sabotaging my life

My mom made a "people who lived through the holocaust" analogy today in relation to me. Now that's extreme, I not gonna touch that comment with a ten-foot pole, but it certainly triggered "delusions" and unpleasant thoughts.

Let's assume my parents aren't gaslighting me and sadistically sabotaging my life for nefarious reasons. Let's assume they're not two-faced. In public, pretending to be a loving mother. In secret a sadistic monster. Let's assume they weren't controlling my narrative in front of doctors, speaking FOR ME, to erase their crime.

My mom made me unsure of myself, a dependent man-child. I had no friends, no girlfriends, no job, no money in my childhood. My mom was living my life for me, controlling me like a puppet.

I was running all day long from mid-2005 - 2011, I wasn't eating much, was skeleton thin, could've died. As a result of being alone in my head, I began daydreaming, had a psychotic break. Only when I started accusing my parents of nefarious crimes did they take action.

Why were they willfully blind for so long? 

I must remind myself, my mom loves me very much. She isn't SATAN! My mom wasn't trying to punish my biological father. Syd Barrett, Billy Joel, no rockstar is my biological father. It's just a sad situation.

However, I must take action before my mom gets older, because being dependent is preparing me for overwhelming doom. I have no money in the bank. But that isn't a sadistic final nail in my coffin. She didn't intentionally rob me of my childhood, and early adulthood. She isn't poisoning me with HIV to rob me of girlfriends. My chains are internal, not maternal.