Post 01:
I keep losing weight and I'm not sure why, to be honest. I'm trying to eat more. Could I be dying? My blood seemed fine in November.
Post 02:
My mother said: "You look ok...your not eating alot or any junk food. Id do some snacking if you ll g as in i am sure. You eat reslly very little for a man. You do not snack. You almost diet"
Post 03:
My mother said: "We can check you agsin but your blood was fine.. try eat some fries , burgers. Snacks see if u gain. You will"
Post 04:
If they're expecting me to get angry and start yelling about their deception - that probably won't happen. It'll be soul-crushing to learn the truth. I'll get sick to my stomach. Then go into a deep depression knowing I was betrayed by everyone I thought "loved me."
Post 05:
I'm not looking for a sensationalistic matchup against everyone who deceived me and turned me into a laughing stock. What I'm looking for is a sincere, heartfelt apology. This sincere part they're incapable of giving (psychopaths). They may apologize because it looks bad for them
Post 06:
Speaking medically, I still have the wound on the private and sensitive area. It's actually pretty bad. I just used the restroom and wetness got into my cut. Is this a contamination risk? I can't wait until it heals. Kiss it up to God. Relax. Don't worry. Let my wound heal.
Post 07:
Are my parents gaslighting deceivers? Possibly. But even if it's true, maybe it's not as bad as I daydream it to be. They're things I SUSPECT. They'll literally lie to my face about them. Control my emotions. Don't go into a rage temper tantrum daydream tsunami about SUSPICIONS.
Post 08:
When people keep their life one big secret, lie to, and gaslight you - it's natural to daydream. They like the narrative I'm "delusional." Is that actually true? They tell me nothing. I sit in solitude day, after day. Alone in my head. Unheard by all. It's natural to daydream.
Post 09:
It's important to develop a social life. I think if I had friends and independence, I wouldn't be as focused on my parents. The reason I'm so obsessed and get emotional that they were trying to metaphorically murder me while pretending they weren't, is because I'm always alone.
Post 10:
To those who don't know, I'm in the partial psychiatric hospital. I expressed my thoughts how my parents were deceivers. Said how 99.9% of the time I'm fine. .1% of the time I get emotional. Then it passes and I go back to chipper happy Andrew. The psychiatrist called me in.
Post 11:
When the psychiatrist called me in I jumped to conclusion that I was going back to the psychiatric hospital. It's not true. He only wanted to check my Depakote levels. I think the problem is my parents. Even if the hospital is the correct decision. It feels like a betrayal.
Post 12:
It's important to not be dramatic in front of psychiatrists and in mental health recovery groups. I'm not saying lie to them. But treat it like a job interview in a way. If you go in there and matter of factly and frankly say everything, they're going to heavily medicate you.
Post 13:
Because I'm so open, vocal, and honest in front of psychiatrists they jump to the conclusion I'm in crisis. I think a lot of people in the group are actually doing a lot worse than me mentally. They just aren't as expressive. Sometimes it's best to shut your mouth to an extent.
Post 14:
I would love to date a woman. Maybe dating a woman just released from the psychiatric hospital could be a recipe for disaster. I've come a long way in my mental health journey, have good intentions, and want to help. You might not even be the problem. Maybe she's unstable.
Post 15:
I remember 12 years ago women from college were flirting with me. We didn't even enter a relationship or anything like that and it drove me crazy. I became obsessed. I'm much more mature now and see this behavior drives people away. That's not to say someone else might not.
Post 16:
Let's say you go on a few dates with a woman with the best of intentions then decide it's not working out. Some people just released from the psych ward can be a danger to themselves. Although you're not responsible, do you want to feel responsible for someone committing suicide?
Post 17:
In relation to my father, people I knew, sometimes people can be playing a cruel prank on you. Ultimately, it was supposed to be funny. I metaphorically died. Like Owen Hart, the joke does not feel the same at all. There was a time The Blue Blazer gimmick was genuinely funny.
Post 18:
Some excuses I tell myself are my parents are responsible for my failure. I have to take accountability for my shortcomings. Right now, I'm on disability and need my parents at 35 years old. Take-charge and gain control of my life. Do something without needing my parents.
Post 19:
I need to focus on mental health recovery at the moment. That doesn't mean I'm a failure in comparison to the accountant. Could they have handled the hell I've lived through? Probably not. I'm a very strong person who lived a hard life. I'm just not financially successful.
Post 20:
5 years ago I felt like the biggest loser on planet Earth. Everybody was telling me I was a burden, pathetic, a laughing stock. I had the potential to be a winner. I got very good at artwork and performative social media posts. My art helped boost my self-esteem. I'm proud of it.
Post 21:
When it comes to knowing if you should trust someone or not - use your intuition. If something is telling you there's something wrong with this person. It's probably right. However, they might be going through a mental health crisis and that's why they're emotionally distanced.
Post 22:
Just because you're intuition tells you there's something wrong with this person, doesn't mean it's right. Maybe they're going through a hard time. I know people who I initially got a bad vibe from despite them being charming, but later found out they had hearts of gold.
Post 23:
I really appreciate Bun Bun. Thank you for being my friend. For so long, I was solitary, had no friends, was alone in my head, unloved, and unheard. I met her at the psychosocial clubhouse in NYC and she became my best friend.
Post 24:
I had wholesome fun with Bun Bun and she showed me great times. We went ice skating, to museums, art galleries, restaurants, lounges, Montaulk, and Central Park (just to name some of the things we did together). Nothing too fancy. Just innocent "bunny fun."
Post 25:
Although I was often scared and wanted to run away and hide at home, Bun Bun comforted me. Although she often pressured me into doing these wholesome activities. I'm glad I did. I had the most fun of my life with her for the first time in my life.
Post 26:
Although my relationship with Bun Bun ended in 2021, she's still my best and only true friend. I love her and really appreciate all she did for me. She gave me life experiences that I cherish to this day.
Post 27:
From 2022 onward, I'm back to solitude in my bedroom. That's not Bun Bun's fault. It's my responsibility to live life. I can't depend on her to live my life for me. She's moved on. Depending on someone - like your mother - to live your life - leads to solitude when they go away.
Post 28:
As I learned with Bun Bun, the real world can be fun. It isn't as scary as I thought it was. By sitting in my room I'm poring my life down the drain in a comfort zone. Now it's my responsibility to leave the house and develop a life for myself. I can't expect others to do for me.
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