Last night I had my third comedy performance in front of an audience. The first two were related to a class, it was more of a coddling environment. This one was a real-world performance. A competition to see who the best comedian was.
The performance itself wasn't horrible, but it also wasn't great. My stepdad said the audience was older. My jokes weren't connecting with them. It wasn't a home run like the first night with the class.
But the biggest problem was socializing with my peers at the show. I don't know how to make small talk, feel like everybody's looking at me critically, so I stand there like a deer caught in headlights, getting bad panic attacks, and almost have no desire to interact because I feel like they don't understand and I'm too advanced. So rather than stand around waiting for performer after performer to go, wanting to run away... I decided to just leave the show.
Not sure if I won, I don't even care. I'm starting to think comedy clubs aren't for me. But I do love comedy, don't let one bad night get me down.
Around intelligent "normal people", I'm disconnected from them. In recovery groups, I'm too high functioning and don't relate. Rather than say I lack social skills, I'm going to say I'm functioning on a higher cosmic level and there's no place for me on Planet Earth. Lol.
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