Some Posts (10 31 2022)

October 31, 2022:

Post 01:

I don't like your descent into looking like Satan. You looked better in 2019 naturally, with no hair dye, tattoos, and piercings. It's like when I was shopping at Hot Topic at 30 years old. 5 years from now you'll regret your transformation from a normal person into Satan. Lol.

Post 02:

Don't get me wrong, I still find you cute even with the Satan look. I like your vibrations and energy. That's why I'm sharing it with you because I know you could present so much better. You have potential. So clean up!

Post 03:

I don't believe you were cheating on me. Actually, through the internet, I was the one who cheated. But you were lying to and gaslighting me. Also, I wish you shared with me that you were involved with a billionaire prior to meeting me. Personally, I'm not happy about it.

Post 04:

I need to remember even if what I SUSPECT is true. You're my ex-girlfriend. You're barely in my life anymore. We shared genuine love and great experiences. You helped me tremendously. I love you. Who cares who you were involved with prior to me? I wish I knew back then, though.

Post 05:

I might actually be sick and dying from terminal illness. Maybe there's a higher power that's curing my of cancer. Maybe it's God. Maybe it's the billionaire. If my life isn't over, it's time to move on from my ex-girlfriend. I will always love you. But it's been over for a year.

Post 06:

I have a SUSPICION pretty soon I'll be transitioning from my ex-girlfriend, who I do love, but you LIED, to the artistic woman who looks like Satan right now. Maybe it's a Halloween costume? I'm sorry it didn't work out between us. The relationship had a lot of potential.

Post 07:

I know the surprise was supposed to be like Sandy from Grease. Your intentions were always good. You're an amazing person. I love you. The tragic thing that happened is my fault in many ways. But you did lie. Maybe it can still be salvaged? It's sad - we had so much potential.

Post 08:

I just want to be unconditionally loved by someone. I felt like you truly loved me and I truly loved you. Our love for each other was genuine. We always had good intentions for each other. So maybe mistakes can be forgiven - even if they're huge mistakes.

Post 09:

Even if the billionaire has the ability to read my mind, who cares? I don't know what is in other people's minds, but I'm willing to bet I'm pretty wholesome and innocent in comparison. Also, I have no deep dark secrets. I've like literally said everything on social media already

Post 10:

I want a girlfriend who is honest with me and I'll be honest with her. What you see is what you get with me. Even if she does have some deep dark secrets, I'd like her to tell me, not hide her past from me. I understand you don't have to share everything about past relationships.

Post 11:

I really hope my first girlfriend wasn't involved with my father on the sly, lying to me while dating me. My father has been lying to me about his wealth. If my father and ex-girlfriend were bullying me, I really hope I don't have a kid that's being kept secret from me.

Post 12:

Is it possible that billionaires not only have the cure for cancer, they could give you cancer if they want, or save your life? Can they implant chips to read your mind? Or do they not have that much power? A billionaire can't perform a miracle and cure me of a terminal illness.

Post 13:

The higher power that's reaching out to me has to be God, not some capitalistic billionaire with advanced technology, unless I underestimate how much power and technology the richest people in the world actually have access to. Maybe he knows the secret to immortality?

Post 14:

I really don't want to go to the emergency room if I don't have to, but I'm starting to have difficulty swallowing food. It's becoming a problem. I plan to do blood work in two days then a physical a week from now. I wish this would go away - it's getting worse. Stop the denial!

Post 15:

I'm actually not a psychopath according to the best in the business at psychiatry. I realize I'm cold, completely fucked up, and have a dark and twisted sense of humor. It's years of isolation and trauma that caused it. We've cited countless examples of where I felt empathy.

Post 16:

I realize hanging out with me can be disturbing, I have no social skills, am detached from the world. But let's not just to "psychopath" conclusion. My diagnosis is Schizoaffective disorder.

Post 17:

We could turn this into the Dr. Phil show and sensationalize me as The Joker based on talking to me for 45 minutes and looking at my posts, but that's not reality.

Post 18:

I feel like I'm sick and dying. If the FBI even slightly suspended it's because my mother is poisoning me, trying to murder me, while creating a facade she's trying to help - they'd save me from my sadistic torturer. Remember that my mother loves me and wants me to succeed.

Post 19:

When I think my mother is putting something like bleach in my food to murder me, remember that I'm 35 years old. If I don't trust her then get independent and make my own food. She's not holding me as a prisoner. My chains are INTERNAL, not maternal. She doesn't want to kill me.

Post 20:

My psychopharmacologist is not my real biological father, and my mother didn't put me through unimaginable Holocaust-level torture for revenge. My mother was not getting sadistic sexual pleasure from attempting to murder me by having my develop a terminal illness. She loves me!

Post 21:

I really feel I could be sick and dying - like time could be running out for me. I want to think my parents are imperfect, but didn't do it intentionally. Sadly, it's becoming more apparent to me that my parents were sadistically torturing me and sabotaging my life for pleasure.

Post 22:

It's a hard pill to swallow, even more than the mega regimen of psychiatric medications that my mother FORCED me to take to murder me, realizing she was INTENTIONALLY putting my through Holocaust-level torture for her sadistic sexual pleasure. My chains are maternal, not internal

Post 23:

I could literally be dying from terminal illness. I need intervention and freedom RIGHT THIS SECOND. My life is probably ending. It's no delusion or hypochondriasis. My life is probably fucking over and I want to enjoy my remaining time, not Holocaust-level torture for whole life

Post 24:

Even if my parents aren't raping and attempting to murder me right this second, they were in the past, and have probably succeeded in killing me. I'll never be able to prove it was intentional sadistic torture. It was. Somebody, give me freedom and independence RIGHT NOW!

Post 25:

God keeps telling me that I'm dying. It'll become dark, tragic, I'll be remembered as a drug-free Syd Barrett or Owen Hart. Their fallen friend. It would've been great if I was still around, but the show will go on without me, and accept it. God says make peace with your fate.

October 30, 2022

October 30, 2022:

Psychopharmacologist Posts (10 30 2022)

October 30, 2022:

Post 01:

Back in the day, our psychopharmacology sessions were always one big joke, with my parents victim-blaming me, and everyone gaslighting me into believing I was the craziest of crazy. I guess the joke is still "funny?" I'm just no longer the laughing stock and butt of the joke.

