Some Posts (06 29 2022)

Post 01:

About a pro wrestler jumping off of a cage.

I realize there's crash pads under there. But I'm imagining myself jumping off, having to hit the target. I'd be terrified. I'd be afraid I'd miss and hurt myself. So even though it is "safe" - it would scare the daylights out of me. So you got to give him some credit.

Post 02:

For those who don't know, I took Isentress and Truvada in January 2020. I stepped on some debris in New York City and started catastrophizing it was a hypodermic needle (which it wasn't). It was actually craziness on my part. I shouldn't have taken it to begin with. I'm fine!

Post 03:

I should've probably kept that I took Isentress and Truvada for a month (Jan 2020) to myself because that could scare potential women away. Though, I'm fine and healthy. Some people thank me for sharing it and they don't feel as alone. I'm glad it's been helpful in some way.

Post 04:

Many people are afraid of contracting HIV, but I hear cancer and COVID are much more likely to contract. Could all the psychiatric medications I took, the Isentress and Truvada (in Jan 2020), cause cancer? Cancer is worse than HIV. In 2022 people with HIV are living normal lives.

Post 05:

We're all gonna die. Every single one of us. Hopefully, we get to live long, happy, healthy lives, and we don't die from something tragic. From a rock and roll point of view, dying when you're young and handsome, you're remembered that way. Personally, I hope to reach old age.

Post 06:

I was taking many psychiatric medications for so many years. I'm still on Invega. But I want to come off everything and be completely natural.

Sometimes I think meds can even make you more depressed.

Sometimes I think I was doing worse on tons of medications.

Post 07:

My mother and the psychopharmacologist have a narrative where they believe the medications were doing good. But I don't think they were doing anything for me. Maybe they were even making me sick.

Post 08:

I know my mother is a little scarred from how I behaved in 2011. But I've come a long way in my mental health recovery. I don't need the medications anymore.

Post 09:

You can experience happiness even if you have severe mental health challenges.

After my psychiatric hospitalizations, I thought happiness was over for me. But I later discovered many of my best days were actually ahead of me.

Post 10:

I was experiencing throbbing depression for so long. Happiness didn't happen instantaneously. You might not even be realizing the change to happiness is happening. But you might look back and say I'm happier now than I was in 2010 (before my psychiatric hospitalizations).

Post 11:

When I tell people My diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder, there's a stigma and it might sound "scary." But I'm the sweetest guy ever. I'm a lot of fun and a pleasure to be around.

My social media posts appear "crazy", but in real life, I'm a kind and gentle guy.

Post 12:

When I chat with women on internet dating websites, I want to ask: what are you looking for from me? Do you just like that I'm a handsome 34-year-old man? Because I'm disabled, have no money, and am living at my parent's house daydreaming I'm about to become a movie star.

Post 13:

Unless a woman shares the delusion with me, that my social media posts are going to transform me into a rich and famous movie star, why would anybody want to date me? I'm disabled, delusional, have no future, and investing all my time and energy into a social media pipe dream.

Post 14:

My social media daydream land is a house of cards. When my mom stops enabling this fantasyland, and it will happen sooner or later because she's elderly, I'll be screwed. I'm not rich. I have no money. I can't afford this house. I could even wind up homeless. Start to panic!

Some Posts (06 28 2022 - 06 29 2022)

June 28, 2022:

Post 01:

I'm trying to eat breakfast more often. This morning I was in a local bagel shop. Do people often accidentally cut themselves with the knife when making bagels then start to bleed? It seems like it's an accident that could happen quite easily.

Post 02:

I'm daydreaming and getting contamination fears that the worker in the bagel shop sliced her hand with the knife. I didn't witness her accidentally cut herself, saw no blood in my cream cheese. Relax and don't imagine horrifying scenarios. It was just a yummy breakfast. No risk!

June 29, 2022:

Post 01:

It's important to get out, interact with people, and live in the real world. Speaking from experience, once you start hiding from everybody at home, alone in your head, you'll start living in a delusional daydream world and lose touch with reality. Nobody will want to date you.

Post 02:

Speaking from experience, when you're hurt by people, you often want to isolate because you don't relate to anyone or anything anymore. Like the album The Wall by Pink Floyd or I Am A Rock by Simon and Garfunkel. I'm told by psychiatrists there are good people who aren't bullies.

Post 03:

I'm assuming Vince Russo and Vince McMahon were like the song come out and play by the offspring. Alone they were crazy, but not totally insane. Together sharing a delusion is taking insanity to the next level. It's almost like Nazi Germany in a way.

