August 15, 2022:
Post 01:
Do you think my mother could be poisoning me with soap in my food? That's what's causing the EoE?
Post 02:
I could be getting paranoid and delusional. Why would my mother want to poison my food with soap to secretly murder me? She loves me... But you never know. Anything's possible.
Post 03:
I have EoE. It sucks. But I suffer from mental health challenges too. So I can get paranoid I'm being poisoned. Remember it's a delusion. My mother loves me.
August 16, 2022:
Post 01:
My father's been watching and listening to Limp Bizkit with me.
My reply to that was:
Sweet. Next we need to get into System Of A Down twenty years too late. Lol.
Post 02:
Some people like flashy luxury cars... But I like cars with safety.
I know people who really love cars. But for me, I like the safety and function of it. It doesn't need to look sporty. Lol.
Post 03:
Nothings perfect. Everything will wear eventually.
My mom is very OCD about scratches on her car. She likes it looking perfect.
Years ago, When I was angry and we were arguing, I intentionally keyed her car. It was wrong. I shouldn't have done that.
Post 04:
Don't ever react in anger.
If you're having an argument - leave the house and go for a walk.
You might do something you'll regret - like keying her car.
When everyone calms down it won't be a nightmare because you made an impulsive decision in anger.
Post 05:
Reacting in anger leads to even bigger problems.
Remove yourself from environment temporarily.
Everyone will calm down eventually. And no damage to cars or walls will happen. Not that it's acceptable behavior. My point is if it's going badly, just get out of there for a while.
Post 06:
I'm obviously speaking about situations where you aren't sick and lost in psychosis. A disagreement with your mother where neither one of you are confused. It's just a heated argument. Though, high emotion and getting riled up can trigger delusions.
Post 07:
It hasn't been easy. I owe my mother a heartfelt apology. I was pretty sick. It is what it is. Thank my mother for all she's done. Don't blame people. Blame God for my situation if anyone. Take responsibility for my mistakes.
Post 08:
Some people didn't like the "blame God" comment. I think it was my psychiatrist's way of saying blame how your mind works - not your mother. I think he was trying to say it's not your mother's fault you're mentally ill.
Post 09:
Actually, a lot of people in my situation have it much worse. Many wind up homeless. For a severely mentally ill person with schizoaffective disorder... I should actually thank my mom. I'm lucky my mother is who is.
Post 10:
A lot of people with mental health challenges need support and help. They never get it.
For me, it could've been a lot worse if I didn't have my mother. The problem is no mental health worker will be like your parent.
Post 11:
Sometimes you can grow to resent the person you're dependent on. It's called hostile dependency. The key is to have control over your life. But sometimes you prove you can't do that.
Post 12:
I'm guessing it's hard to understand mental illness unless you have first-hand experience. Kind of like with anything else. It's hard to understand something until it happens to you.
Post 13:
Even with something not as serious as mental health... Take comedy for example, if you don't have life experience it'll be hard to create relatable jokes. I think the best comedians have lived a lot of life and are usually older.
Post 14:
Though, it's kind of hard for somebody who's 35 years old to appeal to 20-year-olds. Maybe they need an Olivia Rodrigo. Maybe she's speaking to the youth. Maybe I'm like how my boring intellectual grandfather was to me then. LOL
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