February 14, 2022:
Post 01:
As I was walking towards the front door of the gym in the cold, I stepped on this plastic, tiny, empty, alcohol shot container that was littered in the parking lot. It didn't go through my shoe. It's a 0% contamination risk. Nothing to worry about... Right?
February 15, 2022:
Post 01:
My father tried claiming I have multiple personalities through a metaphor. Don't let his stupidity get me upset. It's been determined in therapy I put on performances on social media, but I don't have multiple personalities or a split personality. I have schizoaffective disorder.
Post 02:
I just bought groceries from Stop & Shop with my mom. She's INTENTIONALLY causing anxiety, trying to make me appear low functioning, like buying groceries is the most complicated thing in the world... But why is she sabotaging me? I have "delusional" theories. Gaslighting?!
Post 03:
Why would my mother want to keep me as a low functioning, disabled adult child? It's just financially burdening her. The more likely reason why she is making me unconfident in the supermarket is she likes power and control. It's not her intentionally torturing me.
Post 04:
I know it's OCD contamination fears, there I go again, a broken record... But I dropped milk on the ground at the supermarket by the registers where everybody walks with their shoes then picked it up with my hands. The floor is dirty, but this is not how you get HIV. I'm fine.
Post 05:
Touching the dirty public floor at a supermarket is not how you get contaminated with HIV. There was no pool of fresh blood that I just stuck my hands into. That's the only way I'd get contaminated. It's unpleasant, dirty, but there is no risk here. FIGHT OFF THE OCD!
Post 06:
I realize it's the same OCD HIV contamination fear, just a new scenario. I touched the spray cleaner, treadmill, lots of stuff at the gym. When I got home, I took off my socks and noticed I had a hangnail on my toe that pealed back into a cut. I touched it with unwashed hands.
Post 07:
Basically my question: if I didn't wash my hands after the gym. Then I get home, pealed my toenail/hangnail, and there was an open-cut. If you touch an open cut with dirty gym hands can you get contaminated with HIV? No, my hands would need to be covered in HIV blood. Right?
Post 08:
Even though I touched EVERYTHING DIRTY at the gym then an open, bleeding cut on my body? Still no chance of contamination?
So many people are getting annoyed by my OCD. I wish they'd be empathetic and understanding. Contamination fears torture me. I'm asking to calm myself down.
Post 09:
I am VERY FRUSTRATED. Just to repeat in case you haven't heard me the first billion times, I haven't had much experience with women and I've been solitary for MONTHS, not interacting with anybody besides my parents, and I'm so FRUSTRATED and HUNGRY. I want to cuddle with a woman.
Post 10:
My chains are internal, not maternal. My mother isn't torturing me. But my parents don't exactly comfort my social HUNGER and NEED for women. They treat me like a burden, child, call me a loser, and trigger poor mental health. If I "ate dinner" maybe I'd appreciate mommy.
Post 11:
I don't have much experience with women, I desire to be with a woman - it's all I want! I want to SCREAM and SHOUT to cuddle with women. My parents aren't empathetic. In fact, I feel they like my suffering. They treat me like a child, a burden like having power and control.
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