Post 01:
2023 is off to a rough start. I think this year is about to get better. Though, it seems everytime I say that something tragic or unforseen happens. Hopefully, life gets good for real now. But I have to make it happen. I can't expect anyone but me to make this year epic.
Post 02:
Depending on anybody to make a life for me, no matter if it's my parents or some mental health worker, is just a recipe for disaster because you get a life filled with what they want you to be. Don't get controlled into being who they want. Be an adult and make my own decisions.
Post 03:
I often SUSPECT my parents got SADISTIC SEXUAL PLEASURE from my suffering. If untrue and I'm projecting sexual frustration onto them. Why didn't my parents intervene more? Why did they allow me to waste so much time? Did they secretly enjoy watching me suffer? I think they did.
Post 04:
Regardless of who is responsible for my life turning into this hellish nightmare, at 35 years old, it's my responsibility to take accountability for my problems. Stop depending on my mother and parents. Make myself successful completely independent of everybody else. With no help
Post 05:
Even if my parents did get sadistic sexual pleasure from my suffering. At 35 years old, nobody is holding me as a prisoner in solitude. The reason I can't meet friends and a girlfriend is my lack of social skills. My chains are internal, not maternal. Nobody has me in shackles.
Post 06:
I shouldn't be dependent on my parents at 35 years old. If I date a woman, I should say nothing to mommy about my relationships. Sadly, I'm a dependent adult-child with no money living at her home so I'm very enmeshed with her. I need to break our hostile dependency relationship.
Post 07:
I'm involuntarily celibate and extremely sexually frustrated. No women want to talk to me because on paper I'm a loser. Unless women believe the future billionaire delusion too, Folie à Deux, there's no future with me. I'm projecting my frustration onto my parents. They love me.
Post 08:
My parents aren't perfect and neither am I, but they love me and want me to succeed. Even my father, we're spending time together and often have a good time when we do. He doesn't have to do that for me at all. He does it because he wants a relationship with me. I'm lucky.
Post 09:
If people rejected me years ago, thought of me as a loser, and my life could've turned out differently, even if I didn't know it, I don't want any association with them present day. I need nobody but myself to become a successful artist. I can rock and roll completely solo.
Post 10:
They left me in solitude for YEARS while they were all living life and having fun. They say congratulations you made yourself a badass artist, but sorry for your lost time which is extremely tragic. It was nobody's responsibility to socialize with me in the real world but mine.
Post 11:
For years my mother told me how I was delusional, what a loser and burden I am. Now she's acting like I'm this gifted individual. Did someone clue her in to how talented I am at performance. I don't believe her sincerity? She's a phony. I don't forgive her for the years of abuse.
Post 12:
My mother treated me like I was the biggest loser on planet Earth for like my whole life. Now everyone else is saying how gifted I am. It's completely contradictory to the abuse she put me through. She made me feel like a worthless peon. I'm angry when she praises me. It's fake.
Post 13:
Maybe it wasn't conscious torture. I think my mother needed to keep me as a dependent adult-child, tell me what a loser and burden I am... Because she was so unhappy about her life. Having me as worse than her, controlling me, while believing she's helping, made her feel better.
Post 14:
I'm going to a mental health recovery group and as a result can't see my psychopharmacologist for a few weeks due to insurance and billing. My mother was acting like he would care. While I think he wants good health for me, in his profession, you can't take things personally.
Post 15:
Did the psychopharmacologist want to kill me with the mega regimen of psychiatric medications? Probably not. Maybe he isn't an incompetent fool and he hasn't. Hypothetically, if I died from negligence and it was his fault, he wouldn't lose sleep over me (not saying that happened)
Post 16:
What I actually needed was friends, socialization, and self-esteem in the real world, not to be medicated with the whole pharmacy for a years. Human interaction, a life, and purpose is more effective for delusions than any antipsychotic or psychiatric medication.
Post 17:
The reason I was so sick was because I feel like I spent my whole life unheard in solitary confinement. Perhaps they could've intervened, not allowed me to waste time, but I'm not saying it's anybody's fault but mine. Take responsibility for wasting my life alone like an INCEL.
Post 18:
Come back with determination. Live life. Make myself successful now. The lost time in solitude is tragic. I was in a Joanne Greenberg fantasyland daydreaming I'd be a billionaire from social media posts. The key to recovery is to live in the real world and to meet friends.
Post 19:
My mother WAS NOT holding me at gunpoint forcing me to pour my best years down the drain. Should she have intervened? Yes. Did she enjoy my suffering? Psychiatrists say "no." I was not a prisoner. I had freedom to do anything I wanted. There's no sabotage. Take responsibility.
Post 20:
I'm 35 years old and have failed. In the eyes of the United States of America, I'm a loser. I'm a genius artist in my own mind. Maybe that's a delusion to protect myself from extreme sadness, but I'm ordinary. Regardless, stop blaming mommy for my failure and blame myself.
Post 21:
My parents provided me with the best they had. I've had more opportunities than many people in mental health recovery groups and I still failed. They're some people at these groups who could really cry how life is unfair. With that said, I've suffered tremendously.
Post 22:
In 2016, nobody believed in me. They thought I was delusional and would fail. People criticized my artwork. However, I didn't listen to everyone's negative feedback. Thanks to my mother, I proceeded to work very hard, and proved everyone wrong. Now I'm about to become successful.
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