Some Posts (07 24 2020) - Depression

Post 01:

I feel alone and sad. I'm discouraged and losing hope. Full of frustration. It's the years of social isolation, which intensified during the coronavirus. I thank God for my friend from the psychosocial clubhouse. I have no idea how I would've gotten through this time without her.

Post 02:

In 3 hours it's my 33rd birthday. I'm happy to be seeing my friend tomorrow. But I feel so defeated. I'm holding on to my Hollywood pipe dream, that someone will surprise me. It's Double Bookkeeping because down deep I know I'm on the path to doom and can't seem to save myself.

Post 03:

After all the years of hell, who cares I get to be in a masterpiece Hollywood movie. I'd rather not have experienced the horror of no friendships, getting very sick, living in daydreams. It's not a fairytale, it's a horror story. I'm very sick and can't take anymore pain.

Post 04:

Did I intentionally isolate myself out of spite? Or was I damaged, anxious, and had no social skills? Years of social isolation was torture, I comforted myself with delusional daydreams. I've met a good friend recently. I must accept she's my only real friend. Nobody else cares.

Post 05:

With the exception of meeting this friend last year. My whole life has been a nightmare. I'm just so sad and full of frustration.

Post 06:

I'm sending out S.O.S.'s on social media, but nobody hears it. The reason I started doing that was because of anxiety and agoraphobia. I'm told meeting friends in the real world is the solution, but I feel so disconnected and damaged. In a way, I don't want to meet friends.

Post 07:

After the horror I lived through, I feel like I'm synced differently than everybody else. Somebody help me. I'm on the path to doom. My whole life has been hellish torture, and it's going to only get worse.

Post 08:

I'm in such pain. I want to blame someone, so I look towards my parents, think they put me through hell intentionally. I get so ANGRY at them. Unfortunately, this is just a very sad story. Nobody wanted this to happen.

Post 09:

If I didn't have my friend and the delusional pipe dream that I'm going to become rich and famous soon, I don't know what I'd do. Maybe someday reality will sink in, I'll realize I'm living a lie. For now, the delusions protect me from extreme sadness.