Post 01:
It could be funny and a feel-good comedy if I wasn't being hurt by psychopaths. At the moment, it's very funny. I'm a comic genius. However, when I discover the truth I'll feel sick to my stomach. Even at the moment... Everyone is laughing except for me. You can't erase the truth
Post 02:
It feels like they were literally trying to murder me while deceiving me and convincing me they weren't. It feels like they were getting sadistic sexual pleasure from my suffering. Maybe the emotional charge is true, but it's not literal. They're metaphoric attempted murderers.
Post 03:
My mother is a sexual sadist who was INTENTIONALLY trying to murder me while creating the facade she wasn't. For example, the mega regimen of psychiatric medications she got the psychopharmacologist to prescribe. She got pleasure from torturing me. Wanted to kill me with cancer.
Post 04:
My mother knew the psychiatric medications she got the psychopharmacologist to prescribe negligently were likely killing me. She suspected she was giving me cancer. She FORCED ME TO TAKE THEM TO KILL ME. She enjoyed sexually all my suffering with the adverse side effects.
Post 05:
Socialization and a life is more effective than any antipsychotic. I was sitting in solitude, told I was a burden, being kept involuntarily celibate in a daydreamland. My mother knew exactly what she was doing. She was intentionally torturing me while pretending she wasn't.
Post 06:
The psychopharmacologist knew I was in hell but figured my life was doomed and collected his massive paycheck. Now he'll use revisionist history because of how bad it looks for him. He didn't care until he looked like a monster guilty of medical negligence. HE ABSOLUTELY KNEW!
Post 07:
I need to remind myself my diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder and I take medicine for this mental illness. Maybe the emotional charge that my mother is a SADISTIC MONSTER is true, but in reality she wants my to succeed, not to metaphorically murder me. She's not two-faced.
Post 08:
I need to speak my mind in psychiatry sessions, not let my mother control my voice. Lately, I've been expressing how I feel, not letting her speak FOR ME. I was afraid of being homeless. Plus I thought she loved me and wanted to help me, not kill me. Maybe she isn't a deceiver.
Post 09:
It feels like everyday I've been sitting in solitude. Nobody is holding me at gunpoint and forcing me to pour my life down the drain. They need to intervene and give me love. Nobody listens to me. They allowed me to waste my life. Emotionally it feels like intentional torture.
Post 10:
Did my parents intentionally want to hurt me behind their mask? I'm think they do when I get emotional. What I do know, the bullies in middle and high intended and sadistically wanted to hurt me. Then because of anxiety and agoraphobia I began to hide from the world at home.
Post 11:
Human interaction and self-esteem is more effective than any antipsychotic for giving up a solitary daydreamland. The key is to live in the real world.
Post 12:
I think I should be a late night talk show host or a movie star. They say I'm not a comic genius. I'm getting delusions of grandeur. Serving seafood at a supermarket, or being a waiter at a restaurant I'm not above because I'm making no money besides minimal disability.
Post 13:
My family is emotionally unavailable. They leave me in solitude to pour my life down the drain. They give me distance when I need love.
Post 14:
All my fond memories of my parents are painted black because of the hell I've lived through.
Post 15:
I admire people who genuinely love me and want to help, like my ex-girlfriend.
Post 16:
Right now, I feel angry. When I'm angry I can get emotional thinking my parents intentionally wanted to hurt me.
Post 17:
I have been struggling with these emotional daydream tsunamis. The reality is shades is grey. My parents love me.
Post 18:
I am proud is myself because of the artwork I create. For so long, I had no self-esteem. Everyone told me I was a loser. Now I'm proud because I'm very talented.
Post 19:
I hope someday I can make money from my artwork so I can get financially independent.
Post 20:
Today, I will try not to obsess over past abuse and the years of hell I've lived through.
Post 21:
My best friend and ex-girlfriend will likely be my best friend for the rest of my life, even though I've hardly seen her since December 2021.
Post 22:
I am afraid of cancer or a life-threatening illness from the years of hell I've lived through. My life has been pain and suffering. Now I want to be happy.
Post 23:
The future seems bright. I'm shining brightly. I'm a performative and comic genius. I'm optimistic about the future - how could it be worse than my past?
Post 24:
I don't even know what motivates me throughout the day. Endless social media posts and being in solitude is the ticket to madness. Maybe my daydreams that I'll be a billionaire are my motivation and reward. I have to live in the real world.
Post 25:
They've basically told me through hints, my ex-girlfriend has a lot of money. She was motivated by money and power. Might've known some very rich and powerful people and done some not-wholesome activities, things that were the opposite of "bunny fun." Now I motivate her with love
Post 26:
It's important I don't turn everything into one big joke. It's ok to feel sad and cry about what I lived through. Not everything has to be an absurd, ridiculous comedy.
Post 27:
My ex-girlfriend is a brilliant and kind woman. She wants to end up with me. Nobody makes me feel the way she did. However, she made mistakes while I was wasting my life in solitude. I also feel deceived by her. Nobody - even the rich and powerful people - want to see me get hurt
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