When I'm alone I get sick to my stomach afraid that I stepped on a hypodermic needle and didn't realize it, now have HIV, and will have no friends for the rest of my life. I realize it's an irrational contamination fear panic attack, but it's horrifying. I'd know if I stepped on one. It makes no sense to anyone besides me. I need to constantly distract myself from my thoughts through exercise and performance because when I don't I become very frightened. Maybe it's the newfound separation from my mother that's getting me so scared and being alone? Come to think of it, it very much correlates with that.
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