Some Posts (07 10 2020)

Post 01:

I'm not severely mentally ill... I'm just functioning on a higher cosmic level.

Post 02:

I was taking a walk around the neighborhood, tree leaves were on the ground from the storm, I stepped on them. I'm afraid an HIV hypodermic needle was hidden in there for nefarious reasons to poison me. I'm not joking. I want to drive over to check. I must let the panic attack go.

Post 03:

I'm so frightened in the real world that I just want to stay home safe and sound. Unfortunately, I've never experienced life for that reason. I'm a dependent man-child. When my mom no longer provides me with money and a place to live, it'll be an overwhelming catastrophe for me.

Post 04:

I become some overtaken with panic in the real world that I'm SCREAMING on the inside. It's like everything is focused on me. I want to be home or around people who make me feel safe and sound (like my parents or good friends). I'm timid and shy. The real world overwhelms me.

Post 05:

Because I get panic attacks and I'm agoraphobic, I was home all day long with my elderly mom and stepdad. I'm actually lucky in a way. But my frustrations make me blame them like they are the bane of my existence. I'm told my chains are internal, not maternal. Now I'm alone.

Post 06:

I feel so disconnected from people and alone in my head. It's like nobody hears or understands me... besides some friends at the psychosocial clubhouse. Since August of last year, I'm beginning to meet the first real friends of my life. Sadly, the Coronavirus isolation is hard.

Post 07:

A woman from the psychosocial clubhouse, who read my screenplay, was critical because it sounded like a massive cry for help to her. She doesn't understand. Many masterpieces are cries for help.

It'll be called: "Help me, imaginary friend, I have Schizoaffective disorder."

Post 08:

The frustrating thing is I'm intelligent and self-aware, but I'm doomed if I don't take action. My solution is repeated cries for help on social media.

I must fight hard because independence from my mother, socialization, and money is important for high-functioning.