December 18, 2021:
Post 01:
I went out, socialized with friends, did comedy, and now I feel great. It was a good day. The lesson is keep going out and socializing and you'll smile.
Post 02:
I kicked ass at comedy tonight. My friends were all there supporting me. It feels really good. Just a few short hours ago I felt like garbage. It shows get out, socialize with loving friends, and you'll be in a good mood. Don't isolate.
December 19, 2021:
Post 01:
While the inside of my apartment is nice, brand new, beautiful, I'm being neglected by my parents. They always leave me in here solitary. I know the door is wide open, my mom doesn't have me as her prisoner. I can socialize with people if I want to. You need money to socialize.
Post 02:
My parents control my SNAP benefits. When I ask for groceries they scream at me like I'm being wasteful. The truth is I'm starving most of the time. My mom is concerned about money, but it's like I'm being deprived of food. It's not like I'm asking to buy video games. It's a NEED.
Post 03:
One day I'm just going to starve to death because it's easier than asking my parents to buy food for me. Every time I do they scream at me. And I'm not asking for fancy food, I'm talking peanut butter, cold cuts, and tuna fish. Her dinners are never enough. It's hunger torture.
Post 04:
It's like my mother is intentionally torturing me while creating the illusion that she's not.
For example, her text messages make it appear as she interacts with me - she never does.
The food bill might look expensive - but my mom controls my SNAP and I'm starving to death.
Post 05:
My mother is a bully, torturer, and has to be intentionally doing it while pretending she's not. She leaves me alone 24/7, in solitude, but controls my money. Any time I ask for things I NEED, completely justified, she screams at me like I'm a wasteful burden on the household.
Post 06:
I'm not the problem in my relationship with my mother. I'm passive. A lot of the time she bullies me and screams at me like I'm the bane of her existence, I listen, and internalize. Then she starts blaming me for EVERYTHING, no empathy. Keep in mind, I'm not being hostile at all.
Post 07:
I simply asked my mother, can I have groceries? I omit it's because I'm starving to death because I don't want her to scream at me.
She proceeds to scream at me like I'm wasting too much money.
The truth is people in prison and the psychiatric hospital eat better than me.
Post 08:
I need to remind myself my mother didn't torture me in my childhood, the reason she built me this beautiful apartment wasn't her attempt to cover up her crime and create a facade to starve and deprive me of solitude. If I want food and friends, I'm 34-years-old, GET A JOB!
Post 09:
You might notice I'm wearing my jacket on stage. I was simply going to wear the sweater and look better. The reason I was wearing the jacket was that comedians were complaining about the audience, which I brought. So I didn't want to leave my jacket alone in the back with them.
Post 10:
I'm aware these comedians are mature adults. The likelihood they'd spit on my jacket or contaminate it because they didn't like my friends is paranoia. In the real world, most people aren't psychopaths that will harm you if you upset them. And I did nothing wrong, to begin with.
Post 11:
I wonder: who are my friends from the mental health community? Their friendship seems too good to be true. Accept they're ORDINARY PEOPLE. One of the women ISN'T Lady Gaga undercover, my soulmate secret admirer, and when the time is right we'll be a power couple. It's a daydream!
Post 12:
Sometimes I think the people I'm interacting with are Hollywood undercover, I'm going to become rich and famous, etc.
Other times, when I'm angry, I think people are investigating my parents for having tortured me my whole life.
Both of these scenarios are DELUSIONS!
Post 13:
I hear police and ambulance sirens outside. It's not the police coming to arrest my mother for torturing me. It's not even the men in white coats coming to take me away to the hospital... It's Santa Claus riding on a firetruck waving to all the neighbors for the Christmas season.
Post 14:
Somebody grant my wishes, make me rich and famous, so I can eat, and have a full belly. I'm starving and I want to SCREAM... I WANT FOOD!!!!!! I'M SO HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!! SOMETHING NUTRITIOUS AND YUMMY!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment