Love Depravity
(A poem I wrote for a mental health writing class)
I've never been "in love." Severely and sadistically bullied. No safety. No shelter. Wanting protection. But the world is a chaotic place. Deprived of young love. Everybody’s having fun beside me. Betrayed and blindsided. Humiliated and degraded. Rejected by society. All alone. Then I went crazy. No social skills. Isolation. Could've died. Self-destruction. I needed intervention. Nobody cared. Six psychiatric hospitalizations. Wearing the crazy scarlet letter. Everybody’s critical of me. Defective FREAK. Extreme self-consciousness. Desiring love. Friendship’s still fleeting. Extreme anxiety. I don’t fit in anywhere. No desire to be a part of the real world. Delusional daydream land. Comforted by my imagination. They tell me it’s not real. To live in the real world. I want to be alone. Cut off from the world. Wallowing in self-pity. Pain and suffering. It's too late to rescue me. Wasting time. Getting angry. Why did nobody rescue me? Where are my "friends"? My family? Why did this happen to me? Am I to blame? I FINALLY met a friend. The best friend of my life. It feels too good to be true. Attachment issues. Too needy. Life revolves around one person. It can end at any time. Will she betray me? A sadistic monster too? Trust issues. Remembering she loves me. Rapid delusional mood swings. Ruining meaningful relationships. Life is fleeting. Everybody goes away. Death is the last chapter of our lives. Life doesn’t have to be torture. We can have moments of happiness. In between the sadness.
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