Post 01:
In January 2020, they basically took someone who was weak, vulnerable, practically a virgin who needed mental health recovery and metaphorically raped me. I felt clean and pure, but now I feel tainted and damaged after having taken PrEP. They say it was "my choice."
Post 02:
When it comes to Kelly, ending a romantic relationship isn't a crime. Because I'm back in solitude it FEELS LIKE A CRIME. But I think something nefarious happened and Kelly knows it. She might even feel guilty and badly for me. She might have had an HIV SCARE prior to meeting me.
Post 03:
I know Dr. Coplan said my blood work is fine. I don't have any sexually transmitted diseases or infections. I don't have to disclose to anyone how I took PrEP and had an HIV scare. However, I really feel I should and probably will to everyone I meet which will scare them all away
Post 04:
I never got to experience young love, never had any fun when it came to intimacy, and now I FEEL defective and damaged, almost HIV positive myself. It feels like I'm wearing the HIV scarlet letter. Though, everyone tells me I'm fine. It wasn't even that traumatic of an experience
Post 05:
I had an irrational fear of HIV and had a panic attack. It was my choice to take PrEP. I know Kelly is "not to blame." But something tells me maybe she is, at least partially for the deception. I feared she was a monster behind a mask. She isn't a monster. But I went "HIV crazy."
Post 06:
If Kelly had an HIV scare prior to meeting me and it's from something that she's not to blame for and she didn't intend to hurt me - I'll forgive her completely.
However, if she was a movie star partying with Charlie Sheen then I was her seconds - I might not be as so forgiving.
Post 07:
Let's call a spade a spade here, basically, I miss my time with Kelly and want her as my friend again. I need to realize making posts like this is not my way to attract her back into my life. Hopefully, I haven't done irreparable damage to our relationship. I'm afraid I have.
Post 08:
I'm very lucky Kelly is understanding about mental illness because a lot of people would not understand what I'm doing. It goes to show what a wonderful person she is and how great her character is. It's pretty obvious I'm not well and she's wishing me recovery.
Post 09:
I'm lonely and have nothing in my life, so I want Kelly back because she showed me love. I had a life for the only time in my life. But she's not my mother. It's my responsibility to create a life for myself. The past is the past. Let It go. Move on too. Find a new girlfriend.
Post 10:
I really want a girlfriend but no one wants to date me. I am so beyond frustrated. That's why I'm longing for the past and Kelly. A lot of what I'm saying about her is turning Kelly into a fantasy character. I'm losing touch with who Kelly actually is. I'm living in daydreams.
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