Russo and McMahon lost touch with reality, were living in a reckless fantasyland.

It ended badly and Russo was the fall guy.

But the Attitude Era is responsible for saving the WWE.

Post 04:

Do you believe in God? At what point is a human being officially alive? I definitely understand why people are anti-abortion. I also understand why people are pro a woman's right to choose. If you can't give a baby a good life - is the child doomed for horror from birth?

Post 05:

It's disgusting that social media can suspend somebody for little to no reason just for speaking the truth. But it's not the government that owns Twitter, it's some Californian company. We don't have freedom of speech. If they don't like you they can silence you for no reason.

Some Posts (06 25 2022 - 06 27 2022)

June 25, 2022:

Post 01:

I discovered the Bethpage Plume has reached Massapequa's drinking water. We have a water filter and a reverse osmosis filter. I've been drinking tap water since at least 2019 all throughout the day every day. Sadly, the filter is only 70% effective against TCE (trichloroethylene).

Post 02:

From this moment going forward, I'm going to drink only bottled water. I was under the impression since we had a water filter on the house our water was cleaner than bottled water. Apparently, that's not so. The Bethpage plume contaminates Massapequa. Hopefully, the damage wasn't done.

June 27, 2022:

Post 01:

Sometimes what should be common sense people don't use because there's no medical research to support the theory. For example, concussions from slamming a chair into someone's skull (WWE). There were theories about concussions, it obviously looked horrible, but no scientific proof.

Then in the mid-2000, all the research came out. Now it's known how dangerous it is.

There's no scientific evidence that the mega regimen of psychiatric medications that I was taking for over ten years was killing me. But shouldn't it have been common sense? People didn't know the dangers of smoking until research came out. Do you want to be the lab rat? I don't.

I want to recover from schizoaffective without the use of psychiatric medications.

Post 02:

In 2014 I posted: "Where are my magical saviors?!.. The time is NOW. Come and rescue me magical ones."

Now in 2022, I see, that if I want my life to change I need to behave like an adult. My mom can spoon-feed me a better life and a girlfriend won't want to live my life for me.

Post 03:

When other people make your decisions for you, you'll just get a life full of what they want you to be. If you want to be happy, make life decisions for yourself. Don't behave like a powerless child that gets bossed around. Nobody wants to date a 34-year-old disabled adult child.

Post 04:

Unless you have millions of dollars and get the best of everything, then everything is a cancer risk. The tap water we drink on Long Island, the psychiatric medications I took, overexposure to sunlight, staying indoors... hell, even the air we breathe is polluted.

Post 05:

Life is a little bit of luck. There're self-destructive reckless people who live until they're 100-years-old. Then there are people who take care of their health and do everything right and get cancer in their 30s. Though, I'm not saying being healthy doesn't improve your luck.

Artwork (06 25 2022)

Roe V. Wade, The Joker (06 25 2022):

Daydreams Won't Protect You From Truth (06 25 2022):

Pillars Of Creation (My Dads Coloring) (06 25 2022)

Pillars Of Creation (My Dads Coloring) (06 25 2022):

Some Posts (06 20 2022 - 06 24 2022)

June 20, 2022:

Post 01:

Just to let everyone know, I'm getting an endoscopy Thursday (and a colonoscopy too). But I'm afraid something is wrong with my stomach. Getting bad acid reflux, heartburn, stomach pain, poor appetite. So I'm getting it checked out. Please say a prayer for me because I'm worried.

June 21, 2022:

Post 01:

So you're saying the "Where Are You, Christmas?" joke isn't funny? It's funny to me.

Post 02:

Make my jokes now because I have a bad feeling that when Thursday comes this will turn dark when I get my endoscopy and colonoscopy. I'm afraid something is seriously wrong. So say a prayer for me, please. Hopefully, my life isn't coming to an end.

June 23, 2022:

Post 01:

I just want to let you know they didn't notice any stomach cancers or peptic ulcers, she said I might have something but it's not life-threatening. Basically, for all intents and purposes, My endoscopy and colonoscopy went well. Just relax, and back to normal in 24 hours.

June 24, 2022:

Post 01:

This is like a Joker origin story. A mother wanted an abortion, but couldn't get one because of Roe vs Wade being abolished. So as a result, she tortures her child throughout his childhood and gives him a miserable life. In 20 years, that baby is gonna be a Batman villain.

