reality.

My Email:

May 25, 8:16 AM 

Now the daydream is changing, I believe it's Miley Cyrus, not Taylor Swift. Remember it's delusional fantasy

Dr. Garrett said:

May 25, 9:52 AM 

Andrew

See how your mind works.   When you realize the Taylor Swift idea is a daydream you just reach for a replacement daydream (Miley Cyrus).  You maintain yourself in a constant dream state, like a blind man who cannot bear to see reality.  Keep trying to keep yourself grounded in reality.

My Email:

May 25, 12:25 PM 

Exactly. Now that daydream is shifting from Taylor Swift, to Miley Cyrus, to the daughter of George W. Bush.

Like you said, it's ALL DAYDREAMS.

Lizzie is someone from the suburbs who I dated for a year.

Stay grounded in reality.

Dr. Garrett said:

May 25, 12:27 PM

It is all daydreaming.

Dr. Coplan said:

May 25, 1:35 PM

I endorse Dr G’s recommendation to take the leap with the clozapine. You are spending your life focused on your delusions. It makes no difference when you are contradicted. The delusions have a life of their own. 

Dr C

May 25, 2023

May 25, 2023:

Some Posts (05 25 2023)

Post 01:

Did you gaslight me into taking PrEP? Be honest. It's was intentional, wasn't it? Did you place the debris?

Post 02:

I know something nefarious was going on, but did they intend for me to step on debris and for me to take PrEP, were their intentions THAT BAD? Or was it relatively innocent and everything that could have gone wrong - did go wrong?

Post 03:

How angry am I going to get when I discover the truth? Did you plan to get me to take PrEP?

Post 04:

CAN SOMEONE STOP LYING AND TELL ME THE TRUTH?!

Post 05:

I can basically forgive everything except if you intentionally gaslit me into taking PrEP. You need to have had good intentions. To metaphorically rape and hurt me, I thought you were genuinely my friend, it would be unforgivable. You know?

Post 06:

Comedy is a great genre. I think that's how you would classify some of my content? Or maybe they are like weird home movies? But they were performative in nature. It was some funny content. Now I'm more serious.

Post 07:

I still create social media content hoping to become rich and famous. I haven't given up on my dreams yet. Do it in moderation, don't get obsessed, and do it all day long. But in a way, I have fun creating it.

Post 08:

You can get obsessed. That's probably what Olympic athletes do. Train all day long. With that said, they can't be that happy doing it all day long. The happiest people take a break and do it in moderation. However, you're not going to get the gold medal if you do it in moderation

Post 09:

There's no gold medal for me... Yet. Hopefully, someday in my lifetime. Maybe I'll be like Vincent van Gogh and get discovered after my death.

Post 10:

I am trying and I think my content is epic. And I am having fun doing it. It would be good to make a little money off of it.

Post 11:

But of course, you got to get your mental health in check first.

You can't be rabid and foaming at the mouth. You need to be stable for a corporation to offer you a job.

Post 12:

I think calming down, being Zen and Buddhist, for me at least is the key to success

That's the whole yoga mentality.

I did a few times a few years ago. It wasn't for me. Though, it was cool to be surrounded by all the ladies. I believe that was the only guy in the class.

Post 13:

Being surrounded by all ladies in a yoga class - I felt like James Bond. 

We were just exercising. However, I do get socially awkward.

That's probably something I should have grown out of in college. Attractive women still get me awkward.

I think I dated Taylor Swift undercover, Dr. Garrett (05 25 2023)

My Email:

Wed, May 24, 8:02 PM 

I think I dated Taylor Swift undercover using the name "Lizzie" in 2015 / 2016.

Do they look the same?

I had no idea until now.

My Email:

Wed, May 24, 9:15 PM 

I literally dated Taylor Swift in 2015/2016 and didn't have the slightest clue... I knew her as "Lizzie." 

And when "Taylor Swift" appeared on the internet in 2017 / 2018, I wasn't thinking of her as "Lizzie."

Could she have paid for this apartment? It's POSSIBLE!

Dr. Garrett said:

Thursday, May 25, 5:41 AM

Andrew - How tall are you?

My Email:

Thursday, May 25, 6:03 AM 

I was under the impression I'm not taller than Taylor Swift. I believe I'm 5'8. Though, some have said I'm more like 5'10. Taylor Swift is 5'11. My ex-girlfriend appears shorter than me. So it's not Taylor... Unless of course, it is.