Post 02:

What I SUSPECT is my psychopharmacologist is actually my real biological father - neither him or I knew. My parents were putting through Holocaust-level torture and they got my real biological father to prescribe an unnecessary amount of "cancer-causing medications" to murder me.

Post 03:

My mother SUSPECTED the psychiatric medications which she FORCED ME TO TAKE, were killing me and giving me cancer. She confirmed it by talking in metaphors. At the very least, I was being victim-blamed, chemically lobotomized, and the medications were unnecessary.

Post 04:

My psychopharmacologist had to remember my mother if he did have a sexual affair with her. If not, then he needed the EXELON, not me. My parents were getting SADISTIC SEXUAL PLEASURE from having my real biological father to murder me with unnecessary psychiatric medications.

Post 05:

Maybe I wasn't the delusional one. Maybe the one truly suffering from psychosis was the psychopharmacologist. If it was up to him, he'd probably over-medicate the entire world with unnecessary, unnatural, "cancer-causing medications" and believe that he's doing the right thing.

Post 06:

Maybe the psychopharmacologist knew my parents were torturing me. He's just like a lawyer who knew his client was guilty and put an innocent person in jail. My parents were victim-blaming me. He didn't care and collected his massive paycheck from them thinking my life was doomed.

Post 07:

My fascist parents put me in the "gas chamber", my filthy apartment with contaminated air, because I'm half-Jewish. My psychopharmacologist is actually my biological father which I didn't realize. The gas chamber is giving me cancer or terminal illness, if it hasn't already.

The Healing Process

Vince McMahon's speech after Chris Benoit (2007) is what "the healing process" reminds me of. What you're saying is WWE doesn't want to promote a man who committed a double-murder and suicide? This was the last official mention of him ever on WWE TV. Although one of the all-time greats, how do you answer to advertises and shareholders? They had no choice but to erase him.

Some Posts (10 30 2022)

Post 01:

I'm so screwed. I know I'm sick and dying. The most tragic part is my life completely sucked. It was fucking horrible from start to finish. 35 years of pain and suffering. A fucking pointless nightmare. Whatever. They'll be dumbfounded when what I'm saying turns out to be true.

Post 02:

At least WHEN I get the terminal illness diagnosis and it's a medical fact that my life is over, I'll be able to forgive people, say goodbye, etc. Thankfully, it won't be sudden and shocking. It'll be months of suffering, dying from cancer, but at least I'll get to say goodbye.

Post 03:

In a way, people who have sudden and shocking deaths are lucky. Yes, if they're young and have their best days ahead of them it's tragic and sad. But imagine being on your death bed, knowing you're going to die, waiting for the end. Not seeing the end of your life coming is easy.

Post 04:

It was fate for you to get attached to me after years of pain and suffering, then for me to die of cancer right when you surprise me and we're supposed to live happily ever after. This is not going to go according to plan. Sadly, for me it'll be a tragedy, you'll probably move on

Post 05:

I think your punishment for what I did was too extreme. I BARELY cheated. It was just an internet chat. Plus you were lying to and gaslighting me. You weren't exactly innocent. Now I'm probably dead from cancer. We could've enjoyed this year, maybe it would've saved my life.

Post 06:

In a way, I'm angry at you for leaving my in solitude for so long this year. I do love you. The suffering was self-inflicted, but for somebody who was supposed to be my best friend, you should have intervened at some point. You said I could count on you. But you left me to die.

Post 07:

I'm sorry for cheating. Besides, it was a friend or family member of yours which you orchestrated to test me. I failed the test. But enough with the torture. I learned my lesson not to cheat even if it's online. I love you and know you love me too. As my best friend, I need help.

Post 08:

Believe it or not, even a year later, you're still my best friend. I know I'm still yours. We both know the relationship was too perfect. I don't believe you've moved on. You're just torturing my for cheating. But enough is enough. I'm sorry. I learned my lesson the hard way.

Post 09:

I realize i cheated, you went away because of it, my social life revolved around you, and the year of solitude was self-inflicted. But I'm in such a bad place right now and seeing you would cheer me up tremendously. I miss you very badly and I love you a lot. My decision was dumb

Post 10:

I want to believe my ex-girlfriend still wants to be in a relationship with me, her current relationship is fake, and she's going to surprise me and return soon. Maybe it's delusions of love and care. Maybe I need to accept the FACTS. She has a new boyfriend. There'll be no magic

Father Posts (10 29 2022)

Post 01:

This SHOULD NOT be made into a movie. My father should have his name "Chris Benoit"ed. Like a mass shooter, he tortured everyone for fame. Completely erase his name from history - only mention what a pathetic loser he was. Don't turn him into a Marvel supervillain.

Post 02:

I want to be a movie star, am willing to make the Green Bunny movie, and would like to perform. But let's not glorify and sensationalize a sadistic psychopath like my father. He doesn't deserve to be remembered for anything besides being a sexual predator. He deserves HELL!

Post 03:

What should've happened in 2011, doctor's should've acknowledged what psychopaths and sadistic abusers my parents were. They should have helped me realize it's true. My father really was getting sexual pleasure from my suffering. They were gaslighting and torturing me for years. 

Some Posts (10 29 2022)

October 29, 2022:

Post 01:

The only reason my father (Robert Koloski) gives a shit it's because of how bad it looks for him, not empathy, but it's true what he did. He's a sexual predator who got pleasure from my suffering. If dying from terminal illness, he'd probably get turned on knowing he did it to me

Post 02:

Sane people who understand the concept of empathy might feel bad for my father (Robert Koloski) because of how bad this looks for him, but you shouldn't feel bad. He's a psychopath who did it to himself. He didn't expect karma to expose that he's a sadistic sexual predator.

Post 03:

I certainly don't feel bad for my father and want revenge because of how cold his sadistic torture was. I probably have a terminal illness. It could have been avoided if he intervened and cared about me. He doesn't. Instead he turned me into a laughing stock with no dignity.

