They're Liars (08 31 2023):
Drowning (08 31 2023):
Driving On Sand (08 31 2023):
Thursday, August 31, 2023
They're Liars
Can somebody tell me the truth? They're lying to and gaslighting me about everything.
Dr Coplan said (about my parents gaslighting me): "We have said not multiple times"
"It's a perseverative delusion costing you multiple hours a day."
I just think they're liars who aren't telling me the truth. I don't know why I just can't believe them.
This is an even bigger issue than the HIV scare, which everybody is leading me to believe was an accident. I feel like they have lied to me about literally everything for my whole life. Everything is one big web of lies. Even if the HIV scare is an accident, there was deception.
This is not me being "unwell." This is they're gaslighters and deceivers. They always have been. I'm just sick of it. I say the truth about everything. I'm completely transparent. And they can't tell me the truth about a single thing. They lie about literally everything.
Some Posts (08 31 2023)
Post 01:
It's getting better. After hard times, there's usually a rainbow I guess.
Post 02:
Sometimes a little love, friendship, can make all the difference. After suffering it'll be good to have a friend and have a good cry. Ya know? I think feeling loved after feeling unloved will be bittersweet.
Post 03:
I think my parents are going on vacation for a week. I'll be HOME ALONE. It's like the start of some Macaulay Culkin movie... Except I'm 36-years-old. Some bandits who like me for my social media photos will show up this week... And I'll defeat them like they're the Wet Bandits.
Post 04:
People used to play the Deftones song Change to taunt the traumas I lived through. Don't worry, I've probably changed for the better... Mostly. Keep on fighting. Now I'm a badass. Better than I ever was. I'm Mr. Suave, not like Syd Barrett with eyes like black holes in the sky.
Post 05:
I'll admit I have lost my innocence. There's a naivety to me that will never return... And there's a beauty to youth. However, to act like I'm a lobotomy man who is so traumatized by my life that I can't function is bullshit. I'm charming, hilarious, handsome, and intelligent.
Post 06:
Frankly, the people who are playing Deftones - Change about me have probably changed in many ways for the worse as well. Just because I had a lot of psychiatric hospitalizations and traumatic experiences doesn't mean everything beautiful about me has gone away forever.
Post 07:
To the homeless people out there, if you want a delicious meal, just go to a restaurant after a busy Saturday and dig through the dumpster out back. People will order a gigantic rib platter, eat one rib, then throw it away. You can probably get delicious meals from the dumpsters.
Wednesday, August 30, 2023
Emails, Dr. Garrett, August 2023, HIV Scare
Dr. Garrett's Email:
Aug 30, 2023, 9:34 AM
Andrew
I will see you not this coming Thursday, but Thursday next week at 11:15
In the meantime, in this post you say that I tried to make you feel HIV positive. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is you who feels anxious about HIV. That anxiety comes from inside you. I have consistently reassured you that you do not have HIV. Your memory that I "gaslit" you is the opposite of historical reality. I fear you have entered so deeply into your daydream world that you may no longer have an accurate memory of what is happening in your life. When you daydream your past you will not be able to learn from the past, and so will not be able to think effectively about your future.
If you belief I am gaslighting you, why would you continue to see me? If you don't believe I am gaslighting you, why say that I am?
Dr G
My Email:
Aug 30, 2023, 11:16 AM
You make a valid point about how you were trying to calm my anxieties about HIV. You're a good doctor who was trying to help me.
If my memory serves me correct, I was getting panic attacks after getting intimate with Kelly in November 2019. That's when the HIV tsunami really began.
Then on January 1, 2020, after the new year as we were leaving, I stepped on debris at an upscale lounge in New York City, it pushed through my shoe, and went into my foot.
I told you via email that I stepped on sharp debris then you asked if it was a "hypodermic needle"? That's a valid question to ask. It wasn't. It led to me going to the emergency room due to irrational fear. It led to me taking PrEP for January 2020.
I continue to see you because the majority of the time I view you as a good doctor. Occasionally, when I get emotional about HIV, I blame you. Other times I blame Kelly, other times I blame my parents (my mother drove me to the emergency room). The truth is it was an accident.
See you next Thursday at 11:15.
Dr. Garrett's Email:
Aug 30, 2023, 11:23 AM
Good. These are realistic thoughts.
Tuesday, August 29, 2023
HIV Scare Posts (08 29 2023)
Post 01:
They really gave me the HIV scare intentionally and when they tell me the truth I'm going to fly into an irrational rage. At this point, they might as well just admit it.
Post 02:
Just tell me the truth, they were all bullying me, humiliating me, stripping me of my dignity, turning me into a laughing stock, then I had an HIV scare and none of their bullying is funny anymore... Not that it ever was. But now they look like despicable monsters.
Post 03:
Stop giving me metaphorical hints and tell me what I know is true.
Post 04:
What happened was they were brutally bullying me in secret then I wound up metaphorically dying from their bullying. At first, they were trying to justify it as if I wasn't a human being. Now it's just so sad and they can't even put their spin to it anymore.
Post 05:
So did they intend to get me to take PrEP too? If not, if my mother was not in on the prank, then why didn't they tell me they were the ones who placed at debris on January 1, 2020 when I went to the emergency room. That would have been the time to end this and speak up.
Post 06:
Someone gave me a look like PrEP was intentional too. They intended to metaphorically rape me. They were trying to murder me pharmacologically. It's no delusion.
Post 07:
Stop with the metaphorical hints and tell me the truth about everything. Cowards. I'm hoping it's really like The Blue Blazer and PrEP was an accident. I'm hoping they're not so psychopathic that they'd actually gaslight me into taking PrEP. But who knows? The whole thing is evil
Post 08:
Everyone is letting me know it's not just as bad as I'm imagining it to be, it's even worse, they were sexual sadists who were torturing me and I'm like Elizabeth Smart. I'm trying to project empathy and compassion into their minds. They're literally PSYCHOPATHS who have none.
Post 09:
I'm trying to tell myself the HIV scare was accidental because I don't want to imagine anyone could be that cold, sadistic, and evil. It was premeditated and intentional. They wanted to metaphorically rape me. I was like a virgin at the time. They wanted me to feel HIV positive.
