Post 01:
After complaining how there's no food in my apartment, my mom bought me a lot of food from the supermarket. I'll try to have self-control with the junk food - which is hard for me, I have to eat all the junk food in a day. I want to be fit, in shape. My meds already make it hard.
Post 02:
Since coming down on Latuda (from 40 mg to 20 mg), I feel less OCD, happier, more energetic. I need to watch the psychosis. But I swear these meds were doing more harm than good.
I'm going to significantly reduce the meds with my doctor with the goal of coming off them entirely.
Post 03:
I don't know why I get emotional every time I decrease the meds. It's like I'm chemically lobotomized. Now I'm coming back to life. Feeling human again.
Post 04:
I touched the gate to my apartment / backyard immediately after a sketchy landscaper did. I'm wondering if there was blood in his sweat. Then when I opened the gate, I bite my nails they're like open cuts - now I have HIV. Let it go, I didn't see any blood, everything's ok.
Post 05:
Yesterday I was sitting in a restaurant booth with friends. I considered my clothes dirty and contaminated. When I got home, I was tired, so I was laying on my bed. My shirt touched my pillow. I was too tired to wash it. I'm afraid there was HIV on my shirt, then it's on pillow.
Post 06:
I worked out with a slit-like cut on my hand. I touched the treadmill, spray bottle to clean the treadmill, door, basically I touched everything at the gym. I'm doing exposure therapy. There are people who get cuts on their hand then go to work in a hospital and don't worry.
Post 07:
About the monster behind a mask delusions. I think my dad has a mask of a loving father on, but that's a facade, behind it he's a sadistic monster. I'm afraid he's contaminating things in my bathroom when the door is closed. Today, I stepped in water he dripped with my sock. HIV?
Post 08:
Assuming my father's not a sadistic criminal, when I was creating my artwork today, I was extremely anxious because I was creating it beside him. He could see I was anxious. He was intentionally trying to inflict anxiety, make me walk on eggshells, make me panic. This is a fact!
Post 09:
My father often tries to steer my delusions in bad directions. For example, when I thought Vince McMahon was my biological father, he kept mentioning Syd Barrett over, and over again. He was trying to make me think Syd Barrett is my biological father.
Post 10:
I don't know the story behind Pink Floyd and Syd Barrett. I wasn't there.
There are conspiracy theories it was just mental illness, he abstained from drugs and was the main lyricist of the group in secret.
Some people think he was a massive drug addict.
Frankly, who cares?
Post 11:
I just brushed my teeth. My father was alone in my bathroom today. Could he have put HIV semen or blood on my toothbrush when the door was closed? I need to remind myself there I go again, he loves me, he's not trying to kill me.
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