Post 04:

The mega regimen of psychiatric medications were unnecessary. My parents were gaslighting and victim blaming me, controlling my narrative to the psychopharmacologist. The doctors negligence from the medications I was FORCED to take have probably killed me. It was SADISTIC TORTURE

Post 05:

At the very least, my parents deserve federal prison for the rest of their lives for the unimaginable pain and suffering they put me through. I probably have cancer. It was ATTEMPTED MURDER. Sadly, I'll never be able to prove they were INTENTIONALLY torturing me.

Post 06:

Sadly, I'm still dependent on my SADISTIC PERSECUTORS. Will I ever be able to prove they're wearing a mask, the torture was INTENTIONAL, and they were trying to murder me. Though it's fact, if hypothetically there was a supreme court case, it'd be laughed out of court. Pipe dream

Post 07:

When I say my parents got SADISTIC SEXUAL PLEASURE from attempting to murder me with cancer, while creating a facade they loved me, that's no exaggeration or hyperbole. It turned them on sexually to see the torture and horror they were putting me through. They're sexual predators

Post 08:

If you were put through Holocaust-level torture by your parents for 35 years, your entire existence was just a pawn in their sick game, they were getting SADISTIC SEXUAL PLEASURE FROM YOUR SUFFERING FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE. You'd be as insane as I am now. They drove me INSANE.

Post 09:

When it comes to vaccinations and psychiatric medications, doctors and medical experts say it's safe. To say otherwise it's spreading "medical misinformation." Do they really know 100% what it's doing to you long-term? They're not God. I didn't feel like I was dying in 2019.

Post 10:

People want you to accept the narrative of vaccines and psychiatric medications as fact. They don't like you to question the authority because they're the "expert." They'll suspend you for spreading "medical misinformation." Something has changed since 2019. I think it's medicine

Post 11:

It's important to use science and facts, not emotion and strong internal conviction, for your beliefs. However, if something seems fishy like it could be a problem, use common sense too. These medical "experts" aren't God. They could potentially kill you.

Post 12:

I'm pretty certain I'm sick and dying. There's no terminal illness diagnosis yet - only EoE. I have a physical in a week or two. Enjoy the last two weeks of ignorance because I'm SO SCREWED. I'm totally a dead man.

Post 13:

Before my unexpected and shocking death, I'll ask some confused dipshit: do you know why I'm an invincible superhero? He'll ask "why?" I want my last words to be, "because I always take my vitamins, say my prayers, and drink my milk." I'll die as a laughing stock with no dignity.

The conspiracy theory is Owen Hart "accidentally" (intentionally) tried to paralyze Stone Cold Steve Austin. So Vince McMahon "accidentally" dropped Owen from the ceiling. It's like people who think US Government is responsible for 9/11.

Though, he probably was in the dog house.

It's a definite possibility they were bullying Owen, tarring and feathering him because he injured the biggest star in the company. They were humiliating him as a laughing stock. I don't think they intentionally wanted to kill him, but they forced him to take an unnecessary risk.

Post 14:

I'm looking at a card you gave me for my birthday. It made me smile because I can feel the love in the words you wrote. Happier times. I think this is the end of my life. Maybe we should get together so I can say goodbye? If not, know I love you very much thanks for the memories.

November 18, 2012

November 18, 2012:

Artwork (10 29 2022)

Papi Koloski (10 29 2022):

I Think I'm Dying (10 29 2022):

My Life Is Probably Over (10 29 2022):

Green Bunny (My Moms Coloring) (10 29 2022)

Green Bunny (My Moms Coloring) (10 29 2022):

My Dads Coloring (10 29 2022)

 My Dads Coloring (10 29 2022):

Some Posts (10 28 12022 – 10 29 2022)

October 28, 2022:

Post 01:

I think I'm dying. I feel that sick. Does anyone care? Help me!

Post 02:

This might be a MEDICAL EMERGENCY and I'm trying to pretend the problem doesn't exist. It's not my parents responsibility to save my life. I have to save my own life.

Post 03:

I don't like to complain to people because they act like my feelings are inconveniencing them, and besides, they don't hear me anyway. But I am having a breakdown and need help. I also feel like I'm sick and dying from terminal illness. Help me!

Post 04:

I should stop staying up late and sleeping late into morning. That's so unhealthy. Maybe tonight, try to go to bed at a normal time instead of staying up to 3 am again. It's not like I'm doing anything significant. It's the same solitary broken record day over, and over again.

Post 05:

If I get a terminal illness or cancer diagnosis at my upcoming physical, if I find out I'm sick and dying, I already feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown. I think knowing I'm dying will drive me completely insane. Please say a prayer to God for my health, my friends.

October 29, 2022:

Post 01:

This shit isn't funny anymore. Lying and gaslighting isn't funny. Somebody GENUINELY LOVE ME, not play some stupid game for riches and fame. Who gives a shit about money? My life is probably fucking over. I just want to be genuinely loved. That's no exaggeration or hyperbole.

Post 02:

I think the billionaire is helping me on the sly. Thank you for that. But I really hope my future girlfriend wasn't involved with you prior to her meeting me. I realize people have past histories, so do I. If we love each other it shouldn't matter. I really don't like it, though.

Post 03:

I feel like I'm getting the billionaires sloppy seconds. With that said, I had previous partners. They weren't extremely rich and powerful, though. They were just average people. What is money? Is anybody really above anyone? She could be jealous of my past relationships too.

Post 04:

There's a woman, who I'd like to be friends with, but would be a little scared to bring her over my house. Actually, in college, I might've already done that and didn't have any idea who she was at the time. Assuming the woman from college is the same person (her undercover).

Post 05:

In high school and college, people might've been scared to be my friend or didn't want to associate with me because I was uncool. I want to be loved too. Although I have Schizoaffective disorder, I'm not a homicidal madman. I want genuine true friends like everybody else.

Post 06:

People won't tell you they're afraid of you and you might not realize it at the time, later on you'll discover there's a REASON everyone didn't want to associate with you. They discover the Schizoaffective disorder diagnosis and start to stigmatize you. They all run away from me.

Post 07:

You might've have done nothing wrong to make people stigmatize you. If you're a mother, and your daughter is dating a man with Schizoaffective disorder, you'll pressure her to breakup with him, even if he behaves like a perfect gentleman and treats her with love.

