HIV Scare Posts (06 28 2023)

Post 01:

I need to go to a mental health trauma specialist. Obviously, my parents can't afford it. But Jesus Christ this PTSD is HORRIBLE. It began after January 2020 and feeling like PrEP tainted me with HIV. No one empathizes at all. They yell at me and tell me not to feel this way.

My mother said: 

"They have ptsd support groups.  Cbt is for ptsd talk to garrett how to get to feel better.  Go to dr draw blood to calm yourself that will calm your ptsd too.  Ranting online, winding youself up are all ptsd triggers and u do it all.  Best treatment is cbt."

Dr. Coplan said: 

"The PrEP seems to have traumatized you. What was it about PrEP. What it symbolized. You thought something was tainted with HIV."

Post 02:

Someone asked if I'm doing ok.

I replied with: not really.

Because I'm not really ok at all. I need help, intervention from someone, anyone. I need someone to genuinely love me and be my friend.

Post 03:

I need to remember no one would conspire to give me the HIV scare to metaphorically rape me. That's my mind going haywire. What would the motivation be anyway? No one is lying, deceiving, keeping a major secret that there was premeditated intent to damage me.

Post 04:

I felt clean, like a virgin before January 2020, now I feel raped, traumatized, and metaphorically HIV positive. Though, my blood work is clean. That doesn't change it was my decision to take PrEP. No one conspired to torture me. Accept I'm getting emotional at the moment.

Post 05:

I stepped on debris at an upscale lounge in New York City and had a panic attack. It was an accident, not a metaphoric rape. That's what everyone tells me. Believe them. They're not monsters behind a mask. There was no gaslighting or premeditated intent to torture me.

Post 06:

I don't know why I still feel something fishy was going on - but I do. Remember Kelly's heart of gold. She wouldn't take a vulnerable mental patient, who is at rock bottom, and etch a metaphoric rape into my psyche. The Fountain House is there to help people recover from sickness

Post 07:

Kelly was not deceiving me. She's exactly who she says she is. She was simply trying to help me recover by giving my life experiences for the only time in my life. I'm just frustrated by the breakup and solitude. It's an unintended consequence of the romantic relationship ending.