Post 10:
It was Dr Garrett who metaphorically raped me by trying to make me feel HIV positive, and he gaslit me into thinking the monsters were Kelly and my family. They wanted me to feel like superstar. It was Dr Garrett who had nefarious intentions. Or was the entire thing an accident?
Post 11:
Let the emotional tsunami calm down and stop posting. The HIV scare very traumatic. I probably have complex PTSD and my mind goes haywire when I think it's intentional. Emotions and suspicions are not facts. Calm down. Zen. Let my emotions calm down. Become lucid and rational.
Post 12:
The problem is even if me taking PrEP was an accident I don't believe them because they're liars.
Some Posts (08 29 2023)
Post 01:
What's the big secret(s) that are being kept from me? I'm certain it's going to send me into an irrational rage when I find out.
Post 02:
I wish they would stop lying to me and tell me the truth about everything. It's not funny. They're obviously deceiving me.
Post 03:
They weren't eating at Famous Dave's, they were eating at five star restaurants in New York City, while I was working for minimum wage at some hellhole.
Post 04:
Is this as bad as I'm imagining this to be? Or is my mind going haywire and I'm having an emotional tsunami? Maybe it's not so bad. Who the hell am I kidding? It's really bad and they had bad intentions.
Post 05:
My father said: "More and more and more negative post about your family."
"Social media is your ticket to a waisted life."
"Please call and listen to your doctors."
"The truth: you are not doing good. Stop lying to yourself."
Post 06:
The mass shooters are suicidal, are going nowhere in their lives, and the media makes these losers into antiheros like The Joker for doing something despicable and over-the-top.
Post 07:
Virginia Tech was the worst with them turning Cho into an antihero. The media got a lot of bad publicity for how they covered that. They've toned down on how they cover mass shooters since then.
Post 08:
People just can't think like someone who is flying under the radar, is rejected by society, has had enough, and is suicidal. Sure, easy access to guns is a problem too. But many of these mass shooters did it for the media attention.
Post 09:
They're doing a brain scan MRI. My mother told me not to be nervous. I'll be courageous. It's a lot easier than the psych ward. Frankly, this is a breeze. Hopefully, the MRI doesn't discover something life-threateningly wrong with my brain. I'm definitely getting headaches.
Sunday, August 27, 2023
My parents are sexual sadists who intentionally tortured me
My parents are sexual sadists who intentionally tortured me
My parents knew exactly what they were doing. They were getting Dr. Coplan to negligently prescribe medications to torture me
I was like Elizabeth Smart. My parents were torturing me, deceiving me, gaslighting me, and they are monsters behind a mask who are sexual sadists.
Or am I "getting emotional"? My parents love me. They weren't and aren't getting sexual pleasure from my suffering.
Dr. Coplan E-Mail (08 27 2023)
Dr. Coplan said: "Andrew this sounds delusional again. Common themes are parental deception and betrayal and you being gaslighted. It’s time for Clozaril. How much time and effort are you expending on these delusions ."
Saturday, August 26, 2023
My Father, Sugar Babies, Famous Dave's
I suspect my father is secretly wealthy, had sugar babies, and took them to the restaurant where I was working for minimum wage - Famous Dave's. He was laughing about how the prostitute would make more money than his son. Or is this daydreams becoming real? Delusions?
The only evidence I have for my father taking a sugar baby to Famous Dave's, where I used to work, is metaphorical hints they are giving me. If this is true, It's angering to think they were getting pleasure from my suffering. Also, it would mean 2011 wasn't that delusional.
I suspect I knew my father's sugar baby. Whether it was somebody I went to school with, or an ex-girlfriend of mine, they were keeping a major secret. They were turning me into a buffoon while doing it. As we say in psychiatry, suspect it's key word for daydreams becoming real.
Nobody has officially confirmed my father was using sugar babies while providing me with the bare minimum. At this point, it's just suspicions. Nobody has officially told me my father is lying.
Friday, August 25, 2023
Thursday, August 24, 2023
The truth about the HIV scare
If I find that the HIV scare was premeditated, I might fly into an irrational rage and won't care if I go to jail for life. Thankfully, as everybody has said, nobody conspired to do that to me. So there's nothing to worry about I guess.
You want to do your little lawyer, Notorious BIG "who shot ya?" where I can't prove you did it to me but everybody will know? How about I transparently seek revenge and leave no doubt whatsoever as to what I've done? It'd be the end of my life, but worth it for revenge?
Even if my worst fears are confirmed, they deceived me, metaphorically raped me, never loved me, and it was all with premeditated intent... Don't go into an emotional tsunami and throw my life away. I've suffered for 36 years. I deserve to enjoy my life. Don't go to jail over it.
They accuse me of being a liar. That's such bullshit and they know it. I'm the most transparent, honest guy there is. I speak frankly. Am I emotional? Absolutely. I'll tell you exactly what I'm going to do. But I'm not a liar. Everything about me is exposed for all to see.
TELL ME THE TRUTH! STOP GASLIGHTING ME
The reason they don't tell me the truth is because it's not only as bad as I SUSPECT it is, and I SUSPECT it's extremely bad, but it's even worse than I'm imagining and they know if they tell me my mind will go haywire and I'll go into an emotional tsunami.
Ignorance is bliss.
Wednesday, August 23, 2023
Is my father upper class?
Stop giving me metaphorical hints and tell me the truth. Is my father upper class? Has he been turning me into a laughing stock for 36 years? If so, I'm totally going to fly into an irrational rage. If not, if it's just delusions, then there's nothing to worry about I suppose.
If I discover my father is upper class, I'll quickly stop villainizing my blue collar, hard-working stepfather, and I'll immediately passionately hate my father and will want revenge on him because I've lived a lower class existence and was extremely neglected for years.
I'm sick of getting lied to and gaslit by my mother and father. It's obvious they are lying to me. They know I know they're lying. Yet they continue to lie to and tell me I need psychiatric medications. The problem is not me. Gaslighting can cause psychosis. They play mind games.
Is this just suspicions becoming real? I'm proclaiming my delusional beliefs that my father is a millionaire, or possibly a billionaire, and he allowed me to have less than $2,000, be on snap food stamps, eating the worst trash imaginable, in horrible mental health.
