November 2, 2021:
Post 01:
By putting borders around his artwork, I think my dad is joking he caused me to develop Borderline personality disorder, but he's wrong. I talked to the best in the business at psychiatry and psychopharmacology and they told me I DO NOT HAVE Borderline personality disorder.
November 3, 2021:
Post 01:
I accidently bit my lip really hard while eating dinner last night. Now I have a huge sore in my mouth on my lip. I want to eat at a restaurant today with my BFF but I'm afraid it's a big, gigantic, open cut. I can't put a band-aid because of saliva. Is this a contamination risk?
Post 02:
I know people assume the cut on the inside of my lip is simply catastrophizing, but it really is bad and still open. It's right where I'd put a fork to my lip. I really want to eat at a restaurant with my BFF today. But I'm afraid of contamination. My mom says: Go, I'll be fine.
Post 03:
I ate at our favorite restaurant with the cut / sore in my mouth (bit my lip while eating last night). The fork probably touched a healing wound. Don't worry so much about contamination fears. I had a yummy meal and I'm sure they sanitize their utensils. It's ok.
November 4, 2021:
Post 01:
The wound/sore in my mouth isn't fully healed yet. Today, I'll be eating at a restaurant in Hell's Kitchen, NYC. A highly-trafficked restaurant. I'm getting contamination fears again. I WILL eat at the restaurant with the utensils, fill my belly, don't worry so much, it'll be OK.
Post 02:
I'm on Hell's Kitchen, NYC. There's tons of homeless people. Kelly had to go to a pharmacy. As we were leaving, I pushed the door and accidentally put my hand in some slime on the door. It was gross. Just let it go.
Post 03:
On the subway, a crazy man sat right next to me. He was talking to himself. Seemed aggressive. No problems happened, but did sneeze while next to me. I turned my head away.
Post 04:
The sleeves of my winter jacket were dangling on the ground at a restaurant in NYC. Then I put it on again and began walking around. Would you worry about contamination fears? Gross city ground touching my skin?
November 5, 2021:
Post 01:
Last night, there was a pebble in my apartment. I'm assuming it came from NYC. I was in a lot of bad neighborhoods earlier in the day.
I was getting ready for bed, so I was barefoot and stepped on the pebble. It pushed into my foot. Is this a contamination risk? Or let it go?
Post 02:
I said to my BFF:
"I'd still be your BFF even if you some how got HIV accidentally. So if that ever happens, which it won't, still be my friend... As long as it wasn't betrayal and cheating, but I know you wouldn't do that and neither would I."
Post 03:
According to Dr. Natural, although my contamination fears are OCD and germophobia... It's also feeling unsafe. A fear of a sadistic bully persecutor harming me and having no friends forever.
This is why I hide from the world at home. I'm pouring my life down the drain.
Post 04:
I'm very messed up from years of solitude. I have a desire for friendship, but have no social skills. I have bad anxiety, look crazy, am wearing a the freak Scarlet Letter. I'm 34-years-old, a man-child, living in a daydream world, with less than 2,000 dollars in my name.
Post 05:
I wish my family would love and support me more. Don't be disappointed. Accept them as they are. It is what it is.
Thankfully, I met some great, nonjudgmental, loving friends in the mental health recovery community. The best friends of my life. I'm lucky to know these angels.
Post 06:
I really messed myself up from living in solitary confinement. I often blame my mom and say she's a "sadistic puppet master", who's doing it to me. The truth is I struggle socially. There needed to be an intervention and she was neglectful, but she loves me, not a torturer.
Post 07:
Basically, I was self-sabotaging, going crazy, and my parents allowed it to go on. There NEEDED to be an intervention. At 34-years-old it's my responsibility to be the parents I NEEDED, but didn't have, when I was younger.
Post 08:
Accept these truths:
1) My parents didn't torture me.
2) They are not preparing for my awakening, documenting I'm mentally ill, for an upcoming supreme court case.
3) Robert K. is my biological father. There's no secret father who they hate.
4) There's no uncover employer.
Post 09:
I'm tired of feeling so unsafe in the real world. I don't want to go into bad neighborhoods, for people who I suspect might have HIV to accidentally scratch or spit on me while talking. I want to be home, away from the danger.
No comments:
Post a Comment