December 15, 2021:
Post 01:
When I opened my car door to go to the gym, I noticed there was a water bottle in front of the house filled with a lot of yellowish liquid. I'm afraid it's URINE. Could a psychopath be contaminating my car door? There I go again. Even if it it's urine, nobody wants to kill me.
Post 02:
I accidentally cut myself shaving, started to bleed, open cut... I was touching everything in my apartment then touched the open cut. I'm afraid of getting HIV contaminated. There I go again. There's no HIV in my apartment. Don't worry, I'll be loved by my dream woman very soon.
December 16, 2021:
Post 01:
If you're a Spider-Man fan... Apparently No Way Home is getting amazing reviews. I'm seeing it tomorrow. Can't wait.
Apparently it's epic, more like an Avengers movie than the first two. All hell breaks loose.
Critics say, "it's like a day at the amusement park."
Post 02:
A review said "you'll feel anger, grief, and want to hug friend." This is my theory, I haven't spoiled it, just guessing... Mysterio isn't dead. He's the bogus Dr. Strange. He's going to dupe Peter Parker again. Then be responsible for M.J. (Zendaya) dying.
Post 03:
My sneaker came untied on the treadmill, I stepped on it, had to re-tie it. Less than 5 minutes prior, I used the restroom, stepped in wetness. Try not to get overwhelmed and feel horror. It's ok... But I can't wait until I can finally get a better pair of gym sneakers.
Post 04:
Remind myself: Even if I stepped in urine in the bathroom, then my shoelaces touched the bottoms of my shoes, then I immediately tied them soon after - HIV can't be transmitted through urine. There I go again. It's gross, but no HIV risk here...
I'll meet my dream woman soon.
Post 05:
Don't comfort myself with the delusion, my dream woman already knows who I am. She's a secret admirer. When the time is right, she'll arrive, our lives will become magical together.
All evidence is nobody's watching. I'm wasting my life in a fantasyland.
Join the REAL WORLD!
Post 06:
I could take a class, join a club, get a job if I'm well enough. Socializing is the key to recovery. Sitting in my bedroom in a fantasyland is the path to a possible hospitalization and more medication. Live in the real world. Don't numb my sadness with daydreams in my head.
Post 07:
When I mentioned to my psychopharmacologist a fear of the psychiatric medications causing cancer, he said untreated mood disorder symptoms can cause cancer. Basically, years of solitude caused a lot of stress and frustrations in my body, poor mental health can affect the T cells.
Post 08:
SUPPOSEDLY I'm living a clean and healthy life... But solitude, stress, frustrations, pain, suffering, and poor mental health, can be deadlier than smoking. Hopefully, I get a life soon, make a recovery, meet friends, my dream woman, become happy, and live a long live... Not die.
Post 09:
The dream woman concept, ending like a feel-good Hollywood movie is a DELUSION. Even if I meet the love of my life, my soulmate, we'll both be imperfect and get on each other's nerves at times. We'll love each other. Her arrival won't be like a movie. Live in the REAL WORLD!
Post 10:
The real world can be painful, like Dr. Natural says, "I never promised you the real world would be a rose garden" like the book by, Joanne Greenberg... But when my parents inevitably go to the great beyond, if I'm not independent, my fantasyland won't protect me from reality.
Post 11:
According to the best in the business at psychiatry, I agree when I'm clear and not delusional... Without a doubt, I KNOW I was sadistically bullied by other children in middle and high school. They traumatized me, affected my social development. I began living in a fantasyland.
Post 12:
Sometimes when you blur fantasy and reality people question what's real.
When I describe my parents torturing me, I'm IMAGINING but can't picture a clear example of it happening.
Getting bullied in school. I recall many examples of it. There's no doubt in my mind. IT HAPPENED!
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