Tuesday, August 22, 2023
Artwork (08 22 2023)
College Years, Middle-Aged (08 22 2023):
Jump (08 22 2023):
Crying (08 22 2023):
Help Me (08 22 2023):
Carrot Man (08 22 2023):
Monday, August 21, 2023
It's Lady Gaga
I believe what happened, and I know it's a proclamation of delusional beliefs, but this one is true... Lady Gaga was dating my cousin Joey. They (my aunt, uncles, and cousins) erased me from their life for the past 15 years because of Lady Gaga. She thought I was a "psychopath", gonna be a "mass shooter", and wanted nothing to do with me.
When I first started creating my social media content, they thought it was "shit" and I was like a terrorist who was trying to destroy her career. But that's not true. I was creating awesome performances and had no clue she was dating my cousin.
Now they all LOVE ME. I believe they're living at the house across from ours in Massapequa, Kelly is there too, and so is Charles Wang's daughter.
I was hanging out with Lady Gaga in disguise in NYC through Kelly. She was basically walking into the Fountain House with no security because she felt so badly about January 2020
Sunday, August 20, 2023
NYC Videos
Here are my NYC videos from 2019 - 2021. Interestingly enough, it clearly documents what happened in January 2020. I'm not sure how this version of me was attractive to women but the current version isn't. It must be my social media posts. I'm badass now.
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUqU1JpO5CzpYdKv-qVq66-BvTT41Djoh
Saturday, August 19, 2023
HIV Scare Posts (08 19 2023)
Post 01:
The whole HIV scare was PREMEDITATED and INTENTIONAL. It's obvious. Who is to blame? Tell me the truth. Admit it.
Post 02:
Admit the truth... These psychopaths really gaslit me into the having an HIV scare.
Post 03:
Why did the psychopaths metaphorically rape me? Why did they do it?
Post 04:
Tell me the f****** truth. They admit it's going to happen on social media prior. They gave me an HIV scare with premeditated intent. Admit it.
Post 05:
Are they really all sadistic psychopathic monsters? Are they really Satan like that?
Post 06:
Tell me the fucking truth.
Post 07:
Is it really as bad as I'm imagining it to be? Why did they do it?
Post 08:
They really did it to me. They conspired to give me an HIV scare with premeditated intent. It's no delusion. They're sexual sadists and monsters behind a mask.
Post 09:
Can somebody just admit it. They really gave me the HIV scare. I know it. It's obvious. Just admit it.
Post 10:
Just punched the ten millionth hole in the wall. It'll get ugly when my mom discovers it. Just go to bed for now.
Post 11:
I have a feeling if I knew the truth - I would legitimately snap. Can somebody be kind and loving to me?
Post 12:
At some point, something that was supposed to be sexy and funny, although I don't agree. It was bullying. But it definitely turned into horrifying and depressing. I can't imagine they anticipated it would get this bad when giving me the HIV scare.
Post 13:
The reason I make the same posts over, and over again is because it's the truth. I was given an HIV scare with premeditated intent. It's not a "delusion." They should be in jail.
Post 14:
They knew exactly what they were doing. They conspired to get me to take PrEP. It was no accident.
Post 15:
They're not sorry. The entire thing was planned and premeditated. They wanted to give me an HIV scare.
Friday, August 18, 2023
HIV Scare Posts (08 18 2023)
Post 01:
Tell me the truth RIGHT NOW.
Post 02:
I'm going to become so irrationally angry. To be honest with you, they don't even need to tell me the truth. I know it's true. Now I want revenge. How can I get revenge on these psychopaths?
Post 03:
Was the HIV scare premeditated too? Did they metaphorically rape me too?
Post 04:
Let's put it this way, if somebody says they gave me the HIV scare with premeditated intent, or they CONSPIRED to give me the HIV scare - I'm going to become irrationally angry. I'll turn into The Incredible Hulk. I won't care if I wind up in jail for life. But I need to know.
Post 05:
There's no reason to worry, though, because nobody conspired to give me an HIV scare with premeditated intent. Nobody conspired to metaphorically rape me. It was just an accident. Correct?
Post 06:
At this point I WANT THE TRUTH.
Post 07:
TELL ME THE TRUTH. I KNOW IT'S TRUE.
Post 08:
I'm going to be so fucking angry when they tell me the truth.
Post 09:
I'll calm down. I'll let my emotions calm down. Let this wave pass. Even if it's really fucking bad, don't react like The Incredible Hulk. React calm, cool, and collected.
Post 10:
They really gave me the HIV scare. They really metaphorically raped me. It's no delusion. These psychopaths tortured me premeditatedly.
Post 11:
I am so angry at the psychopaths and I don't even know what to do. I want revenge but there's nothing I can do.
Post 12:
Calm down. To my parents and Kelly I'm like the blue blazer. They did not intend to give me an HIV scare. Maybe Dr Garrett did. But my parents weren't getting revenge for the delusions in 2011. My parents aren't secretly sexual sadists who wanted me to feel HIV positive.
Some Posts (08 18 2023)
Post 01:
Why do I think my cousins and Lady Gaga were at the Sean Avery rule game and the analogy was a hint from Oje Hart?
Post 02:
If what I suspect is true, the careers of the WWE and Lady Gaga should be destroyed. WWE for excluding Owen Hart's family. Lady Gaga and my family for erasing me then I had an HIV scare after 36 years of no life. Don't feel badly for them because they're fun to be around.
Post 03:
I have a feeling I'm going to be friends with Owen Hart's family and will feel like a rockstar soon. What a rush this will be. Hahahaha.
Post 04:
Or maybe it's about to end like The Blue Blazer for me. Regardless, any change is better than this disabled adult child, pouring his life down the drain, solitary nonsense. Win or lose - I want change. Ideally, I'm hoping to become a rich and famous superstar.
Post 05:
This is going to be the most hilarious twist of fate ever. Lady Gaga sounds like an idiotic, pretentious, out of touch, narcissistic loser when she performed Million Reasons on the Howard Stern show, believing she's "brilliant", unaware she just got trolled.
Post 06:
I should see if Oje Hart can represent me pro bono like Phoenix Wright, and he'll compare everything to the quick release even though it has no relation to the quick release whatsoever. I'd lose in court but it would be hilarious. What happened is not a joke. This is very serious
Post 07:
Sensationalistic fantasy aside, what happened is very tragic. But for a joke and a dark comedy, having Oje Hart representing me like Phoenix Wright I found to be hilarious... And in the end he'll get locked in the insane asylum too.
