Thursday, April 11, 2024

Psychiatric Medication, Freedom, Sex

I understand why my mother and father want me on a lot of psychiatric medication. However, the problem is having been involuntarily celibate for what feels like my whole life, and more recently, two and a half years now. Sitting in what feels like solitary confinement - alone.


It's easy to say "take your medicine." That's not the problem. The problem is I need independence, to socially engage, and to develop a life for myself. 


I have a hostilely dependent relationship with my parents. I've had enough. I want to make my own decisions. I want freedom.


I wish they'd let me live my own life. However, I just sit in solitude and post on social media when they don't intervene and leave me alone completely. I pour my life down the drain then blame my parents for not doing enough. If they intervene, I say they are too controlling.


Quite simply, what I'm crying out for is to be loved by a female romantic partner. I feel like I've been without that for my whole life. I'm tired of getting yelled at, treated like a burden, and the bane of my parents existence. Just LEAVE ME ALONE. 


Some say I have to work on myself and get well. Sex won't magically transform me into a happy and healthy person. The wrong relationship could make me even more depressed. The new potential girlfriend could get on my nerves - like my parents are all day, every single day now.


I want to be treated like an adult, not a low-functioning disabled adult-child. That said to me: my chains are internal, not maternal. It could be worse. I could be in a group home, homeless, or the psychiatric hospital. But it's certainly not "living the dream" my life right now.

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