https://photos.app.goo.gl/pafK25kB2UcLDQKU8
Wednesday, June 30, 2021
Dr. Natural
This is my psychiatrist, who I often sensationalize and refer to as "Dr. Natural", giving a speech:
Tuesday, June 29, 2021
My Mother is a SADISTIC TORTURER, it's no delusion
I'm coming to the realization, my mother truly is a SADISTIC TORTURER. She intentionally deprived me of friends, girlfriends, money, control, independence. She sees me suffering and gets pleasure from my suffering. When I start to get angry at her, she gaslights me, makes me think I'm crazy, treats me like a child, pretends she's not SATAN. She's making me pour my life down the drain. Controlling my narrative to make me look crazy. She puts on the facade of a loving suburban housewife, she's really Freddy Krueger. It's no delusion.
Monday, June 28, 2021
The Story of Andrew (My Moms Coloring) (06 28 2021)
The Story of Andrew (My Moms Coloring) (06 28 2021):
Contamination Fears
I touched my shoes that I walked through Starbucks in, then touched and ate two bananas. Let it go. Same contamination fears broken record, again, and again, and again.
Saturday, June 26, 2021
Some Posts (06 26 2021)
Post 01:
I need help and I just don't know what to do.
Post 02:
I'm very frustrated and depressed. I want a woman to be here with me right now. I'm so "in a state of hell" that I want to go crazy. I need help badly.
Post 03:
I'm so sick of sleeping, eating, walking, and doing artwork all alone all day long. I don't want to be solitary anymore.
Post 04:
I feel like a hurt wounded duck, that's in a tremendous amount of pain. None of my male friends can help me, I want a girlfriend who I see every day BADLY.
Post 05:
Is there a SADISTIC TORTURER out there who is depriving me of a life? Is it my fault? No woman is torturing me. My parents aren't torturing me. If I want to get a life then get a job or go back to school. Don't cry and come unglued when I'm solitarily expecting it to change.
Post 06:
I'm not going to get "a life" by crying and sending out S.O.S.'s on social media. All that does is scare potential friends away because they think I'm completely insane.
My mom's a statistic torturer
UPDATE:
The following post is delusional. The delusions have passed. My mother loves me. But I'm going to share it because it could be used for a screenplay, book, documentary, or something like that:
____
I'm coming to the realization, it's no delusion, my mother really is like Freddy Krueger and she sadistically tortured me.
I don't need to repeat how she tortured me. But isolation, screaming at me to inflict mental illness, depriving me a friendships and girlfriends, keeping me a disabled adult-child, forcing me to take a mega regimen of psychiatric medication are some recent examples.
Everybody was gaslighting me, either they didn't know and were fooled by her loving mother facade, or it was too tough and issue to tackle, so they were willfully blind to it.
She was trying to turn me into a vengeance-filled super villain / antihero, to turn to the dark side, like Darth Vader or The Terminator.
I want to be happy, have a nice life, maybe be a stand-up comedian.
Also, I learned to use fictional sensational examples, not compare my mom to Adolf Hitler because she's not Hitler. She's a suburban housewife who bullies her mentally ill son. Hitler was one of the worst people in history responsible for the genocide of millions. Yes, my mom is sadistic and a torturer, but she's no Hitler.
Friday, June 25, 2021
Stomach Pain
Something that is making me a little nervous. I'm getting bad stomach pain recently. I guess it's from non-nutritious food and coffee on an empty stomach. I'm afraid of developing ulcers, or worse stomach cancer. I really need to eat something like cereal in the morning no sugar.
Wednesday, June 23, 2021
drugged-up maniac aggressive with me, then contamination fears (HIV)
The train station can bring out scary people. I walked my friend to her train, then as I was walking down the stairs to leave (alone), this drugged-up maniac was walking up the stairs. He got in my face, then started cursing at me in an aggressive way. I got scared so I started to run. He was too under the influence to catch me. But needless to say, he triggered contamination fears (HIV). Let it go, it was unpleasant, but he didn't bite me or anything like that. I don't think I stepped on any hypodermic needles. If something penetrated me, I'd know. I'm safe and sound. It becomes an overwhelming panic attack monster in my mind.
Bullies
I was hurt by bullies and became very sick. My parents aren't perfect, but remember all three love me. The ones who intentionally took sadistic pleasure in my suffering were the kids in school. They're the "MONSTER" I'm so traumatized by.
