Something nefarious was going on in late 2019 / January 2020. I suspect my mother and father know what it is. It's bad. But no one will tell me what happened. I feel lied to, betrayed, and gaslit. Just let it go. It taught me to not trust my parents because they're CLEARLY LYING.
I suspect they were really gaslighting me about HIV and had premeditated intent to get me to take PrEP. I'm not sure if there's a reason or not. Maybe they're just sexual sadists and pharmacological abusers who were getting pleasure from my suffering. Maybe the reason is that.
Try to accept things at face value. Could they have been gaslighting me into being afraid of HIV? It's possible. But maybe they were afraid of it for their own reasons in their own right. Maybe they weren't trying to give me a panic attack. Maybe THEY WERE AFRAID.
Although HIV was talked about way too much in 2019 - clean blood work was shown during intimacy. Up until January 2020, I kept getting rapid delusional mood swings going from they love me, to they want to infect me with HIV for sadistic reasons, back to they love me.
On December 31, 2019, we went into Bed-Stuy earlier that evening. Then after the new year at an upscale lounge, the evidence is I stepped on something, then I chose to take PrEP against everyone's advice not to. There's no monster behind a mask. There were no nefarious intentions.
Even if they did it to me it's like a broken record. They'll never confess. Just stop believing them. Accept it. Let it go. Move on. Don't get angry. It's ok to be sad about what happened. It's a lesson to not trust my parents because they're CLEARLY SADISTIC DECEIVERS.
Catch it, check it, change it. Let my emotional tsunami pass. My parents love me. My ex-girlfriend loved me. Dr. Garrett was trying to help me. It was an unfortunate accident that really affected me. Everyone is looking out for my best interest, not secretly hurting me.
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