Free World
My Email:
Tue, Jan 8, 2019, 4:47 PM
I feel like my parents, especially my mom, are preventing me from entering the free world. But the truth is, they’re just preventing my delusional "free world".
I believe Disney is going to hire me, Taylor Swift and Billy Joel know who I am, and one of my videos will go viral, it’ll start a chain reaction where everything gets discovered, and I’ll be an overnight success. This will set me free, and my mom is blocking that because she’s a monster. It’s a delusion.
What the free world really is… it’s ACCESS VR, the Fountain House, support groups, Uber, comedy in NYC, acting. But that causes me great anxiety. I’m afraid of getting bullied and judged critically, and I don't like change. So I run from it. Needless to say, my mom's NOT preventing this. Basically, I'm lost in delusions. It protects me from extreme sadness.
I blame my parents. But it’s really my own anxiety and illness that are to blame. My mom is very supportive.
My mom is trying to protect me from getting even sicker, that's why she's blocking me. I like when my Mom and Step Dad are out of the house because I have freedom. She's afraid with too much freedom, I'll just make videos all day. But my mom won't be around forever to protect me. Her health is getting worse. I must enter the REAL free world, and not the delusional "free world", before it's too late. Because if my mom becomes unable to help me, I may get sick.
Dr. Garrett's Reply:
Tue, Jan 8, 2019, 5:08 PM
Good summary of what we discussed today.
always fighting
My Email:
Wed, Jan 9, 2019, 7:48 PM
My Mom and Stepdad are always fighting. They're never in a good mood. I know you're not allowed to record someone without them knowing, but OH MY GOD I WANT TO DO SOMETHING - like post their shouting online. Or make an attention-grabbing sensational video to make myself successful.
Dr. Garrett's Reply:
Thu, Jan 10, 2019, 6:45 AM
Andrew
Try to remain focused on the more fundamental problem, which is your overcoming your anxieties sufficiently to live independently. Let's assume that you are right - that your mother and step-father are unhappy and fighting all the time. One might say that how they conduct their lives is not your business, and the only reason that it seems to be your business is that you are living at home. Were you living on your own, your parent's situation would not impinge on you. So, we will all keep working, focused on your becoming more independent.
Dr G
Extreme Social Anxiety
My Email:
Tue, Jan 29, 2019, 1:51 PM
I was severely bullied as a child and this shapes how I perceive the world.
I think of myself as a Borat / Dumb and Dumber like character. Meaning, I'm a complete joke to be made fun of. I also think everyone is hostile, about to make fun of me. So I walk on eggshells in the real world.
Today, I heard someone who doesn't like me, say, "he's like Borat" and everyone laughed. His comment could've been about anyone. But I thought it must've been about me. In a way, it's like I'm hallucinating. In my conscious mind, I feel like "Borat". So his comment is reaffirming how I feel about myself.
The reason I don't leave my room is extreme social anxiety. I'm scared of getting bullied. So I hide from it.
I often blame my parents, and think they're preventing my freedom. But that's not true. Take yesterday, for example, my mom was offering to pay for the comedy class, encouraging me to go. I was scared to go.
My mom isn't preventing me from meeting a woman. She paid for a Match membership. I'm afraid of women
Since I'm scared of the real world, I tell myself the videos I make in my room are my ticket to freedom. Sadly, it's not and I've lost so much time.
Recovery will be pushing through the extreme anxiety, and living in the real world.
Contrary to what I feel, not everyone is going to bully me.
Dr. Garrett's Reply:
Tue, Jan 29, 2019, 2:05 PM
Very well summarize. We will continue to work on your feeling your summary to be real.
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