Monday, June 21, 2021
Subway Restaurant Contamination Fear
I bought Subway for dinner. The guy touched money, then slightly sanitized his hands, touched the gloves, put them on, and made my sandwich. Don't contamination fear. Let it go. "Kiss it up to God", then eat the sandwich. It's unrealistic to expect my fast-food workers to wear hazmat suits.
Dust in eyes
As I was walking past trash cans in the neighborhood, a gust of wind blew dust and gravelly dirt in my eyes. I'm obsessing about contamination fears. I fear worst case scenario - acquired a life-changing illness (HIV). There I go again. It's a broken record. There's no danger.
Sunday, June 20, 2021
Thursday, June 17, 2021
Wednesday, June 16, 2021
Some Posts (06 16 2021)
Post 01:
I was supposed to go out with friends tonight... but I felt like garbage, was in a state of intense pain, wanted to come unglued, my mental health was horrible, so I canceled. Then an hour later, I had caffeinated chocolate milk and now I feel great. Yeah, I have a mood disorder.
Post 02:
My doctor tells me I have many traumatic experiences, but not CPTSD. I think he's wrong. I lived through horror, intense suffering. Just the littlest thing causes me to get upset. I'm walking on eggshells. I'm in pain, don't relate to anybody, and don't know what to do about it.
Post 03:
I'm socially isolated all day long on most days. I don't want to be solitary anymore. I want to interact with people in person. Ideally, a woman. I'm in pain, desperately want friendships, but feel helpless and disconnected from the world. I don't relate to anybody. HELP ME!
Post 04:
I feel like I need a "parental figure" to take me by the hand and help me meet friends because I lack the necessary skills to do it myself. The desire for friendships is there. I just have difficulty.
Post 05:
My posts are an intense cry for help, a cry for change. I desire success, independence, friendships, to not be crazy... I just feel trapped, imprisoned by my mind, and no girlfriend can be my "mommy." I have to be a man, an adult, take charge of my life, get power and control.
Sunday, June 13, 2021
Fireworks
I just heard several fireworks go off in front of my house. At first, I thought it was gunshots. Who would be lighting fireworks at midnight? I'm afraid it's related to me and somebody is trying to scare me. Then again I guess it's possible it's the neighbors? Very weird!
Thursday, June 10, 2021
ARMED
I've been arming the home security system (ADT) and used this note "ARMED" to remind me to deactivate the alarm.
If you didn't know that, this note looks pretty intense.
I was going to draw artwork around the word "ARMED" - but I think it looks pretty good as is.
Famous
How am I not famous already? Seriously! I'm the best artist on planet earth. Show me the money right now!
Wednesday, June 9, 2021
Germaphobia Nervous Breakdown
I have more Germaphobia obsessing. Lately, it's really bad. I was walking around in a bad neighborhood today. It was the projects. When I got home, used disinfectant on the bottom of my shoes, then I noticed there was metallic debris in my shoe. It was small and didn't go through. But I started FREAKING OUT. So I used a pen to remove the metal object that was in my shoe. I touched the bottoms right after I got back from NYC, after only slightly disinfecting them. I feel like I'm about to have an OCD nervous breakdown. If the metal object didn't get me surely touching the bottoms will. Is this anything to worry about? I know, I need to calm down, just let it go, and enjoy my evening.
Germophobia
I saw the immersive Van Gogh exhibit. It was fun, but was in a bad neighborhood. The projects. During my walk, a liquid hit my hand. I didn't see any air conditioners and it was sunny. I immediately sanitized my hands. I'm afraid it was spit, or worse. My friend said germophobia.
Women
I love women and want to date every woman who is cute and shows interest in me. Does anybody else have this problem?
Tuesday, June 8, 2021
Monday, June 7, 2021
Artwork (06 07 2021)
I Want To Be Loved (06 07 2021):
No Safety (06 07 2021):
I Need Freedom (06 07 2021):
Sunday, June 6, 2021
MACE Pepper Spray
My mother bought me Mace pepper spray for self-defense in NYC. Well, I sprayed it in my apartment to see if it works... it does. Just by breathing it in, I was messed up for at least 15 minutes, and it's still going. I had to open my windows. OH MY GOD, THAT WAS INTENSE!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)