Post 08:
I haven't had a relationship with my cousins, aunts, and uncles since my childhood... Because they chose The Sopranos and Lady Gaga over me. They wanted to erase me because I am mentally ill.
Thursday, August 17, 2023
Some Posts (08 17 2023)
Post 01:
When I discover the truth, I'll hate you. But I won't be angry. I'll just be cold and will want nothing to do with you. I don't need you at all.
Post 02:
Tell me the truth about everything. My aunts, uncles, and cousins know rich and powerful people and were having the time of their life while I was in hell.
Post 03:
Was the HIV scare premeditated and intentional too? Did they metaphorically rape me too? Do they want me to explode when I discover the truth?
Post 04:
It's obviously Lady Gaga who knew my cousins.
Post 05:
I'm going to be so IRRATIONALLY ANGRY when I discover the truth.
Racism Posts (08 17 2023)
Post 01:
I believe I was falsely accused of being a racist 13 years ago and that's the reason Disney didn't hire me back then. The ironic part is I'm not a racist. I'm a goody two shoes. Like Captain America. If a cute woman shows interest in me - I couldn't care less what her race is.
Post 02:
Personally, I find racism stupid. However, if the reason I wasn't hired 13 years ago was because of false racism allegations, I should play a comedic and bigoted white supremacy gimmick as a "fuck you" to Disney. Just kidding. I'm just annoyed because I'm not a racist.
Post 03:
I've probably said stupid shit in my childhood to make racist relatives laugh. The ironic part is THEY WERE ENCOURAGING IT. The older generation were the actual racists. Then they go on to be successful because they're phonies. I'm actually the one who isn't racist. I'm honest.
Post 04:
I find what Hulk Hogan and Michael Richards did to be stupid... They sound like morons. But if people are going to falsely accuse me of being a racist, make me starve as a disabled adult child because of it, I do have a masochistic death wish. I can play a gimmick as a "fuck you*
Post 05:
It were my aunts, uncles, grandparents who were the TRUE RACISTS. The older generation. I was just trying to make them laugh. They all know it too. I was a child who was getting bullied. I needed help. They were the bigoted losers.
Post 06:
When I'm a successful movie star I won't have anything to do with my family because they're racists on the sly. They just lie. Hahahaha.
Post 07:
With my racist gimmick, I'll say stupid mentally ill shit. Meanwhile, my best friends will be Kanye West and Dave Chappelle. We'll belong on the psych ward. We'll be starving and homeless. Then these Jewish and Asian billionaires will say "we can't hire him, he's racist."
Post 08:
Yes, RACISM is the problem here. (Sarcasm)
The problem is really poverty, having no money, and mental illness.
Post 09:
RACISM is such a stupid and intellectually lazy narrative. The media loves it by the way.
Although I'm not a racist, be the antihero Gotham City deserves.
The fake news is just entertainment. So why not be The Joker for their amusement? I'm masochistic and have no future.
Post 10:
Calm down! Stop with the tasteless and inappropriate jokes. I'm just angry Disney didn't hire me 13 years ago, but maybe they're reconsidering hiring me. Don't ruin it AGAIN. It'll be another 13 years before I get a third chance. I'm like a 1960s hippie. I'm into peace on earth.
Post 11:
I'm going to make the last tasteless and inappropriate joke for forever. I was metaphorically lynched for being falsely accused of racism. Maybe in the psych ward, I can convince Dave Chappelle and Kanye West how like Sami Zayn in the WWE, I'm a part of the bloodline.
Post 12:
Seriously though, we should stop seeing people as black men, asian men, hispanic men, white men. We should see each other not by the color of our skin. We should see each other as men. We can all be in agreement that we're superior to women. Okay, that's the last tasteless joke.
Post 13:
It's just a joke. I'm not misogynistic. Not even slightly. I love women. Actually, I get along with women better than I get along with most men. I'm very much a male feminist.
Post 14:
People ask me how I know I was falsely accused of being a racist... Well, metaphorical hints people have been giving me, of course!
Tuesday, August 15, 2023
Artwork (08 15 2023)
Our House (08 15 2023):
The Elephant In The Room (08 15 2023):
Man-Child (08 15 2023):
Some Posts (08 15 2023)
Post 01:
I SUSPECT I was a friendly acquaintance of a billionaires daughter at Stony Brook University and didn't have the slightest clue she was the daughter of a billionaire. They let me know how I underestimated the size of my "Chinese order" through a metaphorical hint on social media.
I assumed she was middle / working class until literally this month - August 2023.
Sadly, I became very sick and obsessed because she was the first woman who showed interest in me.
Kelly likely has plenty of money and is her friend.
I re-met her through Kelly at the met museum years later (in 2021). She was using a different name. But she was totally the same person. Lol.
I hope January 2020 was an accident. It probably was for the most part. It's kind of like when I broke my friends finger. I didn't intend to hurt him. It was an accident.
I know SUSPECT is keyword for daydreams becoming real. Delusional fantasyland. But I think this one is true. I really think she was the daughter of a billionaire. However, no one has ever told me it's fact. So it's just like the Taylor Swift delusion. Fantasy becoming real.
Post 02:
She is back but is it only because I'm an amazing artist? If I was homeless or in a group home would she have cared? I don't think so. I think she just watched me come back with determination and make myself a winner, now she wants to associate with me because I'm a winner.
Post 03:
If I was a loser nobody would have cared. People like my story now because I made myself a winner.
Post 04:
Welcome back 13 years too late. She was having fun. I probably have a terminal illness like brain cancer now. However, it was not her responsibility to create a life for me. I kind of made a lot of bad choices. Take accountability for pouring my own life down the drain.
Post 05:
I BELIEVE she liked me in college, saw my power level, but I went crazy. We went our separate ways. She's the one who dated the upper class billionaires, but was watching me for years and was genuinely disturbed by my decent into madness. BELIEVE could be a keyword for delusions.
Post 06:
Everyone screwed me over, was bullying me in secret, and treating me unkind. The people who weren't are like 21 year olds. If they knew me then they would've bullied me too. Basically, I'm just going to lose faith in humanity when I discover the truth
Post 07:
Fuck my "friends" and family who betrayed me from the past. Just meet new people - which I have been doing. I've been making friends with these new people. I'm hurt because it feels like everyone betrayed me. No one genuinely likes me. They only like me because of my artwork.
