February 16, 2022:
Post 01:
I was working out on the treadmill. A man was running next to me, some guy had spray cleaner for his treadmill in front of me, and something got in my eye and stung. I'm afraid it was from somebody else and the fan blew it into my eye. Who knows what it was? These things happen.
February 18, 2022:
Post 01:
I have a tiny cut on my thumb. I'm not sure how it happened. Maybe from washing my hands too much? Or maybe I accidentally gave myself a cut by scratching myself with my fingernails. It's very minor, but it hurts and you can see redness. It's open and I'm afraid of contamination.
Post 02:
Don't worry about a minor, tiny cut on my thumb. It's not life-changing. My contamination fears are the same OCD broken record playing. THERE I GO AGAIN! Maybe spray some liquid bandage on it if I'm really worried, but it's nothing to worry about at all. There's no risk!
February 19, 2022:
Post 01:
I joked how I've been sleeping until noon every single day lately. To be fair, it's actually more around 11 am when I've been walking up, but by the time I drink my coffee and do my morning routine my day starts around noon.
Maybe I should make a conscious effort to change this?
Post 02:
I actually had a healthy sleeping schedule prior to 2 months ago, but I significantly reduced my medications with my doctors and that caused insomnia. So I began staying up later and waking up later.
Should I try to get a normal sleeping schedule?
Then again... Who cares?
Post 03:
Some people say to make a conscious effort to go to sleep around 10:00 p.m. and wake up around 9:00 am because it's more "normal." I've been living in a Fantasyland. I have no adult responsibilities, so I don't need a normal sleeping schedule. But do I want to be disconnected?
Post 04:
I think overalls are in style now. Lately, I see lots of people wearing them. They're making a comeback.
Overalls look cool, but I prefer wearing plain old jeans. Overalls are a bit uncomfortable.
February 21, 2022:
Post 01:
I want to come down on my meds even more, but I'm struggling with psychosis. Most of the time I'm fine. Usually negative interactions with my parents trigger psychosis. I'm afraid a slight reduction will send me over the edge. Or experiment with less meds and don't worry?
February 23, 2022:
Post 01:
I know they're people out there who get pleasure from my suffering. You can't even grasp the pain I'm going through. My brains on fire. It's tremendous pain. I desperately NEED socialization and love. Some might assume I'll be "just fine." I'm afraid stress is going to kill me.
Post 02:
It's a delusion. Nobody cares I exist. But if there was a monster out there who was watching me suffer from lack of socialization and they could put an end to it, why would I accept them in my life after they watched me waste my life in pain? Move on. Find somebody better.
Post 03:
Nobody is watching me suffer and getting pleasure from it. I'm in excruciating pain from lack of socialization. Unfortunately, I have no friends, nobody cares I exist. I daydream there's somebody who could save me and is sadistically not helping. The reality is there's nobody.
Post 04:
There are social opportunities I can take part in. Every single time it's me isolating myself. My chains are internal. Nobody is punishing me with solitude besides myself.
I just want independence, friends and a loving girlfriend so badly.
I deserve to have a real life.
Post 05:
I needed help, an intervention, and nobody came to rescue me. Instead, they watched me suffer and did nothing. I am in a tremendous amount of pain from the years of unimaginable suffering I lived through. I want to come unglued. I don't need "more meds." I need to be loved.
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