disabled adult child

I don't know why the courts ruled I should be a disabled adult child because I'm capable of independent high functioning when I need to. In 2011, I became sick and my mom controlled my narrative and gained complete control over me. Now she controls my disability money, SNAP benefits (food stamps), and medical information. I'm comfortable like this, but it's leading me to DOOM.

When I start to get frustrated, I think my mom is keeping me dependent for sadistic and nefarious reasons. There's a conspiracy. She's torturing me. Depriving me of my life. I'm just a pawn in her sick game. 

My doctor says by blaming my mother and not taking responsibility, I'm pouring my own life down the drain. My mom gets sadistic pleasure from keeping me a child, then when I try to speak up she begins gaslighting me. I believe my mom isn't allowing me to get power and control over my life, then when I try to she yells at me as if I'm misbehaving. She's keeping me dumb and oblivious.