Post 08:
Thankfully, I came back with determination and made myself an amazing artist. I'm probably going to be incredibly rich and famous soon. Everyone will want to be my friend. Nobody would have given a shit if I wound up in a group home. They like me now. They're using me.
Post 09:
I want to think Kelly is my friend. Did she throw the debris that led to me taking PrEP? Or was it just Brooklyn? Why the fuck did she do it? Or is Kelly my friend? Tell me the truth.
Post 10:
It really was Kelly who threw the debris. Or maybe she pushed it into my shoe? It wasn't a hypodermic needle. She didn't anticipate Dr. Garrett asking me: "if it was a hypodermic needle?" Then my mom taking me to the ER and me taking PrEP for a month. She just wanted me to panic.
Post 11:
I really am like The Blue Blazer to everyone. They feel extremely guilty over what happened to me. I metaphorically died. They weren't wishing that on me. They became horrified watching it happen. They didn't expect it. Though, what they did was extremely reckless.
Monday, August 14, 2023
HIV Scare Posts (08 14 2023)
Post 01:
I don't need some stupid metaphorical hint how what happened to me is like The Blue Blazer... What I need is therapy for a crippling trauma. Sadly, my family doesn't have the money for it. Also, they don't believe an HIV scare is a legitimate trauma. It likely won't happen.
Post 02:
Fuck their "I'm going to turn into a comedic Hitler like The Producers movie" narrative. But I will become so IRRATIONALLY ANGRY when they tell me the truth. As I should.
Post 03:
Worst of all, they gave me legitimate PTSD all for a cruel prank and joke that went haywire. Now they want to victim blame me. Pretend it didn't happen. Act like it's no big deal. They say "a lot of people take PrEP." I felt like a "clean baby" beforehand. Now I feel damaged.
Post 04:
Apparently it's so fucking bad what these psychopaths did to me. Of course I'll want revenge. I felt like a virgin. Now I feel metaphorically HIV positive. What they did is probably not even technically illegal. It's like the a Sean Avery rule in hockey. It should be illegal.
Post 05:
I want to think taking PrEP wasn't premeditated and intentional. I want to believe that part was an accident. With these deceiving monsters behind a mask - who the hell knows? Maybe they even wanted me to take PrEP. Maybe it's legitimately a metaphoric rape.
Post 06:
Can somebody tell me the fucking truth? They're lying. I know they're lying. They know I know they're lying. They're continuing to lie and say the HIV scare was a freak accident. BULLSHIT!
Post 07:
The problem is when they confirm what we all know is true I'll turn into The Incredible Hulk and go into an irrational rage. I can't react based on SUSPICIONS. Ignorance is bliss. But they really should stop lying to me. Lies are a house of cards that like a tangled web.
Post 08:
The worst part is the betrayal. I THOUGHT it was a freak accident for the longest time. But there was a lying monster. The second worst part is feeling metaphorically raped, metaphorically HIV positive, like an untouchable that no one will ever want to date again.
Post 09:
They were treating me like a laughing stock with no dignity. Nobody respected me. They arrogantly thought they could do whatever they wanted. They wound up etching a metaphoric rape into my psyche for no reason. Just for some stupid joke where they were tarring and feathering me.
Post 10:
If the HIV scare was premeditated and intentional - which is WAS! Who the hell wouldn't want revenge on these psychopaths after what they did to me? Worst of all, I can't get legal revenge because metaphorically raping someone isn't technically illegal. But I'll be so angry.
Post 11:
In 2019, I was at rock bottom, vulnerable, and needed mental health recovery. What did these psychopaths do? They intentionally gave me an HIV scare. It feels to me like they belong in prison for rape. No one has officially told me it's true. They continue to lie.
Sunday, August 13, 2023
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HIV Scare Posts (08 13 2023)
Post 01:
Tell me the truth. Taking PrEP was no accident. Who is responsible for me having the HIV scare? Stop with the metaphorical hints and tell me the truth. It's obvious they're lying and something nefarious happened. They know I'll transform into The Incredible Hulk when I find out.
Post 02:
If I find out beyond a shadow of a doubt the HIV scare was premeditated and intentional, even if what they did is not technically illegal, and it's like the Sean Avery rule in hockey. Believe me, I'm going to become so obsessed with revenge, where there's a will there's a way.
Post 03:
I think the worst part about the HIV scare being PREMEDITATED and INTENTIONAL is the BETRAYAL... I was under the impression it was an accident. Little did I realize at the time, there was a monster behind a mask who wanted to metaphorically rape me.
Post 04:
This is not Batman. This is not a superhero movie. You can't go around gaslighting people into taking PrEP. I was at rock bottom and needed love. I did not need an HIV scare. Now I feel even more traumatized than I already was. Now I feel like an untouchable that nobody will want
Post 05:
I need a trauma specialist over the HIV scare. I'm dead serious. I have real PTSD from it. And it's really bad. I know my parents can't afford it and don't believe it's a legitimate trauma so it's not going to happen, but it would be really useful. It's still very raw to me.
Post 06:
Although I have a lot of fun memories with Kelly and I love her. After January 2020, all my memories I remember feeling metaphorically raped, damaged, metaphorically HIV positive. Even if she's not to blame, all my memories with her are tainted by the scare. Prior I felt clean.
Post 07:
I had a real split in my mind. Memories from before January 2020 when I felt clean and innocent. Then memories from afterward where I felt dead, defective, and damaged.
Taylor Swift, Dr. Garrett, Some Posts (08 13 2023)
Post 01:
Dr. Garrett knew AyB0ss was Taylor Swift. He didn't believe it was a delusion. He knew she was playing a prank on me. So he metaphorically raped me. Now he acts like it's a delusion where I believe she's going to show up on a tour bus and we'll go to wonderland. He's a MONSTER.
Post 02:
What happened, Taylor Swift was brutally bullying me. She wanted me to get irrationally angry when I discovered she'd been secretly watching me for years. What she didn't anticipate, the best in the business that psychiatry would risk his career to torture me because of it.
Post 03:
It's wasn't a "love story", it was a horror story that was extremely bad to begin when... But now it's criminal investigation bad and Taylor Swift will look like she was bullying "Elizabeth Smart."
