Regarding Meds And The Doctor Conspiracy

Dr. Natural said:

"You and I and (your psychopharmacologist) have observed the same thing - on the lower dose of medication your emotions come with more intensity, which is good and bad.  It is bad when negative feelings drive delusions which kindle more frequent and more intense attacks on your support system, as has been the case more often recently.  You remember and remind yourself of one task we have in psychotherapy -  helping you to feel some remorse after you lash out at the people you depend on - but you aren't there yet.  You can frame the task, and are working on it, but you haven't yet achieved it.  When the delusions intensify, you stop short of thinking that (your psychopharmacologist) and I are in on the scheme against you, but at those times you consider me naïve, thinking I have been fooled by your Satan mother, and at those times, your don't worry about hurting Satan's feelings.  Nobody worries about hurting Satan's feelings.  Nobody feels remorse when the Devil suffers.  Assuming that (your psychopharmacologist) agrees, one course of action would be to go back up on the medication for now, re-establish more emotional control, continuing working in psychotherapy to master the delusional outbursts by seeing them for what they are, then, having demonstrated progress in psychotherapy, revisit the idea of at some point in the future trying to lower the meds again.  That would be my suggestion."

I respect both your and (my psychopharmacologist) suggestion to increase the Invega. But I'm ALREADY on a mega regimen, I'm practically the entire pharmacy, I feel like a lab rat. As I stated, I feel so much better on the lower dose in so many ways. Obviously, the emotional tsunami daydreams (delusions) get worse, but I can work on that by not getting so worked up. My friends have observed on lower meds I'm more talkative (less zonked) and so many of the adverse effects have gotten better - because it's natural. So I'd like to remain on 6 mg for now. Is that o.k.?

As we've established "feelings drive delusions." When my parents anger me, irritate me, I become frustrated - and can't let out my RAGE - then I turn into Marvel's The Incredible Hulk inside my head. I'm passive but start having daydream delusions and become confused. 

An interesting observation when you said I think my doctors are in on the conspiracy. I sometimes feel (my psychopharmacologist) knew there was torture going on, but turned a blind eye, gave insincere lip service, and medicated because it was too tough an issue to tackle. Now that the truth is coming out, he's trying to say I'm crazy to cover his ass because he's afraid of getting sued. Then Dr. Natural, who is friends with (my psychopharmacologist), tried to protect (my psychopharmacologist) by framing me as crazy. And in the end, my Hiter SATAN parents win. Right now I'm aware this is delusional and you're trying to help me. I am lucky to have the best doctors in the business thanks to my wonderful parents. The real villain is how my mind works.