August 30, 2022:
Post 01:
Lately, I've had moments where I get rapid heart rate and have difficulty breathing. I am wondering if it has anything to do with the mega regimen of psychiatric medications I took for many years. Can Cabergoline cause lung and heart damage?
Post 02:
My psychopharmacologist said about the rapid heart rate and shortness of breath, "Those sound like panic attacks that are surfacing with the reduction of meds."
Post 03:
I'm getting angry that my father was eating $2,000 steaks at fancy restaurants... But didn't like spending $10 on cheap fast food for me once a week. He got pleasure from my suffering.
Post 04:
Basically, my father had plenty of money. He's just a psychopath who enjoyed torturing me. My mother was aware, but she enjoyed gaslighting me. Sometimes ignorance is bliss because if I was aware the extent of how badly he tortured me I'd probably fly into an uncontrollable rage.
Post 05:
My mother and father like to joke they're turning me into Hitler. At the end of the day, how they tortured me isn't funny. I'm not sure if it's criminal or not. They're psychopaths. It's sad. It's a tragedy. I should cry about the trauma, not turn into a fascist seeking vengeance
August 31, 2022:
Post 01:
My mother was gaslighting me for my whole life. I wasn't the problem. I didn't need the medications that she was forcing me to take. Was she trying to murder me by getting a psychopharmacologist to prescribe a mega regimen of cancer-causing meds? She had to know it was ridiculous
Post 02:
My EOE has been better since cleaning the apartment. Then again, maybe my mom and stepdad stopped poisoning my dinners with something like dish soap. I was getting bad acid reflux tonight and it was after a dinner my parents made me. They love me. They're not poisoning me.
Post 03:
I want to tell them stop putting dish soap in my dinners. Feed me uncontaminated food. The dinners are atrocious and gross to begin with. Worse than prison food. Now it's being poisoned with something like dish soap? Remind myself this is only a theory. It's not necessarily real.
Post 04:
My mother and stepfather are feeding me dinner as a favor to me. I'm 35 years old. They don't have to cook. They're not secretly contaminating my dinners with poison. They cook out of love. If I don't trust them then take over the adult responsibility of making dinner for myself.
Post 05:
I was just in the supermarket and my chest was bleeding. Probably scratched myself accidentally. I'm getting contamination fears. I'm afraid of being alone forever. Relax. Don't worry. I used to accidentally cut myself all the time with the box cutter and I'm ok. Let it go.
Post 06:
I'm getting paranoid my father is a psychopath and jabbed me with an HIV-infected hypodermic needle to rob me of pleasure and fun for my whole life. Even if my father wanted to kill me... Where would he get the HIV needle? If I was stuck by him I'd notice it. Plus he loves me.
Post 07:
My father is a sadistic deceiver. A liar. A monster behind a mask... But he doesn't want to murder me with HIV, right? My father wants me to succeed and to live a happy a successful life. Not have women reluctant to date me because he made me HIV positive.
Post 08:
I was scared and annoyed by my mom and dad today. Emotion overtook me and I got angry tsunami daydreams. I'm starting to calm down. The delusions are beginning to pass. They're not sadistic Satan who wants to kill me. The truth about them is shades of grey. Actually, they love me
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