Post 04:
Dr. Garrett joked, through metaphor, obviously... How an unintended consequence of him metaphorically raping me is going to be the end of the rich and powerful pop stars career. It also exposes what narcissistic losers my support system is. How they didn't care about me at all.
Post 05:
When their plan when haywire and Dr. Garrett metaphorically raped me, everybody felt bad for the pranksters because they're screwed. But no one felt bad for me who's been the victim of unimaginable pain and suffering this entire time. Then I got victimized again by Dr. Garrett.
Post 06:
In secret they were probably like, "oh no, Dr. Garrett metaphorically raped Andrew. Poor Taylor Swift and everybody pranking him." Meanwhile, they were treating me like a laughing stock with no dignity like I wasn't even a human being.
Post 07:
Basically, Taylor Swift wanted to create sensationalistic star wars meets breaking bad in the real world... And a real life tragedy involving Dr Garrett ruined everything. Dr Garrett metaphorically raped me because I'd be the next big SUPERSTAR.
Friday, August 11, 2023
HIV Scare Posts (08 11 2023)
Post 01:
Tell me the truth if the HIV scare was premeditated. If it was, who is to blame?
Post 02:
If the HIV scare was PREMEDITATED I'm going to go insane over it - as I should.
Post 03:
They're lying because they know I'll go into an irrational rage... But enough. I deserve the truth.
Post 04:
They are kind of hinting the HIV scare was premeditated. But they don't officially tell me who is to blame and why they did it. They know if they stop with the metaphorical hints and tell me the truth I'm going to legitimately snap. I'll be SO ANGRY.
Post 05:
They should stop hinting and tell me the truth. I know the HIV scare was PREMEDITATED. They wanted me to FEEL HIV POSITIVE. They probably even wanted me to take PrEP. I deserve the truth. All I'll want is revenge on those monsters for what they did. It's like a metaphorical rape.
Post 06:
Tell me. It's obvious the HIV scare was no accident. Fucking admit it.
Post 07:
They really gaslit me into having an HIV scare. I know it. They know it. Fucking psychopaths. Who is to blame?
Post 08:
If they gave me, who was practically a virgin, an HIV scare with PREMEDITATED INTENT - I'll want them dead for metaphorically raping me.
Post 09:
They really conspired to give me an HIV scare.
Post 10:
Worst of all, what they did to me is probably not even technically a crime. It's probably not even technically illegal. It should be. These monsters should be in jail for rape.
Dr. Garrett And HIV Scare Posts (08 11 2023)
Post 01:
Dr. Garrett's going to wind up like O.J. Simpson. He is the one who gaslit me into having an HIV scare. It's obvious. There might not be enough legal proof to convict him. But he practically admits it without officially admitting it. He might as well write a book "If" I DID IT.
Post 02:
All Dr Garrett has to say is I'm getting emotional, delusional, and I'm schizoaffective. He looks like the best in the business at psychiatry with 50 years of experience. His word is credible and he controls reality. My word sounds delusional. Though, he indeed tortured me.
Post 03:
I owe my parents and Kelly a tremendous apology for accusing them of gaslighting me into having the HIV scare with premeditated intent. But there is somebody who wanted to hurt me with premeditated intent. There is somebody who wanted me to feel HIV positive. It's Dr Garrett.
Post 04:
Dr Garrett also gaslit me into thinking my parents and Kelly were to blame for the HIV scare. He was trying to sabotage my relationships with them. He is the deceiving monster behind a mask.
Post 05:
Dr Garrett's office was by infectious disease. Even if Dr Garrett had HIV, and was jerking off on my chair before I came in for session, still, that's not how you get HIV. My blood work as of September 2021 is HIV negative. And I haven't been in his office since covid March 2020.
Post 06:
I'm starting to fear Dr Garrett successfully infected me with HIV. Though, I'm not really sure how he could have. At the very least he gaslit me into taking PrEP, which is very bad too. Fortunately, though, I'm HIV negative. It would've shown up at the hospital earlier this year.
Some Posts (08 11 2023)
Post 01:
My father said to me: when things go wrong be appreciative of the things that go right.
It feels like 95% of things went wrong. Yes, there's 5% of things that could be worse. At least I'm not in a Nazi Germany concentration camp or homeless. That would indeed be worse.
My father said:
"The good path will lead you to good things. Stay off the past and the bad path."
My father said:
"Your support system is there for you. Not against you."
Post 02:
If you only do good good will come to you is a very simplistic mindset to have. How do you explain somebody innocent walking around, minding their own business, then getting raped by a criminal at knifepoint?
My father said:
"That's the negative 1%."
Post 03:
Sometimes worst case scenario can come to fruition no matter what a good person you're, they're evil people in the world who SADISTICALLY like harming the innocent. This is why it's good to have a support system who cares and doesn't let you get victimized.
My father said:
"Life is so ironic. It takes sadness to know happiness, noise to appreciate silence and absence to value presence."
Post 04:
While that is true, when someone is in a life and death situation, like THE HOLOCAUST they won't be worried about profound intellectual philosophy. They'll be worried about the bare necessities and SURVIVAL.
My father said:
"Once again, you are looking at the worst case scenarios. You are looking at the 1% not 99% of things."
My father said:
"Stop looking at the negative things."
Post 05:
In the United States of America, I feel like my life is the bottom 1% in how horrible it turned out so far. However, it could always be worse. I'm sure a North Korean prisoner would genuinely believe I've lived the dream.
My father said:
"Stop thinking the negative thoughts."
My father said:
"It's your option."
Post 06:
I'll "Be Good Johnny" and think positively. I guess it's not THAT BAD.
My father said:
"No, be Andrew."
Post 07:
Like Taylor Swift says, "Shake It Off."
I'm in a Nazi Germany death camp, all I have to do is Shake It Off.
Post 08:
That's reminds me of Justin Bieber writing in Anne Frank's guestbook: hopefully she would've been a belieber.
If she survived the Holocaust a narcissistic manchild pop star isn't impressive. Sorry to burst your bubble, but she wouldn't give a shit about his song "Sorry."
Post 09:
"Be Good Johnny" - take your PrEP. Now Tear Down The Wall like Pink Floyd and meet a girlfriend in the REAL WORLD.
