May 30, 2022:
Post 01:
I need to make an appointment with a neurologist. I'm getting excruciating headaches. I'm afraid it's brain cancer. Or a stroke. Or an aneurysm. The last guy I called only had appointments in September. I want an MRI. It's more than just "allergies." It's headaches from solitude.
Post 02:
To be honest, I'm really scared of New York City. But I really can't take this solitary confinement. I'm about to tap out to the self-inflicted isolation submission hold I have myself in. I might just go to the Fountain House for the first time in months to socialize with people.
May 31, 2022:
Post 01:
You need to pursue what you want, not what your parents want for you. Accountants make good money. But I couldn't do that all day long. I'd be miserable. My mind isn't organized and patient enough, my mind is more chaos and madness. But that's the classes I was taking in college.
Post 02:
They called it "ADHD" when I was a child, not sure if that's what it is, but you can't get someone with ADHD to sit still, in a cubicle, organizing numbers for the rest of his life (Accounting). My brain is too scattered and high-energy for that.
Post 03:
It doesn't make kids "stupid" if they can't focus in school. They expect these unique individuals, kids with "ADHD", to conform and sit still in school. But these kids want to be outside playing, running around. Many kids with ADHD are brilliant, they just don't fit in at school.
June 2, 2022:
Post 01:
We have a pool. When the pool water is warm it's much more comfortable to swim. Our pool used to not be heated, it was so cold except for two months. Then we got a heater. Still, I rarely use the pool because there's always drama with my parents. It's best to avoid them.
Post 02:
I used to wonder if my parents were intentionally being controlling, to sadistically to bully me. It was like walking on eggshells being around them. A real constant state of panic nightmare. Trying to keep my head above water. I later learned they weren't doing it intentionally.
Post 03:
I want to socialize more. I have real-world ideas. Now take action on those ideas. Stop wasting my life. I'll be happier I did. Humans are social animals. Being alone in your thoughts is the ticket to madness and psychosis. Socialization is the key to recovery and happiness.
Post 04:
Some people go to work and like their alone time at night. They come home from work and like to relax by themselves. That's natural. But they interact at work.
Lately, it feels like I'm isolated and talk to nobody. It sucks. But it's my responsibility to change it.
Post 05:
It takes intelligence to make yourself successful. Unless you're the son of a millionaire or billionaire, born with a silver spoon as they say. They get the best education. They say you feel better in the long run if you work hard for your success and it's not just handed to you.
Post 06:
If you work hard and see your results it feels good. Whether it's working out, artwork, performance, college, a job (you want to succeed in). It's true in those situations.
If success is handed to you, you don't have the intensity and drive. You get rewarded for doing nothing.
Post 07:
I started drawing very late in life, in 2018 and was simply having fun with it. My psychiatrist thinks I have a talent at expressing how I feel through artwork.
Get a piece of paper, maybe with a friend, get some art supplies and start drawing. You'd be surprised how fun it is.
Post 08:
I've actually been significantly reducing my psychiatric medications this year. I'm on the least amount of medication I've been on since 2011, which is amazing, and I feel so much better in a lot of ways.
Post 09:
I want to succeed in standup comedy. With a little hard work and drive I know I can make myself SUCCESSFUL. NYC is the place to be for that. I did standup comedy a few times last year. At first, it's scary being in front of an audience, but then it becomes an adrenaline thrill.
Post 10:
When I performed standup comedy on stage, I think my mom was afraid I'd suck. She didn't want the crowd to reject me. But my performance went over pretty well. I really had fun doing it. I plan on doing it again soon because I'm a natural.
Post 11:
I recommend telling your life story through artwork, or a play, or videos. Just let out how you feel. Don't keep things internalized. It could be therapeutic too. Who knows, maybe somebody will be moved by your story and you'd help them.
Post 12:
Start off with a journal. We all get spark of genius ideas throughout the day, write them down, gather tons of ideas. Then see what you want to do with your ideas when you gather enough of them.
Post 13:
Remember writing your story won't happen overnight. It's like eating an elephant. You start off small. Just keep writing, and writing, taking bites. It will start to take shape. It'll take time. So don't get discouraged if it's not finished right away. It might take many years.
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