Post 02:

I have it bad. Being dependent on elderly parents at 34-years-old isn't exactly living the dream. But I'm told it could be much worse. At least I'm not homeless. But my mother is enabling me to live in a house of cards. I have no money and when she goes away I could be homeless.

Post 03:

If it was up to me, I'd come off all my psychiatric medications and stop seeing my psychofarmochologist.  I want to recover from Schizoaffective disorder without the use of meds. It's my mother who is pressuring me into taking them and seeing the doctor. I want to stop everything.

Post 04:

I'm living the same day over, and over again. My life is like a broken record. Most of my life has been solitude, pain, and suffering. Nobody can save me besides me, not my mother, not a girlfriend. I need to get control and become independent. I must stop acting like a child.

Artwork (06 24 2022)

 I Want Freedom (06 24 2022):

Social Media (06 24 2022):

My Parents, Money, Burden (My Moms Coloring) (06 24 2022)

My Parents, Money, Burden (My Moms Coloring) (06 24 2022):

Artwork (06 23 2022)

Girlfriend (06 23 2022):

Trouble Talking To Women (06 23 2022):

June 16, 2013 (Atlantic City 41)

June 16, 2013 (Atlantic City 41):

Artwork (06 22 2022)

It's Morbin' Time (06 22 2022):

Capitalistic Billionaires, The Rich Are Evil (06 22 2022):

Money, Freedom, United States Of America (06 22 2022):

Soul (My Dads Coloring) (06 22 2022)

Soul (My Dads Coloring) (06 22 2022):

Papi And The Wildman - Morbius (06 22 2022)

Papi And The Wildman - Morbius (06 22 2022)

June 21, 2022 (I Love NY)

June 21, 2022 (I Love NY):

August 12, 2012 (Atlantic City 14)

August 12, 2012 (Atlantic City 14):

August 12, 2012 (Atlantic City 13)

August 12, 2012 (Atlantic City 13):

Some Posts (06 20 2022)

June 19, 2022:

Post 01:

If I have stomach cancer, am sick and dying. I'm going to destroy this art project because the reason I died is their neglect. They killed me. I'm gonna make it so my art can't be promoted and no one can capitalize off my life. I'll metaphorically set fire to everything.

June 20, 2022:

Post 01:

Yes, my mother is a psychopath and narcissist. Yes, she was feeding me trash, forcing me to take meds, neglectful to my self-sabotage. Yes, she probably wants me to get cancer and die while creating the facade she loves me. That does mean she's poisoning my dinners to murder me.

Post 02:

If somebody stabs you or poisons your food, that's clear-cut murder. How about if somebody feeds you highly carcinogenic trash for years? Or if they're neglectful to your self-sabotage? How about if somebody wants you to get cancer and die, but is creating a facade they're not?

Post 03:

Since 2020, my mother hardly interacts with me anymore. She leaves me alone in my apartment, solitary, and lets me do whatever I want. She's willfully blind. Unfortunately, I'm a disabled adult child who is dependent on my mother at the moment because she controls my money.

Post 04:

The fact that I have no friends or money, have spent the past several months alone in my head, with hardly any human interaction, playing like a child with no adult responsibilities... This is not my mother holding me in solitary confinement. I'm free to do whatever I want.

Post 05:

Saying my mother was metaphorically trying to murder me by giving me cancer can't be PROVEN. If she poisoned my dinner with bleach - there's crystal clear evidence of MURDER. She's creating a facade she loves me. She can deny that was trying to kill me - BUT SHE WAS TRYING TO!

Photo:

Our House (06 20 2022)

Artwork (06 19 2022)

 Professional Comedians, Think You're Better?, Don't Say It, Prove It (06 19 2022):

Broken Home (06 19 2022):

Driving Recklessly, DUI (My Moms Coloring) (06 19 2022)

Driving Recklessly, DUI (My Moms Coloring) (06 19 2022):

Vince McMahon, Stephanie McMahon, WWE, Demographic

Post 01:

Vince McMahon is just metaphor for capitalistic billionaires. Yes, he's insane and a narcissistic sociopath, but at least he admits it with his Mr McMahon character. At least wrestling is a sensational circus. The former president of the United States, Donald Trump, was a narcissist sociopath. But so many of his supporters genuinely believed he was a good guy. Unfortunately, CEOs and powerful businessmen are often evil and view their employees and people with less money as objects to be used then discarded. That's just the nature of the United States of America.