Post 10:
There is a valid point about psychiatric medication there. However, using terrorist tactics by gaslighting someone into thinking PrEP is necessary isn't the way to do it.
Post 11:
Getting turned into a human sacrifice by Dr. Garrett to show the evils of capitalism was a terrorists way to prove a point. He has a POINT, but ultimately I was at rock bottom and needed mental health RECOVERY, not to be metaphorically raped.
Thursday, August 10, 2023
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Dr. Garrett, Emails, August 2023, meeting today
meeting today
Dr. Garrett's Email:
Aug 10, 2023, 10:57 AM
Andrew
To save time in the meeting today I would like to assume it to be true that were you determined to leave home and live in your own apartment you would have made a concerted effort to do this long ago, but instead have settled on the expectation that your blogging will result in your rescue by people of means (celebrities) who will arrange for you to have the life you desire. Given your anxieties about living independently in the outside world, as we have discussed in recent sessions, you are not going to transition to living independently unless pressed to do so with a "tough love" approach. Today we can discuss, with your mother present at the beginning of the session, the first two "tough love" pieces of the plan: limiting internet access and applying for independent housing.
Dr G
What the problem actually is
"SUSPICION" / Delusion:
I think what the problem actually was, Kelly works in movies and she had sex with Charlie Sheen (who has HIV). Kelly did not have HIV. But she was traumatized when it came out. It led me down a dark path which led to me taking PrEP in January 2020. I'm fairly certain this is the truth. It's not just daydreams becoming real. However, "I think" is a keyword like "suspect", "believe". Kelly has never told me this. I'm just taking metaphoric hints as facts
I only suspect Kelly had sex with Charlie Sheen. She's never officially told me. As we all know, suspect can mean delusions. I also suspect my father was conspiring with a shock jock show like Opie and Anthony or Howard Stern to play a prank on me. So they got me involved with a dominatrix. It resulted in me taking PrEP and feeling HIV positive. I was practically a virgin
UPDATE:
As I discussed with Dr. Garrett in my session today, we'll stop REINFORCING my daydreams/suspicions. All that does is feed the delusional fantasyland. Stop describing delusions in great detail because when we do that it's harmful to my mental health.
Some Posts (08 10 2023)
Post 01:
Why do I think this is not only as bad as I suspect, and I suspect it's bad, but it's even worse than I'm imagining.
Post 02:
I want to completely forgive her. I'm sorry as well. I love her.
Post 03:
Let her go. I want to be friends. She doesn't want to be mine. Accept it. Move on too.
Post 04:
She's literally my best friend. It hurts my heart not seeing her.
Post 05:
I can think of someone who'd be hilarious if she thanked the troops for freedom... BUT it'll be a very controversial joke.
Post 06:
I wrote The Terrible War March back in 2009, I was mocking Linkin Park - Hands Held High (and songs like it)
Post 07:
If you want to blame someone for The Terrible War March - blame Mike Shinoda. My lyrics are only SLIGHTLY more intelligent than his. It's my dream to get him to rap, "don't want to be at war, don't want to be here no more." Linkin Park should've stuck to mental health problems.
Post 08:
"The Sheep Howls At The Moon" is basically mocking Van Dyke Parks' lyrics for Brian Wilson's "Smile" project, more specifically the song "Cabin Essence."
Post 09:
I'm afraid Kelly did something really bad to me which she feels guilty about. Were we soulmates - now our relationship is ruined? Am I going to be crushed by deception? It's sad because she's the one I want.
Post 10:
Tell me the f****** truth.
Post 11:
Do you think everything is as bad as I suspect it is? Or am I getting emotional?
Post 12:
I know she's preparing me to move on to someone new. She's PRETENDING to be mean. I know she loves me, though. I know she is the best. Sadly, she really hurt me and the relationship is unfixable I guess? But I love her a lot and at the moment she's the only one I want.
Post 13:
We'll see what the future holds, if she returns and wants to date, I think I'll be a very happy man.
Post 14:
I'm about to be so madly in love with you, that if it was Nazi Germany, I'd risk my life for you... Or at the very least, I'd let you get the clean plate at a restaurant and I'd take the dirty plate. Lol.
Post 15:
Seeing you a week or two ago was just as awesome for you as it was me. You know it. I know it. Who are you kidding?! I FEEL LIKE you adore me like I adore you. I don't believe your feelings have changed. Maybe I need to accept they have.
Post 16:
Someone tell me the TRUTH. WHY ARE THEY LYING?
Post 17:
I don't understand what the problem is, why isn't she coming back? Maybe I need to accept she's never coming back. I'm waiting for Godot. She once said that I could count on her... I'm still waiting.
Post 18:
2021 is a long time ago. She's moved on. I haven't. I've been sitting in solitude for 2 years. That's the problem. The problem is she doesn't even think of me. But she's all I think about.
Post 19:
I want to think she has a good explanation as to where she's been for the last two years, maybe she's on the other side of my bedroom wall (in the blue room) listening to me for the past 2 years, most likely she's living and moved on. Sadly, she probably doesn't even think of me.
Post 20:
Or maybe she played a really dangerous prank on me by having me step on debris at the lounge, even after having a panic attack in bed stuy, she still showed no mercy, and it led to me taking PrEP.
Post 21:
Did Kelly ever love me? What was her motivation? Was she just torturing me?
Post 22:
Is this really as bad as I suspect it is? Tell me the truth.
Post 23:
Is Kelly just a sadistic monster who was getting off from my suffering? I know Dr Garrett says an unintended consequence of the breakup is me sitting in solitude. Kelly does not wish that on me. Assuming her intentions were good in the relationship, I wasted my own life.
Post 24:
Realistically, if Kelly wasn't my buddy I'd have the police at my house. She's aware what I'm posting and she's just allowing me to vent without taking any action whatsoever. She's still my best friend.
Post 25:
I'm guessing what happened is really bad. It's likely after having a panic attack in bed stuy, she threw the debris that led to me going on PrEP. She does love me in her way and didn't want me to go on PrEP. She knows I'll go crazy if I discover the truth. Which is why she lies.
Wednesday, August 9, 2023
If they told me the truth... (08 09 2023)
If they told me the truth, I would get so irrationally angry. It's not only as bad as I imagine it to be - it's even worse. I'm going to be steaming mad. Don't assume it wasn't supposed to get this bad. Maybe they wanted me to explode like a nuclear bomb and had bad intentions.
