January 29, 2022:
Post 01:
I don't know how to communicate with my fans to let them know... but I will be going live tonight on YouTube. Probably in two to three hours from now. I hope you'll join me. It was a lot of fun interacting with so many people last night. Hope to have a repeat experience tonight.
January 30, 2022:
Post 01:
I touched the spray cleaner at the gym with my hands. Didn't wash my hands. Then on the drive home I was wearing a zipper sweatshirt. Scratched my chest hair where the zipper was. A hair ripped out. Might have started to bleed. I had dirty hands. Is this a contamination risk?
Post 02:
I had a sharp, stabbing pain in my shoe towards the end of my workout on the treadmill at the gym. It almost felt like there was a splinter in there. I looked at the bottom of my shoe but didn't see anything. It's probably nothing to worry about. Relax and let it go.
Post 03:
Remember how I said I had a sharp stabbing pain in my shoe when I was working out on the treadmill at the gym? When I took my shoes and socks off to get ready for the shower, I noticed in the nail bed area, my toe was all bloody. Red covered in blood. Not sure how it happened.
Post 04:
I see a bloody toenail and want to jump to horror, HIV, no friends, no life. Most likely an irritated nail cut me open. Try not to obsess and catastrophize. It is what it is. This is not how you get HIV. Relax. Let It go. It's unpleasant. Calm down. It's not the end of my life.
January 31, 2022:
Post 01:
I realize it wasn't intentionally malicious so I'm not mad, but when I was getting ready to go to the gym my stepdad was using the snowblower, and he accidentally blew dirty snow in my face. I walked on the snow with my public shoes many times. Is this a contamination risk?
February 1, 2022:
Post 01:
After I used the treadmill at the gym, when I was using the spray cleaner the mist from the liquid got in my eyes. There was a woman right by me. I'm afraid it came from her cleaning liquid. Let it go. Relax. Enjoy my evening. This is not a contamination risk. Right?
February 2, 2022:
Post 01:
I was eating an apple that just came from the supermarket. It was very fresh. The stem was hard. While biting into the juicy apple I accidentally scratched myself on the apple stem. I'm catastrophizing about contamination. The likelihood of HIV is VERY IMPROBABLE. Let it go!
Post 02:
I ate a second apple. There was a deep hole, an indentation in the stem area. It was probably created naturally. I'm becoming afraid a psychopath contaminated the apple at the supermarket. I ate most of the apple too. There I go again. Broken record. It's improbable. I'm fine.
Post 03:
I'm coming to a realization, maybe even a therapy breakthrough, that my mom is an unempathetic narcissist. She doesn't truly care about or love me. It's a facade. She's only concerned with how it affects herself.
Now I need to break free of my dependency on her at 34-years-old.
Post 04:
My mother is a good actress. She's good at convincing people that she cares about me. She even duped me into thinking she had my best interest in mind. But it's not real. There is no empathy. It's fake. It's a facade. She's an unempathetic narcissist that might even like my pain.
Post 05:
I went through hell. Unimaginable pain and suffering. It's a result of my parents. They might have even done it intentionally. But I need to accept it. Because there's going to be no supreme court case. I need to break free from my dependency prison and get a life away from hell.
Post 06:
At the gym a lot of liquid dripped on me, my pants, and the treadmill. I'm afraid it's something from the ceiling. Or worse from somebody else. But I think it's my sweat. Try not to worry. The likelihood there's going to be contamination is very slim. There I go again. Let it go.
Post 07:
Last gym contamination fear for the day, in treadmill cup holder area there was a red object, it was either gum, but it might have been red cloth. I was catastrophizing blood, HIV, no friends forever. Relax. That's not what it was. Come home and enjoy my evening with no horror.
Post 08:
At the gym, I saw these kids who were wearing their sports t-shirts bullying this less confident kid. They were loud, obnoxious, it was making me uncomfortable and I felt bad for the victim. Then they started wrestling and almost went through the glass window. They seem calm now.
Post 09:
When you see bullying it's hard to get involved as a nobody. They don't seem to be doing anything anymore. If I confront them I'll look crazy. The victim might not even be ready to accept he was getting bullied. I might cramp his style.
Post 10:
They were cocky, pretty boy, suburban high school bullies. They weren't dangerous criminals. One sadistic kid saw a less confident kid and was trying to exert power over him. The less confident kid didn't even realize he was getting bullied. There was really nothing I could do.
Post 11:
The shoes that I just wore in public made a puddle on the floor in my apartment due to the snowy water outside. Abserntymindly, I cleaned the water with my sock, now I'm becoming afraid I had a cut on my foot and CONTAMINATION FEARS.
Post 12:
I'm coming to the realization I am a super empath and my mother is a narcissist. My mother's "love" for me was an illusion. It's a facade.
I'm passive around her. Intimidated by her. Let her abuse me.
I am dependent on her. I need to be rescued from this hellish prison.
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