My Email:

Thursday, May 25, 6:35 AM 

I'm trying to tell myself it's blurring fantasy and reality, delusional daydreams, but something is telling me "Lizzie" wasn't just someone working at Target from the suburbs. I might've been actually dating Taylor Swift in 2015 / 2016 and I didn't have the slightest clue until yesterday. I don't, or didn't, even think of Lizzie as Taylor Swift. I just thought of her as an old friend from many years ago. 

Some Posts (05 24 2023)

About Owen Hart 01:

After plunging to his death from a defective quick release clip, they began playing a video package hyping the upcoming match where he's acting buffoonish and telling jokes, meanwhile, he's dying in the ring. It was surreal to witness. I thought it was part of the show initially.

About Owen Hart 02:

I hate to call myself a conspiracy theorist... Do you think they wanted to kill Owen for nearly paralyzing Stone Cold? Or do you think it was an accident? Even if it was an accident, he was in the doghouse and they were tarring and feathering him after it happened.

Post 01:

I don't blame Kelly for sitting in solitude for 2022. She not my mother. An unintended consequence of our breakup was losing my only friend. I don't know if she wished that on me - but that's what happened - then I began descending into madness. She doesn't owe me friendship.

Post 02:

I'm a pretty good guy who likes doing the right thing. So I want the truth about everything, sooner rather than later. I'm hoping for honesty and transparency.

Post 03:

Another theory. It was Dr. Garrett who sent Kelly to the Fountain House in 2019 to INTENTIONALLY give me an HIV scare? I still maintain something fishy and nefarious was going on. Were both Dr. Garrett and Kelly sadistic monsters behind a mask?

Post 04:

They are sexual sadists who were INTENTIONALLY torturing me, but why? Does there need to be a reason? Maybe they're just psychopaths who get off on my suffering?

Post 05:

Do you think Dr. Coplan could've been a nefarious monster behind a mask too? Do you think the medications Dr. Coplan prescribed could've caused brain damage or anything bad? It was my mother who wanted me to take them.

Post 06:

I need to remind myself Dr. Coplan, Dr. Garrett, Kelly and my parents want to help me. They're all wishing the best for me. Don't get delusional about them thinking they're sexual sadists who were trying to murder me while creating the facade they were trying to help me.

Post 07:

Obviously, I'm not happy about taking the psychiatric medications, but I need them because I'm sick and mentally ill. I don't like the adverse side effects, obviously, but do the best I can because it keeps me out of the psychiatric hospital.

Post 08:

Being financially dependent on my mother is like a cocoon. Although I feel safe, protected, and I don't have to work... I am unprepared for my mother's departure. It's important to act like a man. I should get money, meet friends, get a life. It's the natural progression of life.

Dr. Garrett E-Mails, November 2020, Adolf Hitler - put me in the oven

Adolf Hitler - put me in the oven

My Email:

Wed, Nov 11, 2020, 7:55 PM

Yesterday, my mother said she’ll put my pizza in the microwave for a little extra crunch. On the surface, that might seem like an innocent comment, but I know she was comparing herself to Adolf Hitler. She was saying she put me in the oven. I was tortured by my parents. They wear the innocent Jesus Christ mask, but they’re sadistically torturing me. I ferociously want to scream and my mom is patient, peaceful, calm – it makes me look not credible.  

My Email:

Wed, Nov 11, 2020, 8:37 PM

The intense delusions have passed. My mom loves me  

Dr. Garrett said:

Thu, Nov 12, 2020, 5:34 AM

Andrew

It is sad to say, but your idea that your mother offering to put your pizza in the oven was meant to be a hidden communication to you that your mother considered herself to be like Adolf Hitler putting Jews in the oven is an example of PREDICATE LOGIC,  which goes like this ...

Hitler put Jews in the oven

My mother offered to put my pizza in the oven

All acts of putting something in the oven are the same (in PREDICATE LOGIC)

Putting pizza in the oven is the same as putting Jews in the oven

Therefore, my mother is the same as Hitler.  

It is frightening to grasp and truly accept that the main obstacle to your living independently in the world is the way your mind works.  That's the bad news.  The good news is, because the problem is an internal one rather than an external one that you have no chance of controlling, with persistent effort you may be able to CATCH IT - CHECK IT - CHANGE IT to get your mind back on track when it is derailed by PREDICATE LOGIC.

