Money (And Collecting Bottles)

My mom provides me with 500 dollars a month for socialization, that's 100 dollars a week. It's not much money.

I explained in a previous post how I keyed her car in a fit of rage (which she incited and provoked). Now she says I have to pay for damages to her car.

If I don't want it to come out of my monthly 500 dollars, she says I have to put my aunts and our bottles in the bottle machine at the local Supermarket.

Sooo... I just finished putting 200 bottles in the bottle machine. It only generated roughly 10 dollars. It was disgusting and grimy. I was all slimy afterward. So now when I'm dying of Coronavirus... congratulations Mom, you taught me a lesson.

I see my Psychopharmacologist every month, I said to my mom we should skip him for two months. That'll pay for the car (since he's 300 dollars per session). We talk about the same things every appointment and don't make any changes to medication. I know he's pushing Clozaril. BUT...

Dr. Natural (my CBT Psychiatrist) feels socializing in the real world will be more effective for good mental health than any medication - and that includes Clozaril. I agree with this.

Sitting at home, socially isolated, going crazy, with no money will make anyone sick. It's like people who don't exercise and say they have "restless legs syndrome" and medicate. Maybe you wouldn't need medication if you TOOK A WALK.

But my mom's not the enemy according to Dr. Natural. I'm lucky I have that 500 dollars to spend for socialization. He has patients that don't even have enough money for food. 

It's basically my mom's money that she's providing for me. She's not to blame for the situation I'm in. I owe my mom a heartfelt apology. She's not the bane of my existence.

He said I have fury and rage, and it's increased significantly since 2016. The car is an example of this. He can see it in my emails and social media posts too.

Work is the answer to many of my problems. It'll provide independence and socialization. 

So I applied to some local photography, videography, and media production companies. And I received some replies.

I have a lot of experience taking self-portraits for YouTube and other social media. It's a bit like acting, performance art, and modeling. It's a hobby I'm passionate about and looking to turn into a career.

When it comes to weddings, events, and commercial photography I don't have much experience. But I'm willing to work hard, learn on the job, and develop a portfolio.