Post 08:

Who am I kidding, at this point I wouldn't even be slightly scared to bring you over my apartment. You give off good vibrations and energy. I think we'd have a fun day together. We'd hang out, get lunch, maybe create a performance video for social media if you'd like to.

Post 09:

If that was you back in 2013, only recently did I start to SUSPECT who you actually are. I looked at the time together fondly. Thought of you as a friend from college who I interacted with briefly, but lost touch with. If you reached out to me throughout years, I would've replied

Post 10:

People can tell if you truly and genuinely like them or if you're pretending, or have some hidden agenda (we have a sixth sense). I genuinely liked you. I don't like phony fair-weather friends, only true friends. There's too many fake people. What you see is what you get with me.

Post 11:

I seriously think I could be dying, so we must have a ten year reunion soon. I have a feeling it will be even more fun and magical than ten years ago. Even simply coming over this trashy apartment, getting lunch, and socializing would be such a fun day.

Post 12:

I remember a friend saying back in 2008, hanging out with me was the funnest day of his life. A lot of people have the best day of their life when they're with me. It's just ordinary stuff we're doing in the suburbs. Sadly, I'm in a constant state of suffering, please help me now

Post 13:

It's already SO BAD and the most notorious pro wrestling show. From what I read, the plan was for a midget to be attached to Owen Hart, that would've been The Blue Blazers mascot. The insanity could've killed a midget and he almost landed on the referee.

https://411mania.com/wrestling/investigative-file-max-mini-supposed-attached-owen-hart/

Post 14:

Playing devil's advocate, if they successfully pulled off The Blue Blazer stunt it would've been hilarious. As a kid, I remember laughing initially thinking it was a part of the show, before quickly realizing he died. The safety risk wasn't worth the reward for the absurd comedy.

Post 15:

My parents are PSYCHOPATHS who INTENTIONALLY MURDERED ME while creating a facade they weren't. Being home all day long, for months solitary in a filthy apartment is what's making me sick. It's like a gas chamber in here. My parents get sadistic sexual pleasure from my suffering.

Post 16:

I realize my parents weren't holding me at gunpoint, forcing me to waste months in solitude, in the gas chamber (my apartment). Technically, it was my choice. But if I get a terminal illness diagnosis (cancer?), I'm 100% certain that'll turn my mother and father on sexually.

Post 17:

The fact is my parents are SADISTIC PSYCHOPATHS who got SEXUAL PLEASURE FROM KILLING ME, even if they didn't rape me in my childhood. Though, they probably did. They were just brainwashing and gaslighting me into thinking the sexual abuse didn't happen, torturing me.

Paul McCartney - Freedom

Listen to this song by Paul McCartney. It's Elon Musk buying Twitter. Now we have FREEDOM OF SPEECH! Maybe Sir Paul can join the marines and literally fight for freedom. He says he'll fight for the right. Joking. They only send poor people in poverty.   

Some Posts (10 28 2022)

Post 01:

My stepfather is an asshole and a jerk, but is not a criminal, rapist, pedophile, metaphoric "murderer" like my mother and father. He just their fall guy. Innocent. They reason they put me through Holocaust-level torture is my psychopharmacologist is my real biological father.

Post 02:

I suspect it's possible the reason I'm getting EoE is because my mother is poisoning my food to give me cancer. She's literally trying to murder me, while creating a facade she's not. My life is literally in danger and nobody is intervening. Instead they all victim blame me.

Post 03:

My stepfather looks at me like a burden, always sides with my mother, might even resent me for still living at the house. I'm trying to save his life. While my mother is a psychopath who is deceiving him and plans to betray him when the time is right. You're welcome, stepfather.

Post 04:

I was nothing more than a pawn in my parents sick game. They got sadistic sexual pleasure from torturing me, metaphorically "murdering" me. It turned the on to deceive people and put me through Holocaust-level torture. I was merely their sex toy, while creating a facade they care

Post 05:

I think the reason my stepfather hates me so much is because my mother brainwashed everyone at the house to vilify me. They all think I'm the problem. Sadly, I was really being sexually tortured by sadistic pedophiles. How can he not see the writing on the wall? Is he a moron?

Post 06:

Can somebody save me right this second, not wait another second? Because my life is literally in danger. My mother is ATTEMPTING to murder me, if she hasn't successfully given me cancer already. It need freedom and independence from this SADISTIC MONSTER!

Post 07:

The EoE could be my mother intentionally poisoning me, while creating a facade that she's trying to help me. My life is in danger. I feel like I'm sick and dying. She literally has nothing to lose at this point by murdering me. She's a psychopath who enjoys torturing me.

Post 08:

I was never anything more to my parents than a sex toy for them to use and abuse. Although in my adulthood it might've appeared like they were depriving me of pleasure and everyone rejected me too. I was their sex slave because my psychopharmacologist is my real biological father

Post 09:

I'm warning anybody who might to see me live. I feel like I'm dying. I should probably go to the Emergency Room TONIGHT. But nah, I'll wait a week until my physical. I might drop dead and nobody gives a shit or loves me.

Post 10:

This literally might be the last day(s) of my life. I feel that sick, like my neck, esophagus, and brain is about to explode. Be forewarned it's a POSSIBILITY I might spontaneously drop dead very soon. This is no exaggeration or hyperbole. I feel THAT HORRIBLE.

Post 11:

When I tell my mother how I feel like I'm sick and dying from termil illness (cancer?), she creates a facade she empathizes which is BULLSHIT, she's really getting sadistic sexual pleasure from watching me die. She is getting turned on knowing I could be sick and dying. It's FACT

Some Posts (10 27 12022 – 10 28 2022)

Post 01:

Spoiler alert: I'm probably dying from terminal illness (cancer?).

I'm getting a physical and blood work in early November. I'll enjoy my last week or two of ignorance.

Ignorance is bliss. I'll be in denial about it for now.

But my life is probably over.

Post 02:

I'm screwed in so many different ways. First off, I'm probably sick and dying from a terminal illness. But that's just scratching the surface into how fucked I am. You're probably witnessing the final days of my life. Hopefully, time isn't running out for me - but it totally is.

Post 03:

I know you'll stick by me until the very end even if I'm dying from terminal illness, much like I'd stick by you. Cancer and watching people die isn't fun. It would be nice if we could play in Hollywood movies together. Hopefully, that's our future. But my fate is probably death.