My colleague offered several ideas about where you might send your drawings.  I will email about this later.

Dr G  

My Email:

Thu, Nov 12, 2020, 9:28 AM

You're right. It was predicate logic.

Thanks for the upcoming information about the drawings.

Dr. Garrett said:

Thu, Nov 12, 2020, 1:47 PM

Andrew

You make up your own ideas of what to draw, but if the inspiration occurs to you I would be very interested in seeing a 4 panel drawing that illustrates predicate logic, where your mother goes from being the person who provides food, clothing, and shelter to Hitler.

Dr. Garrett E-Mails, June 2020, Let It Go

Let It Go

My Email:

Wed, Jun 3, 2020, 10:24 PM

I'm extremely disappointed with my parents, especially my father. I'm mentally sick and frustrated. I'm ANGRY at him, want him to DO SOMETHING, to HELP. I get INTENSE bane of my existence delusions. I must stop trying to make them feel guilt, let it go, and make myself a success.

Dr. Garrett said:

Thu, Jun 4, 2020, 8:37 AM

Andrew

In your frustration, and daunted by the task ahead of you in your recovery process aimed at being more independent, you hope that a celebrity will rescue you.  A similar sentiment rises in you with regard to your parents.  A son might feel toward a parent, "I am in pain!  Can't you fix this?   Do something!"  Your father can be more or less helpful, but he cannot "fix" the situation.  That has to be a collective effort with you in the lead.  When you cry out to a parent and they fail to "fix" your situation your unhappiness and anger turns to a delusional conviction that your mother, father, and step-father are all sexual predators.  The hurt part of your child-mind feels "My parents could do something if they wanted to, but they don't" which makes your suffering feel as though it has been intentionally sadistically inflicted by your parents.  

Keep working on the comedic video highlighting issues of mental illness.  Howling to the wind over the internet hoping your voice will carry to a celebrity rescuer or a tribunal that will punish your parents and yield a lucrative monetary settlement may relieve some emotional pressure but it does not advance your recovery in a realistic way.  Ironic to say, although you maintain that you are a comedic genius (as you know, I think you are smart and quite funny, but I am not all in on the genius part yet), for all your publicly proclaiming your merit, you do not trust in yourself.  There is some dark humor in a genius not trusting himself.   You trust in celebrity rescue or tribunal justice.  If you are to succeed in becoming more independent, the "comedic genius" must trust in himself more, in a confidence that with persistent effort and hard work you can make a place for yourself in the real world.

Dr G  

My Email:

Thu, Jun 4, 2020, 12:39 PM

I need to remind myself my father, Bob Koloski, is not a rapist child molester. My mom isn't SADISTICALLY gaslighting me and keeping me in a chastity belt. I'm mentally ill from the middle school bullying.

There's no sexual predator.

I'm so sexually frustrated and am dependent on my parents, so I blame them like a hungry baby. My parents love me very much. They're not the bane of my existence

My Email:

Thu, Jun 4, 2020, 1:31 PM

Although my mom and dad tell me that Bob Koloski is my biological father. I suspect someone successful really is. My parents sadistically abused and sabotaged my life for this reason. It's probably not Syd Barrett, Billy Joel seems more likely.

Sadly, it's too late. I probably can't do anything about sexual abuse anymore.

Or: fantasy and reality get blurred. Frustration and disappointment with my parents. Blame them for my sexual HUNGER. It FEELS LIKE sexual abuse, but they love me very much. They aren't the bane of my existence

My Email:

Jun 4, 2020, 1:52 PM

Should I stop eating the food Bob Koloski brings over? Especially the cold cuts? Is it likely he gets someone with HIV to sabotage the food beforehand? Basically, I've had no fun in my life. I'm terrified I never will because Bob Koloski will poison me with HIV.

I'm delusional and getting lost in psychosis, right? My parents didn't nefariously sabotage me, my parents love me. COME BACK TO EARTH.

Dr. Garrett said:

Jun 4, 2020, 2:30 PM

Yes, you are getting lost in delusion.

My Email:

Jun 4, 2020, 2:35 PM

I'M SORRY. I was feeling sick, the delusions have passed.