In bed, I felt myself finally relaxing from the Fight or Flight Panic Disorder. Then I heard my angry stepdad yelling at the dogs. It's like God told me - that's the problem. I transformed from calmness into ANGER.
At that moment I could see crystal clear how I developed the delusional mood swings. Years of that. I see everyone's descent into misery.
I blame him for robbing me of so much time. I need to realize he's just a miserable old man. He's not intentionally harming me.
I hate the man-child Peter Pan living in Never Never Land analogy. But I wish I could be far away from the screaming. Playing and having fun like the childhood I never had.
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