Post 04:

I need help so badly - in so many different ways. I think finding my soulmate girlfriend is what I NEED to fix me. Having a friend I see constantly. That might make me temporarily feel better. But frankly, I'm so fucked and the end is coming. I SUSPECT I have a terminal illness.

Post 05:

I'm very loud, intense, and HUNGRY at the moment. A lot of women are scared to be around me because of my INTENSITY. I'm a good guy. I have a good heart. I'm a nice person. I just fucked myself up and am very desperate for friendship after months and years of solitude.

Post 06:

Maybe I need to recover by developing friendships with men I'm not attracted to, then from there slowly, and calmly start socializing with women I'm attracted to more. I desperately need recovery, help, and intervention. I want a girlfriend too badly. I need to calm the fuck down

Post 07:

The problem is I need mental health recovery, but I also SUSPECT I'm sick and dying from terminal illness. Time is running out for me. Should they overwhelm me with massive riches and fame if I have a year to live? Or will I end up like a sober Kurt Cobain from Nirvana?

Post 08:

When you've been deprived of a life for so long and were living in a solitary fantasyland then start having fun, you'll be having the time of your life because your past was such hell. I need to calm the fuck down and not get overjoyed by simple and ordinary human interactions.

Post 09:

I give off a vibe that I'm having too much fun doing shit that's boring to everybody else and it's GENUINE. It's because my past was torturous and unfun. I need to be careful I don't get overwhelmed with joy from massive riches and fame and have a nervous breakdown. I'm fragile.

Post 10:

People are like: "I realize your past was torturous and sucked badly, but calm down Andrew. You just had a fun art class with people in the psych ward, you were not performing a legendary show at Madison Square Garden in New York City. Don't get so excited over something simple."

Post 11:

Everyone around me is acting like it's a good thing Elon Musk owns Twitter. Maybe it is. Some say it couldn't have been worse, at least now it'll be politically neutral. What's his vision? Does he have one? To be a big tech giant like Google? Or did he just buy it for the comedy?

Post 12:

Hey you, yes YOU. I'm not sure where you're located, but if you're close to NY and wanted to hangout sometime, I think it could be fun. I don't know why I ASSUME and BELIEVE you see this. Maybe you've been following me on the sly since 2013 and I had no clue. Lol.

Post 13:

I'm dead serious. I need your help badly. Please don't leave me another day like this. This suffering has to be killing me. As my friend, I beg you to help.

Post 14:

I THOUGHT you cared about me and still want to believe you do... Maybe I need to accept you don't anymore, or at least not as much as I'd like you to. You have no idea how badly I'm doing and you're nowhere to be found. I believed you when you said I could count on you.

Post 15:

Come on! It's time for fun. I hope what I SUSPECT about your past isn't true - that you were involved with a billionaire prior to meeting me. Even if it is, I need help and you're the only one who understands me at the moment. You're the only one who can help me at my lowest.

Post 16:

If you were involved with a billionaire, I won't be happy about it, but I'm so desperate and HUNGRY. You're the only one I trust to help me. I want to see you again and have fun, to share happy memories and love. This solitude and extreme frustration has to end. Please help me!

Post 17:

When it comes to your past and people you may have been involved with - assuming it's one of the richest men in the world - SO WHAT! I'm am upset that everyone was having fun while I was suffering. Also, I could be sick and dying. I just want to experience your genuine love again

Post 18:

If you were involved with one of the richest men in the world, I don't know why I want to vilify and shame you for it. Maybe it's because I feel lied to and humiliated that I didn't know your big secret. I want to feel I'm special to you, but I was alone while you were having fun

Post 19:

If I wasn't so attached to you I wouldn't care you were involved with one of the richest men in the world prior to meeting me. If it was some acquaintance or friend, I couldn't care less and would be non-judgmental. With you, because we were lovers I feel lied to and jealous.

Post 20:

Even if what I SUSPECT is true, you were involved with one of the richest men in the world and kept it secret from me. That doesn't change the fun and love we shared. I still consider you my best friend. I didn't tell you about my past relationships, but they weren't billionaires

Post 21:

It's POSSIBLE I could be dying. If I get a terminal illness diagnosis in a week or two. I won't care about your past and who you may have been involved with. I'll want to give you a hug, cry, and say goodbye to my best friend. Please say a prayer for my health because I'm sick.

Post 22:

I love and miss you. Please don't ever make fun of me or put me down in any way. Stick up for me no matter what and I'll do the same for you. Yes, I've said and done things that were humiliating, don't shame me for them. As your best friend I'll always be on your side.

Post 23:

To the social media model I'm following who hides her face. Yes, you're very attractive, have a fun personality, seem intelligent and classy. But there's something completely insane about what you're doing. Don't get we wrong, I'd love to date you, but yeah, it's crazy. :P

Post 24:

What I SUSPECT about her and the billionaire is true. At the moment, she's my ex-girlfriend so it shouldn't matter. Obviously, she's going to return and won't be an ex much longer. The billionaire knows exactly who I am. Rather than vilify and shame her, maybe I need to accept it

Post 25:

Hey you, yes YOU. I notice you're an artist. Maybe you should start creating a comic book about a buffoonish superhero, like Green Bunny. Who knows, maybe they'll make Hollywood movies about your character until the end of time, kind of like Spider-Man. But start creating artwork

Post 26:

They say New York City is the city that never sleeps, but that's not true. Try walking around Central Park at 3 am. That's a bad idea and a recipe for disaster.

Some Posts (10 26 12022 – 10 27 2022)

Post 01:

Do you want revenge on anyone? They're people I do. Frankly, I don't know how to get the revenge. If it's even possible. The people who hurt me certainly don't feel any guilt about it. They're psychopaths who enjoyed ruining my life. Just accept it, no revenge, and move on?

Post 02:

I enjoy seeing shithead bullies get the karma they have coming to them. There's a person who I'm PRETENDING to like. But he's the biggest asshole on the planet. Frankly, I wish the worst things imaginable on him. If I'm independent from him, I don't care if he dies.

