December 12, 2021:
Post 01:
When I was in the bathroom at the gym at the urinal, wetness got on my ankle. I'm afraid my shoes kicked somebody else's urine onto me. Most likely it was water from the floor or from me, but even if worst case scenario, you can't get HIV contaminated from urine. So let it go.
Post 02:
Being really frustrated from lack of socialization with women and peers, then being around my mom and stepdad is HELL ON EARTH. I got a taste of it tonight. I can't take it. I want to SCREAM. And that went on for YEARS. Solitude is so much nicer than being in THAT environment.
Post 03:
Is anybody getting my S.O.S.? I need HELP through meaningful socialization. Maybe this person can help me grow, then get financially independent from my parents too. Basically, HELP ME! I'm in excruciating pain from isolation. I'm in HELL ON EARTH. Somebody, BE MY FRIEND. PLEASE!
December 13, 2021:
Post 01:
I ate a Subway sandwich at the shopping mall. The woman put on gloves, but when she was toasting my sandwich, she used the register. Then put on lettuce, onions, and southwest sauce after ringing me up. It's gross, but I still ate it. Trying not to worry about contamination.
Post 02:
While eating my Subway sandwich there was something hard in the meat. So I spit it out and didn't see anything in there. I was worried about a psychopath putting something like a razor blade in there. Technically it's possible, but very improbable. Don't worry about contamination.
Post 03:
Nobody is giving me any love.
My parents see my dependency on them at 34-years-old as burdensome and always seem annoyed when they talk to me.
I have no friends or girlfriend.
It's like I'm being starved of love, emotionally neglected, and I want to come unglued from pain.
December 14, 2021:
Post 01:
I consider myself the nicest person on the face of the earth, like an angelic little bunny... I'm a manchild, so I feel like an INNOCENT VICTIM. It's always the bullies' fault this is happening. But the truth is I can be wrong and at fault. Take responsibility for my flaws.
Post 02:
I'm getting the "evil" psychopharmacologist delusions again, remind myself he's not secretly my enemy. On the contrary, he's on my side and wants me well. There'd be no reason for him to poison me with HIV while I'm oblivious. There I go again. It's psychosis, which he's TREATING.
Post 03:
I'm getting delusions my parents were like serial killers who wanted to take down and sabotage a top psychopharmacologist, so they controlled my narrative, were gaslighting me, and got him to over-medicate. The reason I was sick was that my parents were TORTURING ME. (Psychosis)
Post 04:
Now it's becoming crystal clear to my psychopharmacologist that my parents were never loving parents, that was just a facade, and he was medicating me based on the "serial killers" narrative about what's wrong. Initially, he may have even found our dynamic buffoonish. (Psychosis)
Post 05:
NOBODY IS DECEIVING ME, PRETENDING THAT THEY'RE ON MY SIDE, BUT IS SECRETLY TRYING TO KILL ME. Not my parents, or the people who work at restaurants, coffee shops, or my psychopharmacologist... The TRUE SADISTIC MONSTERS WHO HURT ME, the bullies from high school, are long gone.
Post 06:
Basically, there's no EVILIST OF EVIL SADISTIC MONSTER, who KNOWS my biggest fear is HIV, being deprived of socialization, and single for my whole life... So they get SADISTIC PLEASURE from "murdering" me with HIV. For example, by contaminating my car door when I don't notice.
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