Some Posts (11 11 2022)

November 11, 2022:

Post 01:

Say what you will about my mother and stepfather, but he raised me to have marine-like intensity, and my mother is German and has this vicious "if you mess with me, I'll get revenge personality." Although I don't fight, I have intense MMA fighter-like energy, where I get brutal.

Post 02:

I need to relax and realize people love me, are helping me, they're not bullies who are making me into a laughing stock in secret. I don't need to turn into an intense MMA fighter with my social media posts. Realize they're my friend, not sadistic deceivers. I should LOVE THEM!

Post 03:

Let's say hypothetically my father told me the truth. MMA metaphor: I've gotten myself so intense and overpowered, that frankly, the showdown would be EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTING. I'd win in 3 seconds. You might even feel bad for my father because I'll win that brutally and quickly.

Post 04:

Bun bun is still my best friend, is extremely intense, and we're a great match. Although I'm getting delusional and becoming afraid she's secretly a bully, I need to remember maybe I'm the one who is wrong at the moment. She was not deceiving and bullying me. She was helping me.

Post 05:

Like Bun Bun says, if I mess with her prepare for my funeral. So I need to trust her. I'm sorry about what I've been saying and what you've been going through. I need to go easy on Bun Bun. She's not my enemy. She my true-blue, loyal, best friend. I'm wrong. Sorry.

Post 06:

Hey FBI, my mother was victim-blaming and gaslighting me. There was no need for psychiatric medications. It was my mother INTENTIONALLY trying to murder me. She was pretending to help me, but behind her mask was SADISTICALLY HARMING ME. My psychopharmacologist was negligent.

Post 07:

My parents (Robert Koloski and Christine North) are rapists, pedophiles, and SADTIC MONSTERS who were putting me through HOLOCAUST-LEVEL TORTURE while gaslighting and pretending like they weren't. It's never been a delusion, just victim-blaming by parents and psychopharmacologist

Post 08:

My parents really were running a pedophile ring, raping me, allowing me to get gang raped, putting me through sadistic torture, the pedophiles might have even threatened my parents to keep quiet back in my childhood. But now they're all allowing me to kill them? How come? Guilt?

Post 09:

I do know why the pedophiles are allowing me to kill them, it's because my ex-girlfriend was there and loves me. I SUSPECT 2019 wasn't the first time I met her. Her father was one of the pedophiles and SADISTIC TORTURERS who took pleasure in ruining my life.

Post 10:

The more I interact with people, the more I see how special bun bun was. NOBODY understands me like her. It's like we're soulmates, almost destined to be together. Even if we've both made mistakes, we love each other, I'll never find what we had with someone else. Irreplaceable.

Post 11:

I'm a shit friend to Bun Bun. She deserves better than me. Although I am going through a little bit of a "mental health crisis" - there's no excuse. I was wrong. I'm sorry.

Post 12:

I was indeed getting delusional earlier. Bun Bun is a sweetheart and so are all her family members I've met. I'm just a severely mentally ill shit friend. Sorry for being a disappointment. I still consider you my best (and only true) friend even through I don't see you anymore.

Post 13:

I can't believe what a shit friend I was to Bun Bun. I'm so sorry. Yes it was delusional, but STILL... Even in a psychotic state I should know better. Plus she's my BEST FRIEND who genuinely, unconditionally loves me. I'm such an asshole for the past few days. She deserves better

Post 14:

There's no fucking excuse. I'm sorry.

Post 15:

I'm sorry Bun Bun. None of this shit matters. You need comfort and support. I wasn't there for you in your time of need and even made delusional social media posts villainizing you. I don't think I truly realize what I've done. I might've lost my best friend by being a jerk.

Post 16:

The EoE got bad after eating the Chinese food. It was ok earlier today. Maybe it was the rice or the eggroll? Sucks.

I wonder if any of the medications I took throughout the years is the reason this white blood cell allergic reaction developed. It feels like I'm dying. Horrible!

Post 17:

To be honest, I SUSPECT the EoE was caused by those meds I took in January 2020. Whatever. I made a stupid decision. Now I have to live with the consequences (assuming that's what caused it).

Post 18:

There are a lot of people I can point my finger at and blame, some more than others, it was one big series of unfortunate events that led to this nightmare of solitude and lost time. It feels like I'm dying with this EoE, though, I'm told it's not life-threatening. We'll see.

Post 19:

No matter who was wrong - if it was Bun Bun, my Mom, or I, or a perfect storm of us all. Nobody makes me feel intense like Bun Bun. Her intentions always seemed to be good - even though the right decision wasn't always made. She wasn't a bully. She wanted to genuinely help me.