Post 03:

When it comes to innocent and kind people, you should help them, not be a shithead bully. The world is full of too many sadistic monsters already. Be a good person. Help good people. I'm talking about shithead bullies facing karma that they DESERVE.

Post 04:

Trauma from getting bullied, even if it's years ago, can affect somebody, even if the bullies are long gone from your life. The kids who hurt me in my childhood. I haven't seen them in 25 years. But they ruined my life. I think about them subconsciously - without realizing it.

Post 05:

Is there anybody who you really want to physically assault, but you don't want to throw your life away and go to jail from doing it? So you try your best not to go crazy. Frankly, if I had terminal illness and nothing to lose, I'd be afraid if I were him. That's all I can say.

Post 06:

Without knowing this person's lies, double life, intentional bullying, and SADISTIC TORTURE, I'm already about to snap on him knowing what I know now. Tell me the truth. I dare you! You know I might fly into an uncontrollable rage and do something I'll regret. I'll go INSANE!

Post 07:

I want to be extremely successful. A billionaire. Not in prison. Frankly, I wish he was dead or in prison. But I'm not going to do anything and I can't put him in a jail, sadly. Just accept it, get independent, cut him off entirely, have nothing to do with him, and enjoy my life.

Post 08:

I suspect a woman, who might've been cheating on me with my father, got pregnant in 2012 / 2013. To my knowledge, I don't have any children, but it's possible I do and it was kept secret from me. My father and this woman were being extremely cruel me to. She was my first partner.

Post 09:

Hey bun bun, not sure what you're waiting for, but it's time to enjoy life.

Post 10:

I'm coming to a realization it was my first ex-girlfriend / friend with benefits, who has been helping me on the sly... But why? Is her involvement with my father a delusion? Was she a liar? Or maybe she looks back at our time together fondly and loves me?

Post 11:

My old psychologist used to say: a woman who is an expert tennis player doesn't want to play with a beginner. I behaved like an immature little boy. Maybe if I behaved like 35 year old Andrew then it could've worked. Unfortunately, I was stuck in a different phase than her.

Post 12:

Life can play a cruel joke on you, you'll meet someone who you love and know would be perfect for you, but they still behave like an immature little boy and you're working towards adulthood and getting independent. Despite being about the same age, our life phases were different.

Post 13:

When it comes to bun bun, I know she loves me. Even when she tried pretending she didn't anymore, I didn't believe it. I love you too, bun bun. Miss you. It's time for the surprise I know you've been preparing for years. It's time for us to have fun. I know you won't disappoint.

Sadistic Parents Posts (10 26 2022)

Post 01:

I SUSPECT my mother intentionally left a toxic ant trap right under my bed so I'd breathe toxic air every night. Basically, she was trying to murder me with cancer while creating a facade she had no clue. She knew. I'll never be able to prove it and my responsibility to clean.

Post 02:

I'm assuming my mother contaminated the ant trap, poured water on it, and smeared slime everywhere so I'd breathe in toxic cancer-causing chemicals for years - which I proceeded to do. Will I even be able to prove my mother was trying to murder me with cancer? No chance in hell.

Post 03:

It was never a delusion. My parents are sexual perverts, psychopaths, like serial killers. They made me live through Holocaust-level torture. The loving parent image is a facade. It's really attempted murder what they did to me. 2011 wasn't a delusion. They're rapists.

Post 04:

I SUSPECT my psychopharmacologist. I didn't know. Though, he must've known my mother. They'd gaslight me, victim blame me, and basically got my biological father to murder his biological son with unnecessary cancer-causing medications. Their narrative was complete BULLSHIT!

Post 05:

My parents intentionally deprived me of a life and were getting sadistic sexual pleasure from my suffering. they're monstrous pedophiles worse than some of the evilest serial killers. They were PRETENDING to help me, but in secret, they were trying to give me the worst life ever.

Post 06:

My parents knew exactly what they were doing. They were trying to murder me while creating a facade they were helping. They're really rapists - monsters behind a mask. They got sadistic sexual pleasure from my suffewring. This is no delusion. It was Holocaust-level torture.

Post 07:

I feel like my parents have successfully given me cancer and a terminal illness. Time is running out for me. I need somebody to save me from sadistic sexual predators. They'll claim my death was an "accident" or "bad luck." Bullshit. It was INTENTIONALLY inflicted by them.

Artwork (10 26 2022)

 Ant Trap, Parents Weren't Trying To Murder Me (10 26 2022):

Parents Were Sadistically Torturing Me (10 26 2022):

My Parents (10 26 2022):

My Dads Coloring (10 26 2022)

My Dads Coloring (10 26 2022):

October 26, 2022

October 26, 2022:

Raw Is Andrew

We need to close the upcoming Raw Is Andrew episode with My Electronic Friend giving me a toast to say farewell. Andrew doesn't drink and do they even like one another?

Some Posts (10 25 12022 – 10 26 2022)

October 25, 2022:

Post 01:

I'm not sure if you're religious or not, but can you say a prayer for me that I feel better and have many years ahead of me? Because I feel sick and I'm scared.

Hopefully, I have a lot of life ahead of me and it's just EoE.

Post 02:

I'm scared that I have cancer or some life-threatening terminal illness. Please ask God for me to have a lot of life ahead of me? Also, say a prayer I find God and church? Say a prayer about the EoE too. Ask God to make me feel better. Because I feel so sick. Want health. Thanks.

October 26, 2022:

Post 01:

I still feel sick with this EoE. It is what it is. Even if I'm dying, I had a pretty good run. I could've been dead at 21 years old. I successfully made it to 35. Very lucky to be alive right now.

Post 02:

I fucking have cancer. I know it. I'm so screwed. God killed me at the PERFECT TIME. Now reveal all the lies, deception, bullying, and gaslighting - I dare you. Once I get the terminal illness diagnosis I'll have nothing to lose. In fact, my death is YOUR FAULT, not God's.

Post 03:

It's surreal. People don't realize it yet, but God basically told me this is going to end very tragically for me and soon. I'll be remembered like Owen Hart. It might appear funny and feel-good right now, but when I die from everyone's sick game, everything will be so fucking sad

Post 04:

How much louder do I need to say I feel like I'm fucking dying for someone to believe me or care? Do they delusionally believe I'll live happily ever after like a feel-good Hollywood movie soon? Because there's a good chance time is running out for me and nobody gives a shit.