Post 02:

This might not sound "politically correct", BUT... quite frankly, WWE's audience is young men. I'd rather Triple H or Shane McMahon be in charge because they probably have more of a finger on the pulse as to what young men want to watch. With that said, I know Stephaine has been around the business her whole life, is very experienced and maybe she's an upgrade because Vince McMahon is in his 70's, he's not in touch with what young men want to see. At least Stephanie is younger and can relate to the younger demographic. I'm not sure if this is going to make the product better or worse. I guess it remains to be seen.

Post 03:

I'm 34-years-old and maybe times have changed, maybe wrestling gets a demographic of more women and families in 2022. The women who are about my age or older, like my mother and ex-girlfriends, the women I interact with have no desire to watch professional wrestling. I'm sure there are some female fans, but the concept of pro wrestling naturally appeals to males more. I see the audience as mostly father's and their sons who want to see the two biggest and baddest people fight.

I know this starts a whole discussion about gender roles in the United States of America. Why can't women fight? But maybe males are more aggressive by nature?

Artwork (06 18 2022)

Stomach Cancer (06 18 2022):

Unheard, Public Artwork, Let It Out (06 18 2022):

A Child Forever (06 18 2022):

Can't Function As Independent Adult, Lose Control Over Your Life (06 18 2022):

Life (My Dads Coloring) (06 18 2022)

Life (My Dads Coloring) (06 18 2022):

November 21, 2011 (Atlantic City 38)

November 21, 2011 (Atlantic City 38):

Some Posts (06 14 2022 - 06 18 2022)

June 14, 2022:

Post 01:

A lot of people hate change, the real world, and adult responsibilities like working a 9 - 5 job as an accountant. They'd rather play like they're a child, like Peter Pan. But 40-year-old man-children like Michael Jackson are gross and pathetic to outside observers, not charming.

June 17, 2022:

Post 01:

I'm experiencing literally every symptom of stomach cancer. The internet said it could be "GERD, gastritis or peptic ulcers." Something treatable by medication. I'm almost certain this is going to be bad. it's from all the unnatural medications and nobody believes me or cares.

Post 02:

I could be sick and dying from stomach cancer. Time could be running out for me. They treat me like a burden and leave me unloved in solitude. The possible stomach cancer is from taking meds they pressured me into taking. All they do is yell at me. Whole life pain and suffering.

Post 03:

After eating a footlong Subway sandwich my stomach pain actually feels better. I wonder if it's a simple as needing to eat more and that will help the stomach pain and acid reflux. Well, I'm getting an endoscopy. We'll see if it's stomach cancer or not. Hopefully it simply ulcers.

Post 04:

I have scars along my neck that look like something sketchy or nefarious happened. I went to the dermatologist because I was afraid it was skin cancer. He told me it's scars from shaving. I must accidentally cut myself in that area when I shave repeatedly.

Post 05:

I'm a little worried that I have stomach cancer because I have bad acid reflux, heartburn, and stomach pain which is a sign of something being wrong with the stomach. I'm getting an endoscopy this week. We'll see what they say. Try not to castrophize the worst. Maybe it's ulcers.

Post 06:

I create so much content. A lot of the content is good. But it's impossible to watch it all. Maybe I should create a "best of" channel because some videos are 100% A+ videos, while others are only 70%. I want the perfect videos to be seen, not the ok ones, but they're buried.

Post 07:

I got my dad a Morbius shirt for Father's Day. His gift is a "It's Morbin' Time" photoshoot with me. Lol.

The movie is bad but the meme is funny. Gotta capitalize on it before it's too late.

It seems like Jared Leto and Sony are in on the joke now so it might stop being funny.

Post 08:

I'm not sure how long it'll take for the Morbius t-shirts to arrive. I got it from Hot Topic's website. Who knows who made the shirt? Where and what country is getting shipped from? Where in the world is our Morbius t-shirts? I estimate it'll arrive here sometime this year. Lol.

Post 09:

Life is tough. Some parents try their best, others don't, but in my mid-30s it's my responsibility to make a life for myself and not cry about a bad childhood.

June 18, 2022:

Post 01:

To people who are unheard by everyone in their life. You need to let your feelings out. No matter if it's therapy or artwork. Don't internalize. You don't have to publicize your life story on social media for everyone to read, but certainly don't keep it inside.

Post 02:

I'm afraid I have stomach cancer and it's from taking all those medications. Don't plan my funeral yet. Don't catastrophize my life is over and it was one big tragedy. Something is wrong with my stomach, but it could simply be peptic ulcers that can be treated with medication.