Their bullying turned from them treating me like a laughing stock with no dignity into "oh my God we etched a metaphoric rape into his psyche for no reason." The bullying was never funny. But now it's not even close. Now it's just a horror story. I look like a holocaust victim.
People will watch someone going through the metaphoric Holocaust in the United States of America and not intervene because saving someone's life is way too difficult, they try to sweep it under the rug, until the problem becomes so big and it's impossible to ignore.
When the problem becomes "impossible to ignore", many people who were guilty of negligence will victim-blame because they're too afraid to admit the truth - which is at the very least they were guilty of medical negligence, at most they're literally criminals who belong in jail.
I really want to think I'm "delusional", they did not conspire to metaphorically rape me with premeditated intent, but I'm afraid it's true. People are just afraid to confirm it's true because I'm going to become so irrationally angry because I'm nothing but an innocent victim.
After having taken PrEP, I feel metaphorically HIV positive, defective, damaged, tainted, and it was so unnecessary. I feel like no women will want to date me now. I feel metaphorically raped. Though, technically my blood work is clean. It's just mental damage and trauma.
Sorry to burst your bubble "Justin Bieber"... But you're not the center of the universe. I'm fairly certain after living through the Holocaust, Anne Frank wouldn't be impressed with a pop song like "Sorry", or at the very least wouldn't be impressed by a narcissistic pop star.
Tuesday, August 8, 2023
International Cat Day (My Dads Coloring) (08 08 2023)
International Cat Day (My Dads Coloring) (08 08 2023):
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Artwork (08 08 2023) - 2
I'm Afraid She Did Something Really Bad To Me (08 08 2023):
Let Her Go, Move On Too (08 08 2023):
Artwork (08 08 2023)
When I Discover The Truth (08 08 2023):
Masochistic Death Wish (08 08 2023):
Brain On Fire (08 08 2023):
Man-Child (08 08 2023):
Thirsty (08 08 2023):
Sunday, August 6, 2023
My Mother Intended To Murder Me
It's becoming increasingly obvious my mother was trying to kill me with the medications she had Dr. Coplan prescribe negligently. She was controlling my narrative. Gaslighting and victim blaming me. Torturing me. I was the victim of narcissistic abuse and her mask is falling off. It's becoming extremely obvious what she did. She was trying to kill me while creating the facade she was trying to help me. I know Dr. Coplan says his intent was never nefarious and the medications do not cause cancer. But my mother intended to murder me. She suspected they caused cancer.
UPDATE:
I just had a very unpleasant dinner with my mother. She screamed at me and treated me like I was the bane of her existence. Maybe I am getting an emotional tsunami about her. The truth is not black or white. The truth is shades of grey. She feels like Satan right now. Calm down.
When I speak emotionally - that's when I sound delusional. If my mom is verbally abusive to me, which she was tonight, do not post for an hour at least. Wait for my emotions to calm down. Don't throw an emotional temper tantrum on social media because that will get me medicated.
Artwork (08 06 2023)
Sadistic Dentist (08 06 2023):
True Love, Pop Superstar, Wonderland (08 06 2023):
They Really Are Sexual Sadists (08 06 2023):
FOOL (08 06 2023):
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Saturday, August 5, 2023
Some Posts (08 05 2023)
Post 01:
I want them to admit the truth. They were sadists who were torturing me. It's OBVIOUS.
My father said:
"Then why am I still supporting you ?"
"You have to stop gaslighting everyone in your life."
Post 02:
I said to my father: "Maybe you get off sexually from financial domination? Or maybe I'm frustrated I didn't get intimate with Kelly - and I'm throwing temper tantrums, accusing my parents of being sexual sadists, and feel like they have me in a chastity belt"?
Post 03:
Ok I'll calm down. I'll let the bad emotions/ delusions pass.
My father said:
"You have to stop your typhoons."
Post 04:
Somebody indicated what I'm saying sounds like a bipolar, unstable mood, episode - where I get emotional about my parents, I'm hyper focused on sex. Perhaps, if the Depakote was giving me headaches, maybe I need another mood stabilizer. I'll discuss with my nurse practitioner.
Post 05:
Ideally, I don't really want to be on any psychiatric medications aside from the Abilify, because of the adverse side effects. However, I get the impression everybody thinks I need a mood stabilizing medication badly, on top of the Abilify for the delusions.
Email, June 2014, Hot Dog Stand Illness
Hot Dog Stand Illness
Jun 1, 2014, 9:46 AM
There is this hotdog stand on my walking route… All throughout the years, it was open. Until someone closed it due to illness. It became depressing, sad, and discouraging passing it almost every day and seeing the “closed due to illness” sign in the window.
Fast forward to yesterday, I noticed a bright and positive sign in the window that said they were going to reopen soon, and there was even a smiley face on the sign. This made me very happy. Although (very likely) the innocence of the past is gone forever, it’s great that they’re reopening. The route wasn’t the same without them. Maybe now I’ll even buy a hot dog from them.
Friday, August 4, 2023
HIV Scare Posts (08 04 2023)
Post 01:
I've had enough of the hints and metaphors. Tell me the truth. Is what I'm alleging true? Did you or someone gaslight me into having an HIV scare to torture me?
Post 02:
I'm not looking for a sensationalistic WWE matchup. I was like a "clean baby" and was gaslit into having an HIV scare. Now it's time for the showdown at WrestleMania. That's not what I want. I want a sincere heartfelt apology, love, and someone to acknowledge that it's true.
Post 03:
My father said: "It's time for you to go back to church and pray 🙏 for peace and a meaning of life."
Post 04:
Even if I'm getting an emotional tsunami and it was an accident - saying I need church is hilariously absurd.
Post 05:
If my father ever admits the truth to me, I'm going to get so irrationally angry. I'll go into a complete rage. He knows it - which is why he continues to lie to and gaslight me. His bad intentions are why this happened to begin with. I guess ignorance is bliss.
Post 06:
I really don't want to think it's as bad as I imagine it to be. Unfortunately, it's even worse. They were trying to kill me while creating the facade they weren't. Or at least didn't care if I died. They should all be in prison. Worst of all, bullying is not technically illegal.
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