tortured by my parents
My Email:
Thu, Feb 18, 2021, 6:36 PM
I'm coming to the realization the reason I'm mentally ill is that I was INTENTIONALLY tortured by my parents. They PRETEND to be loving, behind their mask they're sadistic and evil. Sadly, they control my narrative and I'm financially dependent. I don't look credible.
After an unpleasant chat with my mother, it seems all our chats are unpleasant, but that's beside the point... Then I ate dinner. There was a red blood-like substance in my meatloaf. I began to fear she was poisoning me. If she was truly like Adolf Hitler why would she feed me?
Dr. Garrett Reply:
Thu, Feb 18, 2021, 7:29 PM
Andrew
We need to figure out why, after doing several panels on predicate logic and discussing many times the irrational associations you have from time to time, the "red blood-like" substance on your meatloaf seemed to you a poison. I would bet $20 (even more) that the red stuff had a tomato base, depending on what recipe you mother was using. You didn't Catch It-Check It-Change it this time around.
Think it through, Andrew. First, are you feeling gravely ill now, this moment, as though you were poisoned? Your frightening fantasy defies reality. What is the scenario you are imagining? If you mother were trying to poison you why would she put a teaspoon of red poison on the surface of the meatloaf that would be clearly visible to you and everyone? Wouldn't that blow her cover? If you mother poisoned you it would have to be a lethal dose because if you survived and went to the hospital the poison would be identified. How is she going to dispose of the body? How did she convince your step-father to be a accessory to murder? She is not trying to poison you!
Your fear of your mother poisoning you is the same old disturbing broken record that runs in you mind on almost a daily basis. It is terrifying and enraging for you to have the fears you do, but if you permit me a moment of dark humor to help bring you down to earth .... here is a suggestion. You know how dinners post the specials of the day on a bulletin board. How about you post the persecutor of the day. Who have you placed in that role on any given day? Some days it will be your mother, like today. Some days it will be Kelly, poisoning you with HIV. Some days it will be the barista or some other person you have crossed paths with during the day sowing a path of HIV infected needles all around. And so on. You can conjure up a large cast of persecutors/poisoners. The good news is that no one is trying to poison you, full stop. The bad news is that you think someone is trying to do just that, which tragically leads you to feel a great deal of rage and terror when you could be at peace.
Dr G
My Email:
Thu, Feb 18, 2021, 7:36 PM
Thanks for the thoughtful e-mail, Dr. Garrett. My delusions correlate with emotion. My mom was high energy, talking and not listening to me. I began to get angry and worked up. Then I start to think it's sadistically inflicted. Then it becomes she's Hitler. Then Hitler is poisoning me. Nobody is poisoning me. It's passed.
Dr. Garrett Reply:
Thu, Feb 18, 2021, 10:07 PM
to me
Yes, the delusions seem to correlate with emotion. We can work on that.
Holocaust
My Email:
Sun, Mar 14, 2021 7:36 PM
What I lived through was like the Holocaust. I'm being tortured, controlled, and financially dependent on Hitler, then when she dies I'll be overwhelmed with change, I'll even be tortured after she dies. I need help escaping this prison and nobody is coming to help me it seems.
Dr. Garrett Reply:
Mon, Mar 15, 2021, 9:06 AM
Many people (including me) are trying to help you, but your daydream demands that you be helped not in a realistic way within the realm of the possible (the hard work of recovery - are you editing your text and panels?) but in a magical rescue mode.
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