Post 01:
My mother and parents aren't perfect, but they love me. They didn't wish no childhood friendships, severe mental illness, and being a dependent man-child, on me. They want the best for me. The TRUE sadistic monsters were the middle and high school bullies. It's a very sad story.
Post 02:
Should I wait for the train? I don't think I will. I'll use my teleportation powers to commute to my destination. Unfortunately, I only have a limited amount of teleports. 100 to be exact. I must not waste them. Only use it when necessary. This situation was wasteful. Ugh!
Post 03:
Is there a food more fascinating than popcorn? Probably. But I can't think of one at the moment. It's just so fascinating... and delicious!
Post 04:
I really love my friend. She's the best friend I've ever had and it feels so good.
Post 05:
I went into New York City tonight, while most people are worried about the Coronavirus... I'm worried about contracting HIV. Remind myself it's the same panic attack over and over again. First, it was the train, then the bathroom in Central Park. It's not that easy to catch, anyway.
Post 06:
In my childhood I had no friends, no girlfriends, no money, was a dependent man-child who wanted mommy to live his life for him.
Post 07:
With my doctor's permission, I slightly reduced my mood stabilizer (Lithium). My art got a mega-upgrade. Extreme emotion is great for art. Lol.
Post 08:
I love my mommy. Sadly, things have been bad lately. I need to appreciate her more. I can't seem to change, though I hope I do before it's too late. I don't want to be filled with guilt and regret.
Post 09:
I was so cruel to my mom during a doctor's appointment today. In my defense, I was delusional and thought she was the bane of my existence. She loves me unconditionally, constantly worries, and I was so mean. I feel really bad about it.
Post 10:
Sometimes I wonder if anyone's out there. The answer is yes, my friends from the psychosocial clubhouse in the real world. However, my cries on the internet aren't being read by many, if by anyone at all. It's sad how much time I wasted at home, agoraphobic, daydreaming online.
Post 11:
I want my loved ones safe and sound forever. Sadly, that's not reality. Things change, people get older.
Post 12:
I've slightly reduced Lithium with my doctor. I'm still on a mega regimen of medication. However, with this small tweak, I'm starting to feel human emotions again. Life was going by and I was numb to everything. It feels good to be real, even the sadness.
Post 13:
I just had a horrible nightmare that our Yorkie was missing and nobody was taking it seriously. I desperately wanted to find her. I was going to parks, churches, dog shelters, and hospitals. She wasn't getting found. It was so awful. Then I woke up. Thankfully it's just a dream.
Post 14:
I'm remembering my dreams. I'm feeling human emotions again. It's horrible I've been numb to life for years on a high dose of Lithium. I've wasted so much time chemically lobotomized on too much medication. Hopefully, we can reduce it even more at the next appointment.
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