Post 03:

I've been daydreaming I'm dying of stomach cancer and they're people out there who will be devastated when I die. There's no medical evidence of this YET. But the harsh reality is people don't seem to care I exist. I feel unheard and unloved. If I died nobody would care.

Vince McMahon Scandal

There is a big scandal going on with Vince McMahon of the WWE.

He had an affair. Was using his money and power for things that aren't "best for business."

Vince McMahon has basically told us he does these kinds of things with his Mr. McMahon character since 1998. I'm just shocked he got caught this time. Who leaked it?

A lot of billionaires are narcissists, and sociopaths, they get power and begin thinking they're God, above it all. They view their employees and people as objects to be used and then discarded.

If people have been treating you like you're a God since the 70's and 80's, he's gonna start to think of himself that way. Think he's above everyone. Everybody is a peasant to him.

Yesterday, I THOUGHT that John Laurinaitis would be the fall guy. and Vince would disappear from the spotlight for a few months. Then return down the line with Austin Theory, it'll blow over, and be forgotten.

I thought Vince would continue to do whatever he wants and never face the consequences.

But it seems like he's stepping down as CEO. And his daughter, Stephanie McMahon is replacing him temporarily as the interim CEO until they can find a replacement.

This is why you should suffer before getting success so you think of people as your equal and teammates, not as objects to be used.

Artwork (06 16 2022)

Billionaire CEO, Think You're A God, People As Objects, Egomaniac (06 16 2022):

Reckless Decisions, Runaway Train, Entertainment Companies Won't Promote You (06 16 2022):

Are The Stars Out Tonight (My Dads Coloring) (06 16 2022)

Are The Stars Out Tonight (My Dads Coloring) (06 16 2022):

Some Posts (06 11 2022)

Post 01:

When I grabbed the spray cleaner after my workout, it was wet, soaked. I'm guessing it was from the liquid inside, not from sweaty hands or some psychopath contaminating it... But it still bothered me. I'm letting it go and will enjoy my evening. This is not earth shattering!

Post 02:

It's POSSIBLE a psychopath can poison and contaminate you when you go out in public, but it's very improbable. If you're afraid of the world you'll never have a life. It's also POSSIBLE a plane can crash into your house where you feel safe and sound. Though, extremely unlikely.

Post 03:

When I get paranoid about a monster behind a mask, contamination fears, that a psychopath is trying to murder me, REMEMBER it's irrational. Most people won't try to kill you. Though, lying psychopaths do exist. It's IMPROBABLE they'll target you specifically.

Post 04:

I'm still getting headaches and forgetfulness. Though, the MRI, MRA, and brain tests came back normal. Maybe it's withdrawal from some of the psychiatric medications? Or headaches from solitude? Not sure why I'm getting them. I review the results with the neurologist soon.  

Post 05:

My psychopharmacologist prescribed an overdose of cabergoline because of the adverse side effect of the antipsychotics. Invega (a psychiatric medication) raised my prolactin, which lead to sexual dysfunction. The cabergoline helped with my sexual function. I felt like a lab rat.

Post 06:

I do not have a pituitary tumor. Cabergoline was prescribed because of my psychiatric medications. Invega raised my prolactin. He prescribed Cabergoline because of the adverse side effect of the Invega. It did help with the sexual dysfunction. But can it cause pituitary tumors?

Post 07:

I know my psychopharmacologist is the "best in the business." He's a research doctor who knows what he's doing. He wouldn't prescribe something to me that could give me a pituitary tumor. He was trying to help, not kill me. People didn't know the dangers of cigarettes initially.

Post 08:

I am a poor, disabled, adult child, who was being controlled by my parents. If it was my psychopharmacologist, a family member of his, or a rich kid (son of a millionaire), would he be as quick to prescribe the mega regimen? Or would he be afraid it'd kill the important person?

Post 09:

I'm a severely mentally ill, dependent adult child, whose life is pointless. My parents pressured me into taking a mega regimen of prescription psychiatric medication. Who cares if they kill me? I'm not the son of a millionaire. If I die, nobody cares. I'm voiceless and powerless.

Papi And The Wildman (01 29 2017)

 Papi And The Wildman (01 29 2017):

Mama And The Wildman (11 04 2016)

Mama And The Wildman (11 04 2016):

Artwork (06 11 2022)

 Need A Life, Mental Health Recovery Groups, Assaulted (06 11 2022):

Severe Mental Health Challenges, Real World, Recovery Groups  (06 11 2022):

My Parents, Psychiatric Medications (06 11 2022):