Post 01:
I have an open cut on my hand.
Then I was having a man pump my gas for me, fill up my gas tank. I was waiting a while for him. Then he arrived. His hands were wet. It seemed like he just came from the restroom. I tried not to touch his hands when I gave him money. CONTAMINATION?
Post 02:
I know my parents tell me not to use the bathroom at the gym because I'm constantly sending the contamination fears text messages about my negative experiences in there. However, I also can't complete my workout if I have a full bladder. So I need to use it to prepare to workout.
Post 03:
I had two gym bathroom contamination fears incidents today.
First, I scratched the sink handle with my nail. Everybody touches the handle with gross hands.
Secondly, water from the sink countertop dripped onto my shoe and got my sock wet.
Are either of these scenarios a risk?
Post 04:
I asked my psychopharmacologist if I can come off Latuda 20 mg, he said: "I believe we are headed for problems sooner rather than later. You are too close to the psychosis for me to be comfortable". I want to come off the Latuda, then slowly come off the Invega 6 mg, and cabergoline 2 mg weekly. I want to be on no meds soon enough.
Post 05:
I'm aware he's not comfortable with me coming off the Latuda. But since the decrease in other meds, I've been fine. I think Dr. Natural, meeting friends in NYC, and distancing myself from parents helped with my recovery. The meds aren't necessary like they once were.
Post 06:
I'll talk to Dr. Natural Tuesday, but I plan on taking Latuda 20 mg every other day, then a month from now being off it entirely.
In so many ways, I feel so much better on significantly less meds. I'm now more like a human being. I was being chemically lobotomized before.
Post 07:
Assuming I'm getting delusional about my mother depriving me of friendship, financial Independence, and a life to torture me in my past.
Recently: Maybe she's trying to rewrite history and create a facade, but she suggests things. It's my trauma that prevents me from living.
Post 08:
Maybe in the past my mother was torturing me to sabotage my life... But right now, what I lived through messed me up so badly that I don't know how to be independent, socialize, or live in the real world. My mother is leaving me to look like I'm incapable of living on my own.
Post 09:
Although some might call it "psychosis" and "delusions", I call it treat me with kindness and empathy, don't force me to be passive and internalize, then I won't get angry daydreams about you. If you truly love me I won't feel you're torturing me and a sadistic monster.
Post 10:
My father is pretending to be my buddy like he's on my side, but he's going to have a sensational over-the-top betrayal. Like how Mysterio dupes Spider-Man. Or Hulk Hogan turned heel and created the nWo. I hope to be like Batista and turn face on Triple H before he turns on me.
Post 11:
The real world isn't innocent and feel-good, like sensational professional wrestling or a comic book movie. The villain in real life can be a psychopath that's a million times eviler than fictional, Hollywood, Darth Vader. Hollywood shelters the public from truly disturbing evil.
Post 12:
Assuming my father isn't a pure evil psychopath and I'm getting delusional. There's going to be no sensational betrayal. Nobody was trying to kill me.
Maybe I haven't encountered true evil. I hear it chills your blood and makes you feel sick to your stomach when you do.
Post 13:
The majority of every day I'm all alone. It feels like I'm in solitary confinement. I get angry my mom is like Warden Norton from The Shawshank Redemption. A sadistic monster who is torturing me. I'm like Andy Dufresne. This is not what's happening here. I'm free to live my life.
Post 14:
Maybe in years past my mother was like Warden Norton, a sadistic torturer who was sabotaging my life. BUT RIGHT NOW, she's pretending that I don't exist, leaving me completely isolated. Basically, I look like I'm unable to function without her living my life for me.
Post 15:
Remember, my parents love me, they're not preparing for an upcoming supreme court case.
If I want a life, get a job to make some money, meet friends, then BEGIN.
I feel extremely self-conscious in the real world, though. Like I'm this freak everyone's horrified looking at.
Post 16:
Even if I'm delusional about my parents and they're not torturers... These posts could be turned into an epic mental health-related screenplay. I don't understand why Hollywood hasn't rescued me yet. My art shines so brightly it actually glistens. I should be rich and famous.
No comments:
Post a Comment