The emotion tsunami has passed. My parents are not sadistic monsters.
Basically, what triggered it was my mom screaming at me about my dad. She's frustrated about him and takes her anger out on me, he takes his anger out on me about her, and I just submit.
My mom and dad are abusive and neglectful but they didn't ABUSE ME IN THAT WAY, sabotage friendships, socialization, hold me prisoner, and try to murder me in my early 20's.
I just get overtaken with rage about what happened, then get lost and delusional fantasies. My mom's screaming doesn't help. Then she says hurtful things like you're going in a group home. And I think that's the final nail in my coffin.
Then I think the reason they sabotaged my life is Syd Barrett is my biological father. My parents are two-faced sadistic monsters who are about to turn evil on me. My entire existence has been one big lie.
I must remind myself they love me. It's just high emotion. Calmly say to my mom, don't scream at me. It's not good. It's the emotion overtaking me like a tsunami. With the coronavirus and isolation, I'm at my wit's end. My psychopharmacologist has called the home a powder keg. It's never been more true than now. I'll just avoid her. Let the rage pass.
My Mom loves me. Nobody wanted this to happen. Her mood swing has become "happy mom now." It's all good.
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