My dad triggers negative mental health

I usually hate Facebook quotes, but my mom posted an interesting one. It said, "if someone acts like they don't care, believe them."

I have a very disappointing relationship with my dad, and I'm certain he doesn't care about me.

I call him every single day - he rarely calls me. I'm always the one initiating contact. I feel like if I didn't call him, there'd be no relationship. We talk briefly, and that's it.

I usually see him once a week for a few hours on Saturday. We take a short walk and get a cheap lunch. We don't talk about anything significant - usually rock music, professional wrestling, and Marvel movies. He's not interested in my life, he keeps his life secretive. Aside from our short time together, his life is a mystery to me.

Today we were having a discussion about The Incredible Hulk. I believe this conversation had a double meaning.

We said how Universal owns the distribution rights to the character, but Disney (Marvel) owns the production rights. Meaning, Marvel can use the character but can't make a Hulk movie.

He points at my cell phone which is on the table. Said Disney and Mark Ruffalo probably get off saying, "this isn't a planet hulk movie, it's planet Jeff Goldblum and Thor" when Universal objects.  I took it as a metaphor for my internet art. He'll say, "no, no, no... it's not Planet Hulk" if Universal tries to sue (play dumb). But he knows.

Then when he gave the child support check to say goodbye, he pointed at the envelope and said it says "boys" on it. Meaning, it's not meant for just me.

Then my imagination began to run wild. Why is my dad this way? I start to think, is it because I'm the biological son of Billy Joel? Which he's keeping a secret. Meaning, I'm just a pawn in his sick game. (Delusion, obviously)

Basically, my dad triggers negative mental health every time I see him. I get angry, my emotions overtake me like a tsunami, then I get lost in fantasy. I believe he does it intentionally too.

Then the emotions start to reach the next level if I don't "catch it, check it, change it." I'll become afraid he poisoned my food, is trying to murder me. (Delusion)

The reality is, I have a disappointing father and the pain is raw. He's a jerk who bullies me, and I shouldn't get lost in daydreams. My dad is either incapable or unwilling to be a father. Sadly, I just have to accept it.

Should I stop seeing him? I'm making very little money on disability, and he provides a little bit. And sometimes we can have fun and laugh. It's not a "black and white" issue.

Thankfully, this post is calming me down.

UPDATE:

I feel guilty ending the relationship with my father, I almost feel like I need to call him in the morning. My mom pressures me into having a superficial relationship for financial reasons. I'm starting to meet friends who genuinely love me. Down deep I know I should stop talking to my dad.

UPDATE (02 03 2020):

I called my dad yet again this morning, it was an innocent conversation at first. We talked about the Super Bowl and Donald Trump. I said how he congratulated the Kansas City Chiefs and said they were from "Kansas City, Kansas". Obviously, they’re from Missouri. He quickly took it down but people have screenshots.

As embarrassing as that mistake is. I said: at least he writes his own tweets and they’re real. In past presidency's you felt like they were press releases coming from lawyers. Why bother following those accounts?

He said the Democrats look for every little mistake, wait, and watch - while he tweets like a fool and buffoon.

Basically, I started to feel this had a double-meaning. Maybe there’s going to be a legal battle between my father and me? Maybe he’s sitting, watching, looking for mistakes?

My dad knows what he’s doing, he’s a bully that gets off triggering me. I should just make my own money and stop talking to him.