November 8, 2022:
Post 01:
I don't want to accept it because it would be unfair and tragic, but the pain in my neck on a scale from 1 to 10 is a 10. I'm certain I have cancer. Time is running out. Elon Musk, end the facade, get me on a Hollywood camera as soon as possible. My life is coming to an end.
Post 02:
I have a physical tomorrow with my primary care physician, I'm certain I'm going to get some sort of terminal illness diagnosis. There's no way they're going to say "just a stiff neck." It's totally going to be cancer. It's just how bad is the cancer. That's the question.
Post 03:
I probably have cancer in the lymph nodes in my neck. I wouldn't be surprised if that's what was causing the EoE too. It hasn't been medically confirmed yet, but I'm sure this is the end of my life. I'm getting a physical tomorrow at my primary care physician. Say a prayer for me
Post 04:
If what I suspect is true, you were involved with a billionaire (the richest man in the world) and I'm dying after years of unimaginable suffering. FUCK OFF AND LET ME DIE IN PEACE. Then again I always wanted fame and recognition. I'll receive it during the last days of my life.
Post 05:
You being involved with a billionaire is like Office Space. We're supposed to be these anti-capitalists who don't care about anything. I can't believe you dated Bill Lumbergh - the guy who epitomizes everything wrong with the world. Maybe I'll childishly be unable to accept it.
Post 06:
I realize you're the absolute worst, but also the absolute best. I'll never find anyone who makes me feel as intense as you. I don't want to die, it would be tragic and unfair, but it would be such an appropriate fate. Then I'll haunt everyone who could've saved me, but didn't.
Post 07:
Based on looking at my social media, before meeting me in person, people don't know what to expect... Then they take one look at me in person and realize, OH HE'S SEVERELY MENTALLY ILL. If you meet me, it's that obvious. My flaws are exposed like a big open gaping wound.
Post 08:
I really need help. Maybe I'm getting it and don't even realize it. I need to open up more. Better late than never.
Post 09:
Maybe I did know bun bun (my ex-girlfriend) in my childhood, but I have a mental block from trauma so I don't remember what happened. It's possible she's been secretly following me for 20 years.
Post 10:
A lot of people like to blame mental illness on genetics. That's a convenient excuse. That way they can deny responsibility for causing it. I personally think it's a lifetime full if traumatic life experiences that caused my Schizoaffective disorder.
Post 11:
Did bun bun and her family bully me in my childhood? If so, and my father knew, why did everyone brainwash me into thinking nothing happened then I got a mental block from trauma? In 2011, why didn't they tell me there's truth to the delusions I'm getting? Why did everyone lie?
Post 12:
If what I SUSPECT is true, although I did nothing wrong, bun bun and her family blamed me. Is anyone going to jail? Assuming this is the trauma I have a mental block to, it really messed me up and ruined my life. I'm assuming this isn't fantasy and daydreams becoming real.
Post 13:
Although I did nothing wrong, maybe bun bun was the dog sin? And maybe bun bun has a dog sin of her own that's actually me? That's the reason she returned in 2019. She felt guilty about what happened in our childhood. Or did we not know each other before 2019? Is it delusions?
Post 14:
If my father knew, why did he conceal the trauma from me? Why did he tell me to act like the trauma never happened? So he wouldn't go to jail and because he knew my mother would kill him if she found out? Instead, I internalized it for 20 years and went insane. But my dad is ok.
Post 15:
I have NO SYMPATHY for my dad. He messed me up. Then had no empathy about it and continued lying when I was going crazy in 2011. He belonged in jail 20 years ago.
Post 16:
Or did my mother know that I was the victim and many different pedophiles? Basically, I was being raped and tortured. I was made to believe I was responsible. That I was going to jail. But it wasn't my fault.
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