Post 01:
I was hot in 2012 (attractive). I went through a Hot Topic just rolled out of bed phase. But even then when I threw on jeans I was hot. In 2023, I'm hot. Everyone was hard on me. They thought the years of trauma would make me ugly. But I'm the hottest guy alive today probably.
Post 02:
There were women who were extremely hard on me. Everything I did they became obsessed with and overly criticized me. Most people they couldn't care less about. The reason, though they probably don't want to admit it to themselves, they're attracted to me. So they love/hate me.
Post 03:
It's too bad. Owen Hart is one of the best wrestlers to never win the WWE Championship and if he didn't die doing something so unnecessary he probably would've. His name didn't have to be taboo and controversial. He could've been a wrestling legend and Hall of Famer.
Post 04:
In complete seriousness, though, it's very unnatural to be womanless. I'd really like a girlfriend as soon as possible. We'll see what the future holds. It takes time to develop relationships, at least healthy long-lasting ones.
Post 05:
Honesty is the best policy. Lies are a house of cards. I like when people tell me the truth. Only if their intentions are to help, though. Maybe someone can't handle how bad the truth is and it could lead to a nervous breakdown.
Post 06:
I did have a psychiatric hospital admission earlier this month, but I'm out now. In recovery groups, I'm actually enjoying myself despite how negative the psych ward is.
Post 07:
Some of the people in the psychiatric hospital are very sick. Honestly, I didn't feel it was a necessary admission. I didn't belong there. However, if it led to me going to recovery groups and meeting friends, maybe it's a blessing in disguise. I was wasting time in solitude.
Post 08:
Since going to mental health recovery groups, my days have been fun. It's too bad they don't want you developing friendships with other members there. It'd be cool to develop a social life. Some people would be cool to know on the outside. However, they don't want you to.
Post 09:
Humans are social animals. We're meant to interact and not be in solitude. The reason I was getting sick is because I was isolated everyday while everyone else was having fun. It'd be nice to get a girlfriend. I'm long overdue for a relationship.
Post 10:
Maybe I need to go back to college, take an acting class, or comedy class. Maybe trying to meet a schizophrenic girlfriend just out of the psychiatric hospital in a mental health recovery group is a recipe for disaster. We're both very sick. I need someone healthy.
Post 11:
Some of the schizophrenic women in the mental health recovery group are cute. I'd go on a date with them, or at the very least socialize on the outside if it was permitted. But we're both very sick and unstable. It could become problematic quite quickly due to our instability.
Post 12:
A lot of mentally ill people can wind up homeless. Am I living the dream being a 35 year old disabled adult-child dependent on my mother? Absolutely not. I'm suffering. But it could always be worse, I'm not homeless, and I'm in a nice apartment provided by mommy.
Post 13:
I've suffered badly. But now I'm having the time of my life. The pain made me enjoy the simple things more. Simple things I was deprived of for so long are tremendously fun for me, while most people take so much for granted because they all were enjoying life.
Post 14:
It wasn't Lady Gaga I was interacting with in NYC, it was my half-sister and half-brother, from my father's "cooler family." I was the neglected red-headed stepchild family to my father. They were given significantly better lives. My parents metaphorically cut my neck.
Post 15:
I don't officially know I have half-siblings and my parents will continue to lie and gaslight me. It's obvious these people from NYC knew a little too much about my past and the abuse I went through. Also, they look similar to me like they could be biologically related.
Post 16:
When it comes to who I suspect is my half-brother. What will he befriend me, get close, we'll become buddies... Then he'll say "by the way, our father is exactly the same." It's Robert Koloski. That's deception, gaslighting, lying. Just tell me the truth.
Post 17:
The sad truth is I get along well with who I suspect are my half-siblings, but I'm thinking of them as friends I'm meeting for the first time, not family members kept secret for 35 years due to a family feud. When I discover we're related, it'll certainly sour my opinion of them.
Post 18:
I suspect my secret half-siblings have done something nice for me. Better late than never. It was extremely depressing for a while because all the trauma and bullying I went through led to me metaphorically dying. At least I hope they're not psychopaths like my parents.
Post 19:
I know they have the feeling how we can't change the past, but we should be on the same team and never should've been enemies / strangers to begin with. However, when I officially learn the truth I'm not sure how I'll feel or react, because my life has been pain and suffering.
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