February 3, 2022:
Post 01:
I don't know why many people are reluctant to classify me as brilliant. It could be that I'm always joking, act like a buffoon, being disabled with a severe mental illness. Lots of people like to underestimate me. They almost feel threatened if I get any power over them.
Post 02:
I know people who thought their girlfriend was a genius, that they were smarter than me... I've proven that I'm a brilliant artist, capable of accomplishing things neither one of them ever could. But they still like to classify me as a joke who's having delusions. Who cares?
Post 03:
Stop trying to get people to validate my worth when society hasn't crowned me king yet. Know my own worth. Once I'm a rich and famous, iconic rockstar maybe then they'll realize I wasn't a delusional, mindless, buffoonish moron. I was a smart guy who accomplished great things.
Post 04:
I need help. Everyday I feel alone in my head, unsatisfied, and unheard. I know some people are going to say "hospitalization" or "more medication." What I really need, what will be a billion times more effective in my recovery than that is socialization and to be loved.
February 4, 2022:
Post 01:
Inside the bank when I went to the teller, there was wetness all over the card accepting keypad. I think it was from the hand sanitizer which was right next to it. I'm catastrophizing it was something gross and I stuck my hands in it. Relax and simply wash hands when I get home.
Post 02:
I'm still worried about what that liquid was that was all over the card accepting keypad at the bank. MOST LIKELY it was hand sanitizer because it was right next to it. But I'm catastrophizing contamination. Imagining worst case scenario. Just let it go. I'll live. It wasn't HIV.
Post 03:
After my workout was complete at the gym, I used the treadmill spray cleaning solution. I rolled down my sleeve over my hand to use it. Then my sleeve got caught in the spray cleaner. I'm afraid I accidentally cut myself. Though, I probably didn't. Is this a contamination risk?
February 5, 2022:
Post 01:
As I was leaving the gym, this young man was entering and I fumbled to hold the door for him to be polite. While doing that, I accidentally bashed my hand on the locking switch on the exit door. My hand was in pain but I didn't see any blood or broken skin. A contamination risk?
Post 02:
On my car ride home from the gym, I had an itch on my neck, my finger accidentally got caught between headphones and neck. I pinch scratched my neck with gym hands. It really hurt. Maybe even drew blood? Is this a contamination risk?
Post 03:
The was a red irritation on my neck where I pinch scratched earlier. I damaged my skin. Even though I did it with dirty gym hands, this is still not a contamination risk. HIV would be dead on my hands. Let it go and enjoy my evening. It's THERE I GO AGAIN! Right?
Post 04:
When I took my shower, the cut on my neck that I accidentally caused after I pinch scratched my neck with dirty gym hands, stung when soap touched it in the shower. This leads me to believe I broke the skin and it was an open cut. Relax. I'm fine. My life isn't changed forever.
February 6, 2022:
Post 01:
I accidentally cut myself while shaving and I was bleeding. I touched my phone and lots of things in my apartment. Then I touched paper towels. Tried to get it to clot with dirty hands after the gym. Is this a contamination risk? No, right? I'm fine. Relax and enjoy the evening.
February 7, 2022:
Post 01:
After I cleaned my treadmill at the gym tonight, when I went to throw out my paper towel, I dropped it on the ground where everybody walks right in front of the front desk so I had to pick it up then throw it out. I'm getting contamination fears about touching the ground. A risk?
February 8, 2022:
Post 01:
My mom's not cooking tonight. So I went to a small pizzeria. They make good pizza. But I'm afraid the lady handling my pizza had dirty hands. After putting my pizza in the box, she handled my money. I have no proof, but I'm afraid she didn't wash her hands after previous customer.
Post 02:
Although I'm afraid the lady handled my pizza with dirty money hands (I have no proof of this) and I'm afraid of contamination. I'm just going to heat the pizza in the microwave for 20 seconds then kiss it up to God like my grandparents would say and not worry about germs.
Post 03:
Although I've never seen the movie Groundhog Day, a psychologist years ago said that's like my life. I'm still doing it. Every day is the same day again, and again. It's my responsibility to change that.
Post 04:
Socialization, good friendships, and love will add meaning to my life. Right now I have a VOID EXISTENCE.
I'm going through the motions, getting up, fighting, but my life is kind of pointless.
Post 05:
Life is routine. If you're happy being single, alone, doing the same thing every day... I'm happy for you. I want friendship and to be loved. Though, there's a lot about my life that's good. I feel tortured from lack of socialization.
Post 06:
On Christmas, my aunt would always make hors d'oeuvres. Mozzarella sticks, pigs in a blanket, and tiny Pizza bagels. All the kids, me being a kid at the time, we all loved it. It made the holidays really special.
Post 07:
Families seem to drift apart when you get older. My aunt's children now have children of their own. They're still welcoming. We're invited there on the holidays. But I feel I don't belong there anymore, the family kind of branched apart. Now it's time for me to make my life.
Post 08:
I have a cut on my finger. To be honest, I'm not sure how it happened. I was in public: A pizzeria, gym, etc. I want to go into CONTAMINATION FEARS HORROR. Stop it! Look at all my posts. It's a broken record. There is no HIV risk. It's OCD, anxiety, mental illness, and madness.
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