November 11, 2021:
Post 01:
Time is running out for everyone, but I'm afraid it's going to happen soon for me due to being on so much medication for so long, while experiencing poor mental health (which is worse than smoking), with a horrible diet. I feel like I had no fun. It's gonna be over soon.
Post 02:
Let's have some real fun before it's too late.
November 12, 2021:
Post 01:
I want to say to my mom: can you tell me how proud you are of me for selling artwork and doing comedy? My accomplishments. Instead she scolds me like I'm a mischievous little boy. When I bring this up, she screams at me and plays the victim. It's best to avoid her and say nothing.
Post 02:
I'm passive while my mother is verbally abusive to me. If I even hint at how I feel, she's even more nasty in ferocious and abusive. I just internalize to avoid an issue at the home. But lately I can't take her screaming. I'm a brilliant young man. I don't deserve to take this.
Post 03:
If I don't want to take my mother's abuse, then I need to find a way to get independent. Because unfortunately while I'm living in her house with no money, it's her way or the highway. I'm trying really hard with my social media posts to become rags to riches instantaneously.
Post 04:
Being disabled and dependent on abusive parents is like a nightmare I can't wake up from.
I'm hoping to make money from selling artwork and comedy soon and will get independent. Right now, I have no money, sadly. So I have to take their torture.
Post 05:
First off, when I fight with my mother, it's me passive listening to her abuse me. She's nasty, vicious, while I say nothing. Then occasionally if I don't react, she puts words in my mouth that I did not say and yells at me for something I NEVER SAID. It's insane.
Post 06:
I'm getting worked up again because my mother was abusive to me and I just internalized. Don't become delusional. Is my mother just insane? Or is she a criminal preparing for a supreme court case trying to cover up her intentional torture of me?
Post 07:
It's like my mom is playing mind games with me. After screaming at me while I was not reacting to her, she accused me of saying something I NEVER SAID. Of course I got defensive, it's like she's making it up. She's abusive and I have to take her crap because I have no money.
Post 08:
Somebody save me from being dependent on my sadistic persecutor - my mother.
Make me rich and famous. Grant my daydream about paradise.
I'm being tortured by my mother. Right now my life is like a 34 year nightmare I can not wake up from. Save me from SATAN! HELP ME!
Post 09:
I don't want any hostility, screaming, fight. I just want to be left alone. And my mother keeps screaming, and screaming at me, trying to rile me up, trying to get me to react. Sometimes there's literally no escape from her torture. It's no wonder why I became so mentally ill.
Post 10:
Since nobody wants to listen to me about how I'M GETTING ABUSED BY MY MOTHER. I rant it into a void on social media. Hopefully, it gets turned into something positive, like the novel "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden" by, Joanne Greenberg. Riches, fame, a Hollywood movie.
Post 11:
Believe it or not, in real life I'm in complete control of my emotions. People ask my why I don't get riled up or care when somebody is nasty to me. It's because my mother is extremely aggressive, I learned to hide from the chaos, away from the screaming and hostility.
Post 12:
My psychopharmacologist said: "you were in and out of hospital when I met you, do you remember?" I hate when people act like I have bad memory. Actually, it's great. Even if my mother didn't INTENTIONALLY torture me, hostile dependency was definitely responsible for some illness.
Post 13:
I've been taking a mega regimen of psychiatric medication for a decade now, I still am... But I discovered they significantly increase risk for cancer which frightened me. I want to be healthy physically and to live as long as possible. I don't want cancer very soon.
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