Post 05:

If I do have cancer or some life-threatening terminal illness, this was not: "how unfortunate and what bad luck." It's your fault. It's years of unimaginable pain and suffering that gave it to me. With a little intervention and love it never would have happened. You're to blame!

Post 06:

I seriously think breathing poison from the ant trap every night for months might be what has been making me sick. I must have spilled water on it at some point. There was slime all over the floor and wall. It's right by where I lay my head every night too. Literally right below.

Post 07:

I did clean up and throw away the ant trap. Better late than never. It must've been there for YEARS. There was slime and disgusting stuff all over the floor and wall from it. It was literally right below where I lay my head every night. I'm afraid it's killed me.

Post 08:

I think the ant trap was the problem. Don't search the internet if breathing ant poison for a lengthy period of time, every night, can kill you. Accept it. Clean it up. Throw it out. Say a prayer to God that I don't have cancer. Let's hope for the best. I've been feeling so sick

Post 09:

I think the problem was every night while I was sleeping I was breathing ant poison for months, maybe years. It got even worse after spilling water on it and toxic slime got everywhere. I personally think I'm so screwed, but say a prayer to God my EoE gets better and no cancer.

Post 10:

Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is PROBABLY my farewell tour. I think I'm dying. I want to live for many years to come, find true love, happily ever after... But I'm afraid the end is near. Don't get angry. Find God. Find peace. Accept my fate of death from terminal illness.

EoE Posts (10 25 2022)

Post 01:

I noticed there's a decaying ant trap, with toxic slime on the floor, against my wall right by my bed where I lay my head every night. It must've been there for YEARS. Maybe a decaying toxic any ant trap is what's been making me sick (EoE)? So I cleaned it up and threw it out.

Post 02:

Are you sure the decaying ant trap isn't causing the EoE? It looked pretty disgusting and bad. And it's right by where I lay my head every night. Does it contain cancer-causing chemicals?

Post 03:

The ant trap has been sitting there for years. I must have spilled water on it at some point and there was lots of slime on the wall from it. It could have been getting off a toxic odor that I've been breathing every night.

Post 04:

My EoE is still bothering me despite talking the meds and adjusting the diet. It feels like I'm dying. But I just started a few days ago. I'll give it time to work. It's not getting better. This is so frustrating and discouraging.

Post 05:

If I'm really dying, which I SUSPECT, don't get angry and accept it. Be resigned to my fate because I feel so sick I'm certain terminal illness is a definite possibility. Don't be dumbfounded when I get the diagnosis. I've been warning you for MONTHS.

Post 06:

If I do have cancer some people might say it's karma for being oblivious around certain people. I was never intentionally being mean. I might've said and did boneheaded things, but I was like an immature little boy who liked pro wrestling. I didn't understand cancer and death.

Post 07:

If I do have cancer... Sorry, bun bun. We found true love. If God was fair, it should be happily ever after, a fairy tale for years to come... But nope, I'm dead.

Some Posts (10 25 2022)

Post 01:

The lesson that took my the longest to unlearn was my mother isn't always right. Stop listening to mommy. Stop being dependent. Stop having her live my life for me. I know myself much better than her, by listening I got a life of things I didn't want. Take control. Be independent

Post 02:

Who are some people you find inspiring? Don't idolize pop stars and celebrities. Instead, idolize teachers, doctors, friends, family, and human rights advocates.

Post 03:

Do you believe in God? I think I do. I get messages, but also think it could be Elon Musk who has me chipped (this is actually true, despite sounding funny). So maybe what I think is God is really Elon Musk. He has a lot of money and advanced technology. Is it possible?

Post 04:

When I mentioned to my psychiatrist Elon Musk has me chipped he thought it sounded insane. But Elon has so much money and access to lots of technology. How advanced could Elon Musk possibly be? Could he know all sorts of secrets - like the cure for cancer? Or could it be God?

Post 05:

It's hard to explain how I know there's a higher power, but I'll hear little creeks in the apartment when I'm thinking about a subject or I'll see something move. I really think it's God.

It sounds insane, but it happens too often to be a coincidence.

Post 06:

They're so many religions too. What's the correct one?

Let's say you were raised by wolves in the jungle, you'd have no clue the concept of God exists. That leads me to believe it could be a man-made story. It'd be cool to see good people go to heaven and evil people go to hell.

Post 07:

I'd like to think this existence isn't pointless. Because I was dealt a pretty bad hand in life. Maybe I'll be rewarded in the afterlife and will go to heaven for being a good person. Should I be angry at people who had it easier? Like billionaires? Life is so unfair.

Post 08:

They're people who could be envious of me. Not sure who in their right mind would be. But it's POSSIBLE. Maybe someone living in a Russian prison. They might think: why can't I be a disabled adult child in the U.S.A.? Russian prisoner, my life fucking sucks. Aspire for more!

October 24, 2022

 October 24, 2022:

Some Posts (10 22 12022 – 10 24 2022)

October 22, 2022:

Post 01:

As unfortunate as it may be to hear, I think there's a very good possibility I'm sick and dying. Something more serious than the EoE is going on. We'll see what the blood test says at my physical in November. But be prepared for the worst. It's that bad.

Post 02:

Stop getting tattoos, piercings, and dying your hair. You looked better natural. I know your will either not care what I say, or will be defiant. But it's like when I was wearing the Hot Topic superhero t-shirts in 2018. Quter-life crisis. It's not cool. You'll regret in 5 years.

October 23, 2022:

Post 01:

I realize I was wrong for having the internet chat. Sorry. But as my friend, I really need your help. You told me how I could count on you. Accept that door is closed and move on too. It's a familiar, warm, and comforting door. But I need to find another door.

Post 02:

Somebody asked me how I'm doing.

I said: Besides feeling like I'm sick and dying everyday, nobody cares, unloved, and my life is probably over... It's going well.

Post 03:

The EoE is bothering me. Maybe I'm allergic to dairy? Maybe I'm allergic to fish? Maybe I'm allergic to dust? Could any of the psychiatric medications have caused this? Could the isentress and truvada have caused this? I've officially increased the rabepresol to 20 mg twice a day

Post 04:

It says the foods that are known to cause the EoE allergic response are, "dairy, wheat, soy, eggs, nuts, and seafood/shellfish." That's like all I consume in high amounts. It's my responsibility to not eat these foods. It's not my mother's responsibility to figure it out.

