It's pretty obvious I'm not "delusional." They gaslit me into being afraid of HIV and into taking PrEP. It was orchestrated and premeditated by them. They're pharmacological abusers. It was like a metaphorical rape. I want them to confess they did it but they never will.
Ignorance is bliss. The problem is the hidden realities are so bad that I'll be steaming angry when I discover they're true. They're afraid it'll be a powder keg when I discover they lied to and gaslit me. They continue to lie. It's like a broken record. They will never confess.
It's like a broken record at this point. I've said it almost every single day for over four years. Even if they're sadistic deceivers and monsters behind a mask, I'm dependent on these monsters. I don't recommend being willfully blind. But try to trust and believe them.
I feel like I've been unimaginably tortured and lied to about EVERYTHING. For starters, I want them to confess that the HIV scare was premeditated. They say maybe the reason they're not confessing is there's nothing for them to confess to. I just don't believe it wasn't nefarious.
Am I really delusional? Was no one gaslighting me into being afraid of HIV? Did no one have premeditated intent to get me to take PrEP on the new year 2020? Trust them and realize they're not deceiving sexual sadists who were getting pleasure from my suffering. They love me.
Try to accept things at face value. Could they have been gaslighting me into being afraid of HIV? It's possible. But maybe they were afraid of it for their own reasons in their own right. Maybe they weren't trying to give me a panic attack. Maybe THEY WERE AFRAID.
Although HIV was talked about way too much in 2019 - clean blood work was shown during intimacy. Up until January 2020, I kept getting rapid delusional mood swings going from they love me, to they want to infect me with HIV for sadistic reasons, back to they love me.
On December 31, 2019, we went into Bed-Stuy earlier that evening. Then after the new year at an upscale lounge, the evidence is I stepped on something, then I chose to take PrEP against everyone's advice not to. There's no monster behind a mask. There were no nefarious intentions.
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