November 27, 2021:
Post 01:
The psychiatric medications minimize problematic symptoms. I hope to make progress with Dr. Natural and come off them someday in a natural way, but to do it ALL AT ONCE could lead to a hospitalization.
Do you think I need them? I still get delusional smolderings. So, yes?
Post 02:
I had contaminated gym hands, then was touching open cuts on my body, openings into my body (like the mouth and more sensitive areas), without washing my hands, while preparing for a shower. There I go again. Remember I keep having this same broken record again, and again. Relax!
Post 03:
My turkey cold cuts were completely mashed up. It's not slices of turkey. It look like ground turkey. Very weird. At first I was worried about contamination. Then was told it's "shaved turkey breast." I'm 34-years-old, this is the first time I'm ever getting my cold cuts shaved.
Post 04:
I took the cap off the Ovaltine, opened the seal above the powder with my teeth, peeled it off with my mouth, then made myself a drink. You wouldn't worry about contamination, right? I shouldn't have opened the packaging with my teeth, but I'm ok. There's no HIV on the seal.
Post 05:
I'm about to become a successful comedy, movie, sitcom star. Then I got an email from Amtrak and it made me feel guilty. My mother worked really hard with me when I was in college, was pushing me to work at the post office, mailman, Amtrak - and I was a failure until now.
November 28, 2021:
Post 01:
What is the "schizoaffective disorder" diagnosis anyway? It's just a label. I was solitary, coming unglued, and ferociously exercising, having a nervous breakdown in 2011. With socialization and low stress, I don't think I need medication. I've made tons of progress since then.
Post 02:
I agree that medication minimizes negative symptoms, but trauma, the environment you're living in, can certainly be responsible for the need of medication in the first place. Which is why it's important I get independent as soon as possible. When I'm in control I'm healthier.
Post 03:
My mother asked me if I want to walk outside. I said: "It's cold outside. I'll go to the gym instead."
She said: "Ok i like cold...:-)"
I got predicate logic she intentionally didn't intervene in my years of exercise self-sabotage and torture, was trying to kill my happiness.
Post 04:
My mother said she likes walking in the cold. It's not a metaphor, her taunting me, revealing how she got sadistic pleasure from watching me torture myself and pour my life down the drain. There I go again. I'm getting delusional. My mother really loves me. She's not a monster.
Post 05:
Hypothetically speaking, if my delusions are true, my parents are two-faced, were watching me sabotage myself, sat back, and got pleasure from it happening... There's going to be no: Me vs. My Parents supreme court case where I try to put them in jail for torturing me. Let it go.
Post 06:
I'm 34-years-old. I need to stop blaming my mom for all my problems and frustrations. Even if she is responsible for my mental illness, which she's not, I'm told to blame the school bullies and God instead of mommy, at this point it's my responsibility to make my life happy.
Post 07:
At the gym today, my sneaker came untied TWICE. The same one. Left foot.
First off, I'm touching the disgusting ground where everybody walks to tie my shoe. CONTAMINATION FEARS.
Secondly, it interrupted the flow of my workout TWICE. SO ANNOYING.
But I successfully completed it.
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