Post 05:

My mother has no empathy. I'm expressing to her how I'm in hell with this EoE and it's probably killing me. She starts yelling at me about how much of a burden it is to her life. How she's tired of hearing about it. It's a fucking medical diagnosis. I'm not happy about it either.

Post 06:

I seriously think I'm dying. It's too bad because my life is going to finally get good, my dream girlfriend will return and take off her disguise - supermodel, I'll be rich and famous, then I'll discover I have terminal illness and time is running out. It's very unfortunate.

Post 07:

You're the real coward. I dare you to tell me the truth about everything. You know if you did it wouldn't end well for you. So you'll continue to lie to me about everything and keep your whole life secret. I can't take action based on SUSPECTED torture - I need some proof of it.

October 24, 2022:

Post 01:

I express to my parents how I feel like I'm sick and dying from this EoE. Frankly, they don't give a shit. They tell me it's hypochondriasis and my imagination - which it's not. They are intentionally gaslighting. They tell me what a burden I am. How it's inconveniencing them.

Post 02:

Around my parents, I feel like the sane one. Basically, it's gaslighting and lies. They act like I'm crazy. But it's bullshit. They have no empathy and get sadistic pleasure from making me question my sanity. My mother was INTENTIONALLY torturing me with psychiatric medications.

Death Posts (10 22 2022)

Post 01:

I'm totally dying and nobody gives a shit. Well, my life is nobodies responsibility besides mine. If I feel sick go to the doctor - and I have an appointment scheduled for early November. Don't be dumbfounded when I get the terminal illness diagnosis. It's ABSOLUTELY COMING!

Post 02:

I'm trying to be in denial about this and say to myself it's simply EoE, but something serious is happening. My parents are convinced it's hypochondriasis or delusions - it's not. I think I'm most likely dying from terminal illness, nobody cares I exist, and I feel so unloved.

Post 03:

How much LOUDER do I need to say I feel like I'm sick and dying before somebody takes action, listens, and believes me?! The harsh truth is the self-centered monsters would rather watch me die than have a difficult intervention. There's no running from terminal illness, sadly.

Post 04:

You're torturing Andrew, neglecting him, allowing him to waste his life in solitude in an apartment with toxic air everyday, feeding him trash, forced him to take unnatural medications. How funny! Now they'll be dumbfounded when I'm diagnosed with terminal illness. Intentional?

Post 05:

I want to make it crystal clear if I have terminal illness MY PARENTS ARE TO BLAME. The red flags were all there, the writing was on the wall, they chose to do nothing and watch me die in solitude instead. They say I needed to be responsible for my own life, not blame my parents.

Post 06:

Even if I have the tragic fate of upcoming death from a terminal illness, which I'm certain will happen, be resigned to my fate. Don't fly into a rage over the neglect, lack of intervention, and blame them for my death. I must accept that it's the end of my life peacefully.

Artwork (10 22 2022)

 Funeral Home (10 22 2022):

Ice Cream Man (10 22 2022):

Green Bunny (My Moms Coloring) (10 22 2022)

Green Bunny (My Moms Coloring) (10 22 2022):

Some Posts (10 21 12022 – 10 22 2022)

October 21, 2022:

Post 01:

Just know if I'm dying, it's all good. Don't lose your faith or get angry at God. It was fate. I'll see you in the next life.

Post 02:

Do I want to die? No. I think my life is about to get good. My best artwork and days are ahead of me. I'm in the prime of my life. Do I think it's possible I have a terminal illness and time is running after me? With the way I've been feeling this year I absolutely think so.

Post 03:

If I have terminal illness, I remember a pharmacist being horrified by the mega regimen of psychiatric medications my psychopharmacologist prescribed, especially the overdose of Cabergoline, and they commented on the insanity of it. Maybe my mother should've used common sense.

Post 04:

I know the horrified pharmacist isn't an expert and my psychopharmacologist is... But the psychopharmacologist isn't God. He doesn't know exactly what the medications were doing to me. If they kill me... Who cares? I'm just a worthless disabled adult child, with no future, doomed

Post 05:

I don't want to think my mother "accidentally", but really intentionally gave me cancer. She was pretending to help me, but was secretly SADISTICALLY TORTURING me. But I think back to so many examples throughout my life. Could she really be that stupid? It was INTENTIONAL MURDER!

Post 06:

Basically, what I think it was, my mother is a psychopath. She tortured me throughout my childhood. Then in 2011 I got sick and lashed out. My mother couldn't get over it and had to murder me while creating a facade she was trying to help me. It was calculated torture.

Post 07:

Although there was one isolated example of me lashing out in 2011, despite my mother's bullshit victim blaming narrative and gaslighting, that I'm the "problematic one", the truth is I was abused, powerless, and passive. She tortured me and got sadistic pleasure from my suffering

Post 08:

If I never get to say goodbye to you, bun bun... I want you to know I love you and enjoyed our time together.

Octotober 22, 2022:

Post 01:

Although I'm certain the hell you lived through was a billion times worse than mine. It doesn't even compare. What you're probably seeing and like about me, for an American I went through tremendous suffering. I was traumatized. I'm the undead too.

Post 02:

I think a lot of people underestimated how intelligent I am. They expect me to be a moron and are shocked to discover I'm brilliant. People even liked to call me "stupid." Let's end the "Andrew is a moron" narrative because it's complete bullshit.

Post 03:

Though, I'm traumatized and undead, it's given me a unique perspective on life. I'm still very handsome, charming, fun to be around, give off a cool energy. Basically, I'm not the same as everybody else, I'm different, and I like being around people who are different like me.

Post 04:

Few people are intellectually on my level, have the horrible life experiences I had. I feel an emptiness and void around most people. I don't connect or relate to them in any way. I'd rather be alone than force a fair-weather friendship. It's like I'm too different from them.

Artwork (10 21 2022)

 Say Hi!, Don't Be Shy (10 21 2022):

Terminal Illness, I Think I'm Dying (10 21 2022):